In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
As single women, the thought of getting married and trading in our spontaneity for compromise and routine can be bittersweet, but this Florida-based couple is proof that when you marry the right man, every day is a new adventure.
Brittany and Walter met for the first time at a FAMU frat party in 2013, where Walter immediately realized that the graceful AKA was everything he didn't know was missing. "When I first saw Brittany, I thought, 'Oh that's my type: tall, long legs, beautiful smile, big lips. And I said to myself, I need that in my life."
After months of unsuccessfully shooting his shot, Walter finally got the chance of a lifetime when his dream girl slid him her number after a football game. Little did he know, it was only a matter of time before she would become his wife and the mother of his unborn baby girl.
Five years into their relationship, Walter proposed during a romantic vacation in Jamaica, and one year later, the couple was married on a beach in Pensacola, FL surrounded by 300 of their closest family and friends. At the end of this month, the Smalls will celebrate their four-year wedding anniversary, and according to Brittany and Walter, the honeymoon still isn't over.
Rachelle Lynn Photography
Despite previously being diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), Brittany discovered that they would be expecting a new addition to their family that's dropping this July. The coupled shared that their miracle baby not only solidified their faith in God, but confirmed their faith in their marriage.
Like most women who battle with infertility, Brittany initially felt betrayed by her body and she carried this sense of shame into her relationship. "For the first month after I was diagnosed, I carried such guilt that I might not be able to give my husband a family," she revealed. Luckily, Walt was by her side every step of the way to give her the boost of hope she needed. "I think he recognized that in me and affirmed me that this wasn't anybody's fault, but our journey would be our testimony. I thank God for him during that time."
Although this news would have been devastating enough to make most relationships crumble, Brittany and Walt shared that the diagnosis made them want to fight even harder for the life they had always dreamed of. Brittany expressed, "If anything, I think the diagnosis made our marriage stronger. My husband is the one who told me that God was in control of our lives and he was there to support me with processing my diagnosis, doing my research, [and] coming to doctor's appointments."
Rachelle Lynn Photography
Despite the fact that Brittany is 33 weeks pregnant, she and Walter still make time for romance and recently went on a "babymoon" to celebrate their last vacation as a family of two.
In preparation for their baby girl, the couple is making big plans for the future, and recently, Brittany and Walter (who are celebrating four years of marriage on May 30) took a walk down memory lane and threw it all the way back to 2015. In this edition of Our First Year, Brittany and Walter sat down with xoNecole and gave us all the tea on what it took to make it through the first 365 days after their wedding. Here's what they had to say:
The One
Brittany: I knew that he was the one by the way that he always protects me. When we first got together, my self-esteem was very low. He recognized it and told me that a woman this beautiful should not feel this way about herself. Through his actions and his constant affection, he taught me how to love myself again. He appreciated all the things about myself that I disliked. For that, I am so grateful that he came into my life when he did.
Walter: I knew that Brittany was the one when she challenged me and made me better as a man. There is a feeling of unconditional love that has always existed between us. I think we were so young when we got together, we didn't necessarily know what would happen with us. What we did realize was that we had a special bond and through the years that bond grew because we essentially grew into adulthood together. All of our adult defining moments were accomplished together. For us, that really creates a different bond that can't be broken.
Rachelle Lynn Photography
"I knew that Brittany was the one when she challenged me and made me better as a man. There is a feeling of unconditional love that has always existed between us."
Meet Me At The Altar
Brittany: I think the defining moment that confirmed for me that he would make an amazing husband and head of our household is when my sister was living in Washington D.C. and took ill due to her Crohn's disease. She ended up in ICU and almost passed away. When I told Walt what happened, he bought me a plane ticket to go and see her. He knew how important my family was to me and knew that I was so emotionally distraught, and I wasn't really taking it well. So, he took control of the situation and supported me.
Walter: I got a job in Orlando and moved. We weren't even long distance for three months before Brittany worked to get a promotion and moved to Orlando to be with me. It showed me that she was fully invested, and our love was her priority.
Overcoming Fears In Marriage
Brittany: My biggest fear was becoming so involved in my marriage that I lost myself. I grew up being raised to work hard and always have my own, not just financially but also my own life. I didn't want to be one of those wives so caught up in their husband that they lose their own sense of self. I think I let go of those fears because I recognized that one of the things I appreciate most about Walt is that he has never tried to change me and embraces my individuality and eclectic personality. I calmed my fears by talking it over with Walt and he was able to show me how outlandish those fears are. I am an over-analyzer and 9 times out of 10, Walt is the one who has to talk me off the ledge.
Walter: My biggest fear for marriage was not being able to provide for my family. I decided to let my fear become my motivation. It's what wakes me up in the morning, my drive to fulfill my goals and dreams. I always want to make sure that I can give my family the best and that my wife and future children have everything they ever wanted.
Rachelle Lynn Photography
"I didn't want to be one of those wives so caught up in their husband that they lose their own sense of self. I think I let go of those fears because I recognized that one of the things I appreciate most about Walt is that he has never tried to change me and embraces my individuality and eclectic personality."
Important Lessons In Marriage
Brittany: I think I learned forgiveness. I am a perfectionist and I like things to be perfect, but that's not a reality in a relationship and especially not marriage. We are not perfect, and I came to understand that I can't expect my husband to be perfect. I know that he loves me and wouldn't intentionally hurt me or make me mad, and that's all that matters.
Walter: I learned that you are not alone in this journey called life. You have a partner that you can depend on when you're weak and be the strength when your partner has shortcomings.
Baggage Claim
Brittany: I had to learn how to relinquish control. I can be a control freak and have always been what some call bossy, but what I like to say is strong leadership skills. I know that it was important for Walt to feel like the head of our household and I didn't want to emasculate him. I had to learn how to let my voice be heard without taking over everything.
Walter: For me, I had to learn the importance of communication, communicating consistently, and the different types of communication. For example, I am solution-based and sometimes Brittany just wants me to listen to her and let her vent, not go directly to solving the problem. Also, learning that communicating consistently is important. It's not just about me anymore but making sure that my family knows what's going on. For both of us, these are still works in progress, but that's what marriage is all about.
Rachelle Lynn Photography
"I had to learn the importance of communication, communicating consistently, and the different types of communication. For example, I am solution-based and sometimes Brittany just wants me to listen to her and let her vent, not go directly to solving the problem. For both of us, these are still works in progress, but that's what marriage is all about."
Overcoming Challenges
Brittany: Some of our early challenges were how we were going to do our finances and communication. Dating as broke college students, we had already shared a lot financially. We made sure each other had what we needed. But being young professionals and finally making good money, it was a challenge to learn how to merge and manage our finances together. We tackled this issue by creating a google doc budget with sheets for every month and everything is divided by weeks. It gives both of us access to see where the money is going and what bills are being paid weekly. We also decided to tackle finances as a team and build our wealth together.
Best Advice
Brittany: Our relationship mantra has always been to do what's best for us, even if it doesn't look like what others think it should. Our first year of marriage we had to continue to remind ourselves that we knew what worked for us and getting married shouldn't change that. Our first few months we struggled with trying to establish a new normal, but quickly realized that what we had already built worked best for us. We know each other best and live our lives according to our own rules.
Rachelle Lynn Photography
"Our relationship mantra has always been to do what's best for us, even if it doesn't look like what others think it should. Our first year of marriage we had to continue to remind ourselves that we knew what worked for us and getting married shouldn't change that."
The Best Part
Brittany: I love how compassionate and caring he is. I love that people are drawn to his personality and how he truly goes above and beyond for his loved ones. I love that he doesn't take himself too seriously and is a true gentleman. I love that he is like a cuddly teddy bear, so warm and touchy-feely.
Walter: I love that Brittany is the perfect combination of beauty and intelligence. I love that she is ambitious and has such a creative, beautiful mind. I love that she is so passionate about the ones that she cares about. I love that Brittany has always had traditional values as a wife, but also progressive.
Building Together
Brittany: Our common goal is to build generational wealth. We want to continue to build on the legacy that our parents provided for us and do even more for our future generations. Our marriage purpose is living a life that is pleasing to God. We want to always be a representation of God's love and His promise to His people. Our individual goals serve that common goal daily because we work at our jobs and side hustles to make sure that we build our wealth.
You can keep up with Walter and Brittany on Instagram or on their YouTube page! Also make sure to watch their adorable pregnancy reveal video below, just make sure you grab a box of tissues, first!
Our Journey to Parenthood, Our Miracle | Conceiving Naturally with PCOS | A Small Worldyoutu.be
Want more Our First Year love stories? Check them out here.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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I remember calling my grandmother, who has since transitioned, and hearing the passion in her voice when she explained how she’d never thought she’d see something like this happen and how much it meant to her. As I reflect, I realize it’s a combination of memories like this that undoubtedly encouraged my will to vote.
However, as an adult, my reasoning behind the practice has developed. It’s no longer just about “the right thing to do.” I feel a responsibility to myself and my future to know the issues, how they impact me, and make a difference for others.
In the times we’re in, there's so much “news” everywhere. It’s hard to distinguish fact from opinion and bias from beliefs. This is why it was such a pleasure speaking with Jara Butler, Chief Impact Officer of Supermajority. Supermajority is an organization focused on making women the most powerful voting bloc in the country. During this authentic and informal conversation, we talked about so much.
I learned about her time working with the Obama campaign and how she masterfully worked in multiple industries, and we shared some of our favorite female rap moments. However, in the snapshot you’ll read, we focused on the issues. Jara walked xoNecole through what’s most affecting women of color in this election and what we can do to be more aware. Whether you’re a politics girlie or like me, just trying to gain more insight, hopefully this convo connects with you.
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xoNecole: Let’s just jump right in. What are some of the most popular issues that you hear Black women discussing related to this election?
Jara Butler: Our sister organization, the Supermajority Education Fund, recently did some research specifically looking at young women in the age group 18 to 35, and young Black women identified their economic well-being as a priority. Right now, we're in a place where a lot of us, especially young Black women, are finding that meeting those basic needs are harder and harder.
Secondly, is Project 2025. I think Black women see it as not just something that could happen, but actively happening. For example, we’ve all been watching the case with the Fearless fund, and how it's been targeted. We know Black women are very entrepreneurial. We can go back to Madam C.J. Walker and others who have opened the door for all of us to achieve. But if those barriers are in place, we're just not going to be able to meet that.
Lastly, Repro is a very big issue. But I think looking at it holistically and not just about abortion is important. Black women are more likely to talk about this from a perspective of our reproductive health care and the lack of access due to medical racism. As a Black woman myself, who's over 40, a lot of the changes that I am making in my life are because I have to do everything I can to put myself in a position, because I know no matter what my economic status is, if I walk into a medical office, there's a good chance I'm gonna face medical discrimination. Breast cancer screenings, colon cancer screening, ovarian cancer screening, cervical cancer screenings - all of those are part of that network of reproductive health.
xoN: Another issue I’d love your insight into is our missing girls. I think it's so unbelievable how much this is swept under the rug. There are so many stories about Black women that are continuing to go missing; I don’t understand how that’s not a bigger conversation. Is this something that can be pursued on the government level and what can we do to bring more attention to this issue?
Jara: We have this list of majority rules on our website, and my favorite one is: that our government represents us. I think that we have to continue to apply pressure to our government to meet our needs. And again, women are the majority of voters. Black women, especially, are the most reliable voting bloc across all groups, and our interests right now are not being met. So yes, there is something that we can do, but I also am a big proponent of us having these conversations.
My great-grandmother was enslaved, my grandmother was born into Jim Crow, and I watched my mother face economic insecurity. I say that because, as a Black community, we have to have an internal conversation to talk about these issues, and we have to do it upfront. I think we have to get into a position of realizing that we do have power, and how we activate that power.
Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater. And finally, we have to get away from depending on one individual to take us there. It's gonna take all of us.
"Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater."
xoN: I agree completely. Now, when we started, you mentioned money. So let’s talk about it. So many of us are starting businesses and getting degrees, and I love to see it. But everyone seems to still be having a lot of the same issues around finances. What are some of the underlying reasons behind this debt that we're dealing with, and how can voting influence these challenges without getting into the individual candidates?
Jara: Hello! Let’s talk about the money! Black women have been told that if we want to move ahead, we have to have that master's degree. We have to be twice as good. So we met that measure, right? But in order to do that, we have to pay for it. Up until about the 1970s college was absolutely affordable. You could work one job and pay for college with some money left over. That has changed.
Realistically, student loans are a barrier. They are a barrier to access housing. They impact our credit, and really and truthfully, depending on how much your loans are, they could affect you paying rent. It basically creates a cycle of debt. And I have real problems with people who say, get a degree in something that's going to make money. It’s about your skills, and if you have the skills, you should be able to earn a living. That covers that.
But the fact is that student loan debt continues to increase, and there have been attempts, more than once, to try to relieve some of that pressure. The reality is that this is a squeeze. It is a conundrum, and we see efforts by the current White House administration to try to alleviate those things, even when they are stopped.
But truly, Congress needs to step in and support this, but I would take it a step further. We should be considering and looking at what it would look like if we had free community colleges. Because what we have now is two generations of borrowers, because older millennials’ children are beginning to age. Black women have the highest degree of second-degree secondary education, but we carry like 1.7 trillion in debt or something like that. I can't remember the exact number, but basically, the majority of the student loan debt is ours.
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xoN: Speaking of college, obviously there’s a lot of discussion around affirmative action in the schools and the undergoing changes. How important is it to consider this topic, and are there any new laws or policies being proposed around this that we should be aware of?
Jara: Oh my goodness, affirmative action is one of the things that we saw that our sister site, the Supermajority Education Fund, found last year as a number two issue for young women. I actually hypothesized that it was a real thing, and it was. And the reason for that is that affirmative action as a whole has been something that benefited white women more than any other group.
However, what is happening is that we’re using the word DEI in a way that is derogatory. I’ve heard people refer to it as: “didn't even earn it.” And as a Black woman who attended an amazing school, I remember being in class and having someone make that comment, knowing my grades were higher than theirs.
The fact of the matter is that we would not need these policies if we lived in an equal and equitable society. It doesn't do us any harm for us to face the facts that this country was built off the backs of enslaved people and the blood of indigenous people, and off the sweat and the tears of immigrants. But because we are unwilling to face that, we now are demonizing programs that are actually meant to create some symbol of balance.
xoN: Finally, I’ll close with this, what can we do to provide information to young people, and how do we combat all of the less than researched info?
Jara: One thing I encourage is to look at the source. At Supermajority, our social channels are information-based. We strive to provide up-to-date accurate information that is digestible to all. Media literacy is something I believe in, and unfortunately, it is something that we have a responsibility to continue to share with the community at large. So much of our world is centered on immediate info, a lie spreads faster than the truth.
We just saw that with the Olympic women's boxers, and we have to ask ourselves often: is this information accurate? Who is telling the story? Most importantly, how am I an original contributor? Not everything said needs to be shared, and not every thought needs to be public.
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