I already know what some of y’all are on: “Shellie, no matter how much you try and give a ‘glass half full’ approach to being single on Valentine’s Day, I ain’t buyin’ it. I wanted to be with someone this year and the fact that I’m not has me feelin’ some type of way.”
Noted. Heard. Understood. The point of writing articles like this one (or the one I penned last year that’s along the same lines: “Single Women, Valentine's Day Is Upon Us. Here's How To Flip That Ish In Your Favor.”) isn’t so much to get you out of what you want; it’s to encourage you to make the most of your time…in the meantime.
Besides, since V-Day is supposed to be about celebrating love, wouldn’t it make all the sense in the world to honor who you should love above all else — whether you’re in a relationship or not? YOU.
Yeah…my point exactly. So, instead of trying to act like February 14 doesn’t exist this year, decide that this is the year when you’re going to indulge yourself by doing at least a few of the following 15 suggestions. Because since you are totally in love with yourself…why not acknowledge it?
1. Revisit the Definitions of “Single”’
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Probably until I fade out into the sunset as far as this platform is concerned, whenever the topic of singleness comes up, I’m probably always going to mention the article, “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'.” That’s because, although most folks only think of “not married” (the original definition which means A LOT of people are relationally single; some of y’all will catch that later) or not boo’d up to be what “single” means, it’s so much more than that.
A single person is unique. A single person is exclusive. A single person is rare. And everything about those words is beyond wonderful and fantastic. So, this year, instead of focusing so much on not having anyone (single), think about how bomb you are by being such an exceptional woman (another word for “single”).
2. Make Time for Unconditional Love Meditation
If days like Valentine’s Day tend to ramp up your stress and anxiety levels, use it as a time to do some meditation. Meditation can definitely help to calm you down. In fact, I actually stumbled upon a site that features tracks that help you to do what is known as “unconditional love meditation” which, at the end of the day, basically means that you will hone in on self-love while removing your ego and increasing your compassion levels; including self-compassion (check out “What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like” and “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”).
You can see more of what the site has to offer in this realm here. Oh, and if meditation isn’t something you do often, it’s a fairly simple practice. You can learn how to do it, even at work, by reading this article here.
3. Speak Your Love Language to Yourself
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Words of affirmation. Physical touch. Quality time. Acts of service. Gifts. Whatever your top two primary love languages are, the fact that they are how you like love to be expressed to you (most) means that you don’t have to wait for someone to do them for you.
Write down some adjectives that describe what you like most about yourself (words of affirmation). Give yourself a head or foot massage (physical touch). Turn off your devices and read a book or take your own self out to eat (quality time). Ask someone to help you with something that has been stressing you out to take the load off (acts of service). Hit the mall and buy yourself something — just because (gifts).
So many people are down on themselves on Valentine’s Day because they think that everyone else BUT them should show themselves love. And that’s a damn shame because, so long as you love you and express it well, any day can be amazin’. V-Day included.
4. Set Some “Self-Love Goals” for the Rest of the Year
Even though it is kinda wild that, already, March isn’t too far away from us, you’ve still got plenty of time to put some solid plans into place for the rest of the calendar year. And what better way to make 2024 your best year yet than by setting some self-love goals? Plan a spa trip in another city. Buy yourself a self-affirmations journal (and actually write in it). Consider getting into some therapy or seeing a life coach. Take a solo trip to another country. Something that I’ve been doing lately is going on dates alone — and they have been nothing short of fabulous!
It might sound corny or cliché yet that doesn’t make it any less true: the more that you love yourself, the easier it is to discern the people who also love you…personally and professionally…romantically and platonically.
5. Take Advantage of Valentine’s Day Deals and Discounts
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Something that A LOT of people tend to overlook on Valentine’s Day is all of the deals and discounts that are out here when it comes to restaurants, candy, flowers, and lingerie. And while I get that it would be awesome if someone else was making the purchases for you, why wouldn’t you take this opportunity to get a steak for a cheaper amount or some new panties while they’re on sale? Parade has a list for this year that’s fairly extensive. You can see it for yourself here.
6. Eat a Salad
For the record, I think that if there’s any day when you should feel guilt-free about eating whatever the hell you want, V-Day would be it. The only reason why I’m suggesting a salad (even if it’s simply an appetizer) is because dark leafy greens are full of magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that actually helps to keep you calm and relaxed. So, even if you’re not interested in having one for your Valentine’s Day dinner, how about for lunch while you’re at work?
7. Buy Yourself Some Flowers
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Although flowers on Valentine’s Day are typically associated with romance, there are other reasons why they are hella beneficial. Research reveals that flowers put us in a better mood and automatically make us feel more excited about life. And guess what? If you opt for something non-traditional like lavender, hibiscus, or pansies, you can steep the petals and turn them into a tea that is good for your overall health and well-being on several different levels. You can read about all of that here.
8. Rub Rose of Sharon Essential Oil on Your Pressure Points
At the end of the day, pressure points are simply parts of the body that are connected to other parts. When you “apply pressure” to them, they can reduce physical discomfort and bring the kind of relief that makes it easier to relax, boost energy levels (and your libido) and even give you a better night’s rest. That said, I’m a huge fan of essential oils and one that isn’t brought up often (in mainstream media) is the Rose of Sharon.
I like it because, one of the things that it symbolizes is, the beauty of the beloved. Beloved means “greatly loved,” so why not invest in a bottle of this particular one and “anoint yourself” with lots of love on various pressure points this Valentine’s Day?
9. Get Something That’s Red or Pink
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On V-Day, red and pink aren’t just limited to women in relationships. C’mon now. And besides, if there is one hue that pretty much every Black sistah looks absolutely amazing in, it’s red. So, get yourself something that is red or pink. Red symbolizes things like passion, love, and energy. Pink is all about femininity, compassion, and having a nurturing nature. You know, there is plenty of research out here to support the fact that color actually has a significant amount of influence on our mindset. So, if you want to feel more energized on Valentine’s Day, wear something red. More feminine? Wear something pink.
10. Invest in a Pearl
In the other “single on Valentine’s Day” article that I referenced earlier, I mentioned that one of my favorite Scriptures is Matthew 7:6; it’s a verse where Christ speaks against casting pearls before swine. On the heels of that, another Scripture that I like is Matthew 13:45-46 where it references a merchant selling everything that he had for one precious pearl. Since I’m a June baby and the pearl is one of my birthstones, I automatically have an affection towards it. That’s why I revisit the breakdown of how a pearl is formed at least a couple of times a year.
If you’ve never heard the story before (you can read the gist of it here), a lot happens for a pearl to come about. Why not get yourself a pair of pearl earrings or even just one freshwater or saltwater pearl to symbolize all that you’ve survived and how beautiful you are now as a direct result?
11. Treat Yourself to a New Pair of Shoes
I’m a sneakerhead myself although I’ve got plenty of friends who are shoe fanatics. I mean, they are so caught up in them that I just had to do some research into why footwear is such a phenomenon for women (did you know that there is a documentary on the topic? It’s called God Save My Shoes and you can currently watch it on Tubi). From what I’ve read, a lot of women like shoes because they are a confidence booster, they make them feel sexy and the shift of a shoe can totally change the look of any outfit.
And when the shoes are high heels, they can elongate your legs, give you the appearance of great posture, and take your femininity levels up a few notches. Hmph. Seems to me that while ladies who are in a relationship are out getting lingerie, single gals should treat themselves to a pair of new shoes. ‘Cause…why the heck not?
12. Do a Lil’ Forest Bathing
Shinrin-yoku is the Japanese word for forest bathing. If you’ve never heard of this type of meditation before, it’s basically going into the forest (or someplace where there is more than one tree) and doing some deep breathing there. You know, one of my all-time favorite books is The Celestine Prophecy and, even though it’s fictional, it talks about how you can get messages from nature if you’re willing to turn off your devices and get really still and quiet.
Science cosigns on this because there are studies to support that being in nature can reduce stress as well as decrease depression and anxiety-related symptoms. So, if this Valentine’s Day has you a little stressed out, why not go to a park or take a hike? It could be just what your heart needs.
13. Soak in a Dark Chocolate Bath
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Last fall, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe” and if there are two things that have Valentine’s Day written all over them, it’s red roses and chocolate. As far as chocolate goes, have you ever wondered how it became the signature candy for that particular day? From what I’ve read and researched, when the Victorian era was at its peak, Cadbury came up with a chocolate candy heart (hmph, kind of reminds me of how the origin story of De Beers’s going broke and coming up with “a diamond is forever” to get folks into buying diamond engagement rings — it’s all about capitalism at the end of the day, y’all).
Anyway, just like dark chocolate is good for your health, it’s also good for your skin because it contains properties that moisturize your skin, reduce inflammation, and decrease stress. So, if a bath is on the top of your to-do list on Valentine’s Day, take a dark chocolate one. There are a few recipes to help you take one correctly here.
14. Create Your Own Signature Cocktail
If you’ve been to more than just a few weddings before, you may have noticed that at least one bride and groom had a signature cocktail at their reception. I really like those because it’s cool to concoct your own cocktail (or mocktail) based on your favorite drink ingredients. Even though couples made this popular, they don’t have a lock on it. Use this V-Day to come up with your own signature cocktail and then keep the recipe in mind in order to toast yourself regularly (because you’re constantly doing something that is super bomb…right? Why not celebrate it with your own invented drink?).
15. Dance Before Turning In
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Question: When was the last time you danced? I don’t mean to go out dancing; I mean, you turned on some of your favorite songs and danced in your living room for at least a good 30 minutes. This Valentine’s Day, consider doing just that because not only is dancing good for your heart (pun intended), but it also helps to build your core, makes you more flexible, increases your self-esteem, reduces your stress levels, and is great for your mental health overall.
BONUS: Go Out with a Guy Friend
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A few years back, I wrote, “Unpopular Opinion: Men And Women CAN Really Be 'Just Friends'” because I can personally attest to the fact that they indeed can. Personally, I have several male friends who I enjoy talking to, hanging out with, and catching a meal with. So, as we close this out, even with all that I just said, if you really want to be in the company of a man for V-Day, ask one of your single male friends if they would like to go to lunch or dinner.
Trust me, a lot of them have women who come out of the woodwork on Valentine’s Day, so they would jump at the chance of hanging out with a woman who comes with your pressure or potential drama. LOL. Why not let her be you? Happy Valentine’s Day, sis.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla
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When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense
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Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon
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I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint
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If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger
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Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate
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September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg
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Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves
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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
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