If you've read between 3-5 of my friendship articles on this site before, you've probably seen me mention that it tickles me, whenever people speak of having multiple best friends. The word "best" speaks to someone being the most, above all else. So, while you can have many good friends, a best friend, by definition, is to stand heads above the rest.
That said, something that I'm a fan of is individuals who strive to be their own best friend. When you think about the fact that the word "best" is about putting something first and focusing what will prove to be most advantageous or successful, why wouldn't you want to make sure that you care about yourself enough that you are doing what is truly best for you? That you are completely and totally at peace with you? That you enjoy spending consistent and quality time—with you?
To me, being your own best friend doesn't mean that you don't need anyone else. It simply means that you're not needy for anyone else. You've got yourself, she's dope and because of that, everyone else is not a dire necessity, so much as a beautiful bonus. So, how can you know that you are your own BFF?
1. Your Favorite Company Is Your Own
Some of us are extroverts. Some of us are ambiverts. Some of us are introverts. When it comes to this particular point, I'm pretty sure the ambiverts and introverts are immediately gonna be able to relate since we (I tend to lean towards the ambivert side of life) get a lot of the energy we need by seeking within. But even if you're someone who gets more of what you seek by being around other people (shout-out to the extroverts), if you are your own best friend, you still have (consistent) moments when you prefer to spend time alone.
See, while an extrovert enjoys other folks, when they are their own best friend, they aren't so needy that they don't know what to do with themselves if they aren't constantly in a crowd. When your favorite company is your own, you literally live for moments when you can read a book in your favorite chair, cook a full meal for yourself or take a weekend to unplug and do nothing but pamper yourself and chill. Going out to dinner by yourself isn't weird, or even uncomfortable, because you are so at peace in your own space that you don't care what others think about you sitting at a table alone. You wanted something to eat, so you went to get it. No one else needed to accompany you. In fact, the thought didn't even cross your mind. That's just how much you dig yourself.
2. You Don’t Need the World to Help You Make a Decision
I know someone who used to constantly find themselves in a pattern of reckless decision-making. When I mentioned to them that they might want to consider seeing a therapist, they flippantly and arrogantly said, "I counsel myself." Hmph. Within that response, therein lies the problem, my friend. Proverbs 12:15(NKJV) says, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise." So yes, there is indeed wisdom and maturity that comes with knowing that sometimes, getting an outside-looking-in perspective on things (from healthy, stable and trustworthy individuals) can help you to make a less narrow-minded choice.
Keeping this in mind, think about someone who you consider to be a really good friend of yours. I would assume that one of the qualities they hold is you are able to trust them—not kinda-sorta but to the utmost. Well, if you are your own best friend, the person you should have the most confidence in is yourself. You trust your principles. You trust your values. You trust your focus. To a certain degree, you even trust your gut (check out "When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't"). So, this means that you are able to have a level of security and confidence when it comes to making the choices that are right and best for you.
You don't need to always call your mama or your BFF. And, if you do and they don't agree with you, you can decipher when you should allow their opinion to weigh in on your choices or not. You know you, better than anyone. This means that deciding what's best for your life is something that, more times than not, you are able to figure out, all on your own. Know what else? You can also be at peace with your conclusions, even if you're the only one who agrees with them. Not because you're being rebellious or going out of a way to prove your independence (that's another article for another time). It's simply because you know it's OK to make decisions that not everyone will like or understand. And so…you do.
3. You Have a Healthy Sense of Self
I've shared before that something my 40s have consisted of is being intentional about knowing the difference between what is "Shellie" as it relates to a lot the childhood and adolescent trauma that I experienced vs. who I am once a lot of the trauma has been resolved and healed. I call it "Shellie vs. PTSD Shellie". One thing that Shellie is gonna die being is a direct person. Full stop. Something that is fading, because PTSD Shellie is becoming less and less of an issue, is the "inner tick" to want to try and control everything—and sometimes, everyone. This example is why I think it's so important to know the fine-line-difference between self-esteem and having a healthy sense of self. While, for the most part, self-esteem is about respecting and valuing yourself, I like how a writer by the name Antoinetta Vogels said this about what it means to have a healthy sense of self:
"A Sense of Self is a prerequisite for self-esteem but not the same. If you can't really sense your Self, if you are not aware that you are your own person, if you are not home in your own body and being, it is impossible to have any esteem of your Self. Your Self is not sensed so how could you esteem it. To be present to yourself implies paying attention to yourself, listening to your body and respond to your emotional and psychological needs."
I used to spend a lot of time, just assuming that how I am is how I was born to be. But Antoinetta is exactly right; the more I listened to my conscience, my health and, to a certain extent, my feelings, the more I was able to figure out who I am—not who my parents tried to make me be, what denomination I grew up in tried to brainwash me to be or even when the people around me tried to influence me to be. A healthy sense of self is about knowing you and then figuring out what is best for you. The more you put that into practice, the more you're able to start developing a higher sense of self-esteem that will lead you into becoming your own best friend as a direct result.
4. You’ve Got Your Own Back. No Matter What.
Yeeeeeh. Some of y'all don't wanna talk about how the Good Book says that if the world loves everything you do, spiritually, that's a red flag (John 15:19). Basically, what that means is if you stand for biblical standards, a lot of folks are gonna have a real problem with that and try and "cancel" you for it. But even beyond the Bible, a wise person once said, "If everyone likes you, you have a serious problem." What this speaks to is, if everyone is on board with you, all the time, either they don't know you very well or some parts of you are disingenuous. Why? Because it's impossible for every single person to like every other individual on the planet. Not all personalities mesh. Not everyone shares the same perspectives or values. Personal convictions alone can cause folks to be like, "Yeah, I'm good on you." Shoot, even a throwback article from Huffington Post once said that if more than 85 percent of people in your world like you, something is "off" (interesting, right?).
That's why I thought that this was also a very valid point to bring up when it comes to indicators that you truly are your own best friend. When you know you, understand you, respect you and love and like yourself, you don't find yourself compromising your standards or succumbing to pressure—whether online or off—just to get more people to "like you".
If it gets to the point and place where you've got to stand alone on some things, so be it. Things might get a little lonely at times, but you won't be devastated nor will you betray yourself. You're your own best friend, so you're in good company, regardless.
5. You Are Self-Compassionate
In the article, "What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like", something that I actually touched on was self-compassion. But for the sake of this particular article, let's look a bit deeper into what it means to have this particular quality. Truth is, compassion is probably one of the most misused words around. The reason why I say that is because, while a lot of people profess to be a compassionate person, it's not the kind of word that is lip service-based only. Compassionate folks don't just see suffering and "awh" it or retweet it and then go about their day. They are individuals who notice that someone is in need and then do what they can to bring relief.
So, when you're self-compassionate, this point applies to how you address your own struggles, mistakes and pain. You don't wallow. You are intentional about breaking unhealthy patterns. You take full responsibility for the roles you played in your hurt. And yes, when you do see where you made less-than-the best choices, you don't beat yourself up. You simply look for ways to do and be better. A self-compassionate individual is extremely proactive about suffering less and thriving more. If you consider yourself to be this kind of person, you are someone who is very good to yourself. Trust me.
6. You Do Things with Your Sanity, Well-Being and Future in Mind
Good lookin' out, fam. This is typically something that we tell someone who really looked out for us, right? When it comes to our good friends, they have a tendency to do that often. Well, when you're your own best friend, you can usually smile at your decisions, on a daily basis, because you tend to not make impulsive choices, you learn from the past and you also observe what others have done so that you don't have to go through any unnecessary drama. I can definitely raise my hand in this class and say that since I've become my own best friend if there is a person, place, thing, or idea that is showing earlier signs of jeopardizing my inner tranquility, holistic health, or even my future plans, they or it has to remain at a safe distance.
Did you peep how I also said "idea"? One day, I'll pen a piece on how we've got to discipline ourselves to not feed every idea that comes into our minds or is presented in our space. I have learned—the hard way, I might add—that the moment something comes into my psyche that my mind, body, and spirit are not all in agreement with, it's usually best to leave that thing alone. It's one of the best ways I've been a friend to myself. It has been a blessing times a billion.
7. You Are a Good Friend to Others As a Direct Result
This one is a great one to end this with. People in my world know that I don't use the word "friend" loosely. Not by a long shot (check out "10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships" and "Allow These Things To Happen Before Calling Someone 'Friend'"). For one thing, there is a lot of space between "friend" and "enemy" and so it's cool to have some folks be close acquaintances or even just cool people. And second, I know what I expect as well as bring to the table when it comes to my friendships. The bar ain't low and so, yeah, I am careful with the use of that word. But it's interesting that the more I became my own friend, the better I was at selecting friends—and at being a good friend to them in return. Matter of fact, once I got to a point and place of being my own best friend, the quality of my friendships rose immensely. Things are happy, peace-filled, and very settled now. And, because I'm proactive about treating myself well and right, I strive to put the same type of intention into my friendships with others too.
Without a doubt, there are other signs that you're your own best friend. But I believe that if you can nod your head to everything on this list, the others aren't necessary. Remember, life is designed for us to have friendships. All of those can be so much richer when your best friend is actually—you.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Your Best Girlfriend Just Might Be Your Soulmate - xoNecole ... ›
- 7 Signs Someone Isn't Really Your Friend - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How To Still Be A Good Friend...When You're Totally Tapped Out - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Paul Archuleta/Getty Images