Every single person struggles with self-confidence from time to time. It is natural to not feel confident in everything that we do. In the bedroom, too, lacking confidence is a normal part of life because of imposter syndrome and insecurities about our bodies. Sex is a confidence problem ready to happen. If you engage in sexual activity long enough, you’re bound to face difficulties at some point or another.
Society teaches us to love sex and excel at it, but we are expected to keep it quiet. How does that work? I believe that people who talk about sex tend to have better sex. So, instead of shying away from your insecurities around sex, you should embrace them and figure out how to overcome them. What better way to gain sexual confidence than to learn firsthand from an actual sex expert?
How To Be More Sexually Confident, According To Experts
Listed below are tips on how you can boost their confidence in bed from some of my favorite sex experts and educators.
Honor your body through your senses.
"I believe that women and femmes can become more sexually confident by honoring their body through their senses (our sense of sight, taste, touch, smell, listening, visioning/mind). By asking a question like, 'Which touches or sensations feel good to my physical body?' we can open the door to exploring our sensuality. Our sensuality is a building block to sexual confidence. Learning how to Pleasure Map can support women and femmes increase their sexual confidence. Pleasure Mapping is an intentional act and skill by an individual or partners exploring varieties of physical touches, their sensations, intensities, temperatures, and directions that bring them pleasure in their bodies.
"By asking a question like, 'Which touches or sensations feel good to my physical body?' we can open the door to exploring our sensuality. Our sensuality is a building block to sexual confidence."
"This exploration and this pause to touch their bodies with intention can support them in learning what turns them on both sensually and sexually. Understanding their bodies, in turn, helps them feel empowered. Then, women and femmes can take new knowledge, skill and embody that sexual confidence so they can use it in whatever way we see fit. It doesn’t matter whether they are single or with partner/s."
– Andrea Richardson (she/her), Certified Full Spectrum Doula (BADT)
Give yourself grace and do not compare yourself to others.
"To become more sexually confident, you first have to be gentle with yourself and give yourself grace! We all have various upbringings and backgrounds that shape how we approach sex and sexuality. This may require some unlearning or reframing of the things you learned or internalized. Go at your own pace and do NOT compare yourself, your body, or your journey to anyone else's because everyone is different and you will not have all the details of anyone's story but your own."
– Chanel Jaali Marshall, Sexologist and Human Sexuality Ph.D. Student
Remember that our sexualness lives in our bodies.
"Get out of your head. Our sexualness lives in our bodies, the thoughts we have about our bodies, our pleasure, and our sexuality don’t serve our confidence. When we KNOW something we are more confident and getting to know your body will increase your sexual confidence. Also, consider taking an embodiment course or learning some gentle somatic practices that help you drop into the feeling body out of the thinking brain."
– Amina Peterson, Somatic Abolitionist, Tantric Sex & Intimacy Coach
Write yourself a love letter about your fantasies.
"In order to be able to grow your sexual confidence within yourself you have to be able to effectively articulate what makes you feel sexy. This happens through our relationship with words, because words have meaning. My advice is to write yourself a love letter expressing your fantasies and be as detailed as possible. When you are done, take a moment and step away from it. Then come back and allow yourself to review with an open mind."
— Mystkue Woods, MEd, Sexuality Arts Educator and CEO of Mystkue Publications
Examine the ways your sexuality has been defined for you, and redefine it for yourself.
"I believe that women can become more sexually confident and connect more into their sexuality when they begin to examine the ways in which societal and cultural expectations have shaped their thoughts about sex, sexuality, and who they are as a sexual being. Many women are shamed and sexualized and accept those ideologies as the way they should behave and think about their own sexuality. Self-reflection, acceptance of self, and release of sexual shame, and perhaps an acknowledgment and healing from sexual trauma can be the first steps to sexual liberation."
— Tanya Bass, PhD, CHES, CSE
Dance in front of the mirror naked.
"Dance in front of the mirror naked. As you're dancing, be sure to spend time admiring what you love about your body. Take notice of how your different body parts move, giggle, and flow with the music. If you find yourself thinking about what you don’t like about your body, redirect your thoughts to how much you love the song that’s playing or refocus on the parts you DO LOVE!"
— Chanta Blue, Sex & Relationship Therapist at Blue Counseling & Wellness Center
Ritualize getting ready in ways that make you feel sexy.
"Create a getting ready routine with songs playing all throughout the house that make you feel sexy. Take your time getting ready, and consider slowly caressing your body as you get dressed. Try a new or bold lipstick. Go perfume testing and find a scent that really compliments you."
— Tia Evans MSW MEd LCSW CST
Step into your power as a woman and never forget it.
"I believe women can become more sex confident by learning what is true. When women learn that they're worthy, beautiful, sexual, free, and deserving of pleasure they become more sex confident."
— Dr. Jacqueline Sherman, licensed clinical psychologist and certified intimacy & relationship coach.
Give yourself permission to be free.
"Sexual freedom arrives when you stop waiting for permission to be free. It’s past time to take your fantasies off of your pillow, I promise you’ll enjoy it in real life."
— Dr. Hareder Mcdowell, Community Psychologist & Black Female sexuality researcher
Have open dialogues about sex, what's taboo, and what you've experienced.
"In my experience, having open dialogue with other vulva owners has helped with my sexual confidence. The reality is, no single one of us knows everything there is to know about our own bodies or how to have sex with others. If we continue to have candid convos with people we trust, and NOT just the people we are sleeping with, it definitely helps boost sexual confidence.
"Sharing experiences takes the taboo out of some of the things we are scared to try because at least our home girl tried it and she said it ain’t that bad. The point is, having honest discussions about our experiences will help us all be more confident and hopefully create better sexual experiences for all of us."
— @Toy._ the self-proclaimed sex sensei
Focus on your assets instead of what you're lacking.
"For me, sexual confidence begins within. It starts with our identity and mentality. In order to become more sexually confident, I believe women should focus on being comfortable in their own skin with more self-love (i.e., positive self-talk and body positivity) and a lot less comparison to others. Focus on your assets, not what you think you’re lacking. You are beautiful and uniquely you!"
— Dr. Ashley Townes, Sexual Health Researcher
Self-reflect and practice your sexual confidence.
"Sexual confidence requires self-awareness and insight. It requires self-respect and self-love. How one treats themselves and speaks to themself can contribute to both building or destroying one’s sexual confidence. Sexual confidence is not solely about sex, yet [it's] about your relationship with sex and the relationship you have with yourself.
"Sexual confidence is not solely about sex, yet [it's] about your relationship with sex and the relationship you have with yourself."
"Such confidence can be externally displayed through your aura/energy, the way you walk, speak, eye contact, and body movements. If ever lost, sexual confidence can be found again - through means such as self-reflection, practice, therapy, and/or coaching."
— Jasmine Brown, MA, International Trauma-focused Sexologist
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock