Your October Horoscopes Are About Becoming The Trailblazer Of Your Own Destiny
We have officially transitioned into the fall season, which encourages us to reclaim a sense of balance in our lives. The New Moon on the 6th invites us to recognize where we are giving or taking too much. When Venus shifts into Sagittarius, there's a desire for a wild, romantic adventure to shake up our routine. This month, we have three planets going direct—Pluto, Saturn, and Mercury—helping us feel a greater sense of forward momentum. The fiery Full Moon on the 20th liberates us from a need to fit in with the crowd and to, instead, become a trailblazer of our own destiny.
Towards the end of the month, the Sun and Mars motivate us to lock in on our goals and see through to completion. Check out how your zodiac sign is affected in the month ahead:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with a New Moon on the 6th inviting you into partnerships that are more in alignment with your personal evolution. On the same day, Pluto goes direct and the changes you've been making internally are more evident. You've spent a lot of time unlearning old programming and confronting your fears in regards to your career, authority, and success. Now it's your time to shine. On the 7th, Venus enters Sagittarius, making this an ideal time to plan a baecation or take a solo trip. If you're single, there's a possibility of meeting someone special during your travels.
When Saturn goes direct on the 10th, you're ready to put those lessons you've been learning about friendship and community into action. On the 18th, Mercury goes direct to help clear up any miscommunications within your closest connections. The Full Moon in your sign on the 20th is the much-needed spark that you've been craving since Leo season. It's time to reveal more of your magnificence to the world. By the end of the month the Sun and Mars team up in Scorpio inviting you to do a deep dive into your psyche and your most valuable relationships. Sexual healing, transformation, and intimacy await you during this transit.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleYour health and wellness are top priority around the New Moon on the 6th. Implementing new routines, habits, and a fitness regimen will help get you back into alignment if you've been feeling off lately. On the same day, Pluto goes direct, giving you the opportunity to walk your path with more confidence after spending the past several months redefining your spiritual beliefs and personal philosophies. When Venus enters Sagittarius on the 7th, you're invited to get clear on the kind of people that you want close(r) to you. Fickle energies just won't do for a fixed sign like you.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct to get you back on track with some of your longer term career goals and the legacy you're building for yourself. When Mercury goes direct on the 18th, you're able to integrate any recent changes you've wanted to make within your work environment or daily schedule. On the 20th, the Full Moon stirs up some inner tension and frustrations--possibly more so within your dreams. Find healthy outlets for your anger to avoid getting snappy with others. The Sun shifts into Scorpio on the 23rd, then meets up with Mars on the 30th, bringing your attention to your partnerships, marriage, and contractual agreements. Hidden resentments can come to the surface but it's all about how you address them so you and the other party can get on the same page moving forward.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a romantic New Moon in Libra inviting you to put yourself out there--especially if you're single. It's time to ditch the sweatpants and oversized t-shirts for some real clothes. This is a particularly creative, sweet, and playful time for you, so make the most of it. On the same day, Pluto goes direct, coaxing you out of hermit mode to rejoin the rest of the world after spending the past several months in cocoon mode. When Venus enters Sagittarius on the 7th, you're attracting some interesting partnerships and collaborations meant to expand your worldview.
When Saturn goes direct on the 10th, you're ready to move forward without all of the karmic debris you've been clearing out in relation to your spiritual beliefs and practices. On the 18th, Mercury goes direct to push along any projects that have stalled due to reasons beyond your control or procrastination. The Full Moon on the 20th encourages you to showcase what makes you stand out. Ultimately, this will align you with the right crowd that can support you in fulfilling your vision. On the 23rd, the Sun shifts into Scorpio, then teams up with Mars on the 30th giving you a much-needed boost of energy to handle your daily responsibilities and still have enough fuel to squeeze in a workout, too.
Cancer
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Home and family matters have your attention around the New Moon on the 6th. Investing into property or family planning may be on the list around this time. On the same day, Pluto goes direct, helping you move forward in your most significant relationships with more ease after confronting some of your fears these past several months. Financial partnerships are also highlighted, making this an auspicious time for opportunities that will bring you more power, security, and success. When Venus enters Sagittarius, you could start feeling restless with your routine, making it a good time to switch up your approach or environment in some way. If you're looking for remote work, this could be a lucky time to find the perfect opportunity.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct which has you feeling more empowered in your ability to make the right connections and build upon your ideal community of people that can help you achieve your bigger goals. When Mercury goes direct on the 18th, this is a more favorable time to sign a new lease or close on a property. Any rifts with family members, roommates, or a live-in partner can also be resolved more easily. On the 20th, the Full Moon requires you to step up to the plate and flex your boss muscle. You've got what it takes to handle any challenges in your career. Towards the end of the month, the Sun and Mars shift into Scorpio, intensifying both your libido and creativity. Baby-making season is in the air!
Leo
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The month begins with a New Moon in Libra inviting you to negotiate your way to the bag. Networking figures strongly into your life during this time. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready. You only get one chance to make a first impression. On the same day, Pluto goes direct empowering you to implement positive habits and routines into your life. A little bit of discipline goes a long way. When Venus shifts into Sagittarius on the 7th, your sex appeal is out of this world. If you're open to romance, just have fun without putting too much pressure on things (at least for the time being).
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct, helping you get more clear with your boundaries in existing relationships (including your relationship with your work). Mercury goes direct on the 18th, moving forward any stalled communications. The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th stirs up your wanderlust which could have you planning a great escape to some far-off land. On the 23rd, the Sun shifts into Scorpio then meets up with Mars on the 30th, bringing your focus to settling down a bit.
Virgo
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The New Moon at the beginning of the month invites you to explore new ways of making money. As multifaceted as you are, there's always another way of getting the bag. On the same day, Pluto goes direct, empowering you to express your creativity in ways like never before. This energy is extremely cathartic and supportive of you creating some of your best work to-date. When Venus shifts into Sagittarius on the 7th, your home environment could have you feeling a bit restless. A need to expand beyond your comfort zone is hard to ignore which could have you considering a more nomadic lifestyle.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct, making it a lot more easy for you to get back into a structured routine. A week later, your ruling planet, Mercury, goes direct, giving you the green light when it comes to new business partnerships and opportunities. The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th motivates you to release your perfectionist tendencies so you can finally pursue your hidden desires. On the 23rd, the Sun enters Scorpio which could have you feeling exposed in your vulnerability. Be mindful of who you're sharing your secrets with during this time. Once Mars meets up with the Sun, there's potential that someone may just be trying to gather intel on you as a part of some bigger scheme.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a New Moon in your sign inviting you to make a wish for what you want to accomplish in the next year around the Sun. On the same day, Pluto goes direct after being retrograde since the Spring. An inner transformation related to your upbringing and family has now been completed empowering you to stand in your truth. You only have one life to live. Make sure you're living it for yourself. When Venus shifts into Sagittarius on the 7th, your natural flirtatious ways are enhanced making this an auspicious time for attracting romance into your life. Keep your expectations light during this time and just have fun getting to know people. Be open to connecting with someone from a completely different walk of life. There's so much to learn from an experience that differs from your own.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct which has you more clear about the kind of long-term commitment you want. Don't be afraid to explore unconventional ways of going about a partnership. What works for someone else may not be a good fit for you. The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th helps you release your people-pleasing tendencies so you can start establishing more sovereignty in your life. Towards the end of the month, the Sun and Mars transition into Scorpio, motivating you to initiate new financial partnerships and streams of income. Know your worth and add tax!
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month invites you to reflect on situations that need some closure. Your karmic debt has been paid, so there's no need to prolong your suffering. Make peace with what hasn't worked out the way you thought it would. The Divine has something way better in store for you anyway. On the same day, Pluto goes direct after spending the past six months retrograde. Your inner dialogue has gone through a major transformation that will ultimately support you in aligning with the life of your dreams. On the 7th, Venus enters Sagittarius which has you dreaming up a way to make money while not having to be confined to one space. When it comes to romance or financial partnership, be open to connecting with someone from a different walk of life. You can learn a lot from their perspective.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct, helping you get more clear about what family, home, and tribe means to you. If you've felt restricted in any of these areas in the past several month, the energies ease up moving forward. When Mercury goes direct on the 18th, you're clear on what (and who) needs to be left behind. You've gone as far as you can within this situation and now it's time to venture into new territory. The Full Moon in Aries on the 18th breaks you out of a lethargic funk to reinvigorate your sense of passion and purpose in your daily affairs. On the 23rd, the Sun enters Scorpio and meets up with Mars on the 30th, enhancing your drive, motivation, and will power. This an opportune time to tackle your to-do list and make some major moves.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a New Moon in Libra on the 6th inviting you to expand your social network and reconnect with friends you haven't seen in a while. On the same day, Pluto goes direct which has you feeling more in control of your finances moving forward. Investments and wealth building are your top priorities in the months to come. When Venus shifts into your sign on the 7th, your luck factor increases even more as you find yourself on the receiving end of a lot of attention, opportunities, and blessings.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct, setting you up with the right mindset that you need to achieve your goals. Don't throw in the towel just because your growth isn't happening quick enough. On the 18th, Mercury goes direct, supporting the forward movement of your long-term endeavors and ironing out any communication kinks you've had with a team member that may be helping you in the process. The Full Moon in Aries encourages you to indulge in some pleasure and romance. Towards the end of the month, the Sun and Mars in Scorpio are kicking up some suppressed frustrations (and possibly revealing some hidden enemies). Make sure you're viewing someone's actions objectively, minus all of your idealizations.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleMatters of career take precedence at the beginning of the month with the New Moon in Libra and so the next phase of your journey begins. Be mindful of power struggles with anyone in a position of authority. If you don't like being bossed around, then create an exit strategy to become your own boss. On the same day, Pluto goes direct in your sign, empowering you to recognize just how effective you are at making shit happen. Unlike some, you don't have a problem rolling up your sleeves and getting into the nitty gritty for the sake of the legacy you're building. When Venus enters Sagittarius on the 7th, your love life blossoms behind the scenes, making this a good time to enjoy some privacy at home with that special person in your life.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct, moving money matters forward. Where you once felt restricted, the energy starts to open up again in the months to come. Mercury goes direct on the 18th, making it a good time to finalize any negotiations and contracts that have been hanging up in the air. On the 20th, the Full Moon in Aries brings an issue to the head amongst the home or family. The pressure to make a quick change to your environment may be looming over you at this time. When the Sun and Mars shift into Scorpio by the end of the month, your friends may be the source of stability that you need. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You've got more people on your side than against you.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Moon in Libra on the 6th has you ready to spread your wings to take off on a new adventure, whether that involves you traveling to a place on your bucket list, enrolling in a spiritual workshop, or applying to go back to school. On the same day, Pluto goes direct and you can finally come up for air after doing some pretty intense soul-searching these past six months. Now it's time for you to apply these lessons you've been resolving into your daily life. When Venus shifts into Sagittarius on the 7th you're feeling the love amongst your friend group and may even want to celebrate your bonds with a long-awaited girls' trip.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct encouraging you to embrace a little more structure and discipline. You're full of brilliant, progressive ideas. It's just time for you to really commit to them and follow through on your goals. When Mercury goes direct on the 10th, you could find yourself in the position of teacher or mentor to those that look to you for your expertise. Writing and public speaking figure strongly into this energy, making it a good time to get your message out there. The Full Moon on the 20th grants you the courage to say what you mean without fear of backlash. Some people are intent on misunderstanding you which is their problem—not yours. Towards the end of the month, the Sun and Mars enter Scorpio, giving you a much-needed boost to conquer your career goals.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month starts on a more quiet note for you with the New Moon in Libra. A silent partnership may be in the works for you around this time, which can grant you the leg up that you need to move your financial and business endeavors forward. On the same day, Pluto goes direct, helping you take a different approach to your friendships and social networks. After re-evaluating this area of your life these past six months, you're now more clear about who you want to join forces with. When Venus enters Sagittarius on the 7th, you're feeling the heat—whether it be from the pressure to step up to the plate in your career or a romantic attraction that is brewing between you and someone with a whole lot of influence.
On the 10th, Saturn goes direct, continuing this process of cleaning out the metaphorical trash in your subconscious. Limiting and restricting beliefs have to go for you to fully embrace your magic. When Mercury goes direct on the 18th, you're given the green light to sign off on any financial contracts. The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th liberates you from playing small. It's time to recognize your worth, raise your prices, and add tax. On the 23rd, the Sun shifts into Scorpio and is followed behind by Mars on the 30th inviting you to step into your power and role as a leader. You have no idea how many people you're inspiring on a daily basis but soon enough it will be made evident.
For more about zodiac signs, horoscopes, and astrology, check out xoNecole's Horoscopes section here.
Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
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A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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I’ve never really been big on New Year’s Resolutions — not in the classic sense, anyway. A part of the reason is because Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) is what I observe and that transpires in the fall. Another reason is that I have long known what research says about January 1 resolutions: that they usually don’t work.
Experts say that it’s mostly because an unrealistic amount of expectation is put on the first day of each year because it is new when the reality is that only 25 percent of folks actually stick to their resolutions, even a month after making them. Besides, as I oftentimes say, if you really want to change or do something, you’ll start today — not wait until January 1. To me, that sounds like nothing more than low-key procrastination sprinkled with a bit of superstition.
Now, what I am all about, is taking seasonal inventory. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform before like, “Love Recommitted: 7 Promises That Every Spouse Should Make This NYE,” “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins,” “Stay Together Or Break-Up? The Dilemma That Must Be Discussed…Before NYE.” and “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins” (for example).
Since the holiday season is oftentimes when many of us lean into a profound sense of self-reflection, it can be good to ask yourself (and/or folks you are in a relationship with) a few questions for clarity’s sake, if nothing else. Plus, there’s a project that I like to do with my own friends where I ask them to express what I bring into their lives with one word (check out “Texting Your Friends This One Question Will Reveal A Lot About Your Relationship”); it too can shed quite a bit of light.
And so, along the lines of applying a one-word formula for the sake of improving the quality of life, I spent some time thinking about a word that I could encourage you to use in 2025 — now that we are very much so a whopping quarter of a century into the year 2000 (crazy, right?). I did indeed come up with one, and while it might seem rather simple on the surface, as I unpack it just a bit, I think you will get that it can keep you quite focused (and centered) for the next 12 months…if you choose for it to.
Take the Pressure Off. Choose to EVOLVE.
GiphyAnother reason why top-of-the-year resolutions fail? It’s because, let’s be real, they are stressful as hell. All of a sudden, folks who never ate healthy want to go without ice cream for six months straight, people who’ve never had a budget before are cutting off all of their streaming services and banning Etsy, and individuals who can’t seem to shake their ex (check out “Stop Being In Relationship Purgatory With Your 'Kinda Ex'”) are out here declaring that they will never speak to them again.
Meanwhile, you know what else intel says about why resolutions tend to crash and burn? It’s because they simply aren’t a part of our lifestyle, routines, or habits. And here’s the thing: 40 percent of what we do every day are considered habits — things that we do without even thinking about them.
Resolutions on the other hand? Oh, they require almost damn near being obsessed with them because they are oftentimes so far off of the mark from our daily norm. And here’s the thing about stress and pressure — they can lead to overthinking, which can cause you to panic, which can either drain you or paralyze you completely.
Then, before you know it, you’ve quit your resolution, which leaves you feeling defeated, which means that you’re right back into your usual habits…almost as a form of comfort (even if you know that they are counterproductive as all get out). A hamster wheel, indeed.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? That we should take the “eff it” approach and do nothing during this time? Nooo…not at all. Actually, what I recommend is that you toss out the word “resolution” and replace it with “evolve” instead.
Evolve:to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution; to gradually change one's opinions or beliefs.
Synonyms:emerge; expand; mature; grow; advance; increase; open up; result; make progress; move forward; transform; unfold; adapt; adjust; release; advance; blossom; materialize; forge and play out.
Y’all, there are some cool quotes out here that speak about what comes with choosing to evolve. Japanese fashion designer Issey Miyake once said, “I love to be free to explore, research, and evolve.” Evolution is freedom.
Japanese artist Miyavi once said, “My philosophy is my learning process. Until you die, you must evolve and improve.” Evolution is a lifelong process of self-improvement.
Cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond once said, “You can't just stick with what you know, you have to evolve.” Hmph. This makes me think of another favorite quote: “…re-examine all you have been told in school or church or in any book and dismiss whatever insults your own soul.” Walt Whitman said that.
Canadian artist Sarah McLachlan once said, “Change and growth is so painful. But it's so necessary for us to evolve.” Change and growth can be painful. You cannot evolve without discomfort.
And, even though he moves in ways that earn him side-eye much of the time, Amazon executive Jeff Bezos once said, “What's dangerous is not to evolve.” And he’s right. Stagnation? There are few things that are more hazardous than that, chile.
And you know what? The cool thing about all of these statements about evolution is they are reminders that in order to evolve as a person, you must DO SOMETHING, and some of those things aren’t going to be easy. Know what else? To evolve is not some instantaneous thing. Remember, the definition of the word uses “gradual” and gradual means “taking place, changing, moving, etc., by small degrees or little by little.”
This speaks to having the mindset that setting short-term goals is a great form of evolution, taking baby steps is a great form of evolution, and committing to the fact that even if you don’t “sprint forward,” you will definitely not turn back — that is also a great form of evolution.
And when you do these things, consistently so, in time, without pressuring yourself or stressing yourself out, you will notice maturation, growth, results, progress, and personal transformation. PRESSURE DOESN’T DO THIS…CONSISTENCY DOES.
There’s one more thing that I want you to catch before closing this out…
Do Your Best in Your Steps…Then Wait to See How It All Turns Out
GiphyA word that I’m personally applying in 2025: RELAX.
I have a sweatshirt that salutes Whitley Gilbert and the saying that she actually got from her therapist, which was played by Debbie Allen: “Relax. Relate. Release.” One of my favorite verses in Scripture is the Message Version of Jude 1:2: “Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!”
And, in the Book of the Bible one of my favorite characters in the Bible, Ruth, there is something that her mother-in-law Naomi says that fits in really well with all of this too: “Naomi said, ‘Sit back and relax, my dear daughter, until we find out how things turn out; this man isn’t going to waste any time. Mark my words, he’s going to get everything wrapped up today.’” (Ruth 3:18 — Message) This is what Naomi said after Ruth did all that she could to protect and provide for her and Naomi — after doing her part, Naomi instructed Ruth to RELAX and let Boaz do his part. And he did.
“Relax” is such a wonderful word because it means to be less tense, to loosen up, to stop worrying, to rest more, and to be open to making some modifications from time to time. Relaxation is calming. Relaxation helps you to be in the moment. Relaxation also helps you to be flexible and to adapt — and y’all, if you’re serious about evolving, you need all of that in your psyche to make that happen as well.
As I used to say fairly often: once all of the ingredients have been put into making chocolate chip cookies and you put them into the stove, like it or not, you’ve got to let the stove do its job. And y’all, like it or not, time plays a huge role in evolution — and so, once you’ve done your part and your best, the best thing that you can then do is relax: release who or what is hindering your evolution. Chill out, so that you can receive love from a healthier place.
And, as Bruce Lee once said, “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
Do you see how evolution and relaxation are BFFs? Taking gradual steps (evolution) is a form of self-compassion (check out “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”) because it teaches you to be gentle, realistic, and patient with yourself while on your life’s road. Relaxation is a form of self-love because it reminds you to pause and refuel so that you can continue on your life’s journey. And both of them work together to remind you that, after doing your part, you need to allow other people, places, things, and ideas to come into play. Beautiful.
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And that is why, instead of driving yourself, unnecessarily up the wall with resolutions, I recommend just purposing in your mind, heart, and spirit to EVOLVE this year. If you take it seriously, if you do it daily, and you add some intentional and consistent relaxing along the way, by the end of this 2025 cycle…you may be mind-blown by how much you have grown…matured…blossomed. How much progress was made, how much you released, and what ended up materializing.
How much you absolutely did, in some ways, without even noticing it…EVOLVE.
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