Manifesting has been the topic of discussion and more mainstream recently than it has in any previous decade before. Questions like, “What is manifestation?" “Do you have to have some special powers to do it?” and “Is manifesting the same for everyone?” arise while understanding this phenomenon. Well, what if there was a way to manifest that best fits your natural rhythm, gifts, and way of going about things? The fact is, each one of us has different modes of understanding, processing, and expression, and we all need something different to feed our souls. One individual may benefit from a certain manifestation technique, while another may find that same technique restrictive to what they are creating in their own lives.
Say, for example, a Cancer would benefit strongly from following the Moon cycles when it comes to manifesting. Cancers are ruled by the Moon and have a natural affinity and connection to this celestial body. Cancer's potential for manifesting under the New Moon is an even more potent experience for them, as they are the physical expression of La Luna herself. A Capricorn, however, with their logic, their plans, and their traditions, may not necessarily resonate with this specific mode of manifestation. A Capricorn has a list of goals to move through and they benefit from more physical and tangible things. Charging a crystal or an item that holds value to them with their positive intentions and good juju and then carrying this token around serves this sign well. Having something physical to represent what they are manifesting is an experience that feels real for them, and something they feel they are consciously creating and building in their life, which works for this earth sign.
Manifesting and the power to do so isn’t given to just a selected few people in the world or to the wisest spiritual gurus, it is a gift we all have within us and a talent that we are born with. However, by knowing what you resonate with most, what inspires you deeply, and what you naturally flow with, you can enhance this potential in your life and fully live out your dreams. We are all made as unique individuals, with unique stories, experiences, and potentials. Why not use this truth to uniquely come up with a manifestation practice that not only works but is practical for you and the life you are living today? Spiritual practices are not a one-size-fits-all experience, and by working with your higher self and what you need, you can open up to your full potential in life, and manifest from your own source of love, wisdom, and hope.
Getty Images
How to Manifest as an Aries
Being a fire sign, manifestation techniques that excite are good go-to’s for you, Aries. Exercising and getting your body moving are good ways to tap into your manifestation potential. A beneficial routine for you would be to go on a morning run every day, and during this run visualize what you want to manifest. Not only are you getting the energy moving with your body, but you are also showing yourself the passion and stamina you have to get there. If visualizing and running are too much of a multi-task, you can also set the intention to where every time you go on a morning run, your thoughts are free and positive. The run is all about getting you into this good feeling energy, where all can manifest.
How to Manifest as a Taurus
Manifesting is something Taurus’ are typically more aware of than most signs as you have a natural gift of attracting and accumulating, being an earth sign ruled by Venus. With your more sensual and earthly nature, you need to feel comfortable and safe to open up and allow, and having a safe space or environment that nourishes is beneficial for you. A good manifestation technique for Taurus would be incorporating some feng shui into your life and setting up zones of manifestation in the home. The southeast area of your home is considered your wealth zone, and this is a good area of your home to manifest. Make sure this area of your home is decluttered and adorned with your favorite gems, wood, plants, and things that remind you of wealth.
How to Manifest as a Gemini
With Gemini being ruled by Mercury, the biggest tool for Gemini and manifesting is to let go of any over-analyzation, and to let your creativity take the lead here. Gemini benefits from writing techniques when it comes to manifestation, and making a list of what you are manifesting in your life at this time is a simple, yet effective way to manifest. For you, putting your hand to the pen and seeing your words come to life does something magical in your world, and is a tool that brings you closer to the divine. Remember when you are writing your intentions to think about the way each of these intentions makes you feel and how it would feel to receive them or be that.
How to Manifest as a Cancer
As mentioned above, Cancers have a special connection with the Moon that should never go unmissed when talking about manifestation. The Moon has many different cycles, all representing different cycles of the spiritual and emotional journey. The New Moon specifically, is a magical time to manifest. This is a good day of the month for Cancers to mark on their calendar and as a day to consciously make sure you are thinking positive, setting your intentions, and planning for your future. Another technique when working with the Moon is to make some Moonwater by setting out a jar of water under the Full Moon. The next day, you can drink the water as an aid for healing, creativity, inspiration, or while thinking of a specific intention.
Getty Images
How to Manifest as a Leo
Contrary to Cancer’s connection with the Moon, Leo on the other hand has an affinity for the Sun. Leo’s ruling planet is a powerful force for manifestation, and you can work with the Sun in your daily manifestation rituals. Lay down under the Sun, close your eyes, and feel the warmth of the Sun's energy on your skin. While you feel yourself absorbing the light of the Sun, visualize what you want to manifest in your life. The Sun symbolizes happiness and joy and feeling this energy and excitement while thinking of your manifestations is key for Leos. If you don’t feel good about it you aren’t going to be backing your intentions with self-belief and joy, which is key here. So on a day where you are feeling really good, go out into the Sun, and manifest.
How to Manifest as a Virgo
The best way for Virgos to manifest is by doing less and allowing more. Virgos are hard workers and find much of their joy in life in their work, in their routines, and in what they can do for others. However, this can be bittersweet for Virgos as you can overextend yourself which is an energy drainer when it comes to manifesting. When you can allow yourself more time to just rest and be, you allow your manifestations to catch up to you. If you are always on the go onto the next mission, you miss the potential you are in at this very moment. Schedule a day where you have absolutely nothing on your to-do list but to do be. Take this day where you are doing less, and allowing everything to come to you. Virgo’s are aligned with harvest, and you have a natural power of attraction that you can tap into when you are focused on being more rather than doing.
How to Manifest as a Libra
Libra loves a good aesthetic, and visualization techniques are key for you when it comes to manifesting. A vision board is an amazing manifesting ritual for Libras to have on their belt and is a creative way to work with energy. Bring out the Pinterest board, find a few magazines, and collect visual representations of what inspires you and what you want to bring into your life. Quotes and keywords are also great to use when making your vision board as hearing or seeing these words while you’re going about your day can be check-in points for you and reminders of what you are manifesting. Make your board visually appealing to you, hang it up in an area of your home where you feel the best and most inspired, and let the magic happen.
How to Manifest as a Scorpio
Scorpios rule the 8th house which is about all things witchy, spiritual, and taboo. Manifestation rituals serve you well, and you are all about connecting to the spiritual magic of it all. Create an altar with your favorite crystals and herbs, and light a candle while thinking of what you want to manifest. Look at the dancing flame of the candle and visualize how you would feel if your manifestation was in your world already. If you want to take it further you can pull a tarot or oracle card to place next to your candle as a visual representation of the energy you are bringing into your life at this time. Different colors of candles signify different energies and specifically green, brown, and yellow candles are good for manifesting.
Getty Images
How to Manifest as a Sagittarius
For Sagittarius, inspiration is everything when it comes to manifesting. You need to feel inspired and enlivened by what you are bringing to fruition in your life and by putting yourself into these spaces and environments, you set yourself up for success. Good manifestation rituals for you are to do what feels fun and exciting. Go to a concert and while you are dancing, visualize all the good things coming your way. Play your favorite song and dance by yourself in your room while visualizing white light emanating from your aura. Go on a hike and when you are at the top of the peak or arrive at your destination, visualize yourself releasing everything holding you back from your manifestations, and bringing in everything you want for yourself. Getting yourself in the zone of happiness is your direct road to manifestation, Sagittarius.
How to Manifest as a Capricorn
Capricorn rules what is tangible and this sign is all about results. Capricorn tends to focus on the last part of manifesting, which is the manifestation itself. However, a key component to manifesting is the intention itself and your starting point. A good manifesting ritual for Capricorn is to have a tangible memento for manifesting. Get a crystal, hold it in your hand, and set the intention of what you want it to help you manifest. Carry this gem around with you, meditate with it, and use it as a tangible reminder of what you are manifesting. Some good crystals for Capricorns to work with are malachite, tiger eye, and garnet. You can also do this with a special piece of jewelry, a charm, a photo, or anything tangible that is inspiring and magical to you.
How to Manifest as an Aquarius
Aquarius works with the collective consciousness, and bringing other people in when it comes to manifesting, is a positive and beneficial tool for you. Group meditations, getting a reading, talking to a friend about what inspires you, and connecting with animals, are all rituals that serve your soul well. Come together with another who is trying to bring about something similar, and do a group meditation on connection, bringing your energy together, and manifesting something beautiful. Go to a group workshop and exchange ideas, stories, and what is inspiring you. Another thing about Aquarius is their connection with humanity and humanitarian acts. Giving back, donating to charity, and doing something for someone else puts you in an energy of fulfillment rather than lack, and is good energy for manifesting for you as well.
How to Manifest as a Pisces
Pisces are creative souls and creativity is a key component for you when it comes to manifesting. Creating art, painting, writing poetry, and listening to your favorite song, are all good manifestation rituals for you. Pisces tend to align strongly with music and a good manifestation technique to do is to pick a song that inspires you and gives you all the feel-good energy. Put this song in your playlist that you listen to the most often, and whenever this song plays take it as a reminder that you are on the right path, and to think about your manifestations and what you want to bring into your life. This song is your dedicated soul song and can be used to get you into the zone of attraction and gratitude.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images
- Here's Your 2022 Love Forecast, According To Your Zodiac Sign ›
- Best Healing Crystals, For Your Zodiac Sign - xoNecole ›
- Best Meditation Practices For Your Zodiac Sign ›
- Rising Sign Meanings & How To Find Your Rising Sign - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Make Moon Water - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Manifest Someone In Your Life - xoNecole ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
____
It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock