Manifesting has been the topic of discussion and more mainstream recently than it has in any previous decade before. Questions like, “What is manifestation?" “Do you have to have some special powers to do it?” and “Is manifesting the same for everyone?” arise while understanding this phenomenon. Well, what if there was a way to manifest that best fits your natural rhythm, gifts, and way of going about things? The fact is, each one of us has different modes of understanding, processing, and expression, and we all need something different to feed our souls. One individual may benefit from a certain manifestation technique, while another may find that same technique restrictive to what they are creating in their own lives.
Say, for example, a Cancer would benefit strongly from following the Moon cycles when it comes to manifesting. Cancers are ruled by the Moon and have a natural affinity and connection to this celestial body. Cancer's potential for manifesting under the New Moon is an even more potent experience for them, as they are the physical expression of La Luna herself. A Capricorn, however, with their logic, their plans, and their traditions, may not necessarily resonate with this specific mode of manifestation. A Capricorn has a list of goals to move through and they benefit from more physical and tangible things. Charging a crystal or an item that holds value to them with their positive intentions and good juju and then carrying this token around serves this sign well. Having something physical to represent what they are manifesting is an experience that feels real for them, and something they feel they are consciously creating and building in their life, which works for this earth sign.
Manifesting and the power to do so isn’t given to just a selected few people in the world or to the wisest spiritual gurus, it is a gift we all have within us and a talent that we are born with. However, by knowing what you resonate with most, what inspires you deeply, and what you naturally flow with, you can enhance this potential in your life and fully live out your dreams. We are all made as unique individuals, with unique stories, experiences, and potentials. Why not use this truth to uniquely come up with a manifestation practice that not only works but is practical for you and the life you are living today? Spiritual practices are not a one-size-fits-all experience, and by working with your higher self and what you need, you can open up to your full potential in life, and manifest from your own source of love, wisdom, and hope.
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How to Manifest as an Aries
Being a fire sign, manifestation techniques that excite are good go-to’s for you, Aries. Exercising and getting your body moving are good ways to tap into your manifestation potential. A beneficial routine for you would be to go on a morning run every day, and during this run visualize what you want to manifest. Not only are you getting the energy moving with your body, but you are also showing yourself the passion and stamina you have to get there. If visualizing and running are too much of a multi-task, you can also set the intention to where every time you go on a morning run, your thoughts are free and positive. The run is all about getting you into this good feeling energy, where all can manifest.
How to Manifest as a Taurus
Manifesting is something Taurus’ are typically more aware of than most signs as you have a natural gift of attracting and accumulating, being an earth sign ruled by Venus. With your more sensual and earthly nature, you need to feel comfortable and safe to open up and allow, and having a safe space or environment that nourishes is beneficial for you. A good manifestation technique for Taurus would be incorporating some feng shui into your life and setting up zones of manifestation in the home. The southeast area of your home is considered your wealth zone, and this is a good area of your home to manifest. Make sure this area of your home is decluttered and adorned with your favorite gems, wood, plants, and things that remind you of wealth.
How to Manifest as a Gemini
With Gemini being ruled by Mercury, the biggest tool for Gemini and manifesting is to let go of any over-analyzation, and to let your creativity take the lead here. Gemini benefits from writing techniques when it comes to manifestation, and making a list of what you are manifesting in your life at this time is a simple, yet effective way to manifest. For you, putting your hand to the pen and seeing your words come to life does something magical in your world, and is a tool that brings you closer to the divine. Remember when you are writing your intentions to think about the way each of these intentions makes you feel and how it would feel to receive them or be that.
How to Manifest as a Cancer
As mentioned above, Cancers have a special connection with the Moon that should never go unmissed when talking about manifestation. The Moon has many different cycles, all representing different cycles of the spiritual and emotional journey. The New Moon specifically, is a magical time to manifest. This is a good day of the month for Cancers to mark on their calendar and as a day to consciously make sure you are thinking positive, setting your intentions, and planning for your future. Another technique when working with the Moon is to make some Moonwater by setting out a jar of water under the Full Moon. The next day, you can drink the water as an aid for healing, creativity, inspiration, or while thinking of a specific intention.
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How to Manifest as a Leo
Contrary to Cancer’s connection with the Moon, Leo on the other hand has an affinity for the Sun. Leo’s ruling planet is a powerful force for manifestation, and you can work with the Sun in your daily manifestation rituals. Lay down under the Sun, close your eyes, and feel the warmth of the Sun's energy on your skin. While you feel yourself absorbing the light of the Sun, visualize what you want to manifest in your life. The Sun symbolizes happiness and joy and feeling this energy and excitement while thinking of your manifestations is key for Leos. If you don’t feel good about it you aren’t going to be backing your intentions with self-belief and joy, which is key here. So on a day where you are feeling really good, go out into the Sun, and manifest.
How to Manifest as a Virgo
The best way for Virgos to manifest is by doing less and allowing more. Virgos are hard workers and find much of their joy in life in their work, in their routines, and in what they can do for others. However, this can be bittersweet for Virgos as you can overextend yourself which is an energy drainer when it comes to manifesting. When you can allow yourself more time to just rest and be, you allow your manifestations to catch up to you. If you are always on the go onto the next mission, you miss the potential you are in at this very moment. Schedule a day where you have absolutely nothing on your to-do list but to do be. Take this day where you are doing less, and allowing everything to come to you. Virgo’s are aligned with harvest, and you have a natural power of attraction that you can tap into when you are focused on being more rather than doing.
How to Manifest as a Libra
Libra loves a good aesthetic, and visualization techniques are key for you when it comes to manifesting. A vision board is an amazing manifesting ritual for Libras to have on their belt and is a creative way to work with energy. Bring out the Pinterest board, find a few magazines, and collect visual representations of what inspires you and what you want to bring into your life. Quotes and keywords are also great to use when making your vision board as hearing or seeing these words while you’re going about your day can be check-in points for you and reminders of what you are manifesting. Make your board visually appealing to you, hang it up in an area of your home where you feel the best and most inspired, and let the magic happen.
How to Manifest as a Scorpio
Scorpios rule the 8th house which is about all things witchy, spiritual, and taboo. Manifestation rituals serve you well, and you are all about connecting to the spiritual magic of it all. Create an altar with your favorite crystals and herbs, and light a candle while thinking of what you want to manifest. Look at the dancing flame of the candle and visualize how you would feel if your manifestation was in your world already. If you want to take it further you can pull a tarot or oracle card to place next to your candle as a visual representation of the energy you are bringing into your life at this time. Different colors of candles signify different energies and specifically green, brown, and yellow candles are good for manifesting.
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How to Manifest as a Sagittarius
For Sagittarius, inspiration is everything when it comes to manifesting. You need to feel inspired and enlivened by what you are bringing to fruition in your life and by putting yourself into these spaces and environments, you set yourself up for success. Good manifestation rituals for you are to do what feels fun and exciting. Go to a concert and while you are dancing, visualize all the good things coming your way. Play your favorite song and dance by yourself in your room while visualizing white light emanating from your aura. Go on a hike and when you are at the top of the peak or arrive at your destination, visualize yourself releasing everything holding you back from your manifestations, and bringing in everything you want for yourself. Getting yourself in the zone of happiness is your direct road to manifestation, Sagittarius.
How to Manifest as a Capricorn
Capricorn rules what is tangible and this sign is all about results. Capricorn tends to focus on the last part of manifesting, which is the manifestation itself. However, a key component to manifesting is the intention itself and your starting point. A good manifesting ritual for Capricorn is to have a tangible memento for manifesting. Get a crystal, hold it in your hand, and set the intention of what you want it to help you manifest. Carry this gem around with you, meditate with it, and use it as a tangible reminder of what you are manifesting. Some good crystals for Capricorns to work with are malachite, tiger eye, and garnet. You can also do this with a special piece of jewelry, a charm, a photo, or anything tangible that is inspiring and magical to you.
How to Manifest as an Aquarius
Aquarius works with the collective consciousness, and bringing other people in when it comes to manifesting, is a positive and beneficial tool for you. Group meditations, getting a reading, talking to a friend about what inspires you, and connecting with animals, are all rituals that serve your soul well. Come together with another who is trying to bring about something similar, and do a group meditation on connection, bringing your energy together, and manifesting something beautiful. Go to a group workshop and exchange ideas, stories, and what is inspiring you. Another thing about Aquarius is their connection with humanity and humanitarian acts. Giving back, donating to charity, and doing something for someone else puts you in an energy of fulfillment rather than lack, and is good energy for manifesting for you as well.
How to Manifest as a Pisces
Pisces are creative souls and creativity is a key component for you when it comes to manifesting. Creating art, painting, writing poetry, and listening to your favorite song, are all good manifestation rituals for you. Pisces tend to align strongly with music and a good manifestation technique to do is to pick a song that inspires you and gives you all the feel-good energy. Put this song in your playlist that you listen to the most often, and whenever this song plays take it as a reminder that you are on the right path, and to think about your manifestations and what you want to bring into your life. This song is your dedicated soul song and can be used to get you into the zone of attraction and gratitude.
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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