"AHT AHT."
Two very simple words that my mother probably learned from her mother that have shaped my world. They've taught me not to touch things that might burn me, they've protected me from wandering places that didn't serve me, and they've helped me to draw boundaries with people who could hurt me.
These are only a few of the wise words my mother has imparted in me as I've evolved from her baby girl to a grown-ass woman—crumbs of advice that I now know were survival tactics. And as we endure the side effects of a global pandemic, GirlTrek's #DaughtersOf campaign wants us to know that it's these gentle (and sometimes stern) words that will allow us to survive, thrive, and rise like a phoenix above the ashes when this ends.
Courtesy of Taylor Honore
Executive produced by Shantrelle Lewis, #DaughtersOf wants Black women who are descendants of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade to reconnect with both our matriarchal heritage and the self-care tips and tactics that they used to endure hard times, which our mothers and grandmothers later passed down to us. Shantrelle told xoNecole, "Although my grandmother wasn't a well-off woman, she was a hard-working woman and she always made sure to impress upon me the importance of having something for yourself. This advice clearly was also instilled in my mama."
She continued, "She always made sure we had what we needed to take care of ourselves, whether it was something we wanted or just in case of emergencies. To this day, when I'm home in New Orleans, when I'm leaving out the house my mama asks me whether or not I need any money. I laugh just thinking about it because I'm grown! But that's her way of taking care of me and making sure I'm always good no matter what."
To celebrate Mother's Day, #DaughtersOf will host a live sacred, special conversation with Angela Davis and Nikki Giovanni Friday, May 8th at 7 p.m. EST on Facebook Live, but until then, we sat down with 10 women featured in the campaign to discuss the most powerful life lessons they learned from their mother-figures about survival and, let me tell you sis, our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and aunties ain't raise no fools.
Here's what we learned:
“God bless a child that's got her own."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Grandma
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"In general, I always had this notion that my joy and success was interrelated with making sure that I was always able to take care of myself. It also allowed me to take risks in my career because ultimately I knew that if I fell, my parents would be there to catch me. More specifically, I think I put off getting married and having children until after I was able to pursue my dreams and to create a little something of my own for myself. I started buying property right out of college and even though I've worked for non-profits for most of my career, I've always had extra streams of income cause 'God bless that child who's got her own!'" - Shantrelle Lewis, Director and Executive Producer of Daughters Of Campaign
"Protect your energy."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"My mother taught and still teaches me about discernment––to be mindful of the folks I keep close and to protect my energy. I have learned a lot over the years after being hurt or feeling exposed by people I thought were my friends. I learned to tighten my circle of friends. And that has meant that as I grow and expand particularly with my work, that my circle gets smaller and tighter. I'm certain that this has saved me lots of headache and hardship. [These words have] allowed me to let go of energy that doesn't feel good and center my self-care." - Latham Thomas, Maternal Health Expert
"It takes a village."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Aunt Peggy
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"I was raised by my aunt, Peggy. What I learned from her is that we can stand in the gap for our sisters, aunts, cousins. Even if you don't have a primary caregiver, there's a village of people in our community to rally for us. My aunt Peggy made space for me in her home. She cared for me when her sister couldn't. That's the lesson I hold dear with me. That's the fundamental principle of GirlTrek. We are a village, tribe, we are our sisters' keepers. We are stronger together. We require each other. She rallied for me and I rally for other Black women. Survival is a group sport." - Vanessa Garrison, GirlTrek Co-Founder & Chief Operating Officer
"Go hard in the paint for love. Never justify what satisfies your soul."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"Meditation happens in the small moments––washing rice, braiding hair, sweeping floors. Every moment that we are at peace is a blessing and a reason to rejoice. My home was filled with abundant love, daily forgiveness and a righteous, wait-at-the-bus-stop-type hustle. I'm grateful for the soft-spoken giants who raised me. My mom is 79 years old and stunning. So beautiful. A few years ago she got remarried. It was a bold move and it taught me something that I will take to the grave: Go hard in the paint for love. Never justify what satisfies your soul." - T. Morgan Dixon, GirlTrek Co-founder and CEO
"I'm grateful for the soft-spoken giants who raised me. My mom is 79 years old and stunning. So beautiful. A few years ago she got remarried. It was a bold move and it taught me something that I will take to the grave: Go hard in the paint for love. Never justify what satisfies your soul."
"Life is not easy but the struggles we endure make us wiser and stronger.”
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"When I was younger, my backdrop for her words were my experiences at school for being one of the only black girls in my classes––Of being teased, isolated, often misunderstood, and labeled as something that I was not. My mom fought many of my battles, she advocated on my behalf with grace and persistence against systems and people who made it clear through their actions of othering that I did not belong, or at least, so they thought. Those were her words to help me through.
"Now that I am older, the words land differently. I didn't really have it hard growing up; not in the way that she did––hunger during childhood, immigration challenges, and working her way through school while raising me on her own. She provided protection from the realities that she knew and taught me the valuable lesson of what justice, advocacy, and valuing the humanity of others through her protection looks and feels like. It is through these love lessons that I have gained strength and wisdom and not through struggle." - Aletha Maybank, MD, MPHChief, Health Equity Officer at the American Medical Association
"There ain't no use in standing around complaining 'cause ain't nobody coming to save you."
Rog Walker
Wise Words From: Grandma and Mama
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"These words were often hard to hear, yet they made me a problem-solver, resilient, and self-reliant. I pride myself on being a strategic thinker. Anytime I'm in a difficult situation, before asking for help, I seek out solutions. I hate appearing helpless and needy. While this advice has mostly worked in my favor, it has also led me to feel ashamed when I have needed help. I'm slowly leaning into the truth that 'everybody needs somebody sometimes.'" - Rev. Dr. Theresa S. Thames, Associate Dean of Religious Life and the Chapel at Princeton University
"Make sure you marry a man with money."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"The world is full of contradictions––my mother is no exception. Whether good or bad, that moment has stuck with me because I could tell that it was important to her that I really hear and absorb what she was saying. What I actually internalized was that I should never depend on a man for financial security. To this day, I still struggle to depend on others. What it took to survive in my mother's generation is different than what it has taken to survive in my own. I cringe at the survival tactics I've had to pass on to my own daughter and I look forward to the day that she can put them down. I dream of the day that Black women get to get on with living––instead of just surviving." - Maryam Pugh, Entrepreneur & Owner of Philadelphia Printworks
"What it took to survive in my mother's generation is different then what it has taken to survive in my own. I cringe at the survival tactics I've had to pass on to my own daughter and I look forward to the day that she can put them down. I dream of the day that Black women get to get on with living––instead of just surviving."
"My mother taught me the power in loving abundantly and giving without expecting anything in return."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"My mother has always been my living example. I was taught the power of radical love from my mother. My mom never sat me down and said this is what you need to do, but I watched and learned from her actions. This is how I live my life––understanding that expelling love in various non-transactional ways aligns my spirit with the universe. The reward is the serendipitous nature of my life. Sometimes, I just think about what I want or need and in some miraculous way there it is." - Adama Delphine Fawundu, Visual Artist
"Honey, just keep on living."
Rog Walker
Wise words from: Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"Every time I've expressed shock or disappointment about something, I can hear my mother saying, 'Honey, just keep on living.' I think what she means by that is, none of what I'm going through is new. She has been here longer and seen more and is still surviving, so all I need to do is just live through it like she did instead of being shook or stuck by whatever it is. It can come off as dismissive, but it's helped me remain calm and brave, and rooted in the fact that my ancestors have overcome much more." - Erica Sewell, Creative Talent Leader
"Goals are accomplished in the sowing, not the reaping. What, where, and how you plant will dictate what your harvest yields, so lovingly deposit daily."
Rog Walker
Wise words from:Mom
How has this advice impacted the way you move through the world?
"This advice has shaped the way I show up in this world. It's what I use to align my purpose with my actions. It's the reason why I've chosen to live a life in service to others. It's helped me to help millions of women live richer lives. This advice showed me that I could do good work, help good people, and still make good money––that these three are not competing theories but can complement each other to maximize my reach and expand my service." - Tiffany Aliche, Founder, The Budgetnista
Check out the full trailer for GirlTrek's Daughters Of below, or click here.
Featured image by Rog Walker.
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Her captivating command of the pole left many of us intrigued, perhaps even tempted, to explore pole dancing ourselves after witnessing the mesmerizing performances at Mercedes Sunday. But it wasn’t just her physical prowess that kept us hooked. Mercedes is a character of depth—empowering, complex, relatable, and deeply human.
These are qualities that Brandee embodies both on and off the screen.
(L-R) Marque Richardson and Brandee Evans on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
A Memphis native, Brandee is no stranger to dance. She boasts an impressive career as a choreographer, having worked with renowned artists like Katy Perry, Monica, Ke$ha, and Ledisi. But while it has been a significant part of her journey, Brandee has her sights set on more—expanding her acting career beyond dance-inclusive roles. This ambition nearly led her to pass on the opportunity to appear alongside Kerry Washington in Hulu’s UnPrisoned, where she plays Ava, Mal's (Marque Richardson) new girlfriend.
“When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no,” Brandee revealed with a laugh. “She mentioned pole dancing, and I told myself and my team that once I was done with Mercedes, I wasn’t going to do that again.” Fortunately, Washington assured her that the role would be vastly different, leading to what Brandee described as an invaluable masterclass in comedy under the guidance of Washington herself.
“Kerry is a force of nature,” Brandee reflected. “She’s everything you’d hope she’d be—strong, compassionate, and incredibly talented. Working with her was like a masterclass in acting.” This opportunity was no mere stroke of luck; it was something Brandee had manifested years earlier. But make no mistake–she credits her faith and praying hands for her success. “I’m praying, you know what I mean? I’m asking God for what I want and working for it too,” she said.
"When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no."
(L-R) Brandee Evans, Kerry Washington, and Marque Richardson on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
This role marked Brandee’s first foray into comedy, and while she was eager to embrace the challenge, she found herself in the hands of an incredible mentor. “Kerry was always so kind in her critiques,” Brandee noted. “She’s not a diva by any means. She knows exactly what she wants, but she’s gentle and encouraging in bringing it out of you. That’s something I’ve taken with me to other sets—I want to lead with the same kindness and openness that Kerry showed me. It’s a lesson I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
Brandee speaks with profound respect and gratitude for her peers and fellow actresses as many have shown her genuine sisterhood and support in an industry often notorious for its competitiveness. “Danielle Brooks sent me a prayer the other day, and I was just so touched. Those are the moments that people don’t see,” she shared. “I call Sheryll Lee Ralph my fairy godmother, and Loretta Devine is like my auntie. Being able to pick up the phone and seek advice from these incredible women is a true blessing.”
And she pays it forward.
Brandee Evans
Courtesy: Hulu
But her commitment to supporting others extends far beyond her career. As an advocate for health and wellness, she empowers women to prioritize their well-being. “Azaria [Carter], who plays my daughter on P-Valley, mentioned wanting to start a weight loss journey and get more fit. I told her, ‘Well, let’s work out together,’” Brandee recounted. But her dedication to healthy living goes beyond physical fitness, encompassing a holistic approach to wellness. “When she came to my house and tried to microwave something in plastic, I said, ‘Let’s use glass instead. At 20, I wasn’t thinking about that, but let me share some tips now so you’re not battling fibroids in your 30s.’”
Because she was.
While filming the first season of P-Valley, Brandee faced enormous stress—not only as a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but also due to the physical demands of the role. Yet the impact on her body was far greater than she expected. “I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal,” Brandee revealed. It was Harriet D. Foy, who plays her mother, who urged her to get checked for fibroids.
"I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal."
Brandee Evans graces the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The statistics are staggering—80% of Black women develop abnormal uterine growths by age 50, making them more likely to suffer from fibroids than any other racial group. But like many, Brandee was initially unaware of these growths and their debilitating effects, and the prospect of surgery was daunting. “I was scheduled to have a myomectomy on my birthday, but I thought about what it would mean for my career. How am I going to climb the pole? The healing process is similar to a C-section.” Determined to avoid surgery, she committed to healing herself naturally.
After a deep dive, she sought treatment at The Herb Shop of Vinings in Atlanta, which ultimately led to a remarkable recovery. “This man saves lives. His name is Jeff, and I call him my doctor.” Brandee shared. “I started detoxing my body with herbs and following his program. During my follow-up with the gynecologist, they said, ‘We don’t know what you’re doing, but your fibroids are shrinking.’”
Emerging on the other side of this journey not only fibroid-free but with a regulated cycle and a renewed outlook on life, Brandee is now focused on sharing her story and advocating for women’s health. “I know y’all want to hear about P-Valley, but I want to talk about regulating your period,” she said with a laugh.
Of course, she didn’t leave fans hanging when it came to what to expect in the upcoming season. “It is worth the wait. The world is about to go crazy. Oh, the world is about to lose it,” Brandee teased. “Y’all might be mad at us right now, but baby, it’s going to be worth it.”
All episodes of Season 2 of UnPrisoned are now streaming on Hulu.
Featured image courtesy of Hulu
The closer you get to about 43 or so, the more pertinent this type of info becomes.
If you add to that the fact that sex is something that I write about pretty regularly over here, then yes — I thought that it is honestly past time that I interview some women who are past having a menstrual cycle and all that comes with it (which can be a blessing in disguise on a few levels, chile) and yet, at the same time, are having the time of their lives as far as copulation is concerned. Because although you might’ve heard otherwise, being post-menopausal doesn’t make you “old,” nor does it have to mark the end of anything up in that bedroom of yours (easily 40 percent of people between 65 and 80 have a solid sex life). For some, it’s been just the beginning as far as taking pleasure and intimacy to a whole ‘nother level is concerned.
Don’t believe me? Read on.
*Middle names are always used by me with this type of content to respect people’s privacy*
Giphy1. Maven. Divorced. 51.
“I know people like to act like menopause is the end of the world, but that isn’t the case for me. I couldn’t wait for my periods to stop, and almost two years from going through menopause, I can say that the process was easier for me than periods were. My PMS was awful, and even though I did have some hot flashes and restless nights, menopause symptoms were still easier. Now? Being able to have sex whenever I feel like without having to pay attention to a damn calendar? That is enough to make post-menopause bliss!”
2. Analia. Married. 50.
“My hormone levels have always been off and it was draining how much my doctor and I would have to work to find balance for them again. The hormone therapy that I’ve gone through since menopause has totally changed my life because we have finally found the right ‘cocktail’ — one that I have never had before. Now, my libido is higher, I am wetter, and sex is more pleasurable. I know some look down on hormone therapy but it’s been nothing but a blessing for me.”
Giphy3. Carmen. Divorced. 49.
“Going through menopause forced me to study my body more than I ever have. Since the symptoms were unpredictable, I had to learn what I really needed to ‘feel like myself’ again. Being a student of my body helped me to learn what works for me and what doesn't — and that made me want to study my body in other ways. Menopause was a blessing in disguise because it has made me more sexually self-aware.”
4. Madison. Married. 54.
“I’ve been married for over 25 years at this point, and I think my hubby will tell you that this is the best sex that both of us have ever had. A part of it is because sex does get better with time when you’re married; your man learns intricate things, and so do you. When it comes to menopause, sex has improved because I don’t bring fear into the bedroom. The fear I had was always worrying about getting pregnant. We have six children, and I love them all, but my body didn’t do well with [hormonal] birth control, my husband wasn’t about to use condoms, so we did a lot of pulling out — A LOT.
"Six kids in, obviously, sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn’t. After child five, I was starting to get paranoid; after child six, I definitely was. Being able to have sex now without pregnancy being an issue has caused my freak flag to fly — and I’m sure I don’t have to expound on how thrilled my hubby is about not having to pull out anymore!”
Giphy5. Thomasina. Engaged. 39.
“I had a full hysterectomy, and that put me into early surgical menopause. To say that I was depressed for a while is kind of an understatement because I don’t think anyone plans to go through menopause at 34. The good thing is I already had children and didn’t want more; I just needed to adjust to no ovaries. Some people say it’s controversial, but wild yam helped me out. I wanted to treat my lack of estrogen naturally, so I also took black cohosh, DHEA, and evening primrose oil. I have an estrogen-rich diet with foods like soy, dried apricots, blackberries, and garlic, and meditation [has] helped.
"Adjusting [to] and accepting my new normal is what I had to do. When I was dating my now-fiancé, one of the first things he said was he didn’t want any more kids, and one of the first things that I shared was that kids weren’t [physically] on the table for me. That immediately took pressure off of us, and not having to figure out a birth control plan has been a load off. Stressless sex is always better sex.”
6. Doris. Dating. 49.
“I’m just a year into post-menopause and it’s magnifique! I don’t care what doctors say, I felt like my PMS was all month long, so not having to deal with a period means not feeling bloated, achy, and unattractive — none of that puts a woman in the mood for sex. Just feeling like my body isn’t [a] slave to my PMS symptoms has been a relief. I also like traveling without a period because I can go whenever I feel like it, and my travel companion doesn’t have to worry about if I’m not ‘in the mood’ or can’t have sex because my damn period is around.”
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Giphy7. Johanna. Dating. 52.
“How many times has a woman brought up the thrill of not worrying about pregnancy? For me, that has been the best part about sex after menopause. I don’t think that men get how much birth control consumes the thought process of women. It takes forever to find something that works and doesn’t come with side effects. Then you’ve got to get your insurance to cover it. Then your body goes through changes that might mean that you have to start all over with your birth control search. HEADACHE. Now that I’m past menopause, none of this is an issue. I still need to use rubbers; Mama ain’t dumb. But not worrying about conception takes a lot of pressure off.”
8. Zantha. Married. 38.
“It runs in my family that women go through menopause early, so I wasn’t blindsided or anything. If I didn’t know about it in college, going through it might’ve been difficult but I had my kids young. Hormone therapy has been annoying, but the extra estrogen has made me wetter than ever, and that has made me have more orgasms. Everything has a silver lining, including menopause.”
Giphy9. Faysa. Married. 51.
“My sex drive didn’t really change after menopause; lubrication did. I didn’t want to do estrogen therapy because I know about some of the risks that come with it. Instead, I did what I had never done before, [I] tried lubrication. At first, I was a bit embarrassed because wetness has never been an issue for me. But as my man and I started experimenting with different types of lube, including flavors and all of the ways to bring it into foreplay and sex, I found it to be something that I wished that we had used all along! He feels the same way.”
Shellie here: Yeah, lubricant can definitely be your friend. Check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant.”
10. Jacqueline. Divorced. 55.
“Mine is more about how aging has changed my thoughts about menopause. The older I get, I truly don’t give a f-ck what people think — and that has made me more confident. Gray pubic hairs? Sexy. Breasts not as firm? More ways to get creative. No period? It means there is no time of the month when I’m not in the mood. Learn how to keep up. Going through the stages of menopause wasn’t fun, but now that I’m out of all of that, my sex life is better because I see myself as an experienced, daring woman who doesn’t have to revolve my spontaneity around my uterus. You won’t know freedom like that until you come to where I am.”
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It was King Solomon who once said that everything has a time and a season. And when it comes to the season of menopause, please don’t let society and culture make you think that your life is coming to an end. As you just read, even when it comes to your sex life, on some levels, it is only just beginning! #wink
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Featured image by jacoblund/Getty Images