It was right around this time last year (give or take a few weeks) that The New York Times published an article entitled, “To Enjoy Life More, Embrace Anticipation.” The gist of it is, if you want to improve your overall mood, increase your energy levels, and make you feel more excited by whatever is transpiring in the present — give yourself some things to look forward to in the future; the sooner the better too.
And since sex and relationships are very much so my lane, you already know where my mind went: if getting hype about what’s to come will ultimately make an experience better, why not provide y’all some sex-themed ways to cultivate anticipation between you and your bae during the day, so that sex will be even that much more mind-blowing at night — hell, hopefully, tonight?
1. Tell Him Something That You Miss About Him — Right After He Leaves
GiphyWho doesn’t want to be missed, right? Yet oftentimes, when you’ve been in a long-term relationship for a while (especially if you live with the person), it may never cross your mind to express it. I mean, if you deal with them on a constant basis, what possibly could you miss? Yeah, but watch this, though — no one gets the totality of an individual 24/7, especially when it comes to sex. What I mean by that is, if you’ve got a partner who is absolutely awesome to you and the sex is bomb to boot? Even if it’s only been three days since the last time you got some, there is gonna be some point in your day when you stop to think about how that man hit that spot, just right, and it’s going to cause you to shake your head, quiver…something.
Instead of keeping that thought to yourself, tell him what you enjoy about those moments; then let him know that you miss him to the point where you can’t wait to experience it with him again. I’ve been working with couples for a long time, y’all, and if there’s one thing that men tell me often is that they wish that their partners would tell them that they love them, desire them, and miss them more often.
That said, don’t wait until the end of the day either. Do it within 10 minutes of him walking out of the door in the morning. If it doesn’t make him turn right back around and give you some morning sex, it will definitely keep you on his mind, on a more amplified level, throughout the rest of the day. I can just about guarantee it.
2. Surprise Him with an Aphrodisiac-Themed Lunch
GiphyI don’t think it will come as a shocker to most of y’all thataround 62 percent of people take their lunch break at their desk (if they take one at all). If you add to that the fact that a lot of us work remotely, which makes us work longer and harder instead of smarter (SMDH), it’s no wonder thatso many articles out in cyberspace say that it’s essential that we take our lunch breaks in order to rest, rejuvenate and even recalibrate a bit.
You shouldn’t want your man to go to a drive-thru when there are healthier options — like homemade meals. That said, some foods that are considered to be bona fide aphrodisiacs include avocados, asparagus, basil, dark chocolate, cloves, sage, watermelon, honey, pistachios,apples, red wine, and beef. So, sometime this week, make your man lunch and add some aphrodisiac foods in there along with a note that simply says (something along the lines of), “So…you know these are aphrodisiacs, right?”. I’m thinking that he’ll immediately get the hint. #wink
3. Sext Him Some Sexual Questions
GiphySomething that my clients can vouch for when it comes to something that I advise just about all of them to do is get clarity from their partner by presenting things in question form. Questions get people off of the defensive. Questions help your tone to soften during your delivery. Questions make other people feel like we want to get to know them over, assuming that we already do (P.S. You will never know all that there is to know about something because humans are forever evolving). Questions can also arouse the imagination.
When was the last time that you asked your partner some sexual questions? Like what their current favorite fantasy is? What’s something that really turns them on that they wish you would do more often? Where would they like to have sex that the two of you never have before? What would they like to try that they thought you would be too scared to attempt? What’s the best orgasm they’ve had since the two of you have been together?
There is a win/win that comes with this line of inquiry: your partner can reflect on things that will arouse them, and you can learn more about how to keep that kind of energy going once you’re back in each other’s presence. Yeah, text or email him a few questions. Be prepared for him to ask you a few in his replies, too.
4. Send Him a Favorite Sex Song
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life.” When you get a chance, check it out. There are quite a few studies out there that support just how much music impacts us. When it comes to sex, specifically, one thing that science has revealed is the kind of music that we listen to can actually determine the type of sex that we end up having. For instance, believe it or not, people who listen to blues, jazz, and country reported being sexually satisfied more than anyone else — so, if that’s you and your partner’s thing, send them one of your favorites from those lanes.
Something else to take note of is the fact that music has a way of spontaneously bringing certain memories to mind, not just the memory itself but certain details that you might not recall otherwise. And so, think about a song (or two or a complete playlist) that always gets you in the mood — or even better, a song that is connected to a memory of some of the best sex that you and your boo has ever had with no context. Then wait to see how he responds. If it’s a sex-themed emoji, perfect. If it’s a “what’s this?” — expound. Just as graphically as you possibly can, by the way. Then, turn that memory into a present-day experience that tops it. #whewchile
5. Then Send Him a Pic of a New Sex Position
GiphyAlthough we typically only hear the word “resolution” whenever the top of the year rolls around, at the end of the day, a resolution is simply an expressed intention. That’s why I write articles like “10 Sex Resolutions Every Married Couple Should Make” because if we’re all doing this life thing right, every day should be seen as an opportunity to make a fresh start. Therefore, when it comes to sex, one way to do that is to learn some new sex positions.
A book that can help you out is365 Sex Positions: A New Way Every Day for a Steamy, Erotic Year(yep, you read that right!). While you’re waiting for your order to arrive, there are 100 sex positions (complete with illustrations) that you can check outhere. Just imagine how your man will feel if you send a “Hey, how about this tonight?” message out of the blue. C’mon now.
6. Do a Random “Moan” Call
GiphyI once read an article that said a part of the reason why making noises during sex is beneficial is if they are genuine (meaning, if you’re not faking it), it can let your partner know that you’re not indifferent to what is transpiring — that you are actually present and totally in the moment with them.
And so, when I unofficially polled some men about what they liked about moans during copulation, one thing that stood out to me was a guy who said that it’s a sound that causes a woman to sound her most feminine and seductive at the same time.
So, think about it: in the middle of a busy work day, what man wouldn’t want to receive a random call from his lady on the other line bringing him into her energy by providing a sound effect that’s reminiscent of some of his favorite times with her? Listen, if you want that man of yours to rush home after work, invest in a 30-second call that consists of softly moaning his name. You’ll be amazed by how much of an impact that it makes — on you both.
7. Offer Up a (New) Safe Word
GiphyPeople who really like to be adventurous when it comes to sex will sometimes come up with a safe word. If you’re not familiar, it’s a word that lets your partner know when you may be about to be pushed to your limit and you need to either pause or stop completely. The reason why I think this is another sexy anticipation hack is because sending your man a message that says something along the lines of “Hey babe, how about this being our new safe word for tonight?” — subtly yet not so subtly conveys the message that you’re down for getting out of missionary style and trying something new; something on his sex bucket list that you’ve been putting off, perhaps? Hmm…
8. Have a Sexual “Inside Joke” Delivered to His Job
GiphyOkay, what I mean here is share something that only the two of you would understand — maybe a type of mint that you tried once when you were performing fellatio on him or a sexual condiment that is your favorite whenever he goes down on you; if it’s a tangible item and it can be incognito, have it delivered to his job (or leave it in his car before he goes to work). Or, it could be an actual joke of some sort because if you’ve heard that a good sense of humor is something that both men and women find to be a top-tier trait when it comes to attraction, take that to heart;it is indeed the truth.
And when youadd to that the fact that a good joke or laugh, even if it’s got some sexual undertones to it, can lead to less stress, more intimacy, and more creativity in the bedroom (which studies have also revealed) — why not shoot an inside joke that is hella sexy his way?
9. Reenergize Him with Some (Brief) Sexual Meditation
GiphyEven though a lot of people reserve meditating for when they’re not at the office,there can be benefits for taking 5-10 minutes out of your day to recenter, deep breathe, and relax a bit. It can help to reenergize you. It can release some of the stress that you may be storing up. It can also ultimately make you more productive — and when it’s a lightweight form of sexual meditation, it can get you into a space of feeling closer to your partner and desiring them (more). Although orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) encourages climaxing, choose to see sexual meditation as the “foreplay” of it.
You can simply FaceTime or Google Chat your partner, look them in the eyes, and ask them to deep breathe with you after you sexually affirm one another in some way. Or you can shoot them a link to a sexual meditation exercise (like this onehere or this onehere), and you listen to some of it together while you’re both on a break. Just connecting and being in the moment with each other can increase your libido in ways that you wouldn’t imagine.
10. Tell Him Something That You Want to Do to Him Before He Comes Home
GiphyThere is nothing like the last two hours or so of a work day. Even on the best day, when you look up at the clock and realize that you’ve still got quite a bit of time before you can be up outta your office, it can be tempting to completely get ghost without finishing up the tasks that are on your plate. I’m pretty sure that your partner feels the same way, so…provide him with some motivation by texting or calling him towards the end of the day to express exactly what you want to do to him as soon as he gets home. Don’t forget to ask him what he wants to do to you as well.
Just make sure to also tell him to drive safely as he tries to get to you — because if anything will get a man to speeding…it’s knowing that there issome good-good waiting for him as soon as he hits the door. Have fun — building the anticipation and then reaping the oh, so very sweet rewards!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Issa Rae On Burnout & Why Protecting Her Marriage Is The Ultimate Act Of Self-Care
Brooke DeVard created theNaked Beauty Podcast in 2016 as an experiment to tell the stories of people who view beauty, wellness, and fashion as a form of self-expression. The podcast connects with people who share a similar approach and love for the practice of living through the lens of beauty and wellness. DeVard finds inspiration in people who take risks with their self-expression.
Who better represents self-expression than THEE Issa Rae?
Homegirl has been empowering us to be our most authentic selves for over a decade. Issa Rae’s The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl redefined representation by showcasing a relatable, quirky, and imperfect Black woman navigating life’s challenges. Through humor and authenticity, she dismantled stereotypes and empowered audiences to embrace their individuality. Rae’s work highlighted that Black women can be multifaceted and vulnerable while still deserving of love and success.
Beyond representation, she created opportunities for other Black creatives through her production company, Hoorae, fostering inclusion in Hollywood and inspiring a new generation to tell their stories unapologetically.
So, when Issa and Brooke decided to have a kiki on Naked Beauty, best believe we were locked in. Keep reading for the moments that highlight her journey through self-discovery, embracing her authenticity, and prioritizing her well-being.
On Feeling Beautiful
The Insecure starshared that she didn’t feel beautiful until visiting Senegal at 16-17. Seeing people who looked like her was life-changing. “What I look like was the beauty standard was life-changing.” She went on to say, “LA was not the place to feel beautiful, I will say that.”
On Her Hair Relationship Evolution
Issatransitioned from seeing her natural hair as a “burden” to embracing it after seeing more natural hair representations in college. She cut it all off to promote Awkward Black Girl and encourages others to do the same at least once because it changed her life. Issa proclaimed, “It really frees you of your hair expectations in a lot of ways.” The actress continued, “Being free was a feeling I had never felt before.”
Miss Coco Chanel once said, “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” A fresh haircut's transformative power can create a sense of confidence and a sharp new look, symbolizing new beginnings. This sentiment is echoed in Coco Chanel's famous quote, highlighting the profound impact of a well-executed hairstyle.
When it comes to the natural hair moments on Insecure, Issa’s collaboration with Felicia Leatherwood was everything. Together, they created iconic natural hair moments for the show even when Issa had three inches of hair.
On Advocating for Herself
She has learned to advocate for herself but admits she sometimes overdoes it. “Sometimes I advocate a little too hard and have to fall back… I know I’m not always right.” With having one opportunity to get it right, she holds it dearly while she also sees the power of collaboration.
On Her Movie 'One of Them Days'
SZA and Keke Palmer’s roles stood out in the trailer dropped a few weeks ago. Issa shared, “SZA was a muse for Insecure. Keke can make anything entertaining… I have a new respect for her.” She calls their chemistry “funny as fuck” and “immediately amazing.” She can’t wait for people to see them together.
On Style Evolution
The LA native recognizes that she has become more aware and intentional about her style choices over time. Issa Rae's red carpet style is anything but safe. She's known for her bold prints, statement heels, and a particular fondness for jumpsuits. Over the years, Rae has graced events in show-stopping pieces by top designers.
Memorable looks include a frilled Off-White dress at the 2017 MTV Movie & TV Awards, a custom Pyer Moss jumpsuit adorned with 180,000 Swarovski crystals at the 2018 CFDA Awards (where she also broke ground as the first Black female host), and a stunning icy blue Vera Wang jumpsuit at the 70th Annual Emmy Awards. The woman is a star in every way.
On Skincare Routine
Issa recently had skin tags removed, aiding her “poreless” complexion. “I wasn’t always a ‘sunscreen girly.’ ” Her current skincare routine includes hyaluronic acid, Vitamin C serum, and her favorite product, Dewtopia by Ole Henrikson.
On Work and Self-Care
It’s no secret that Issa loves working but she shared that she honors self-care through baths, time with friends, and random outings. And on the drinking and smoking front, she says that she’s much more of a sipper than a smoker… very different from Issa Dee.
On Privacy and Boundaries
Protecting her privacy is a part of her self-care. She believes it’s important to keep things private and precious. “Being able to know that this is mine and nobody else’s,” is what serves her most. We saw this actualize when she popped out with a whole husband and we had no clue. But we get it because sometimes you have to protect what you hold dear when you’re in the spotlight. Issa also believes that other people are significantly more interesting than her.
On Burnout
Issa has gotten better at taking time off but admits struggles with burnout.“Sometimes unhealthily in terms of shutting down. It manifests as powering through, which is also really unhealthy.”She now has one day a week where she does absolutely nothing.
Watch her interview with Brooke in full below:
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