

I must admit that, unless it's some French toast on sourdough bread or maybe a bowl of Raisin Bran every now and then, I'm not the biggest breakfast eater. There's no real rhyme or reason as to why other than I tend to not really be in the mood to eat until right around brunch time. Still, I did grow up having the first official meal of the day, every day. Plus, the older that I get, I can tell that when I do force myself to at least have a piece of fruit, I feel a bit more energized. That's why, lately, I've been on a mission to find ways to motivate me to eat breakfast a lot more often.
In walks the reason for this particular article. Aside from the fact that having breakfast can do things like make you more productive, increase your levels of concentration, and suppress your appetite so that you don't go crazy come lunch or dinner, there are several breakfast foods that are like beauty meals for your hair and skin too.
The Best Breakfast Foods For Your Skin & Hair
While there are many, below I've enclosed 10. Ones that are packed with so many nutrients that you should start to see visible results within a month or so of adding these foods to your daily morning routine.
1. Almond Butter on Whole Wheat Toast
If time is tight and you don't have a ton of time to prepare a full breakfast, at least slice up an orange or tangerine (they are loaded with Vitamin C that will help your body to produce the collagen that your hair and skin need) and put some almond butter on some whole wheat toast. Almonds are full of fiber, protein, and magnesium. As far as direct health benefits go, they aid in lowering your blood and cholesterol levels, plus they are good for controlling your blood sugar too.
As far as your hair and skin are concerned, almonds are filled with Vitamin E. Your hair needs that vitamin because it not only moisturizes your hair, it helps to increase your hair growth too. Your skin needs Vitamin E because it's a wonderful way to keep your skin soft, supple, and moisturized.
And why whole wheat toast? It's high in fiber and aids in digestion. The more regular you are, the less toxins you'll have in your system; this results in healthy skin and hair as well.
Try this Recipe: Homemade Almond Butter
2. Oatmeal with Honey
There are all kinds of reasons why it can only do your body—and beauty needs—good if you have a hot bowl of oatmeal a couple of times a week. For starters, oats are a gluten-free grain that are packed with fiber, antioxidants, magnesium, zinc, iron, copper, phosphorus, and a ton of manganese, along with vitamins B1 and B5. The combination of these nutrients will help to keep your cholesterol levels low, your blood sugar balanced, and constipation at bay.
Beauty-wise, because of the antioxidants that are in oatmeal, eating it can help to reverse any of the environmental or UV damage that's been done to your skin. And, when it comes to your hair, the copper in oats can help to prevent premature greying as the B vitamins can keep your hair moisturized. Also, if you add a little bit of honey to your oatmeal because it's a humectant, your skin can be soft and your hair will be manageable.
Try this Recipe: The Perfect Bowl of Oatmeal
3. Whole Grain Pancakes
Whole grains are grains that are literally "whole". What that breaks down to is it's a grain that still has its endosperm, germ, and bran intact (refined grains only contain the endosperm). This means that whole grains have far more nutrients in them including protein, fiber, B vitamins, zinc, and antioxidants. Whole grains also have the disease-fighting plant compounds polyphenols, stanols, and sterols. All of this works together to lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, obesity, cancer and type 2 diabetes. There are even studies indicating that whole grains can aid in preventing premature death (due to health-related issues).
The antioxidants in whole grains will protect your skin from experiencing sun damage, the zinc will make your skin glow, and the traces of the mineral selenium that's also in whole grains will increase elasticity in your skin. Your hair will benefit from whole grains because the zinc will nourish your hair follicles and heal your scalp which promotes healthy hair growth.
Try this Recipe: Whole Grain Pancakes
4. Acai Bowl
I once read that an acai bowl can be summed up as being a thick smoothie that has something on top of it like oatmeal, granola, fresh fruit, or even peanut or cashew butter. That's a pretty accurate description. The smoothie part of an acai bowl can give you the antioxidants your hair and skin need in order to produce collagen and elastin. If you put granola on top of it, that can improve your gut health and reduce breakouts. Peanut or cashew butter can give you more iron so that your hair is stronger.
Try this Recipe: Classic Acai Bowls (Vegan & Gluten-Free)
5. Unsweetened Greek Yogurt with Banana Slices
Greek yogurt, in a nutshell, is strained yogurt. What that means is it's processed in a way where a lot of water and lactose (and some minerals) are removed so that there are also less carbs and sugar. Greek yogurt contains plenty of protein, probiotics, potassium, calcium and Vitamin B12. This makes it the kind of breakfast food that will give you a boost of energy while strengthening your bones, increasing your brain function, and keeping your immune system healthy.
Because your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin), Greek yogurt supports strong hair and length retention. Meanwhile, B12 not only aids in repairing damaged skin cells, it also helps to regulate the production of pigmentation too. What this ultimately results in is less dark spots and uneven skin tone.
Try this Recipe: Homemade Greek Yogurt
6. Lox Toast
If, like me, you prefer the kind of foods that are more brunch than breakfast, lox toast is right up your alley. For the most part, lox toast consists of salmon, cream cheese, tomato slices, and capers. Salmon is packed with omega-3 fatty acids, potassium, B vitamins, protein, and antioxidants. Cream cheese is also a great source of protein, plus it has quite a bit of vitamins A and B2 in it. Tomatoes are a fruit that is full of antioxidants, folate, and Vitamin K, while capers are also a fruit with nutrients that help to fight fungal infections, diabetes, arthritis, and even chest congestion.
The nutrients in all of these foods will make your hair stronger and your skin softer. In particular, the omega-3 in salmon can lubricate your scalp and reduce hair brittleness. When it comes to your skin, the properties in capers can reduce skin redness and inflammation, and even heal pimples and the scars that they leave behind.
Try this Recipe: Smoked Salmon and Caper Cream Cheese Toast
7. Quinoa Porridge
What exactly is porridge? Basically, it's when a grain, cereal, or legume (or a combination of all three) is boiled with water, milk, or broth. This means that oatmeal is a kind of porridge but since we've already discussed what oats can do, let's look into another kind of grain—quinoa. Not only is quinoa gluten-free and rich in protein, it contains twice as much fiber as most other grains. Some other cool things about quinoa are it has iron, magnesium, and vitamins B2, B3, and B12 which is fabulous when it comes to rebuilding muscle cells. Quinoa also has the plant compounds quercetin and kaempferol; these are great at fighting body inflammation. As a bonus, quinoa has Vitamin E in it as well.
Since quinoa is one of those rare foods that is considered to be a complete protein (because it contains all nine amino acids that our body needs), you can probably guess why it's a food that's so good for your hair. Aside from it giving your locks a protein boost, the amino acids are able to repair the damage that's done to your hair shaft. The B vitamins in the grain can reduce the appearance of age spots while giving you a glowing complexion (Vitamin B3 specifically is able to fight breakouts and skin inflammation). Also, the Vitamin E that's in quinoa can fight off free radicals so that your body can give your skin the collagen that it needs.
Try this Recipe:Vegan Quinoa Breakfast Porridge with Strawberries
8. Amaranth Porridge
Amaranth is another kind of grain that falls into the pseudocereal category. What that means is that while it's not technically a cereal grain like oats or wheat, it's oftentimes prepared like it's one. Amaranth is cool because it's a gluten-free grain that has fiber, protein, antioxidants, manganese, magnesium, iron, selenium and copper in it. If you eat amaranth on a consistent basis, it can lower bodily inflammation, lower cholesterol levels, and risk of heart disease.
Your hair will love amaranth because it contains the amino acid lysine that moisturizes your hair and prevents hair loss. Many people also find amaranth to be a grain that soothes skin, slows down the aging process, heals breakouts, and improves the overall health of your skin over time.
Try this Recipe: Amaranth Porridge with Roasted Pears
9. Egg Frittata
Eggs are good for you due to the protein that's in them. Your hair is made up of mostly protein, so of course, eggs will only benefit it. As far as your skin goes, the amino acids found in eggs can help your skin to regenerate new cells so that it appears fresh and glowing.
That said, if you've ever wondered what the difference is between an omelet and a frittata, there are actually a couple of things. First, frittatas (which means "fried" in Italian) usually consist of fillings that are put into the egg while it's in the pan (rather than folded in the center like omelets are). Also, while omelets are designed to serve only one person because frittatas are sliced into several pieces, it is able to feed a few people. And finally, frittatas are able to be enjoyed while they are hot or even at room temperature.
Now, with that breakdown out of the way—an egg frittata made this list because of some of the basic ingredients that are in one. Ingredients like milk (protein), tomato juice (antioxidants), bone broth (it promotes collagen production), and herbs like thyme leaves (they have anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties) or veggies like spinach (it's got vitamins A, C and E in it). When you cook all of these things together, it's like having a delicious multivitamin; one that works wonders for your skin as well as your hair.
Try this Recipe: Basic Egg Frittata Recipe
10. Fresh Fruit Smoothies
Let's round this list out with fruit smoothies, shall we? Something that virtually all fruits have in common is that they are loaded with antioxidants. Something else that fruit tends to be is high in carbohydrates while being low in calories; this means they are able to provide a healthy source of energy (which means you don't have to overdo it on coffee or Red Bull) without you having to worry about packing on the pounds in the process. Nutrient-wise, most fruits contain potassium, fiber, folate, iron, and vitamins A, B, C, and E. Basically, fruits are just what your hair, skin, and nails long for. So, you can never go wrong with making yourself a fresh fruit smoothie, at least a couple of times a week. Drink up!
Try These Recipes: 21 Delicious Smoothie Recipes For When You Need A Healthy Breakfast On The Go
Feature image by Goran Bogicevic/Shutterstock
- Foods & Drinks Bad For Skin Hair - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Best Summer Smoothie Recipes, How To Make Them - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Ways To Make Eating Healthy Easier - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Are Whole Grains Bad For You? Or Healthy? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Best Drinks For Healthy Hair Growth - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 2. Eggs - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Simple Easy Healthy Food Snack Alternatives Ideas - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Does Oats Help You Gain Weight? Oats For Weight Gain - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
- 8 Quick And Easy Breakfast Ideas To Avoid Skipping Breakfast - xoNecole ›
- Coffee In The Morning Might Not Be Good For Your Health - xoNecole ›
- Check Out Some Of The Many Bee Pollen Benefits - xoNecole ›
- Best Fall Foods For Hair Growth: What To Eat For Length - xoNecole ›
- The 12 Best Foods for Healthy Skin ›
- 7 Foods for Hair Growth You Should Be Eating Daily - NDTV Food ›
- 30 Best and Worst Foods for Hair Growth | Eat This Not That ›
- What to eat for healthy hair | BBC Good Food ›
- What are the best foods for healthy hair growth? ›
- 7 breakfast ideas for a beauty boost | Well+Good ›
- The Best Foods for Healthy Skin and Hair | Shape ›
- 14 Best Foods for Hair Growth - What to Eat for Healthy, Thick Hair ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
10 Women Tell Me Why They Made The Decision To Be Estranged From Their Parent(s)
Although there are many quotes that I have used in these articles throughout the years, I’d be almost shocked if the one that hasn’t been included the most is “Adulthood is surviving childhood.”
I thought about that one, again, recently, when I checked out a BuzzFeed article entitled, “People Are Just Now Realizing They Had An 'Eggshell Parent' And The Ways It's Secretly Impacting Their Adult Lives.” If you’ve never heard of “eggshelling” before, it’s a term that is used for if you felt like you had to walk on eggshells as a kid because your parents' emotions were super erratic and hella unpredictable. SMDH.
Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
____
As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by madopile/Getty Images