It is a brand new year and you know how the saying goes, "a new year, a new me" so I challenge you to bring that same energy into your dating life. Although you may not be perfect in the area of dating or have made the wisest decisions, I do believe that this year is the year to make an honest effort to date better. I do believe that the following habits listed below often blur our judgement of people. Therefore, if you make a conscious effort to no longer allow those things to be a part of how you date, it may lead to a fruitful experience in that area.
Dating does not have to give you a headache. Here are the dating habits we should not give power to by continuing to do. Check them out below.
1.Allowing fear of judgement to stop you from articulating what it is you are looking for...
ShutterstockBefore you go into dating, you must be clear and proud of what it is you are looking for. Too often, women shy away from articulating that they are looking for a relationship because they believe it makes them look "thirsty" or desperate. The truth of the matter is that it makes you look like neither! Being unapologetic about what you want indicates maturity, self-awareness, and confidence. All of which is a part of the recipe to create a situationship-free year for 2021.
2.Limiting dates to just dinner...
Food is great and it can quickly become bae but be careful to not make those dinner dates as your only form of interaction with a potential partner. Dinner dates are fun because you get to dress up and see a potential partner in their finest attire while enjoying fine dining. However, dinner dates will not allow you to see how that individual interacts with people (other than the waiter and staff), how they handle losing a game, sense their creative side, and learn more about who they are. Dinner is great, but it is not enough.
I suggest trying the following date ideas (with social distancing) as a way to gain a better of that person:
- Bowling
- Painting class
- Visit a zoo, museum or aquarium
- Pottery class
- Cooking class
- Rock climbing
- Axe throwing
- Miniature golf
Or, if you're not ready to meet in person, you can try these virtual approaches to dating:
- Virtual cooking class
- Virtual online game night
- Watch a documentary or movie (keep it at a reasonable length) and have a discussion
- Virtual workout session
3.Texting as the only form of communication...
Being in quarantine for almost a year has had a toll on many of us. Not being able to have meaningful human interaction with our loved ones is taxing so the last thing you need this year is a pen pal during a pandemic. I do understand that talking on the phone is not for everyone and if that is you, I suggest you try FaceTime or the good old-fashioned Zoom call. Texting can become quickly complicated because you cannot always sense the person's true tone in their messaging and many people do not always feel like typing up a paragraph to answer that "tell me about yourself" question.
Therefore, a phone conversation, FaceTime or Zoom call, can allow people to effectively convey their thoughts and it will provide the listener with a better sense of who that person is.
4.Situationships being the norm...
Shutterstock
There is way too much life to live to waste your time trying to convince an individual to commit to you in a relationship IF you have been acting like you are already in one. For many, 2020 taught people the value of time and how important it is for it not to be wasted. Situationships will waste your time if that is not what you ideally want. You can have an amazing luxurious dating experience with that person but after a period of time, you can't help but ask yourself, is this what I am worthy of? If you desire a title and commitment, do not settle or compromise yourself in that area.
Despite how frustrating dating can be, it is critical that you keep in mind that asking for something beyond a situationship is not doing the most! If someone says different, then inform them that it is considered the most with the wrong individual. If you do not want confusion in the area of dating to be your portion in 2021, I suggest you try the following tips listed above.
Cheers to productive and fruitful dating experience in 2021.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Why I'm No Longer Letting People Tell Me Situationships Are Bad ... ›
- What Guarding Your Heart Is NOT & How To Understand What It Is ... ›
- Get to Know the Signs of Trauma Bonding - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- These Bad Habits Are Totally Wasting Your Time ›
- 7 Ways To Have An Incredible First Date - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 10 Habits To Break New Year - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- Bad Dating Habits To Let Go Of For Healthy Relationships - xoNecole ›
- 3 Bad Dating Habits We Need to Stop Right Now, Ladies! | HuffPost ... ›
- Dating Bad Habits by Zodiac Sign: Astrology Traits ›
- Women Reveal How They Broke Their Bad Dating Habits ›
- How To Fix Your Bad Dating Habits, According To A Therapist Who's ... ›
- Toxic Dating Habits You Need To Break | Women's Health ›
RELATED
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy
