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Here Are 4 Bad Dating Habits You Absolutely Need To Break This Year
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Here Are 4 Bad Dating Habits You Absolutely Need To Break This Year

A new year requires a new approach to dating.

Dating

It is a brand new year and you know how the saying goes, "a new year, a new me" so I challenge you to bring that same energy into your dating life. Although you may not be perfect in the area of dating or have made the wisest decisions, I do believe that this year is the year to make an honest effort to date better. I do believe that the following habits listed below often blur our judgement of people. Therefore, if you make a conscious effort to no longer allow those things to be a part of how you date, it may lead to a fruitful experience in that area.

Dating does not have to give you a headache. Here are the dating habits we should not give power to by continuing to do. Check them out below.

1.Allowing fear of judgement to stop you from articulating what it is you are looking for...

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Before you go into dating, you must be clear and proud of what it is you are looking for. Too often, women shy away from articulating that they are looking for a relationship because they believe it makes them look "thirsty" or desperate. The truth of the matter is that it makes you look like neither! Being unapologetic about what you want indicates maturity, self-awareness, and confidence. All of which is a part of the recipe to create a situationship-free year for 2021.

2.Limiting dates to just dinner...

Food is great and it can quickly become bae but be careful to not make those dinner dates as your only form of interaction with a potential partner. Dinner dates are fun because you get to dress up and see a potential partner in their finest attire while enjoying fine dining. However, dinner dates will not allow you to see how that individual interacts with people (other than the waiter and staff), how they handle losing a game, sense their creative side, and learn more about who they are. Dinner is great, but it is not enough.

I suggest trying the following date ideas (with social distancing) as a way to gain a better of that person:

  • Bowling
  • Painting class
  • Visit a zoo, museum or aquarium
  • Pottery class
  • Cooking class
  • Rock climbing
  • Axe throwing
  • Miniature golf

Or, if you're not ready to meet in person, you can try these virtual approaches to dating:

  • Virtual cooking class
  • Virtual online game night
  • Watch a documentary or movie (keep it at a reasonable length) and have a discussion
  • Virtual workout session

3.Texting as the only form of communication...

Being in quarantine for almost a year has had a toll on many of us. Not being able to have meaningful human interaction with our loved ones is taxing so the last thing you need this year is a pen pal during a pandemic. I do understand that talking on the phone is not for everyone and if that is you, I suggest you try FaceTime or the good old-fashioned Zoom call. Texting can become quickly complicated because you cannot always sense the person's true tone in their messaging and many people do not always feel like typing up a paragraph to answer that "tell me about yourself" question.

Therefore, a phone conversation, FaceTime or Zoom call, can allow people to effectively convey their thoughts and it will provide the listener with a better sense of who that person is.

4.Situationships being the norm...

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There is way too much life to live to waste your time trying to convince an individual to commit to you in a relationship IF you have been acting like you are already in one. For many, 2020 taught people the value of time and how important it is for it not to be wasted. Situationships will waste your time if that is not what you ideally want. You can have an amazing luxurious dating experience with that person but after a period of time, you can't help but ask yourself, is this what I am worthy of? If you desire a title and commitment, do not settle or compromise yourself in that area.

Despite how frustrating dating can be, it is critical that you keep in mind that asking for something beyond a situationship is not doing the most! If someone says different, then inform them that it is considered the most with the wrong individual. If you do not want confusion in the area of dating to be your portion in 2021, I suggest you try the following tips listed above.

Cheers to productive and fruitful dating experience in 2021.

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Featured image by Shutterstock

Black Women, We Deserve More

When the NYT posted an article this week about the recent marriage of a Black woman VP of a multi-billion-dollar company and a Black man who took her on a first date at the parking lot of a Popeyes, the reaction on social media was swift and polarizing. The two met on Hinge and had their parking lot rendezvous after he’d canceled their first two dates. When the groom posted a photo from their wedding on social media, he bragged about how he never had “pressure” to take her on “any fancy dates or expensive restaurants.”

It’s worth reading on your own to get the full breadth of all the foolery that transpired. But the Twitter discourse it inspired on what could lead a successful Black woman to accept lower than bare minimum in pursuit of a relationship and marriage, made me think of the years of messaging that Black women receive about how our standards are too high and what we have to “bring to the table” in order to be "worthy" of what society has deemed is the ultimate showing of our worth: a marriage to a man.

That's right, the first pandemic I lived through was not Covid, but the pandemic of the Black male relationship expert. I was young – thirteen to be exact – when Steve Harvey published his best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Though he was still just a stand-up comedian, oversized suit hoarder, and man on his third marriage at the time, his relationship advice was taken as the gospel truth.

The 2000s were a particularly bleak time to be a single Black woman. Much of the messaging –created by men – that surrounded Black women at the time blamed their desire for a successful career and for a partner that matched their drive and ambition for the lack of romance in their life. Statistics about Black women’s marriageability were always wielded against Black women as evidence of our lack of desirability.

It’s no wonder then that a man that donned a box cut well into the 2000s was able to convince women across the nation to not have sex for the first three months of a relationship. Or that a slew of other Black men had their go at telling Black women that they’re not good enough and why their book, seminar, or show will be the thing that makes them worthy of a Good Man™.

This is how we end up marrying men who cancel twice before taking us on a “date” in the Popeyes parking lot, or husbands writing social media posts about how their Black wife is not “the most beautiful” or “the most intelligent” or the latest season of trauma dumping known as Black Love on OWN.

Now that I’ve reached my late twenties, many things about how Black women approach dating and relationships have changed and many things have remained the same. For many Black women, the idea of chronic singleness is not the threat that it used to be. Wanting romance doesn’t exist in a way that threatens to undermine the other relationships we have with our friends, family, and ourselves as it once did, or at least once was presented to us. There is a version of life many of us are embracing where a man not wanting us, is not the end of what could still be fruitful and vibrant life.

There are still Black women out there however who have yet to unlearn the toxic ideals that have been projected onto us about our worthiness in relation to our intimate lives. I see it all the time online. The absolute humiliation and disrespect some Black women are willing to stomach in the name of being partnered. The hoops that some Black women are willing to jump through just to receive whatever lies beneath the bare minimum.

It's worth remembering that there are different forces at play that gather to make Black women feast off the scraps we are given. A world saturated by colorism, fatphobia, anti-Blackness, ableism, and classism will always punish Black women who demand more for themselves. Dismantling these systems also means divesting from any and everything that makes us question our worth.

Because truth be told, Black women are more than worthy of having a love that is built on mutual respect and admiration. A love that is honey sweet and radiates a light that rivals the sun. A love that is a steadying calming force that doesn’t bring confusion or anxiety. Black women deserve a love that is worthy of the prize that we are.

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Featured image: Getty Images

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