2021 taught us so much. In 2022, we are applying all that knowledge. More than anything we want to learn how to make ourselves available to both the beauty and pain this new year brings. New year, new me is always the mantra applied to this time of year. But how can we effectiely move forward with what could be without reflecting on what's been? As we look ahead to the next calendar year, we wanted to hear from some women about how their resilience manifested in 2021 and what they are speaking life in 2022.
Here's what they shared.
Rachel Owens
Courtesy of Rachel Owens
How She Made It Through 2021:
"In my opinion, 2021 should be renamed '2020: The Aftermath.' Balancing dealing with the loss of my father, the recovery of my toddler’s two open-heart surgeries as a heart patient myself, building a multi-six-figure business after losing my job, and living the Active-Duty Military Spouse life has challenged every non-emotional bone I thought I had in my body. It has been the year of BIG FEELINGS and challenges. The year of 'oh you thought you were strong?'
"The only way I made it through was GOD, a whole lot of prayer and crying out, some good throwback gospel that will make you fall on your knees, self-care routines, travel, wine, and sisterhood chats. Sometimes you just can’t do it by yourself!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I’m manifesting a continued beautiful and healthy union, securing generational wealth, good health, a life filled with peace and joy, meaningful relationships, seeing more of the world, Black girls winning being the standard and not the exception, luxury being the norm, growth, philanthropy, turning heads and shaking the room!"
Shyleshia “Shy” Daire
Courtesy of Shyleshia “Shy” Daire
How She Made It Through 2021:
"If 'they see my glory, but they don’t know my story' was a person, it would be a perfect summation of my 2021. Wearing the hat of a deployed spouse, mother, business owner, graduate student, model, and advocate of women empowerment pushed me to my limit. Getting through 2021 was possible because I stopped waiting for things to happen and started making things happen. I chose to take up the space in life I earned by making my own seat at every table, allowing my grind to fuel me and not move me. Walking in every room knowing that what’s mine, is mine. Maya Angelou said it best, 'I am the dream and the hope of the slave.'
"The moment I became 'woke' and stopped playing with my own potential, I shifted into my highest vibration. Deliberate of keeping my thoughts and intentions towards myself good, and my motives pure, the baggage became lighter. In 2021, I became teachable and willing to transform, I shifted out of stagnation and the willingness to conform to what society thought I should be, into me. I learned to simply BE, and I BECAME."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"In 2022, I am manifesting new and genuine connections. I am intentionally manifesting self, spiritual, and financial growth for myself. I am establishing new ways to empower women and become the best version of myself in the process. I am walking into situations designed to serve me and believing nothing happened by chance. I will be gracious to myself; I maintain an attitude of gratitude. I care for myself, and as a result, I exude positive energy. I am my ancestors' wildest dreams!"
Imani Nicholson
Courtesy of Imani Nicholson
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 by really honing in on my creative process! I was fortunate enough to work from home so I capitalized on that. I brainstormed, created, brainstormed, and created some more! The removal of my commute to work really freed up time for me to work on my passions! I was also able to connect with other women who love beauty on Clubhouse and that opened so many doors and beautiful friendships for me! Knowing I had that support system really helped with my professional and personal growth!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I am manifesting bigger brand collaborations and pushing the envelope on the quality of content I create so that I connect more with my growing community of beauty and fashion lovers!"
Tomi Obebe
Courtesy of Tomi Obebe
How She Made It Through 2021:
"[2020] was difficult for a lot of people, myself included. As a self-employed business owner with an autoimmune disease, I struggled with isolation. 2021 was dedicated to how I could revive my relationships and intentional check-ins with my closest friends and family whenever I could. I also made a point to travel and experience a few new places with my husband once we got our vaccines.
"It's not until things change that you realize how much you can take for granted. This period in time continues to humble me and remind me of who and what is most important in my life. Without my circle, my faith, and a steady stream of chaotic reality TV (thank you Real Housewives), my year would've been a struggle."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I'm claiming health, wealth, and clarity in abundance for myself and all those around me."
Amanda Johnson
Courtesy of Amanda Johnson
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Honestly, as someone who has a full-time job and also still manages a blog full-time, it has always been a struggle finding balance. I personally feel as if working from home full-time was a HUGE help since I could shoot content on my hour lunch break with my photographer. I also was taken on by an agency and having a manager who negotiates contracts for me has been a game-changer time-wise. I am able to spend more time on content creation while saving time on the nitty-gritty details. They also help me manage my deadlines!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"My personal goal is to double the income that I made in 2021. I was able to accomplish this in 2021 and hope to do the same this coming year. I'd also love to continue utilizing Pinterest marketing and growing my blog views using this!"
Asa Dugger
Courtesy of Asa Dugger
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Through prayer, and prioritizing myself through rest, leisure, and therapy."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I'm manifesting divine provision in my relationships, finances, and emotional health!"
Lynette
Courtesy of Lynette
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Intentionally embracing balance and being misunderstood. Anyone who knows me knows self-care in every aspect of life is my jam. 2021 gave the opportunity to put these skills to practice. As a healthcare professional, balance in 2021 became extremely important not only for self-care, continued reflection, and self-awareness but in navigating which conversations are helpful to yield promising results versus those that increase anxiety and perpetuate division. This [past] year gave me ample opportunity to become comfortable with being misunderstood and embracing not only NOT having the last word, but also NOT forcing dead-end lengthy explanations.
"2021 allowed me to continue to protect my God-provided personal peace and that of my sanctuary at home above all costs, regardless of family, friends, society, or work. Embracing where accountability meets the balance of my inner critic creating self-awareness and taking deep resetting breaths to perpetuate it!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Balance changes daily, so continuing to make habits of everything above, inviting new challenges with God as my pilot."
Codou Diop
Courtesy of Coudou Diop
How She Made It Through 2021:
"2021 was a hard year but also a great year. I hit a lot of milestones! I made it through the year by being kind to myself and celebrating every small win. I also made it thanks to my community and my family. The pandemic has brought me close to such amazing like-minded creators that I would have never had the opportunity to meet."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Love, health, success, and happiness."
Thaina Blot
Courtesy of Thaina Blot
How She Made It Through 2021:
"This year I said no to fear and yes to my husband and my dream of moving abroad. This pivot has brought so much light to what I value most and has provided the space to focus and cultivate more of those things."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022 I'm manifesting more peace, more love, health, laughter and unapologetically creating art daily."
Jazmyn Creer
Courtesy of Jazmyn Creer
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 with a whole bunch of perseverance and honesty in my pain surrounding my desires. I had been wanting to leave a job for a long time and it felt like it wouldn’t come, but it did. In that, my husband and I would like to have our first child and it seemed like everyone but us have gotten pregnant. Just reminding myself that my/our journey is never the same as someone else’s and there is always a process and reason for what we go through."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, I would like to spend more time enjoying the simplicity of life and everything that involves. I don’t want a lot of clutter, be it people, things, tools."
Francesca Murray
Courtesy of Francesca Murray
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 by doing the work to break my scarcity mindset. Be it purchasing a book or course to learn something quickly instead of watching YouTube, or paying extra on a flight for priority boarding and roomier seats. I realized things don't always have to be done the hard way - and that convenience doesn't have to be a luxury. I no longer feel guilty for investing in what facilitates ease in my life, which has been great for my mental health!"
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"A consistent daily routine that allows me to be as efficient as possible while prioritizing rest - something we all deserve after the past two years we've had!"
Fenique
Courtesy of Fenique
How She Made It Through 2021:
"2021 was quite the year! Hope, believing in myself, and seeing other Black women glow up in their aspirations got me through this year. I began the year with a new man, a steady job, and plans for my 12.1cm fibroid tumor to be removed. Two weeks before my surgery the man vanished. Several weeks later I found myself free of tumors and a new job. Throughout the first two quarters of 2021, my perspective on my priorities changed. I’ve been working on my career for 10 years. This year I decided to focus on the things that have made me come alive.
"In September, I stepped out on faith in myself and quit my new job. I had no work-life balance and had a part-time job that could help me supplement my life. I really loved sharing my myomectomy story on my YouTube channel as well as my food and fashion content.
"I decided to focus on my brand. I’ve spent the fourth quarter of 2021 on a sabbatical from my 9-5 job. It has been the best decision of my life. I’ve decided to pivot into a different area in tech, go after my influencer dreams, and put my mental and physical health above everything else."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Going into the new year I feel renewed and driven. I’m manifesting happiness, an abundance of peace, and success in all of my heart's desires."
Lakeisha
Courtesy of Lakeisha
How She Made It Through 2021:
"The truth is, I don’t know how I made it. One thing I did do was change my thinking from focusing so much on the future and learning how to take things day by day. I learned how to ask for help, for space, for grace, and for understanding. I spent more time with myself so I could learn about myself and made choices to surround myself with people and energy that fueled me. I read a lot of books so I could learn and understand other perspectives.
" I prayed, I cooked, I sang, I focused on forgiving, and sending love out to the world even when I felt I had none to give. I thanked God every day, even on the hard days. I wrote in a gratitude journal almost every day. I guess you can say I became way more intentional day-to-day and in return, I was given choices and another day to breathe and that’s how I made it through 2021."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I am manifesting a life I don’t need a vacation from. That includes a safe and sacred space to live, a healthy body, mind, and spirit through meditation, exercise, and lucrative connections that are more than just finances. Harmonizing my time to do the things I love while contributing to the bigger picture of my life."
Jacinda F. McDuffie
Courtesy of Jacinda F. McDuffie
How She Made It Through 2021:
"I made it through 2021 with faith and family. In 2018, in the blink of an eye, I became the primary caregiver for my mommy; in 2019 my daddy died unexpectedly; in 2020 the pandemic caused my travel agency to come to a screeching halt, and in 2021 things started to slowly gain momentum. I do have a full-time job but my agency is my baby and my passion. Not being able to assist people to live out their travel dreams was/is hard BUT I know God will continue to work all of this out."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022 I am manifesting continued good health for my family, me, and others, a prosperous business and to continue to walk the path God sees fit for me."
Nyla Bland
Courtesy of Nyla Bland
How She Made It Through 2021:
"Every New Year, I select a word of the year. For 2021, I chose 'INTENTIONAL'. Keeping this word in the forefront is what helped me make it through this whirlwind of a year. In my younger days, I tended to be more reactive than proactive. Now I entered every decision with pure intent and calculation. Whether it was prioritizing self-care or choosing to work double to get ahead. Being intentional has become a way of life and has changed me for the better.
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I’m manifesting clarity for women business owners around the world. That their newly formed, or pivoted, or expanded businesses continue to increase. And that they are effective leaders within their communities and organizations."
R'Chelle Mullins
Courtesy of R'Chelle Mullins
How She Made It Through 2021:
"After having a few impactful businesses deals and partnerships fall apart along with a fibroid diagnosis and two major surgeries this year, forgiveness, therapy and, radical self-care played a major part in my survival. Once I forgave others and myself, the road to healing mentally, physically, and emotionally was so much easier. Therapy helped me to appreciate who I am and navigate life with ease and live in the present."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"Financial security, more meaningful relationships/friendships, and the launch of my agency."
Amber Spottsville
Courtesy of Amber Spottsville
How She Made It Through 2021:
"2021 handed me my entire black ass, okay?! But GAWD. A lot of prayer and therapy were involved, approximately 22 bottles of Black Girl Magic Riesling (shout out to the McBride Sisters), and a deep dive into self-care and self-realization. 2021 taught me how to simply let go and let flow. I gave frequent self-reminders that 'comparison is the thief of joy,' I’m running my own race and doing it well evidently because I am still here. I will be 30 in 2022 and I am NOT defeated."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I am manifesting love, both platonic and romantic, health, wealth, and a whole [lot of] growth through me and around me in 2022. And most importantly, I am welcoming all the ebbs and flows with an open mind and heart."
Lauren D. Fisher
Courtesy of Lauren D. Fisher
How She Made It Through 2021:
"The grace of God! [2021] was definitely a year of tests and strength with quitting a job I hated to getting one I love, new love (still figuring each other out), and getting in a wreck totaling a new car after having to get a new car when my 10-year-old baby’s engine went out."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"I’m manifesting it all! More travel, a new home, new opportunities, and organic happiness!
Andrea Ellison
Courtesy of Andrea Ellison
How You Made It Through 2021:
"2020 was my precursor for 2021. I left an abusive marriage for the final time and I've been on a journey rebuilding myself from the inside out. As a single mother of three children, it hasn't been easy. I have continued pursuing my second Master's degree in Social Work while working. My friendships have been the epitome of greatness and have been my continued source of motivation.
"To not only just live my best life but to thrive. Being able to travel to multiple places such as taking my kids to Denver to go skiing for the first time and turning up with my girls in Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Paris have been those reminders that I need to remember that my life is worth living at the absolute highest level."
What She’s Manifesting For 2022:
"My experience is serving the foundation for me to be able to assist women who are domestic violence survivors and who are transitioning from divorce and relationships to empower them to redefine themselves and to identify their purpose. For 2022, I'm continuing to come for every blessing that I thought I didn't deserve in every area of my life."
Alicia Myers and Samantha Joseph
Courtesy of Alicia Myers and Samantha Joseph
How They Made It Through 2021:
"2021 proved to be a year of isolation and self-cleansing. Through this process, the discrimination we have experienced over the years surfaced and it was a perfect time to bring to life a dream of ours to create a fashion show that would answer to the inequalities evident in the fashion industry. Samantha and I came together and formed our non-profit organization Color of Fashion which was created to elevate fashion and promote inclusivity by bridging the gap between diversity and high fashion. We made Color of Fashion our utmost priority and it quickly developed into a movement that we will continue to breathe life into."
What They’re Manifesting For 2022:
"For 2022, we are manifesting a larger impact and aim to shed light on the biases that continue to plague the fashion industry. We plan to maximize our resources and grow exponentially so we can be the change this industry needs."
Featured image courtesy of Shyleshia “Shy” Daire
RELATED
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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