'All The Queen's Men' Actress Nzinga Imani On Unapologetically Taking Up Space
Nzinga Imani is a name you may want to get familiar with. She is an actress, the owner of Nimani Boutique, a singer, and a plus-sized model who has wowed fans with her talent on social media and TV. She can currently be seen in shows including BET+'s All the Queen's Men, BET Her's Curves and a YouTube series, "Pretty for a Big Gurl." While she is steadily taking over the small screen, she's also using her social media pages to spread body positivity by proudly embracing her curves.
The first-generation Guyanase-American beauty has even addressed the criticism she has faced online for displaying her body and even spoke out about TikTok flagging her videos because of it. However, Nzinga has remained positive and continues spreading her light across social media. Besides landing TV roles on a major network, the actress just released her collab with popular online fashion boutique Fashion to Figure.
xoNecole caught up Nzinga with to talk about body positivity, her role on All the Queen's Men, and why she unapologetically takes up space as an actress.
xoNecole: You star in several projects on BET+, BET Her, and YouTube. How does it feel to see your stock literally rising in the acting world?
Nzinga Imani: It feels incredible. It feels affirming. It's everything I've been working toward these past several years. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to pursue acting, and it's been a steady climb ever since consistently working and being able to do what I love. There's nothing better than that—to see progression in the field—because as much as I've worked, a lot of times it felt like roadblocks were put up.
I'd get somewhere and then the project would be sidelined or I think I'm cast in a lead in a major production that's funded by this network and that network, and then they table the entire show even after we've filmed it. So, there's so many times that you'll think that you're moving forward and then the roadblock will hit, but it's in some ways connected to where you're supposed to be.
"As much as I've worked, a lot of times it felt like roadblocks were put up. There's so many times that you'll think that you're moving forward and then the roadblock will hit, but it's in some ways connected to where you're supposed to be."
Kaylin James of Howell Designs
In 'All the Queen's Men,' you play a character named Dawn, and you have a nude scene. What was your first reaction to finding out that you were going to do that?
I knew that the scene was nude when I auditioned for it. The moment I auditioned for it, I had some reservations for maybe five seconds and then I was like, 'Hey, it's an audition. I'm just gonna submit and see what happens.' When I got the call that I actually got it, I was first in shock because I was like, 'Really?'
Although they allowed me to audition for it, I still wasn't sure once they got the tape and physically if they would still [be] interested in using me. But I just had fun with the audition, and when they told me I got it, it was a little shocking, but I also knew I had killed that audition because it was a fun one.
Did you know this role would be a game-changer, as far as being a plus-sized woman having a nude scene on TV?
I absolutely knew that it was going to be a game-changer. I know, for myself, seeing all these shows and seeing how there's more and more nude scenes on television, a lot of the time, it's the stereotypical body that they show. It's the perfectly flat stomachs and the perfectly proportioned women and you don't see a lot of typical body types because 67% of women in the U.S. are plus-sized. But when we show that in the media, it's not reflective of what the reality is. You just see a bunch of what they consider perfect-type bodies on screen.
I had seen someone who was just barely plus-sized before in a sex scene, and I knew how much that meant to me to see her even though she doesn't really represent me or my culture, and she didn't look like me. Just the fact that she wasn't the stereotypical body type, it meant a lot to me. So, I was excited to be that for someone else and I've been receiving so many messages about what that meant to other women. To see me, 3XL body out there on TV and how they felt represented and seen—it was a big reason why I felt comfortable to do it and felt like it was something I could do and be proud of doing.
"To see me, 3XL body out there on TV and how they felt represented and seen—it was a big reason why I felt comfortable to do it and felt like it was something I could do and be proud of doing."
Kaylin James of Howell Designs
You're also a content creator who posts many photos and videos on social celebrating your body. While you receive lots of love, how do you rise above criticism?
I think that I always remember that there will always be someone who has something negative to say about what you're doing. No matter what you are doing, there's always going to be a group of people who hate what you stand for, and you just have to remember who you're standing up for and what your goal is. For me, it's just not to let something as benign as my weight stop me from doing everything that I want to do.
I've been part of a community that showed me that plus-sized women can be mothers, business owners, entrepreneurs. They can do anything. They are just powerful beyond measure. So often society tries to make us feel like we're less than if you're plus-size, then you're undesirable, but that's just not true.
I think [it's about] just kind of pushing [away] that stereotype and showing other women and girls like me that you don't have to listen to what they say and that you are desired and you are phenomenal and you can do anything despite your weight and that shouldn't even be such a big deal as people make it out to be.
You posted a video on TikTok calling the platform "fatphobic." Other TikTok creators have spoken out against TikTok in relation to censorship. What are some things you've experienced?
Although I do have a nude scene on BET+, I have not posted anything nude or in any way sexualized, to me, on my platforms. I don't violate community standards. I don't post sexual content. So, for them to continually take down posts and the content that I spend sometimes hours creating because of "nudity" or "sexually explicit" content and it would just be me in a crop top, it kind of got to the point where I just was overwhelmed and just irritated that they were consistently able to take down my content that wasn't hurting anyone. It was only promoting self-love—never anything sexual. They were consistently taking it down for violations that didn't exist.
Meanwhile, other people can wear the same things, if not less, than me and their page is not taken down. People can say horrible things and be mean on there, and they don't suspend them or block those pages, but in the meantime, they take down my posts. So, it just became very [irritating] to see that kind of behavior repeated over and over again. So many of my videos were deleted. So many of my videos were banned, and there was even a moment where I thought my page might get taken down. When you put so much time into a platform, to know that your page can be taken down—[due to] no fault of your own, just based on someone else's bias—I was done.
We see so many people talk about body positivity, more now especially with celebs like Lizzo in the forefront, but what does body positivity mean to you?
To me, body positivity is just loving yourself where you are right now. It doesn't mean that you can't be working toward a different body goal or you can't be disciplined. [It also means] not letting other people's opinions or biases affect the way you move throughout the world because there's always going to be people who look down on you or have something to say, but if you can stand up tall with your chest out and really defend yourself and not let their negative comments affect you, I feel like that's what the whole body positivity movement is about—having that community to back you up so you know you're not alone.
You know you don't deserve less and just having a support system—I think it's what the whole movement is here for. When I was growing up, I didn't really have that around or I didn't know there was this community of plus-sized people who were killing the game and successful in every avenue of life. Once I grew up and was introduced to that world, it made me realize I don't have to settle. I don't have to hide.
"If you can stand up tall with your chest out and really defend yourself and not let their negative comments affect you, I feel like that's what the whole body positivity movement is about. Once I grew up and was introduced to that world, it made me realize I don't have to settle. I don't have to hide."
Kaylin James of Howell Designs
What do you want people who are following your journey to take away from it?
I would just like to be an example of how resilience and authenticity can put you in the places where you want to be. I'm just trying to be 100% myself all the time, showing my personality whether it be a goofy day, a sexy day, whatever it is because we're not one-dimensional.
So, just being authentic with my audience, I feel has given me the momentum I need to feel confident when I walk into those rooms and when I walk into those auditions and I hope that my audience continues to see that authenticity in me and my performances, and my characters. No matter who they are, I always try to bring a little of myself into the characters to find that truth, because we all have that in common.
For more of Nzinga, follow her on Instagram @nzingaimani and on YouTube or check out her website is NzingaImani.com.
Featured image courtesy of Kaylin James of Howell Designs
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images