If you're looking for 2025 travel deals that will give you unforgettable experiences at some of the most sought-after destinations, this article is for you. Not only are these destinations full of relaxation and adventure, but it is also known to be safe for Black and brown travelers. Below is a curated list of 10 safe travel spots that are having Black Friday/ Cyber Monday deals.
Puerto Rico
Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Ease of entry and accessibility - no passport required + more than 20 airports offering daily, nonstop flights from most major US airports
- Diversity in people and landscapes - best explored through ‘both sides’ of the island… the city (San Juan) and then the forest (Rio Grande/El Yunque) for amazing natural adventures
- Huge Black expat community
Conveniently located just minutes from Historic Old San Juan and a short 10-minute drive from the airport, Caribe Hilton offers a tropical escape at the heart of it all. Known for its rich history and celebrated as the birthplace of the piña colada, Caribe Hilton has been serving up hospitality excellence for 75 years. The oceanfront property’s world-class service is surpassed only by its incredible amenities, such as a secluded stretch of white sand beach, multiple pools and restaurants, a full-service spa, and an abundance of activities catering to families, friend groups, and wellness seekers alike.
The Deal: Kicking off on Cyber Monday, Caribe Hilton will be offering a Cyber Week promotion from Dec. 2-8, 2024. Travelers can save up to 25% on all room types for trips booked between January 2- June 30, 2025.
Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico | Rio Grande, Puerto Rico Located on a protected natural peninsula at the foothills of the El Yunque rainforest, Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico offers guests an authentic taste of Puerto Rico from the comfort of a sprawling luxurious resort secluded along miles of coral reef-protected beaches, through unique amenities and unforgettable experiences like its 100% Puerto Rican resort-branded craft beer, its complimentary Pan Sobao door-to-door breakfast, twinkle light rainforest picnics and PRadise pool-side popsicles. The property is also home to several oceanfront swimming pools (which include Puerto Rico’s largest lagoon-style pool), a full-service spa, a 27-hole championship golf course, over 17 food and beverage outlets ranging from a prime steakhouse to classic Puerto Rican cuisine, a Top Golf Swing Suite, and more.
The Deal: World of Hyatt Members can save up to 25% on their stay at Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico when they shop this Black Friday! The offer will be available from November 19-December 9 and is eligible on stays between November 19 and April 20, 2025.
Curaçao
BijBlauw Curaçao
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Local culture is super diverse - a melting pot with over 65 nationalities, most people speak four languages (English, Spanish, Dutch, Papiamento - the local language). Lots of influence from Colombia and South America, plus of course, the indigenous and Caribbean population. Roughly 85% of the population is of African descent.
- LGBTQIA+ friendly
Curacao Marriott Beach Resort I Curaçao
Nestled among six acres of pristine beachfront near Willemstad, the island’s pastel-clad downtown, Curaçao Marriott Beach Resort offers warm, dedicated hospitality for which the Caribbean is known. The ideal backdrop for your dream vacation in Curaçao, the tropical hotel oasis is a cultured paradise that creates magical memories to last a lifetime.
The Deal: From November 26 to December 3, 2024, for stays between December 1, 2024, and January 20, 2025, travelers can expect discounts of up to 25% off. The promotion begins at 15% off, increases to 20% off for Bonvoy members, and up to 25% for Bonvoy members who book through the Bonvoy app.
BijBlauw I Curaçao
Perched just outside of Curaçao’s bustling Pietermaai district sits BijBlauw, a charming boutique hotel overlooking the glittering waters of the Caribbean Sea. After a day of adventure, relaxation, or fun in the sun on the island, BijBlauw offers travelers an elevated boho-chic haven.
The Deal: Potential bookers receive a 20% discount, with a booking window from Thanksgiving through Cyber Monday. The travel window extends from Thanksgiving until May 28, 2025. A few important details to note: the discount is non-refundable, cannot be combined with other offers or discounts (including Friends of BijBlauw), and the code to use is autumnatBijBlauw. No dates are excluded.
Costa Rica
Hotel Three Sixty
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Super safe and low crime rate, plus fast-growing Black expat community
Hotel Three Sixty | Ojochal, Costa Rica
A member of Small Luxury Hotels, Hotel Three Sixty promises an intimate, adults-only escape tucked away in the unspoiled treetops of Southern Costa Rica. The property is made up of 12 luxurious villas, complemented by an infinity pool overlooking the Pacific Ocean, the open-air Kua Kua restaurant with panoramic views, a Jungle Spa with locally inspired treatments, and a secluded rainforest yoga deck. Here, your only neighbors are the scarlet macaws, toucans, and monkeys swinging by to say hello.
The Deal: 25% off accommodations plus a $100 food and beverage credit to enjoy the new menu at Kua Kua restaurant. This deal is valid to book November 25, 2024, to December 3, 2024, for stays between November 25, 2024 - November 30, 2025; blackout dates are December 22, 2024-January 2, 2025. Discounts cannot be combined with any other offer. To book, visit https://www.hotelthreesixty.com/offers.
Mexico - (Cancun & Los Cabos)
Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa Los Cabos
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Cancun / JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa
WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Mexico is one of the travel ‘big dogs’ with millions of visitors each year. They are well developed and used to catering to travelers from all over the world with various backgrounds
- Out of all of the places in Mexico - Cancun, Tulum, and the Riviera are some of the safest and the most diverse. You can stay safely in a resort, but take day trips to Tulum and the natural wonders.
JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa | Cancun, Mexico
Situated in the heart of Cancun’s vibrant hotel zone and just minutes from the area’s hottest attractions, the luxurious JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa offers a rejuvenating escape to any traveler. With oceanfront rooms, restorative Mayan-inspired spa treatments, luxurious dining options, and an extensive 150 margaritas menu, the resort is the perfect place to relax after an adventurous day exploring Cancun’s jungles or turquoise blue waters.
The Deal: Marriott Bonvoy Members get 25% off stays booked through their app, or 20% off stays booked directly. Non-members receive 15% off their stays. The booking window is November 26 - December 3, 2024, for stays December 1, 2024 - January 20, 2025.
Los Cabos / Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa
WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Also one of the safest zones in Mexico and super well developed in terms of accommodations, transportation, attractions, etc.
- You can find real reviews from Black travelers here
Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa | Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Nestled near Cabo’s famous Marina along the area’s best swimmable beach, the chic and luxurious Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa treats travelers to an opulent beachfront getaway in the heart of Cabo San Lucas. From expansive bedrooms with balconies and private hot tubs to Cabo’s highest and most lavish rooftop bar with 360-degree views, a private beach club, and three infinity pools overlooking the famous Cabo Arch, Corazón Cabo is the picture of modern luxury. Corazón also boasts a world-class on-site spa, Sparitual, offering chakra balancing treatments and more, as well as fun activities like beachfront yoga classes and guided tequila/mezcal tastings.
The Deal: From November 18- December 3, guests can save up to 30% off room rates, enjoy a $50 daily food and beverage credit, and take 30% off select spa treatments at Sparitual for stays booked from November 18, 2024 - April 30, 2025. Additionally, guests can spread the gift card love with a special promotion where the resort is giving back 10% of the total gift card amount in a resort credit, valid from November 1, 2024 - January 10, 2025.
Iceland
Hotel Rangá Iceland
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- One of the safest countries in the world with some of the most welcoming people (ranked as the safest, most peaceful country on the 2022 Global Peace Index). Even though it is a mainly white country, they are very tolerant and also have opened up all their borders to tourism. They understand the positive impact tourists have on their destination, and they embrace it.
- This is a great article providing a direct perspective from Franny the Traveler:
- Some great stats here.
Hotel Rangá | Hella, Iceland
Known as the land of fire and ice, Iceland is home to otherworldly landscapes, the Northern Lights, and adventure galore. Set in the secluded and spectacular countryside of the South Coast lies Hotel Rangá, a luxe little lodge with lots of personality. Situated under clear dark skies, Hotel Rangá is also the best place to see the famous Aurora Borealis (complete with wake-up calls) or enjoy a stellar star gazing session alongside a resident astronomer at the hotel's own hi-tech, roll-off roof observatory.
The Deal: From November 29-December 5, guests can save up to 30% off room rates on stays booked from December 1, 2024 - May 31, 2025 (excluding blackout dates between December 23, 2024 - January 3, 2025). Offer valid for a two-night minimum stay. To book, visit hotelranga.is.
Aruba
Aruba Marriott Resort and Stellaris Casino
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- “One Happy Island” is their tagline, and this is reflected in their warm and welcoming locals - who are all super diverse as well as expats
- There’s an area called San Nicolas that is known as ‘Black-owned’ Aruba
Aruba Marriott Resort and Stellaris Casino | Palm Beach, Aruba
Aruba Marriott Resort and Stellaris Casino is a luxurious getaway for travelers of varied interests and any occasion, from family trips to romantic escapes and even corporate retreats. The 414-room resort features ocean-facing guest rooms, all with their own 100-square-foot balconies, overlooking several different breathtaking views of the property and the Palm Beach oceanfront. Additional amenities include 10 dining venues, two pools from a vibrant family-friendly option to an adults-only H2Oasis pool, the largest spa and casino on the island, a two-story fitness center, non-motorized watersports, and more.
The Deal: Guests receive a $100 resort credit and a varying discount on accommodations, up to 25%, for stays four nights or longer from March 1 - July 31, 2025. Book using code E4000 (or code M96 for Bonvoy members) at www.arubamarriott.com from November 27 - December 6, 2024.
Napa Valley, CA
The Meritage Resort and Spa Napa Valley, CA
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Black travelers make up only 2.7% of annual visitors. However, Napa Valley is a great place for girls trips, romantic getaways and more
- There are a lot of misconceptions about how expensive it is, but there are ways to visit wine country and not break the bank
- There’s also a few Black-owned wineries and tasting rooms like Vin En Noir, and there is also a Napa Wine Train which is perfect for girl’s getaways
The Meritage Resort and Spa | Napa Valley, CA
Set on 36 golden acres with nine acres of active working vineyards, The Meritage Resort and Spa is your one-stop shop for the Napa Valley experience – now boasting a stunning $25 million new look that it just unveiled this summer. From its four onsite tasting rooms to acclaimed fine dining, vineyard-facing pools, its iconic Spa Terra ( a naturally formed Estate Cave located 40 ft under its working vines), and vintner hiking trails, The Meritage is a gateway to the best of California Wine Country. Even going above and beyond with additional amenities and experiences like an onsite six-lane bowling alley, a champagne tasting room, a summer concert series, vineyard picnics, a farm-to-table garden, a curated local artisan market, and more.
The Deal: Save 30% on your Napa Valley visit in addition to a $30 daily resort credit at the newly reimagined Meritage Resort and Spa when you stay two-plus nights, anytime between November 2024 and March 2025 (blackout dates apply). This offer is bookable from November 18-December 4, 2024. Any bookings made during the early access period will receive double perks for Meritage Collection Stay Golden rewards members, which will also include two complimentary welcome cocktails and two spa enhancements.
The Bahamas
British Colonial Nassau
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- The Bahamas is listed as a top-rated destination for Black travelers. Travel technology company Expedia and Black travel review website Green Book Global are preparing to launch a Green Book Global Black Travel Review Month (BTRM) initiative that allows Black travelers to rate destinations that they enjoy, and the Bahamas is in the top five.
Resorts World Bimini | Bimini, The Bahamas
Island charm meets luxury at Resorts World Bimini—an expansive oceanfront complex just 50 miles off the coast of South Florida that encompasses a chic Hilton hotel, world-class casino, marina, and a private beach and lounge reminiscent of the beach clubs found in Tulum. Guests will be surrounded by unparalleled views of the bright blue Caribbean Sea, which are best enjoyed with a cocktail in hand around one of two hotel pools: the ground-floor lagoon pool or the rooftop infinity pool, both of which serve up local bites and specialty cocktails at their poolside bars. And for an elevated afternoon, lounge at Resorts World Bimini Beach—a 4.5-acre private beach and lounge features two stunning lagoon pools, day beds shaded by palapas, private oceanfront cabanas, bohemian-inspired decor, local bites, all-day live entertainment, and picturesque views.
The Deal: Answer the call of paradise when you book the exclusive “BOGO in Paradise” package for your next trip to Bimini, where buying one night gets you a second free, or buying two gets a third. Starting at $249 per person, the package includes round-trip ferry transportation on Baleari Caribbean from Fort Lauderdale, FL, a stay at the Hilton at Resorts World Bimini, access to Bimini Beach, and live entertainment. Visit https://rwbimini.com/event/bogo-in-paradise/ to book; offer valid for stay dates through May 22, 2025.
British Colonial Nassau | Nassau, Bahamas
British Colonial Nassau is a Bahamian gem that recently underwent a massive $50 million transformation. Visitors can immerse themselves in downtown Nassau and enjoy hotel amenities like the 300 ft private white-sand beach, seven dining outlets from a signature martini bar with live jazz on the weekends to a beach bar + grill, two oceanfront pools, and non-motorized water sports. British Colonial Nassau is a seamless option for those seeking an upscale, sophisticated ambiance infused with key aspects of Bahamian culture.
The Deal: This year, the hotel is launching its ‘30/30/30’ offer. Beginning on November 15, book and receive 30% off the best available rates, a daily $30 food and beverage credit per room, 30% off movie and bowling passes at the Icons Entertainment Complex, and two welcome drink vouchers! Offer valid for a two-night minimum stay between December 1, 2024 - December 21, 2025. *Booking window November 15, 2024- December 6, 2024. Blackout dates: December 22, 2024 - January 2, 2025, and April 18-26, 2025. Food and beverage credit is per room, per day. (Value of saving $150 / Starting rates $179) Booking Link here
Galapagos, Ecuador
Ecoventura Ecuador
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- The Galápagos Islands is generally considered a low crime region, being safer than the Ecuadorian mainland. This means that race relations are good, and Black travelers will be perfectly able to explore this tropical paradise without a problem. The local community values and safeguards visitors, and there are rarely, if any, attacks on tourist boats or cruises.
Ecoventura | Galapagos, Ecuador
Named after Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution and Origin of the Species, Ecoventura’s 20-passenger, 10-cabin mega-yachts Origin, Theory & Evolve are the chicest and most exclusive way to experience one of humanity’s final frontiers. The only Relais & Chateaux-ranked ships to sail in the destination, Ecoventura offers guests a week of once-in-a-lifetime experiences in the height of luxury – think swimming with sea turtles, sunbathing with baby sea lions, coming face-to-face with the famous blue-footed boobies and strolling alongside Giant Galapagos Tortoises… all aboard what is more like a floating boutique hotel than a cruise!
The Deal: Ecoventura’s sails are so limited and exclusive that they rarely ever go on sale. However, they are offering 20% off select 2025 cruise departures for Black Friday/Cyber Monday shoppers when you book between November 29-December 6, 2024. That is a $2100 per person savings off the published rate of $10,500 per person for double occupancy rooms. Or if 2025 is the year you take on the solo adventure of a lifetime, Ecoventura is also offering an extra special solo offering of only $12,950 per cabin for single travelers (that is $6,050 in savings).
Key West, Florida
Southernmost Beach Resort
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- One of the most iconic LGBTQIA+ travel destinations, super tolerant and welcoming
- Super safe for nightlife and solo travelers
- It is one of the most welcoming multicultural towns in the entire country
- There’s a lot of hidden Black history here
Southernmost Beach Resort | Key West, FL
Situated on the quieter southern limit of the famed Duval Street, Southernmost Beach Resort features a modern, sleek design with classic coastal charm. Following a comprehensive transformation to an elevated destination experience in the heart of historic Key West, Florida, the resort features 296 guest rooms, including the newly renovated Guesthouses - four meticulously restored 19th-century Victorian homes for adult-only accommodations and shared community spaces like a cozy parlor bar and beachfront deck. Guests enjoy full access to Southernmost Beach Resort’s extensive luxury amenities, including three pools, bars, a spa, retail spaces, a private beach, and the renowned Southernmost Beach Cafe.
The Deal: 35% off all room types + $50 resort credit (for direct bookings only). Book dates are from November 19 - December 4, 2024, for stays between November 21 - December 31, 2025.
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Feature image by ABRAHAM GONZALEZ FERNANDEZ/ Getty Images
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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This collection features a medley of oils: Glo Up! Turmeric, Vitamin C + Aloe Daily Skin & Scalp Oil, Gro Up! Rosemary, Mint + Biotin Daily Skin & Scalp Oil, and Thick'N Up! Multi-Vitamins, Sea Moss & Amla Daily Skin & Scalp Oil. I had the opportunity to try these oils on my hair and skin, and this was my experience.
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Glo Up! Turmeric, Vitamin C + Aloe Daily Skin & Scalp Oil
This oil came right on time as I was in the process of getting rid of dark spots that appeared on my legs following the mosquito bites I received on a trip. With ingredients like turmeric and vitamin c that are known to brighten the skin, I was hopeful that this oil will help fade the spots. After using it daily for a few weeks, I noticed a slight difference. So I plan to continue using it as part of my daily routine.
Gro Up! Rosemary, Mint + Biotin Daily Skin & Scalp Oil
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Rosemary is one of my favorite herbs to use in my hair care. I make my own rosemary water, I use a rosemary and rice water conditioner, and I love using rosemary oil. So when I received Hollywood Beauty's Rosemary, Mint + Biotin oil, I was excited to try it.
After one use, I knew that this will become a go-to oil for my hair. I like to apply the oil on my ends and brush it throughout my hair for a luxurious feel. The mint makes my scalp tingle and with the addition of biotin, I know my hair is getting stronger.
Thick'N Up! Multi-Vitamins, Sea Moss & Amla Daily Skin & Scalp Oil
Sea moss has become popular over the years due to its rich nutrients and mineral content. So my experience with sea moss has always been through ingestion. I never thought about using it in my hair and body care, until now. Thanks to Thick'N Up! Multi-Vitamins, Sea Moss & Amla Daily Skin & Scalp Oil, I was up for the challenge.
This oil was made to help thicken your hair and condition the scalp. Amla is also another popular ingredient that is used in the oil to fight dandruff and promote hair growth. I've been on my hair growth journey, so this oil is a must-have.
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The reason why I thought they were a great way to start off this piece is because, although they’ve been together (including living together) for about five years (I believe) and Cey has mentioned getting a lot of social media pressure to propose to Jai, he said that he would move forward when he was ready which happened to be on Jai’s 25th birthday this year — and then, four months later, they eloped. Hmph. What seemed to take forever (to viewers, anyway), it ended up moving swiftly…when Cey was ready to move. And in the meantime, they both resolved to live in the moment and prepare in the meantime. Hmph. In January, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. By December, they became husband and wife. Good stuff.
The tie-in? You know, if there is one thing that I oftentimes encourage my coupled-up clients to do right around this time of the year, it's to have a conversation with their partner about whether or not they think their relationship is stagnant in some way. Synonyms for stagnant include idle, inactive, dormant, sluggish, and stale. The reason why it’s important to ponder over this is because, oftentimes, when relationships end, it’s not because people don’t care for one another anymore; hell, it’s not even that something “big” or “drastic” happened.
Oftentimes, it’s because they allowed their relationship to not develop, advance, progress — and when things aren’t moving forward, things tend to slip backwards or remain stuck…and nothing healthy can come from either of those outcomes.
A musician by the name of Matt Bellamy once said, “You have to evolve. Stagnation breeds boredom,” — and y’all, believe it or not, boredom is another big cause of break-ups. Keeping all of this in mind, I would hate for your relationship to “fade to black” in the upcoming year, simply because stagnation took over.
And so, in the few moments that are left in 2025, ask your partner the following questions. They may provide the clarity you need to know how to keep your relationship strong (or to get it back on track) over the next several months.
Are We in a Different Place than Where We Were Last Year?
GiphyBack to Cey and Jai for a second. Again, even though commenters were pretty close to being relentless when it came to wondering when Cey was going to pop the question, if you kept up with their content, even though Cey hadn’t proposed yet, one thing that you couldn’t say is that they were in the same place, relationally, year after year. For one thing, they stayed moving about (literally), and they oftentimes expressed goals that they wanted to reach, both as individuals and as a couple.
My point? If the ultimate goal between you and your partner is marriage, and that hasn’t happened yet, there is no way that 365 days have passed, and you shouldn’t be able to say that you’ve seen some relational growth, change, and progress over that period of time.
Are the two of you better at communicating? Has the intimacy between the two of you gotten stronger? Are you both better forgivers? Are you closer friends? Do you know more about one another’s wants and needs?
A stagnant relationship is one that, by definition, lacks development. If you can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you and your partner are better and stronger now than you were this time last year, pat yourself on the back — that is a really good sign that you two are in a really great place.
Do We Both Still Want the Same Things?
GiphyOne of the best things about a healthy relationship is that it helps you to tame your ego. I say that because if you are serious about making your relationship work and last, it’s going to require compromise, sacrifice, and humility. That’s why it irks me to no end when a relationship ends, and if a person in it is asked why, they will say something along the lines of the other individual didn’t love them simply because they didn’t want what they did.
This is a great example of someone’s ego showing up because the reality is that a person can absolutely love you and even want to be with you, and still not be on the same page about what you want. This is actually a part of the reason why it’s a good idea to do some thorough vetting during the beginning stages of dating (check out “The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have” and “The 'Pre-Sex Interview' To See If You're Both In Sync.”).
Anyway, the only way to know if someone wants what you do is to ask. And if you think that is silly after being with someone for a while, well, I’ll share with you a marriage quote that I oftentimes reference in sessions: “You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being.” (Richard J. Needham)
People change all of the time, so if you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you absolutely owe it to yourself, your partner, and the relationship overall to “check in” to make sure that you both ultimately want the same things from your dynamic. Never assume. Assumptions typically backfire — one way or another.
Is There Any Area Where You Think We Are Wasting Time?
I have always liked this particular definition of waste: “to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return,” and when it comes to this particular article, please remember that if you are pouring into something and not getting much of a return…that is the textbook definition of wasting time, effort, and energy.
So yes, it definitely works in your and your partner’s favor to ponder if the two of you are wasting time in an area. One way to figure this out is to look through the lens of INVESTING vs. SPENDING. Whatever you all are doing, is it an investment where you are seeing a payoff, or are you just spending and not really getting much in return?
I’ll say this — if there is more fighting than peace; if you don’t have the same values; if one or both of you are acting like you are satisfied as far as intimacy goes when you really aren’t; if when you hang out, there feels like a disconnection is there; if one or both of you are walking on eggshells in order to get along, and/or spending time with each other isn’t one of your all-time favorite things to do…all of this are indications of wasting time because, again, you’re giving but…what are you really getting?
Do We Complement Where We Are Heading As Individuals?
GiphyWhen God decided (because it was him; not Adam) that it was time for Adam to have a companion, the Classic Amplified Version of Scripture states that the Lord said this: “Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.” (Genesis 2:18 — AMPC) Hmph, don’t get me started on how much nonsense I see on social media that causes me to wonder if people actually believe this. For now, I’ll just say that it’s important to peep what this verse says a good helpmate looks like: she is suitable, adaptable (that’s a good one), and complementary to her man.
Complementary is a great word. So much, in fact, that several years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life.” When you complement someone, you help to complete them. This is why I wish people would really embrace how masculinity and femininity are designed to BALANCE (i.e., complement) one another. And even beyond that, when it comes to your relationship specifically, where do you and your partner complete each other? Not in the rom-com way so much as where do they “balance you out”?
A married couple who I work with, one of the things that I’m trying to get them to chill out about is embracing that their differences actually can work in their favor if they simply stopped trying to turn each other into carbon copies of themselves (another way that ego manifests, by the way). An example of what I mean is the husband is very chill and cautious in how he moves while the wife is spontaneous and likes to take all kinds of risks. If they embraced the way this could COMPLEMENT both of them as individuals, she wouldn’t be so emotionally high-strung and unnecessarily stressed, and he wouldn’t overthink his way out of potentially great opportunities.
Another favorite quote of mine is “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (Larry Dixon) Although you and your partner shouldn’t be so different that you’re constantly clashing and butting heads, it’s okay to bring different things out of each other by how you complement one another. Spend some time talking about if/how you do. It can reveal quite a bit.
What Would You Like to Accomplish, Relationally, Next Year?
GiphyRemember how I touched on the fact that boredom can lead to the demise of a relationship? As I close this out, another way to avoid stagnation in your relationship is to create plans for it.
In 2026, where do you want to travel? What new things do you want to try/attempt together? What are the strengths that you want to celebrate and the weaknesses that you want to work on? How do you want to progress spiritually? What needs still need to be met? What wants do you wish to prioritize? What habits do you want to break? What boundaries need to be set? What do you both want to get better at as far as communication goes? What can you do to become better friends, confidants, and lovers?
It’s kind of wild that, although most of us know the quote, “Fail to plan, plan to fail,” many of us literally FAIL at applying it to our relationship. Yet there is data all over the place that supports that if you want to succeed at something, planning is one of the most effective ways to do it.
Just ask Cey and Jai. #wink
Salute to them and Happy New Year to you and your man.
Here’s to plenty of progress…with barely any stagnation, chile.
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