Check-in for one.
“Just you?” was the question that followed me throughout the trip. There’s something about traveling alone that sparks a lot of queries and even more curious eyes.
“Just me,” I said with a confident smile as I slid my AMEX across the counter.
I sipped the herbal beverage offered by the concierge and took in my surroundings while the front desk attendant rapidly typed in my information. The hotel was beautiful. The kind of pristine white and neutral color palette that would normally disinterest me, but this place was artfully designed and tastefully decorated. More museum than monotone. With water surrounding a narrow walkway that parted ways to different destinations— restaurants to the left, the beach ahead, my room to the right.
I exhaled a sigh of relief that my home for the next three days was just as breathtaking as social media had described.
I’ve always wanted to take a solo trip. Something about traveling abroad without the comfort of friends and family scared me a little, which made me want to do it even more. While I’m no stranger to moving solo, I find solace in knowing that there’s usually someone journeying with me to foreign lands. But this year, I wanted something different. I wanted to not only step outside of my comfort zone but also embrace the peace and clarity that only stillness can provide.
Room for one.
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“I’m going on a solo trip,” I responded whenever someone asked what my plans were for my birthday. The statement was often met with looks of intrigue and perhaps a bit of bewilderment as to why I would choose to be alone, in a foreign country, on my birthday—no less.
I must admit that I questioned the decision a couple of times myself. Birthdays are the one time of year when I can take a break from celebrating everyone else and be celebrated. But it’s also something that often only gets the spotlight if I’m the one planning it. And for the last couple of years, planning has been the last thing I felt like doing. I was starting to find self-centered celebrations to be a stressful endeavor. Figuring out where to go, who to invite, and what outfits to purchase (only for the outfits to not look as I had hoped). Organizing, waiting to see who would drop out last minute, and driving up the costs a little more. By the time I finished planning and prepping, I would find myself emotionally fatigued and lacking enthusiasm for the trip to come.
This year I just wanted to go and to be without the pressure of performing for the world to see. There would be no premeditated photo shoots. What I sacrificed in clothing hauls and beauty routines I made up for in high-quality accommodations.
This trip wasn’t about what would look great on social media, it was about what would feel good to my soul. With the perfect kind of bourgeois niceties that made you aspire for more than an average existence. I gave to myself (within my budget) how I desired to be treated—the best.
As I opened the door to my complimentary upgraded room (the first room was met with a lovely birthday surprise from my mom, but was a little too close to the noise of happy vacationers), I said a quiet prayer as I walked in awe throughout the suite.
Thank you, Father God, for providing me with the means to be able to experience this moment. For the opportunity to rest in a space that sparks joy.
I was also thankful that I decided to come on my own. It allowed me to experience the quiet solitude of the hotel in a way that I wouldn’t have if I was with others. I could go where I wanted and move at my own pace without considering how everyone else would feel or feel the need to entertain.
I casually moved about the property, stopping occasionally to snap a photo or two of aesthetically pleasing spaces. I treated myself to piña coladas on the beach as the sun set, and eucalyptus-filled steam rooms in the spa. I swam a few laps in an overlooked and under-used rooftop pool that I was quite sure most people didn’t realize existed and dipped my toes in the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean.
I did what I wanted, when I wanted—freedom at its finest.
Table for one.
Write on Kiah/Substack
I’ve always found eating alone at restaurants to be a little awkward. On one hand, I desire to be fully present and detached from my phone. Maybe lock eyes with a cute stranger and spark a conversation that carries well into the night. But I find that rarely happens. Instead, you’re looking around, watching others who are mostly coupled or in groups, trying not to stare. The bartender whirs to and fro as they mix together alcoholic concoctions, and even if there is someone joining in on your solo experience, their eyes are usually glued to their phones. Go figure.
But a solo birthday dinner in a beautiful country? Well, that’s different. You’re taking in your surroundings, chuckling at the drunken happenings around you, or tuning into too loud conversations that you can’t help but be privy to—keenly aware, but mildly amused.
And for some reason, everyone wants to talk to you. The waiters are extra friendly and attentive. The guests want to do you favors you didn’t ask for and snap photos because they like how your outfit matches the sunset. Your new next-table neighbors smile and clap as they sing along to the embarrassing happy birthday song that even fancy restaurants insist on chanting. You’re both the center of attention and the object of curiosity.
Who is this person who dresses up and dines alone?
It makes me realize how many fear their own company. They don’t know what to do when there’s no one to distract them from themselves. They’re afraid to look unpopular or unwanted. They fear the questions that they imagine other people are asking.
But I find that being alone is an invitation to truly know oneself. Deep ruminations turn into much-needed revelations. There’s a sense of empowerment that comes with being willing to do what others won’t. It’s in solitude that time slows to allow quiet reflection. And as a bonus, you feel badass when, at the end of it all, you pay for your check and walk away having accomplished your task for the day.
While I somewhat seriously declared this as my only solo birthday trip because next year, God-willing, I’m shedding the single title, I don’t believe this solo trip will be my last. There’s so much to gain in the absence of others. So many more parts of myself that I want to explore.
For more, check out the Write on Kiah Substack.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Whether you find yourself always being the first one to reach out after meeting a new person or you flop when it comes to really connecting with someone after a session of networking, you're not alone. It's common to struggle with keeping in touch with new people you've met, especially when life starts life-ing, but it doesn't have to be an annoying, petty dance of who's going to call who.
Here are a few steps that have helped me, as an extroverted introvert seeking more adult friendships and new professional connections, keep the good vibes going beyond that first happy hour or conference link-up.
1. Simply put: Unapologetically make the first, second, third, or even fourth move after meeting.
Sometimes, we do have to humble ourselves and put in a bit more effort, especially if our goal for this year (or next) is to expand our network and make new friends or industry-support peers. Reach out for that second, third, or fourth time, even if it feels a bit weird.
At my big age, I recently found myself thinking, "I've already made the first move to keep in touch. Why should I follow up again?" but immediately, in doing the self-work, I was led to the thought, "Why not? Who does it hurt?"
It's really not about a battle of wits or pride but a bottom line of what you really want out of life. Are you willing to let go of a few hang-ups to be that person who reaches out a bit more than you might be used to in order to rebuild or renew your social circle? Does it really matter that you had to call, email, or text more than once in order to finally be able to meet up?
If you find that you're the only one after those first few outings, making the first invites or taking initiative, or your attempts to connect are being ignored, at least you know you gave it your best shot, and you've pushed yourself to grow a bit more in the process of expanding your social circle.
2. Find specific commonalities and build off of that in order to keep the engagement going.
If you meet someone at a conference, for example, make plans to meet up at the next one. Maybe you've found out about a great event that might enhance a new acquaintance's skills or help them in their careers. Invite them to attend with you. Oftentimes, people place value on their time and the people they choose to spend it with, and while relationships shouldn't just be built on a "What can you do for me?" approach, we have to consider that as adults, there should be some sort of common ground that gives the budding new relationship a leg to stand on.
Are you both parents? Maybe a play date for the two of you and your kids is a great option. Newlyweds? Go on a double date. Love to travel and know you're going to be in the same city or country next month? Make real plans to link up or travel together. Into fitness? Schedule walks or fun activities together or coordinate times to meet up at the gym.
Step out on faith, humble yourself, and be open to the possibilities of this, and, above all, have fun with it so it doesn't feel like pressure.
3. Share fun, educational, or relatable information on a regular basis.
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It's great when someone in your network thinks of you and sends a relevant article, program information, or educational tidbit that might help you in your career and vice versa. Again, adding value is part of nurturing adult relationships, and this is a great way to spark conversations, find ways to deeply engage, or show who you are and what you're into.
Whether it's an email, social share, or a quick chat to catch up, find ways to connect with the sharing of useful, fun, or interesting information. It doesn't always take a 30-minute call or long text thread to keep in touch with someone. Sometimes, a simple forwarded email with a mention that you're thinking of someone can go a long way to keep the lines of communication going. This is also a way to be more subtle and less forceful when trying to stay in touch with someone new.
4. Respond to texts, emails, and/or calls within 48 hours.
I know people fight for their lives debating about this online, but I think it's fair to at least acknowledge someone's call, text, or email with a follow-up within at least two days after receipt unless there's a major reason you can't. And even if there is a reason, a simple "I've received your message and will get back to you soon" will suffice. Keep it real if you're super busy or going through something personal so that the person doesn't feel like you're simply brushing them off.
I know, I know. You might be thinking, "We're adults. They should know we get busy and life happens." While this is true, making a commitment to expand your network will require a bit more transparency and trust on your part. You might be stepping out of your comfort zone, but that's what new experiences are all about.
Again, if networking and growing your social and professional circles is really a goal, you have to be available, strategic, and open to actually connecting with people. This isn't something you can do in a casual way since, for these purposes, you truly want to enhance your quality of life by making sure you are interacting with and building relationships with other amazing people.
While you won't be able to force things---as you shouldn't---trying these four simple steps serves as a good starting point to show that you're serious about making and keeping new friends to help you navigate the career success you deserve.
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