I've had my fair share of dating abroad stories. For one year, I traveled the world from Mexico to Dubai, and as a 20-something, I’ve fully embraced my single nomadic lifestyle. This past year allowed me to get to know myself on a deeper level, experience new cultures, trust in God's timing for my life, and ultimately avoid rushing toward the forever my heart desires.
From cute museum dates in London to grabbing drinks in Mexico City and walking the boardwalks in Curacao, dating abroad has allowed me to explore and expand my mind. Of course, there was also the time in Puerto Escondido when my surf instructor picked me up on the back of his motorcycle, and we drove around at night, played pool, danced, and talked on my porch until 2 a.m.
My dating life in the U.S. was pretty stagnant, and I've found that dating overseas has allowed me to be more adventurous and open-minded regarding my love life. My main tip for dating is to trust that God is not limited by location. But don't just take my word for it. I chatted with a few other Black women travelers to get their advice and tips on dating in foreign lands and how to thrive while doing so:
Amber C. Edwards, Relocation Specialist and Creator of The L.I.T. House
Courtesy of Amber C. Edwards
xoNecole: What's the best way to meet potential dates when traveling?
Amber: WhatsApp groups are like a secret society overseas, and what’s great about these groups is they are often a large group for expats or Black expats, but also are segmented into different lifestyles so you can search for groups of activities you like or want to learn like dancing or language exchange, or that you already do, like vegan restaurants and LGBTQ+ meetups. That way you can meet people who you already have something in common with and then meet their friends and grow your potential dating pool.
How did your travel journey begin?
Amber: I was planning a program for Black women who wanted to live outside the U.S. At the time, I had lived in the Middle East and the Caribbean for over two years, received my dual citizenship from Antigua and Barbuda (where my Dad is from), and was able to combine my previous experiences in creating business systems for solo entrepreneurs to partner with travel groups and companies coming into and out of Antigua.
Then in January 2021, I launched The L.I.T. (Local In Training) House as an overseas group transition house for Black women who want a more streamlined way to test out overseas life with a built-in community.
Courtesy of Amber C. Edwards
What has been your experience with dating abroad?
Amber: As a relocation specialist for Black women, around 65% of my clients are single and solo Black women and a majority of those women are interested in dating and have dated while overseas. Initially they take the traumas from their U.S. dating life into their new life, but as they adjust to their new city, they learn to open their horizons to different cultures and mindsets than they have experienced before in the past, especially in the larger cities like México City which has a large Black expat and global community. I’ve had clients who have gotten into relationships and even created a new life while overseas, and now her baby can have two passports!
What advice would you give to others who want to date abroad?
Amber: Be open and take your time to figure out who you are in your new environment. Living overseas allows you to address and leave your baggage back in your home city, so spend some alone time in the beginning of your move abroad so you can figure out just who you are, what kind of life you want to create, and what type of people you want to exchange energy with.
How did your travel journey begin?
Tiffany: I was living on the south side of Chicago navigating the riots and pandemic blues. Do you remember those loud booms and firecrackers in the middle of the night? At that moment, I said, 'I gotta get the f-ck out of here for a couple of weeks.' So I left for Playa Del Carmen and ended up in Tulum for two months. I returned to Chicago to put my things in storage and never looked back. It's been two years of exploring 15 cities in Mexico, and I finally decided to be an official resident in Mexico City.
What was your experience dating abroad?
Tiffany: It’s been a fun, exciting, crazy whirlwind, navigating cultural differences and learning more about other cultures. Mexico City is a global community, so you meet people from all over the world. It was my first time dating outside of my race. I figured the world would end soon, so I might as well do things I've never done before. I wish that I had been more open before.
Courtesy of Tiffany Tapley
How do you feel like dating abroad differs from dating in the States?
Tiffany: In my experience, dates are more intentional, and men communicate how they feel. In the States, you are lost in a sea of 'wyd'ing' texts and 'What you up to?''Here, men are direct and make dinner reservations and creative dates. They're more traditional and will let you know they will protect and provide. Both men and women are so guarded in the States. It's been hard for me to connect there because it's always based on superficial checklists instead of someone's character, and we're supposed to accept the least and give so much of our hearts.
The cultural difference from a Mexico City perspective is that Mexicans are very kind and giving. They lead with their heart, so at first, it was uncomfortable for me to date because I had this American side-eye and I'm letting go of it. On the flip side, as Black American women, we may not be used to someone pouring out their heart so soon, so it's easy to get attached quickly. Mexican men are the ultimate love bombers, just go in having fun and enjoy yourself.
Can you share a time when you stepped outside your comfort zone with dating abroad and the results of that?
Tiffany: Yes. I met a cute Argentinian guy who took me to a private club with a stripper pole, and he jumped up on it and slid down into a split. I was intrigued and got competitive and realized he was better on the pole than me. We went out a few times, but unfortunately, his sexual preferences did not match mine, and he got upset when I asked if he was in a sex cult. We never spoke again, but he inspired me to sign up for pole dancing classes. It worked out for both of us.
How did your travel journey begin?
Sharita: My travel journey began in 2018 when I first moved away from the U.S. to Medellin, Colombia. I moved there mostly to learn Spanish and to just experience life somewhere new. I also chose Medellin because it was popular among other “digital nomads”and it had a thriving Black expat population.
What advice would you give to others who want to date abroad?
Sharita: When dating abroad, trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to try new things, but never second guess your instincts if you get a bad feeling. I’ve said yes to taking a motorcycle ride through the mountains with a man in Antigua, Guatemala because I felt safe with him after a few dates. On the other hand, I’ve just as quickly said no guys who just rubbed me the wrong way. If anything in my gut feels off, I don’t wait to find out why on the date. I just say no or block numbers and move on.
What safety tips do you have for women dating abroad?
Sharita: I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve. I might make some crazy decisions on dates, but I always have safety in the back of my mind:
All first dates should be in a very public place. While I love for a guy to choose the date, I might say that I prefer to be in XYZ area where there are lots of tourists or just lots of people which means I can leave if I need to, or get help in a worst-case scenario.
Share your location with someone who is local. If I’m staying in an Airbnb, I’ll ask my host, when friendly, if I can send them my location while I’m on a date. At a minimum, I’ll drop a pin and say, “I’m here with a new guy.” And especially if my host is female, they know exactly what’s up. I’ve had Airbnb hosts really look out for me, and offer to come pick me up if I felt unsafe on a date (in Guatemala and Mexico).
If riding with someone, share license plate info and your date’s name. In a rare case, if I’m getting into a date’s car, I take a photo of their license and send their name to a friend. I know it’s a bit much, but you just never know. I even let the guy know so he’s on notice that I’m not to be messed with!
Be sparse with your traveling details. Of course, like any solo female traveler, I don’t share everything about my travel situation upfront. I always say that I’m traveling with friends and I don’t share where I live until I feel safe with them, if ever.
How do you think dating abroad differs from dating in the States?
Sharita: For me, dating abroad has been better, mostly due to my attitude. As a woman who’s new to a city or country, I’m much more open and vulnerable than I am at home. I have to rely on my dates to show me around, teach me things about the culture or language, and it really makes me a better dater, in my opinion. So I lean into this “foreigner advantage” as much as possible.
Another difference that I’ve noticed is how much (or little) Black women are appreciated from place to place. I’ve gone from feeling completely overlooked in Medellin, to feeling like I was Beyoncé in Playa Del Carmen and Mexico City. And years ago in Madrid, Spain, the local men treated me as though I was a prostitute when I’d walk through the streets in my business attire. So, location can make all the difference in the overall dating experience.
Courtesy of Sharita Jennings
What's been your favorite destination to date abroad?
Sharita: When I was in Latin America, Mexico was my favorite place to date. It may be the proximity to the U.S. that helps, but I really enjoyed the dating scene there. And most importantly, in Mexico, unlike many parts of the world, my Blackness felt like an advantage. I genuinely felt appreciated for being darker skinned, and I never felt fetishized, in my personal experience.
Share a time when you stepped outside your comfort zone while dating abroad and the results.
Sharita: What I’m most proud of in my time dating abroad, is attempting to date completely in Spanish. When I first moved to Colombia, I had a disadvantage by not speaking the language well. But when I moved to Mexico City for the first time in 2019, I wrote all my dating profiles in Spanish (with a note that I was still learning) and wrote all my messages in my imperfect Spanish. I’d even work with my Spanish tutor to cover dating topics and situations. The experience was thrilling and turned out so much better than I could have imagined. Again, I became more vulnerable as I had to rely on my dates to help me out with the language and they had to show a lot of patience as I tried to express myself in 2nd-grade level Spanish.
Overall, it was a great way to meet new people, have unique experiences, and improve my Spanish. I would 10/10 recommend trying to date in another language even if you just have a basic level. Perhaps seek out dates who also speak English so you can fall back on that when needed.
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The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
As an ambivert, I must admit that I constantly live in a state of staycations (LOL) because I enjoy my space and spending time with myself just that much. And, even though I’m personally not a “holidays person,” I must say that for those who do observe them, I think that taking staycations (vacations at home or in your city) during those days can be cool because you can center them around a theme — and what better theme can there be than love? Including self-love.
I’m telling you, devoting an entire weekend to rest, recharge, and holistic pampering, I’m not sure if life gets any better than that. So, why not seize the moment this Valentine’s Day weekend by incorporating (at least some of) the following 10 tips?
1. Get Yourself a Body Pillow
GiphyAs a doula, I’ve gotta admit that the only time a body pillow really comes to mind is when I’m talking to a client about how she can make her second and/or third trimester more comfortable as far as sleep is concerned. However, when I was recently talking to a single woman about how she hates that her king-size bed feels so empty yet she’s not ready to put a warm body in it, “Get yourself a body pillow” came out of my mouth.
The truth is body pillows are great, in general, when it comes to supporting great posture, helping you to sleep better (if you happen to be a side sleeper), improving blood circulation, reducing snoring, helping you to toss and turn less throughout the night and even soothing aching muscles and joints. Plus, it gives you something to cuddle with. So, if you want to treat yourself to something unique that’s super practical at the same time, get a body pillow this Valentine’s Day. It’ll be one of the best investments that you’ve made in quite some time.
2. Buy Some Sexy/Comfy PJs Too
GiphyUnless you sleep in the nude, it’s a good idea toswap out your pajamas every 4-5 days or so. That way, between all of the dead skin cell shedding and sweating, you can be proactive about taking care of your skin as well as your bedding. Okay, but how often should you purchase a new pair of PJs? Well, when you stop to think about the fact that you are in them for 5-8 hours every night, every 6-9 months is probably a good idea. That said, if it’s been a couple of years longer than that since you’ve invested in some, Valentine’s Day is just as good of a time as any, wouldn’t you say?
And don’t get those granny-looking ones either. Just because you’re single, that doesn’t mean that all you have are dated moo-moos (although I’ve had some husbands sing the praises of those before — LOL) and oversized flannels in your near future. Pajamas that are made out of cotton are good so that your skin can breathe; however, try and go for something sexy like a baby doll set or a tank and some boy shorts. Science backs up the fact that how we choose to dress impacts our self-esteem — why would you think that only applies to how you look while you are outside of the house?
3. Put Some Flowers in Your Room
GiphyPersonally, I adore fresh flowers. Yet if you happen to be someone who doesn’t see the point in them, thinks they are a waste of money, and/or feels like it’s kinda-sorta ridiculous to get your own self a bouquet — let me just say that there is plenty of research out here to support the fact that flowers help to put you in a better mood, decrease stress, reduce indoor air pollution, lower blood pressure and even make you more attentive.
Know what else is interesting? Red and yellow flowers can help you to feel more comfortable, cheerful, and calm. Red roses are pretty much the signature flower for Valentine’s Day — and now you’ve got some really solid reason to get yourself a dozen of ‘em.
4. Have Your Favorite Meal Delivered
GiphyIf I were to ever have a social media platform or podcast, one thing that you will never hear outta me is that I am not Team Cooking. Cooking is healthier for you and (before this guy because POTUS) it’s significantly cheaper too. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a DoorDash account, though — and I am absolutely not afraid to use it! Sometimes, ordering a meal can feel indulgent because, not only are you letting someone else prepare what you enjoy eating, it is being hand-delivered to you too.
Since everything that we’re talking about today is how to set the stage for a bomb-sss staycation, definitely get food sent to you. No dishes to clean up is a very necessary step when it comes to chilling out and relaxing all Valentine’s Day (weekend).
5. Take Yourself on a Date
GiphyAgain, since Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this year, this gives you the entire weekend to date yourself. Go to your local farmers’ market. Enjoy an indoor picnic. Check out an indie concert. Stop by a coffee shop, write yourself some love letters (check out “Every Woman Should Write A Love Letter To Themselves”), and then mail them to your house on the way home. Be a tourist in your own city. Go ice or roller skating. Schedule a photo shoot (for yourself).
Take yourself shopping. Read at least three chapters of a book or watch an entire movie while in the bathtub. Spend the night at a swanky hotel. Remember, at the end of the day, a date is a way of spending quality time with someone. Since Valentine’s Day is a day that celebrates love, why not spend quality time with who should be your favorite person: YOURSELF.
6. Or Go on a Virtual Tour
GiphyAnd what if what I just suggested sounds great in theory; however, you’re really just not in the mood? Well, another way that you can still “date yourself” is to open up your laptop and go on a virtual tour. For instance, if you’ve always wanted to go to Greece, Peru, or Ireland or you’re curious about Antarctica or the Amazon Rainforest, you can click here to check these places out up close and personally. Wanna learn more about Africa? There are several virtual tours available here.
To tell you the truth, these days, there are virtual tours that cover just about any place that you can think of. Personally, I think that this is a cool thing to do on a staycation because you can “be somewhere” from the comfort and convenience of your own home, and/or it’s a proactive way to put a plan together so that you and/or some friends can go on a trip before the year is out.
7. Give Yourself a Scalp and Foot Massage
GiphyIf you’ve “got it like that,” something else that can make this a really special single girl’s Valentine’s Day staycation event is to have a massage therapist give you a massage (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”) at your home. However, if coins are tight, you can still pamper yourself by engaging in a DIY scalp and foot massage. Both reduce stress. Both release tension. Both make for an amazing night’s sleep.
Tips for how to give yourself a stellar scalp massage can be found here. Tips for how to give yourself a wonderful foot massage can be found here. And definitely don’t forget to incorporate some soothing essential oils. I’ve got a list of some for you right here.
8. Start a Self-Love Scrapbook or Journal
GiphyQuestion: What tangible memories do you have of how you love yourself? Weird question, right? Still, that doesn’t make it an invalid one. I can only imagine how much better we’d all feel about ourselves if we actually had a self-love scrapbook to refer to — one that consisted of receipts from pampering days, self-love quotes that we enjoy, some of our favorite pictures of ourselves, written down memories of some ah-ha moments of transformation that particularly standout…anything that reminds us of loving ourselves (that can fit into a scrapbook).
If you like the idea and yet need some inspiration, check out Skillshare’s “40 Beautiful Scrapbooking Ideas to Try.” Or you can use this as an opportunity to get a fresh journal — one that is dedicated to nothing but mantras, quotes, song lyrics, and thoughts pertaining to how to love yourself more and better. Make sure to put the dates and times of your entries in. There’s nothing like seeing actual documentation of your own self-love journey and growth.
9. Turn It into a Sleepover with Your Friends
GiphyJust because you’re single, that doesn’t mean you have to spend Valentine’s Day alone — if you don’t want to. One woman I know, she hosts a Valentine’s Day party for the single men and women in her life every year. Another one? She has an old-school sleepover where her girlfriends wear heart PJs, watch throwback rom-coms, and eat every form of junk food known to man (and woman). Definitely one of the reasons why Valentine’s Day feels lonely for some people is because they think that love only means romantic love and that absolutely could not be further from the truth.
If the idea of using this coming Valentine’s Day weekend to fall off the grid to mankind isn’t your idea of a good time, you can always call a friend or two to spend the night with you. Or, you can have a virtual sleepover with homies who live elsewhere. You can learn more about how to execute one of those here and here.
10. SLEEP. IN.
GiphyIf you don’t have to work this Valentine’s Day weekend, why not sleep in? When you stop to think about the fact that sleep reduces stress, improves your mental health, reduces your blood sugar levels, helps you to maintain a healthy weight, and strengthens your heart — how could putting your phone on DND (Do Not Disturb) and not setting your alarm NOT be an act of self-love? The world will still be waiting for you once you roll out of bed.
In honor of a phenomenal single woman’s Valentine’s Day staycation, let it wait. Sis, I’m pretty sure you’ve earned it. SLEEP. IN. (Yay!)
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