After A Breakup, I Moved Overseas And Ended Up Finding True Love
One of life's most worthwhile lessons is learning how to love. And more importantly, how to love yourself more.
Like most 20-somethings, I've had my fair share of failed relationships and "situationships." You know, those soul sucking kinships that aren't really what you need or want, when neither of you know what is really going on, but it offers companionship and a good time. But, after my last relationship left me almost broken to my core, I couldn't seem to face the possibility of loving anyone else.
It's funny how life works…
Seven months after that breakup, I finished my MBA, packed up my apartment, quit my job and left for Europe. If I could've left earlier, I probably would have, but you know.... Grad School. I had no plan, all I knew is that I wanted to get away from Atlanta because I refused to be just another single, overly educated, 20-something black woman in Atlanta brunching on Sundays.
I figured I could at least be a single, overly educated, 20-something black woman brunching in London!
Was I running? Yes.
But, not running from just the memories of a failed relationship.
I was running from mediocrity and comfort.
Everything I knew was back in Atlanta: my friends, a job I loved liked, some family, and my esteemed social circles of young, bougie, black professionals. However, if I ever planned to grow and live the life I had imagined, I would have to leave what was comfortable and known all behind.
I really learned to love myself and find comfort in my own company (I mean honestly, you really have no choice traveling solo for 2 months). But, it taught me great life lessons about self-affirmations. Once you understand that you are worthy and deserving of everything you ever wished for, whether it be a loving partner, a CEO position, a fancy sports car, or a penthouse condo, you can make moves to have those things manifest.
After spending time in Europe, I ended up moving to Dubai, which presented its own new set of dating challenges and setbacks. But after 18 months, I met an amazing man from Holland, who taught me how to love again and made me open to being loved. I've slowly let down those walls that were built up and let love reign in my heart. I know that this man loves me to "the moon & back" and I'm okay with that because I've learned to love him with the same passion.
Of course, he shares my love of travel and we've had several adventures together already to the Maldives, Holland and Italy.
It almost sounds like a fairy tale, right? It kind of feels surreal sometimes, but I know it's a result of making conscious and intentional decisions to invite love back into my life.
Here are my four tips for letting love reign supreme:
Love yourself.
Like all the experts say, it first starts at home. You can never truly love someone else if you don't know what it takes. By spending time alone, meditating, reading, taking yourself on dates (and trips), and pampering yourself; you begin to understand the things that make you happy and make life more enjoyable for YOU. Figure out the things that fill you with joy, make you smile and that can't wait to experience. Having a partner should make you feel the same way. So be strong enough to let go, and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Let love in and don't block it.
The toughest lesson I had to learn was being vulnerable again. That breakup really hurt me. I had tried dating shortly after in an attempt to move on, but it didn't help. I wasn't open to loving someone again. I needed time to heal. It took over a year and half, but I eventually began to live in the light and let love in. When it happened I didn't block it, try to understand it, I just let it in. And if somehow it doesn't work out in the end, you lived, you loved, and you learned.
Stop fearing loss.
When we lose people, it's a natural reaction to fear losing others. But you can't let that fear into your dating process or new relationship. If they want to leave, there's nothing you can do to stop them. Yeah, it sucks. But like my mama says "don't hold on to wet newspapers. There's something better in tomorrow's edition."
Trust people when they say “I love you."
After a painful breakup, it can make you doubt that you are worthy of someone's love again. Doubt is poison. So when someone tells you that they love you, believe them and have faith that they mean it. It's no fun, worrying whether they do or don't. Their actions will reveal everything you need to know in the end.
In the end, all you can do is hope for the best. But don't let fear keep you hostage. Just remember: All's fair in love & travel.
Originally posted on CocoGoneGlobal.com
Coco Hunter is a travel & lifestyle blogger, who has traveled to 30+ countries. She chronicles her global adventures at CocoGoneGlobal.com. Originally from Oakland, CA, she has lived in Atlanta, Dubai and now resides in Zurich, Switzerland. Her adventures have led her backpacking across Europe, sand surfing in Dubai, hot air ballooning over the Swiss Alps, chasing waterfalls in the Philippines, and whale shark diving in the Maldives. You can follow her writing, musings and wacky adventures on Instagram and Twitter.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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What These Beauty Editors And Writers Learned About Beauty From Their Moms
Beauty editors are the heart of the industry. They work endlessly to provide us with inspiring stories and keep us up to date on beauty trends that help remind us we are that girl. However, before they were the trailblazers of the beauty industry, they were little girls inspired by their mothers’ beauty routines.
Watching them every morning as they put on their favorite lipstick and got ready for the day. Dreaming of the moment when they, too, could play in their mother's makeup bag and discover the secret behind the captivating beauty world.
Asia Milia Ware, Kayla Greaves, and Shauna Beni are three masterminds behind some of your favorite digital publications. They have pushed beauty trends and started groundbreaking conversations in the industry. Not only are they some of the most talented beauty writers and editors, but they are fabulous women who get it from their mamas!
We chatted with each of them to learn more about how their mothers have influenced their love for beauty.
Asia Milia Ware
Beauty and Fashion Writer, The Cut
Asia Milia Ware is a beauty and fashion force to be reckoned with. You can catch her on somebody's island in the latest fashion or at an occasional function with friends and a bold red lip. Ware’s infectious love for beauty and fashion started as a young girl watching her mom’s simple yet profound beauty routine. “My mom’s beauty routine was simple. She had her go-to Revlon red lipstick that doubled as a blush, followed by Amber Rose perfume oil, and she would do her nails,” says Ware. As Ware gained an admiration for beauty, she would turn her mother's sweet red lipstick kisses into blush. A mother’s love would soon birth the trajectory of Ware’s successful career in the beauty industry.
“It impacted me as a young girl because I saw how it made her feel. I saw the instant mood booster it was to apply her lipstick, and I saw how special she felt when she would go to the hair salon and be pampered instead of doing it herself,” she says. Seeing her mother’s confidence and happiness made Ware crave a similar feeling. Sneaking into her mother’s makeup bag and putting on lipstick became a thrill. That thrill soon turned into Ware tagging along to the nail salon with her aunts. “I saw Black women unapologetically indulging in themselves through beauty, and it was a community I couldn’t wait to be part of.”
Seeing women pour into themselves was pivotal for the way Ware would view self-love, but Ware’s most important lesson in beauty would be self-acceptance. “I was a rebel; if she [her mother] told me I didn't need certain makeup or weave, I would still want it. But, in hindsight, she was teaching me to love everything about myself without the enhancements,” says Ware. Living in a world where beauty can seem more important than who we are, learning to love our core can help enhance our self-confidence and view beauty as an accessory, not a necessity.
Kayla Greaves
Award-winning Beauty Journalist and former Beauty Editor at InStyle
“My mother was very big on beauty. I can’t remember when she ever went out without glam and a fit to match,” says Greaves. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Greaves is an award-winning journalist who challenges beauty norms while looking effortless in glam. Like her mother, she has a wash and roller set and well-manicured nails. “She had her weekly wash days, followed by doing her own roller set, and while under the dryer, she would be doing her mani/pedi. Many of my memories of her have become fuzzy, but as a little girl, I remember looking up to her and thinking she was the most beautiful woman on the planet,” says Greaves.
Like most little girls, Greaves enjoyed playing in her mother's closet and makeup. She fell into beauty as she tried on her mother's clothes and indulged in her makeup bag. “I always wanted my nails painted, my hair done, and begged her to put a little blush on my cheeks before we went out,” says Greaves. Her mother's passion for beauty was soon embedded in her daughter, who couldn’t wait to define beauty for herself.
As Greaves grew up, she unfortunately couldn’t bask in conversation about beauty with her mother. However, she’s adopted what she remembers of her mom into her routine. “she always had a simple makeup routine, and I've adopted that. My go-to look is a combo of mascara, a little highlighter, and a well-lined red or nude lip. Ironically, I have my mother's lips—maybe that's why they're my favorite feature.” Greaves' mother's love for beauty will forever be remembered and carried through her daughter's spirit.
Shauna Beni-Haynes
Shopping Editor, Teen Vogue
Shauna Beni-Haynes' beauty routines are filled with so much life. From pink hair to vibrant makeup and fashion looks, Haynes' love for beauty knows no bounds. Although Haynes’ relationship with beauty is larger than life, her mom always kept things simple. “All she needed was a classic red lip, red nails, and a big, voluminous blowout. That was her go-to beauty routine, and I love looking back at her pictures and seeing how beautiful she looked,” says Haynes.
Similar to Haynes, her mother created her own rules when it came to beauty. A bold red lip and voluminous hair deeply impacted Haynes at a time when most were doing the opposite. “In a time when the beauty standard was focused on long, straight, silky hair, I could rock my natural curls loud and proud, thanks to the confidence instilled from my mom's beauty routine,” says Haynes. Her mother’s courage became rooted in a lesson for Haynes to use the beauty features she already had, allowing her to embrace her full self.
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Featured image by Asia Milia Ware/Instagram