Quick & Easy Self-Esteem Hacks That Will Have You Feeling Yourself
Self-esteem. It's one of those terms we hear so much that I can't help but wonder, if all of us were asked what it was if we'd provide similar answers. As someone who can raise her hand in this class and admit that I battled with self-esteem for years on end, I realize that a point of my personal struggle was that I didn't get that it was synonymous with self-respect.
A woman who has self-respect is motivated by love not fear. A woman with self-respect cares about her character more than her appearance (her looks are the icing, not the cake). A woman with self-respect is unapologetic about setting boundaries that will protect her mind, body, and spirit. A woman with self-respect knows that she can't love others well if she doesn't put God first and her soul second. A woman with self-respect is driven, genuine, self-nurturing, profoundly spiritual, and absolutely adores her own company. A woman with self-respect is unapologetically unstoppable when it comes to her purpose, goals, and ambitions.
There is nothing that a woman with self-respect can't do. That's probably why so many of us battle with getting to this point and place in our lives. Once we do, there's nothing we can't do. Ever.
If you know that self-esteem is a bit of a struggle for you, that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. All of us have been there and most of us have moments where we relapse. But whether you're looking for steps to strengthen your being altogether, or you're simply "having a moment" and need to tap back into your self-awareness and self-worth, here are some self-esteem hacks that can get you right back on track. Promise.
Wear Your Favorite Color
I've written on color psychology before; it's about more than simply having a favorite color and wearing it. Different hues tap into different sides of our nature; they can also reveal things that we want to attain at particular points in our lives. For instance, if you're really drawn to green, you may be desiring holistic health and/or financial success. If blue is your fave, internal peace and tranquility may be what you're after. Orange symbolizes creativity, purple symbolizes royalty, and grey symbolizes reliability and maturity.
On the mornings when you wake up, look in the mirror and don't feel so great about yourself, redirect your emotions by putting your favorite color on. Then Google what it symbolizes. All of the positive words that you see, think of yourself as being the literal embodiment of them, thanks to the outfit (and/or make-up) that you have on.
Adjust Your Posture
My posture isn't the best. It comes from sitting — and by that, I mean slouching — in my comfy chair as I'm writing throughout the day. But ever since I read that our posture has a direct effect on our moods, I've been more intentional about sitting up straight.
How does posture have the power to make us feel bad? Whenever we slouch, it puts stress on our body; especially our spine. That can affect how we breathe, which can affect the amount of oxygen that gets to our brain. Over time, that can make us feel drained, sad, and even depressed.
If you're like most of the free world, you probably spend most of your time sitting at a computer all day. If you want to know how you should be sitting, click here for the breakdown. Make adjustments where needed and see if it makes you feel better. It should.
Think. Then Act. Immediately.
Something that low self-esteem does is rob us of our self-confidence. One way to get it back is to make a decision and then act on it — immediately. If you know that it's time to end a toxic relationship, stop venting to your girls about it. Write Mr. Crazy an email and send it. If you've been talking about needing to work out more, on your lunch break, sign up for a gym membership. If you've been wanting to move up at your office, walk over to your manager and request a formal meeting.
People with high self-esteem are never comfortable with just talking about how they want their life to be; they are always making the kind of moves that get them closer to their aspirations and goals.
Write a Personal Mission Statement
I'm not big on New Year's resolutions. I am all about annual mission statements, though. They are a great way to keep you focused on what your core values are and the kind of contribution you want to make in this world. A personal mission statement can also serve as a guide so that you can know when you're about to make a decision that works in your favor vs. one that could totally throw you off course.
It's been a while since I've penned a professional mission statement (I need to get on that), but I did write a personal one around my birthday last year and bay-bay — it totally changed my life! And was like a Vitamin B12 shot to my self-esteem. I am all about penning them. (If you've never written one before, you can learn how to here.)
Attempt Something New
Again, self-esteem is all about self-respect and self-respect is all about honoring both yourself and your time. Every single day that the Most High gives you is an opportunity to do something great in a way that no one else on this planet can do it. Unfortunately, most of us don't live our lives this way. We stay stuck in a routine that consists of very little fun, spontaneity, or newness.
There are all sorts of data to support that doing things like traveling to foreign countries, conquering things that scare us or taking risks all play a role in making us more self-aware and comfortable with ourselves.
When's the last time you did something for the first time? What are you waiting on? Your self-esteem needs you to.
Turn Off Your Notifications (for the Rest of the Day)
Yeah, I already know. Some of y'all aren't gonna be happy to hear this, but there is scientific evidence to support that our smartphones have a way of doing some real damage to our self-esteem and level of happiness. Between all of the bad (or just plain crazy) news, celebrity gossip, exes on IG, and filtered pics of people — sometimes it's more than our minds and hearts can take. Then, if you add to that all of the texts that are constantly coming through from people we personally know, it's a miracle that we're able to get anything done.
If you're tapped into the Matrix so much that it's got you doubting yourself, comparing yourself, or tempting yourself to do things that are truly counterproductive (like sliding into someone's DMs who has already proven to be absolutely no good for you), do yourself, your self-esteem, and your future a favor and turn your notifications off for the rest of the day. Take out a few hours to hear nothing but silence. Watch how much the quiet empowers you.
Say “No” More Often
As a former codependent, I'm here to tell you that nothing takes its toll on your self-esteem quite like not establishing boundaries does or having them but allowing people to make you feel guilty for the ones that you've set. Setting boundaries is not mean or selfish. It's the ultimate form of self-care.
If you're someone who is a people pleaser that runs your own self into the ground by saying "yes" to everyone and everything all of the time, take a moment to ask yourself why you do that. If what comes to mind are things like you fear rejection or you're afraid folks won't like you if you say "no" sometimes, guess what the remedy to that is? SAYING NO.
Not only will it teach you how to take care of your own needs more often, but you'll be able to see who's in your life for the right reasons; who's in your world because they love you vs. all of the things that you do for them.
Use Some Orange Essential Oil
Aromatherapy is king — and queen. It's one of the quickest and easiest ways to totally alter our moods. Keeping this in mind, remember how I said that the color orange represents creative energy? Well, the scent of orange has the ability to relieve anxiety, anger, and depression. Many who use it also say that it improved their moods within moments of putting it on. That's because orange oil contains properties that serve as an antioxidant and an antidepressant too.
Do Something (Anonymously) for Someone Else
Another indication of someone who has a high level of self-esteem is, they don't need an audience or applause every time they do something. So long as God and they know about it, they're good; that's how at peace with themselves they are.
Words really can't express how wonderful it can make you feel to do something nice for someone without them (or anyone else) knowing anything about it. Giving that has no ulterior motive or agenda is a true characteristic of the strong.
Unfortunately, a lot of us confuse daily upkeep with actually treating ourselves. Taking a bubble bath, getting your nails done, buying some new underwear — that files under cleaning yourself, not looking crazy and keeping bacteria away from your nether regions.
Sis, please aim higher. Be intentional about 1) setting some money aside to indulge yourself and 2) doing it 1-2 times a month. Make sure it's the kind of things that remind you of just how beautiful, wonderful, and valuable you are; things that don't need a rhyme or reason other than you're worth it. Because you are!
Treating oneself is something that took me a while to put into practice. But now that I have, I can personally vouch for the fact that it is the ultimate self-esteem hack. It really is.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (firstname.lastname@example.org) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Chief Mom Officer: 23 Quotes From Working Moms Finding Their Balance
The truth is, Black moms create magic every single day. Whether we're juggling motherhood with a busy 9-5, a thriving business, or staying at home to run a household, no day is short of amazing when you're managing life as a mommy. This Mother's Day, xoNecole is giving flowers to CMOs (Chief Mom Officers) in business who exemplify the strength it takes to balance work with motherhood.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Bridget Bogee, Marketing Lead At Meta
"Ask for help and always prioritize making time for you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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This Is How Geminis Pair With Each Zodiac Sign In Matters Of The Heart
Diving into the compatibility of Gemini is a unique one because a Gemini has no restrictions when it comes to love. They are open-minded enough to get along with everyone, and their charming and talkative nature attracts many to them. Geminis are notorious in Astrology, and not always for the best reasons. They are talked about the most regarding their relationships and how they are as partners. So what is it about this air sign that intrigues some and irritates others? Is Gemini a good partner to be with, or are they a walking red flag?
Who Are Geminis Compatible With?
Well, there is something to be noted about Gemini that is often not known. In Astrology, Gemini is represented as The Twins, and in Tarot, Gemini is represented as The Lovers. They do have a deep connection to relationships, love, and partnerships, and this energy is not talked about enough when it comes to Gemini.
Geminis make good partners as they know what it takes to be one. They are the type to support their partners unconditionally and to see their partners in the best light. This is why so many are attracted to Gemini in the first place because they make others feel like being themselves is enough and is worthy of love and affection. They are also extremely fun partners to be around, and nothing is ever dull in a relationship with a Gemini.
The challenges that arise with a Gemini relationship and where they get their bad rap from, however, have to do with Gemini’s flighty and inconsistent energy. Being a mutable sign, you never really know what you are going to get with a Gemini, and not in a good way. They are very impulsive and can be irrational when it comes to love.
Love is often where they feel the need to take the most risks, often at the expense of someone else. If they feel smothered or controlled in any type of way in a relationship, they tend to run, and sometimes that’s into another person’s arms.
Geminis need a lot of mental stimulation to feel connected and need a partner who has this same type of spark. It may take a while for a Gemini to commit, and they tend to go through many trials and errors in love, however, if they get into a relationship with the perfect balance of love and spontaneity, they will not have a challenge being devoted to that person. You will never forget a relationship with a Gemini.
GEMINI + ARIES
Gemini and Aries are soulmates. This is a relationship the two find easy and comfortable, and like they get each other on another level than most. Gemini and Aries have a similar energy, and their curiosity and excitement for life make this a fun couple that everyone loves to be around. This is the type of relationship to have funny banter and who loves to joke around and not take life too seriously. They both value their freedom and independence and won’t put too much pressure on each other, which makes this a relationship that can go the distance. They respect each other, they put good energy into the relationship, and this is a dynamic couple.
GEMINI + TAURUS
A Gemini and Taurus relationship is not the worst of the worst, but it’s also not the best of the best for Gemini. Being that these two are next to each other on the Zodiac Wheel, there is a unique connection and familiarity these two have together that can’t go unnoticed. Gemini can learn a lot from Taurus and vice versa, and these two are usually willing to learn and grow with each other. What makes things work here is they both value relationships in life, so the two of them will like to spend time together. Although, there tends to be a lack of basic chemistry in the relationship between Gemini and Taurus that is needed in order to lead to a committed relationship.
GEMINI + GEMINI
A Gemini and Gemini relationship is wild. This is a relationship that is like a roller coaster ride for both of them, and the potential for longevity is slim. However, a lot of fun will be had, and communication between the two will be this relationship’s strength. The challenge with an air sign and air sign couple is that the relationship is often flighty, and unless there are other factors in the birth chart, it can be difficult for these two to settle down. This relationship may seem like a good idea in the beginning, but it may eventually become a burden to one or the other. Nonetheless, they will have a good time together.
GEMINI + CANCER
Gemini and Cancer is a rare type of relationship that you don’t see often. Although Gemini is typically the initiator in their relationships, Cancer will most likely be the one to make the first move here. Cancer finds Gemini intriguing and interesting, and Gemini senses this from Cancer and wraps them in their web effortlessly. Over time, Cancer may find Gemini too hard to grasp, and Cancer is the type of lover who needs more constant devotion and love than Gemini is willing to give. Both of them tend to act on impulse, and this relationship is typically one with a lot of emotional and mental upheavals.
GEMINI + LEO
Gemini and Leo make great best friends and lovers. This is a connection that is often formed from friendship in the beginning and then leads to a deeper kind of love. Leo finds Gemini sexy and intriguing, and what the other signs complain about in Gemini, Leo feels like they can handle. After a time, however, Leo may find some of Gemini’s motives and intentions too shaky for committed Leo, as they truly need someone who is all in. If Gemini is in that place and is willing to give their love and devotion to Leo and vice versa, this can be a beautiful relationship full of mutual respect and good times.
GEMINI + VIRGO
This is a relationship that is based on communication. Gemini and Virgo have a unique mental connection as they are both ruled by the planet of communication, Mercury, and they are both mutable signs. This relationship may at first seem unusual to outsiders and even to them, as they are both very different people when it comes down to it, however, the more they get to know each other, the more they like what they see. All in all, though, Virgo may not have the tolerance to make this something long-term, and Gemini may find Virgo too uptight. Both find it difficult to see each other in their futures, but both appreciate the energy of understanding and freedom in the relationship.
GEMINI + LIBRA
Gemini and Libra have a relationship that is full of love. This is a couple that likes spending time together, and they both find each other attractive on many different levels. Libra is the romantic, and Gemini is the charmer. Libra likes the flirtatious energy that Gemini gives, and this is a couple that doesn’t grow tired of each other. They are both highly intellectual, and the communication between the two of them is something special. Gemini will have to watch out for their wildcard tendencies to make this relationship work long-term, however, because Libra will begin to find all the things they thought were charming about Gemini distasteful. This relationship has a lot working for them to work, but balance will be necessary.
GEMINI + SCORPIO
This is a relationship that isn’t for the weak. The sexual compatibility between the two is there, but the mental connection, which is needed for Gemini to get into a relationship in the first place, isn’t. Scorpio needs an emotional connection in a relationship; Gemini craves a mental one. These two are both creative individuals, and they tend to have a bond over music, art, or theatre, however, personality-wise, they will often have disagreements and misunderstandings between each other that make it difficult for the relationship to grow into anything. It seems worth it at first, but these two soon realize there isn’t enough in common to keep them together.
GEMINI + SAGITTARIUS
Gemini and Sagittarius have a lot of fun and laughs together. When in a relationship, they both love to explore the world together, hang out with friends, and build a life that is exciting to live. They are all about creativity and personal expression, and they aren’t the type to hold each other back in any way. This is a couple that can spend hours talking, and that is willing to get to know each other on many different levels. Since these two are sister signs and reside on opposite sides of the Zodiac Wheel, their differences can feel too strong to bear at times, and this relationship can only work if they learn to love and respect each other’s perspective instead of changing them all the time.
GEMINI + CAPRICORN
Gemini and Capricorn are an unusual pair, but anything is possible. The main challenges that arise in this type of relationship are Gemini’s need for freedom and Capricorn’s need for stability. These two both want completely different things out of life and will have to find ways to meet in the middle to make the relationship work. Gemini and Capricorn both have very different energies, and they don’t necessarily mesh well when they come together. Gemini is known for its charm, however, and not even Capricorn can deny that type of spark, so there is a potential for something to happen. All in all, this is one of Gemini’s least compatible matches in Astrology.
GEMINI + AQUARIUS
These two are often found in both friendships and romantic relationships. They get along well, and everything comes naturally to them. Gemini and Aquarius are the type of couple to turn a fling into something more serious. They often meet on the internet or through mutual friends, and these two tend to have a lot of common interests and perspectives. This is a progressive couple who won’t be into societal norms that come with relationships, and they are more likely to do things on their own terms, making their relationship a unique one. Gemini and Aquarius have a lot of love for each other, and this is a couple with strong compatibility.
GEMINI + PISCES
Gemini and Pisces are another more common duo for Gemini. Pisces tend to see with rose-colored glasses when in love, and Gemini admires this type of fantasy world that Pisces opens up to Gemini. Gemini, being their curious selves, finds themselves lost in another world with Pisces, and they feel inspired here. However, with the different perspectives, shifts of energy, and mutable behavior, things can change quickly here, and this relationship either turns out to be a beautiful one or a complete disaster. If this relationship is built on solid ground and not empty promises, then it can work out for the best.
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