Where Do You Draw The Line Between Relationships & Work-Life Balance? 7 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound Off
We may be on day 2,987 of quarantine, but we're only up to episode four of Insecure, "Lowkey Losin' It", and it was anything but lowkey.
Previously, we asked fans "Could YOU be friends with your ex's new bae?" after Issa's throuple (as Molly puts it) with Lawrence and Condola got complicated. There were multiple storylines going on this latest episode, but Molly and Andrew's brought up an all-new relationship pickle that's relatable AF.
Here's what you missed if you missed it, so brace yourself for spoilers…
Workaholic Molly kept putting her dates with Andrew on the back burner when it came to her work at the law firm. Late nights at the office and late nights on her laptop at home came before spending quality time with him.
To be fair, her relationship with Asian Bae is fairly new and Molly's super passionate about her career where she constantly needs to be on her A game. All in all, the couple was able to move forward after talking it out. #MollyAndAsianBae4Ever
Quarantine got all of us wishing for hugs from the back... or is it just me? 🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️ #InsecureHBO pic.twitter.com/UrP3X0uHqb
— Yvonne Orji (@YvonneOrji) May 4, 2020
It's no secret relationship and work-life balance can be tough, especially those with demanding careers. But after watching this episode, my friends and I discussed exactly how we handle this. I can relate to this all too well. I've definitely blown off plans with friends and family because of a deadline or job function. I've also been the girlfriend spending quality time with my guy watching an awards show while simultaneously reporting on it from my laptop. It just is what is what is. Like Molly, not only am I perfectionist when it comes to what I do for a living, but it's my passion. Of course, there has to be balance for any relationship to work, but ideally I'd like to be with someone who understands my work, and possibly is in the same industry or related field.
That sounds like I'm asking a lot, and maybe I am, but it's much easier for someone to get it when they can relate. At, the very least having a partner who is equally passionate about their work, whatever it may be, is always helpful (not to mention, attractive). Andrew isn't a lawyer like Molly, but I'm sure his work in the entertainment industry will bring up limitations to his free time at some point and Molly will have to show him the same understanding he showed her.
But different strokes for different folks, am I right? So, I reached out to Insecure fans to ask them:
Where do you draw the line between work relationship and work-life balance? Would you have stuck around like Andrew did with Molly?
Quality Time Over Money
"[Being an entrepreneur, my situation is] unique in that I truly own my time. With that being said, I find nothing more important than time with loved ones. So, for me, I couldn't be putting my partner on the back burner for a check, no time with a company is worth more time with my woman. But I worked hard to put myself in a position where I won my time and my income isn't dependent on hours but on value." –Jeffrey Derose, Founder, Startup Advisory Group
Relationships Take Empathy and Understanding
"It is not realistic to have a personality like Molly's and disregard your work obligations. She would also only similarly be attracted to someone who takes their work seriously. There is no real way to build a partnership otherwise. We have watched her cycle through many partners and, for some of them, an obstacle was their career limitations. It is very easy to dismiss Black women as overly committed to success and not to relationships, but it is also understandable why Molly would behave that way.
"Work never lets you down. It is a very simple system. You work hard and you get paid. It's very simple. In relationships, things are infinitely more complicated."
"Being with Andrew requires more energy and vulnerability than she can just deflect at work. It is a big step that she recognized where she was being unfair and decided to apologize. I think relationships take empathy and understanding and you know when someone is being genuine or not. I think Andrew knew Molly was trying her best and therefore made an allowance for her. It's mature on both of their parts." –Danielle Prescod,Style Director, BET Networks
It's the Little Things
"My last relationship basically ended because of this. When you are passionate about your career, it almost feels like cheating when you have to step away from the computer to go on a date. Especially in a new relationship, it's hard to shift gears and make a new commitment to this person. I've come to the conclusion that being driven and independent is great, but your partner wants to feel like a priority too; they want to feel needed. So, it's important to keep things interesting with spontaneous little actions that show you're always thinking of them.
"My ex would love when I FaceTimed him randomly, or when I made plans that had to do with things he was into. I also learned to invite them into your world as much as possible, and volunteer to help them when things got busy on their end. As soon as things feel one-sided, someone isn't feeling appreciated, or someone doesn't feel like a priority... it's hard to reel it back in. I think Molly got lucky with her boo because he's always busy too, so though he felt a type of way, he gets it." –Hala Maroc, Personality/Wellness Advocate TheBadassBootcamp.com
Drive and Ambition Are Two Attractive Qualities In A Spouse
"I'd say this is something that can be worked out smoothly. It's all about prioritizing your time; Molly is extremely ambitious, and she should be allowed to have a great career and relationship. For me, I've made sure to carve out time during the weekend and certain times out of the work week for my spouse. While keeping in mind some down time for myself.
"I'd never stand in the way of my spouse's goals and would likely be as calm about the situation as Andrew was. It's all about BALANCE. Drive and ambition are two attractive qualities in a spouse. I see nothing wrong with openly communicating if things ever feel off-balanced. Balance, communication and trust are the building blocks for a long-lasting relationship. In short, I'm rooting for Molly and Asian bae all the way!" –India Douglas,Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW)
Set A Personal/Work-Life Standard
"When you are in a relationship, work/business intertwines with life/personal. This was one of my New Year's Resolution: 'Do not bring work life home; do not talk about work at the dinner table; PTO does not mean check your work email.' This was important to me because there wasn't a balance and setting a goal for myself made me realize, life is NOT all about work.
"Andrew felt neglected by Molly, and when your main priority is work, whether it is discussing a meeting that happened/conflict with your coworkers or constantly working late at night or on the weekends, it takes a toll on the relationship. But for Andrew and Molly to discuss their issues shows how much they are committed to the relationship. Adapting to change, learning, balancing personal/work life, and growing as a unit is all about being in a relationship." –Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator, BET Networks
If It’s Important to Me I Make Time for It
"I've never had trouble balancing work and my love life. If it's important to me, I make time for it. If I'm feeling the person, I would stick around like Andrew did and discuss my feelings and thoughts like he did." –Amiyah Deziire, Author, Midnight Confessions
What You Accept, Will Always Be What You Get
"At the end of the day, it's not so much our profession that keep us consumed, so much as it is our perfectionism. Working in entertainment journalism, especially as it pertains to the competitive blogging space, will have you thinking that every bit of celeb news is 'breaking.' [I recall a first date with a new guy] who revealed that he had plans for a waterfront dinner at a marina about 40 minutes away from where I lived in NY. This made me a bit anxious since I didn't want to be too far from home and my laptop. So, I suggested just going to a diner nearby which he found strange since I pretty much trumped his romantic efforts, but he went along with it.
"Everything was going great, until my then-boss messaged me asking to put up a post. I began to draft a response asking her if I could write it on my phone and send it to her instead. In that moment, my priority was still to get the work done, no matter what. When I looked up at my date, he seemed so lost. Not frustrated. Just, lost. I could tell he still liked me but was probably conflicted on whether to knock my hustle. I was being so apologetic about the interruptions, that it delayed damage, and softened the blow. Still, I hated that I was losing his interest. In that moment, I decided to call my boss, and reluctantly tell her I was on a date. She immediately said, 'Girl, why didn't you tell me? Go enjoy your date. I'll get another person to post it. Don't worry!'
"I realized we create our own boundaries. What you accept, will always be what you get. A boss is never going to stop a worker bee from buzzing, especially when you're a 'bee' like me who takes pride in her hive (aka my job). But if you don't speak up, no one will say 'no' for you either."
"And at the end of the day, unless you're a doctor or performing life-saving services, you are in the position to say 'no,' more often than you think." –Soraya "Sojo," Digital Director + Personality
Featured image via Insecure/HBO
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
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The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
Shaunie Henderson On Being A Nontraditional Pastor Wife
Shaunie Henderson, the creator and executive producer of Basketball Wives, redefines traditional expectations as a pastor's spouse and first lady of The Lighthouse Church.
The star's journey began with a whirlwind romance with Pastor Keion Henderson in 2020, which led to their marriage years later. Since then, Shaunie has embraced many typical first lady roles, including supporting her husband, engaging in ministry responsibilities, providing spiritual leadership, and conducting community outreach.
Yet, the 49-year-old's background sets her apart from other first ladies. Shaunie brings a unique perspective as a public figure, which stems from her previous marriage to NBA star Shaquille O'Neal and her experience in reality television.
In an interview with xoNecole, while promoting her memoir Undefeated, the Basketball Wives creator discussed what being a first lady means to her and how she has lived her life non-traditionally.
When asked if she had always been nontraditional, Shaunie revealed that throughout her life, she has made it her mission to better herself by learning from experiences and breaking harmful cycles.
Shaunie Henderson and Pastor Keion Henderson
Photo by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images
“I think that's just who I am. I can’t say I intentionally go against the grain. In the book, I talk about things from my childhood, like my dad being late all the time. I was totally opposite with my kids when they were in school. I was always there early. My mother is not affectionate, and she doesn't verbally say, ‘I love you,’ but she does things to let you know. That's the way she shows her love,” she said when describing her relationship with her parents.
“But because I missed that 'I love you' and hugging and kissing, I do that with my kids. I try to always give what I needed myself. There were basketball wives who weren’t very nice to me, so I went out of my way to make sure that once I was a wife that I didn't treat anybody else like that. No one was going to feel like that on my watch.”
Toward the end of the conversation, when discussing her first lady responsibilities and the pressures of upholding that image, the mother of five explained she isn't too hard on herself to fit the mold, given her significantly different background from most first ladies and her relatively new role.
“As far as being first lady, now, I'm not knocking how any first ladies decide to operate but I just knew that the idea of what that usually is was not me. And, to be honest, rightfully so. I'm probably the only first lady that created a reality show that has been on television since 2010. My life is not remotely close to that of most first ladies. We've experienced completely different things. Most of them have been pastor’s wives for a long time, this is all new for me. I come with an entirely different journey; that wouldn’t lend itself to being a traditional first lady,” she stated.
Shaunie's nontraditional approach appears to work in her favor, as she has been welcomed with open arms just as she is.
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Feature image by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images