

As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Vivian's, Sasha's, and Dr. Tracy's (founders of Flourish Media Conference) story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
Black women are extremely excluded from the investment world.
Grossly.
In fact, the numbers have dropped. When we started hosting our annual conference four years ago, women saw 5 percent of business funding—if that. Now, depending on the report, that number is less than 1 percent. These numbers have been stagnant, and backing women has suddenly become trendy with big businesses hosting pitch competitions, awarding 6-figure checks for photo opportunities that tell a glorious story about female support and blah blah blah, *insert supportive stats here*
But make no mistake about it, scaling a business takes real money.
We created a safe space for women to come learn about best practices in excelling as an entrepreneur, all while placing you in front of investors. We packed it up, created avenues, and decided to have the conversation.
This is when Flourish Media Conference was born.
Photo Courtesy of Flourish Media Conference
Here's why: as a team, we have attended more than 100 conferences, but never quite felt like panelists were speaking to us. There was always something missing—whether it be speakers that understand the struggle of a female entrepreneur, being of color in spaces that we don't already exist, brands that focus on the needs of people of color, or successful unconventional young entrepreneurs speaking on trials and tribulations of reverse ageism.
We wanted to create a space that didn't have the fluff. We wanted people to attend our conferences and leave with actual action steps, relationships, or tangible items to propel their entrepreneurial journey. We're not here to be your beauty guru. We're here to tell you how many times we fell on our asses before learning how to be a player in the game.
And we strengthen your tenacity along the way.
If you had access to $15 million in capital, what would you do? How would you pitch? How would you invest? How would you position yourself to be successful?
That's what FMC is all about.
They say that good things come in threes, right? Here's each of our advice on how to be the ultimate entrepreneur in a world where we aren't often acknowledged:
Sasha | @iamsashar
Becoming an entrepreneur was always in my cards growing up. Both my parents were entrepreneurs, as was the majority of my family, so getting a job was never in the forefront of my mind. I also grew up in a strict Haitian household where all we did was Leglise, l'ecole ak lekay (translation: church, school and home). My parents only asked me to get good grades, be a servant of God, and go to college. Given that, I had the opportunity to be in the art club, run for student government, learn to sew, and really find myself creatively. Looking back now I was a minipreneur preparing myself for the life I have now.
I made my way into the creative world as a clothing designer and hair stylist in Miami after I graduated from Florida International University, until I decided to refocus and give back to my country of Haiti. My vision with all the businesses I have, was to move the female agenda forward.
We assembled Flourish Media Co. after finding a void in the black female entrepreneurial space. Vivian was starting her second company I came on board to help her with branding. Our contacts list from years and years of work made funding dollars available and we began introducing female, small business owners to willing investors. We knew that we wanted attendees to get the best information we had to offer. We knew we wanted to highlight using media to grow a business.
But our first year had no mercy on us and I am pretty sure I cried a lot.
We went into it like this will be great, we can totally do this ourselves! ...but very quickly learned building a team and learning how to delegate tasks would save us a lot of mental breakdowns when someone brings you kelly green balloons and not forest green balloons (I had a level 50 meltdown that day haha).
Eventually, we got into the swing of things, and became influencers in the industry. Now, my only goal is to pay it forward in every avenue that I have access to—and even those that I don't.
My most significant lessons in entrepreneurship:
- Build a team you trust. You can't do it all by yourself.
- Don't do things that make you unhappy. It drives my business partners crazy but I will politely excuse myself from situations that disturb my energy.
- Be flexible! You can always have a plan but sometimes the plan needs to change for the better. I am never so planted on an idea that I can't hear what God is telling me.
- And while competition is healthy, collaboration is key.
I'll see you ladies at the top.
Vivian | @vivianolo
I have a fantastic relationship with money. I just understand it. I understand that money is our way of saying 'thank you' for a job well-done. I knew that, even when I was underpaid and stressed out over bills.
Traditional career planning gave me the chance to work on fantastic projects with Disney Corporation, The Wall Street Journal, Miami International Airport, Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate and the Miami Heat. My career put me in rooms with CEOs of major banks, high profile real estate professionals, and celebrities. I quickly learned that profitable business systems are transferable. Ask me and I'll certainly tell you all about it.
I grew up surrounded by safe choices in non-traditional environments. Both of my parents are immigrants who joined the United States military. My father is from Nigeria. My mother is from Panama. I was born in Germany. An exotic origin story to say the least. I attended 8 different schools in 4 different states, collecting friends along the way. Despite moving around often, my parents went out of their way to build structure for myself and my brothers. My parents encouraged me to try new things which built my confidence. They taught me to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
But creating a business went against everything I grew up seeing. My parents are first-generation Americans, US military veterans, and teachers. They believed in me, but they didn't have any advice to give me about running a business. I had to go out and find mentors.
Finding a group of like-minded people to bounce ideas [off of] makes all the difference for me. I highly recommend it.
Yet, even with success, I can always remember thinking, what if no one shows up?
My most significant lessons in entrepreneurship:
- Content is king and time management is vital. If you've never done an event it's easy to let ego get in your way. You might think you need to be flashy, have celebrity speakers, and fancy gift bags but that's a lie. Your people will find you.
- Get clear on why you're bringing people together and express that clearly. Those people who want what you're offering will show up.
- If you want to go fast, go alone but if you want to go far, get a team. There are so many lessons to learn along the way. I find that I enjoy the journey because I have a strong support team.
- I cannot express how much you need a sales plan. The hardest part about producing any event, is putting people in the seats. Don't forget that part.
Ladies, it's our responsibility to take care of all women. It's your responsibility too.
Dr. Tracy | tracytimberlake
My concept of entrepreneurship was pretty skewed. In college, two of my professors specifically told me I should start my own business. But that sounded like sales, yuck! It wasn't until I started my YouTube channel that I realized how much money I could make just by being myself. When I realized that, I was super duper sold.
I grew up in a single-parent household (my father was a career military man and died in service when I was 7). My mom is from the Philippines, and we were very middle class. So, growing up, I had this interesting middle class mindset upbringing, but always had this seed of a desire to become something more.
I think I knew very early on—maybe 6 or 7–that I'd probably do something different with my life. I had no clue what that was because everything I was exposed to was the contrary. Its funny, because 15 years ago, I thought I'd be in some high rise C-suite running things and telling people what to do. Now I get to do that, just from my bed and in yoga pants.
Over time, my passion has developed, sustained, and nurtured FMC. And what I love most is we empower, but in a real tangible way.
We make sure our attendees leave with more than fluffy fluff fluff motivational talks. We want them to feel like they are ready, not just in theory, but in practice.
And that's exactly what they get.
Because I frequently have to go from one thing to the next, I invest very heavily in high-level support. Coaches, mentors, etc. I believe in the power of coaching (otherwise I wouldn't be one). I've had coaches all my life—from athletics, to academics to singing and music. This season of my life is no different.
And what Sasha does on our team to bring to life to the FMC experience, and what Vivian does to ensure we have the right partners to make it all happen—it's really phenomenal. They are geniuses.
And together we've figured out how to pay it all forward.
My most significant lessons in entrepreneurship:
- Successful entrepreneurship is really a science. There's lots of moving parts, lots of formulas, lots of trial and error. And mindset matters more than anything.
- Start before you're ready. Don't have a website? Put words on a page and a PayPal link at the bottom. Make it better over time. And build as you go!
- Consistency compounds! So, keep going, don't waste potential.
- Be scared of complacency. I'm always moving, and always expanding and always trying to figure out how to push to the next level so that I can serve as many people as possible. It's always a conversation in my head that says "Well that sounds scary, I don't want to do it." But the higher version is of myself answers back with a resounding, "If you're scared then that means you definitely need to do it!" Growth solves everything. So, that is always the goal.
Your goals are where success lies. The success is where the work is.
Remember that, ladies.
To keep up with the FMC team, you may check their website and Instagram for updates. Also, to sign up for early-bird access to their upcoming 2021 conference, click here.
Featured image by courtesy of Flourish Media Conference
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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You’ve Got Several Sex Hormones. These Tips Will Help Make Them (& Your Sex Life) Stronger.
It’s been said that since, shoot, forever, that the brain is the biggest sex organ that we have — and to a large extent, I would agree. That’s why, whenever I tackle sex issues on this platform, it’s more as it relates to emotional connectedness, effective communication, and clearly articulating one’s needs.
That’s not to say that articles like this one aren’t, in some ways, equally as necessary too because sometimes — sometimes, there is absolutely nothing “wrong” with your relationship and still, when you think about having sex with your partner…you’re just not as “into the idea” as you usually are.
And what that could mean is there is something going on physically instead of mentally or emotionally. For example, it could be an indication that one or more of your sex hormones are a bit “off” and you need to get them back where they need to be.
That’s the purpose and goal of today’s offering. We’re going to explore how five hormones in your system play a direct role in you having a satisfying sex life, then we’re going to touch on some signs that yours may be low and what you can do about them, at home (although if these don’t work, please see your doctor), if that is indeed the case.
Ready to physically feel like having (more) sex? Awesome.
1. Estrogen
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Although estrogen is found in both men and women, there is a lot more of it in women. And since drops in estrogen can lead to things like a lower sex drive as well as experiencing challenges when it comes to having orgasms, it’s important to do as much as you can to keep your estrogen levels where they need to be at all times.
So, what aresome key indications that your estrogen levels are low? If you have super dry skin; your vagina is dry; you’re storing up more belly fat; your periods are irregular; you’re tired a lot; your sleep patterns are erratic, and/or your libido is low.
And what can you do to get your estrogen levels back on track?
Eat foods that are considered to be phytoestrogens. Phytoestrogens are considered to be plant-based sources of estrogen that could help to get your levels up. Those foods include flaxseeds, peaches, berries, sesame seeds, and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, and collards).
Take Vitamin B-Complex. The reason why it’s important to have vitamin B consistently in your system is because it plays a significant role in how your body creates estrogen. So, if you’re not currently taking a B-complex vitamin, this is as good of a time as any.
Look into Black Cohosh. If you’re someone who likes to take supplements, do some research on black cohosh. It has a pretty good reputation when it comes to elevating estrogen levels.
Drink some black tea. Are you a tea lover? If so, it can’t hurt to sip on some black tea. Although research is still ongoing, there are findings that state that some of the properties in black tea will help to elevate estrogen levels.
Live in moderation. Now this might be your “something new” for the day. Were you aware of the fact that estrogen levels actually increase in body fat? In fact,being underweightis what can decrease your estrogen. While we’re here, exercising too much can jack up your estrogen levels as well. Moral to the story with this one: stay at a healthy weight and don’t overdo it on the workout tip. When it comes to keeping your estrogen levels where they need to be, balance is key.
2. Testosterone
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Testosterone is a hormone that stimulates sexual desire in both menand women, although there is significantly more of it in men.The reason why women need it in their system is not only does it increase their libido, but it also helps to give them energy, to stay in a good mood, and it can also help to make conceiving easier.
How can you know that your testosterone levels could use a boost? If you have an irregular cycle, you’re having trouble conceiving a child; you’re low on energy; your hair is thinning; you’re losing muscle tone; you have trouble sleeping, and/or you have no real interest in sex.
If you happen to notice any of these signs, what can you do to get your testosterone levels up?
Exercise. One way to increase your testosterone levels is to exercise; however, as a woman, the key is to do things like resistance training and High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). Both of those have the reputation for raising testosterone levels; in women, especially.
Consume more zinc. Although it’s been said for years that zinc deficiencies are directly tied to erectile dysfunction in men, there are also studies that say that many women who are postmenopausal are also low in zinc. In both cases, zinc is needed because it helps to keep hormones in balance. So, if you sense that you may be low in testosterone, perhaps take a zinc supplement or eat foods that are high in zinc, like beef, lamb, pumpkin seeds, whole grains, and eggs.
Drink less alcohol. Even though alcohol can make you feel horny for a moment, the reality is if you drink too much of it, it can actually cause your testosterone levels to tank. Bottom line with this one, pace yourself with your cocktails — especially if you already know that your testosterone levels aren’t where they should be.
Go outside. Did you know that there is a correlation between vitamin D deficiencies and pregnancy issues like preeclampsia and a baby’s low birth weight? There are also studies that indicate that when a woman is receiving a daily dose of vitamin D, her testosterone levels tend to remain strong. That said, one way to get vitamin D into your system is to take a supplement or to eat foods that are rich in them. Another is to consume foods that contain vitamin D, like salmon, tuna, and mushrooms. Still another is to spend more time outside. Definitely one of the best ways to get some “D” into you is to be in the presence of the sun. In fact, as an extra bonus, the ultraviolet radiation that comes from the sun can boost the libido of both men and women. The more you know.
Watch your stress. Two things that aren’t the best of friends are testosterone and cortisol (the hormone that creates your natural stress response). This is so much the case that when your cortisol levels are high, that can hinder your system from producing all of the testosterone that it needs. So, you know what that means, right? CHILL. OUT.
3. Progesterone
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Progesterone is what helps to keep your libido regulated. Since it also plays a pivotal role in a woman’s menstrual cycle and how her hormones respond throughout the month, women who are in the latter stages of perimenopause or who are postmenopausal should also keep their progesterone levels up in order to maintain a consistent sex life.
Signs that you need more progesterone? Trouble sleeping. Irregular cycles. Bloating. Erratic moods. Headaches.
Things that can help bring some relief to these issues?
Meditate. From what I’veread and (briefly) researched, cortisol has the ability to block your progesterone receptors, which means that it can decrease them if you are too stressed out. And that is why one way that you can boost your progesterone levels is to meditate.Since meditation can reduce anxiety, lower stress, and help you to sleep better, I’m sure you get how it can work to get your progesterone levels where they need to be.
Take Vitamin C. If you are low in vitamin C, it could impact your progesterone levels in a negative way. That’s becausevitamin C is a nutrient that actually stimulates the production of progesterone. So, if you want to get more of it into your system, take a vitamin C supplement, drink some orange juice, and/or eatvitamin C-enriched foods like cantaloupe, parsley, strawberries, papaya, and chili peppers.
Implement chasteberry tea. An herbal tea that I personally think every woman should have in her possession ischasteberry tea. Not only does it do things like reduce inflammation, bring relief to PMS symptoms, and help to improve infertility, it also helps to balance out your hormones and, yes, increase progesterone levels.
Hang out with friends. When it comes to raising progesterone levels, something that I found to be fascinating is that there are studies that say that when women hang out with each other, that can give their progesterone levels a boost. The methodology is that it reduces stress and anxiety and makes people feel more comfortable, to the point where it helps to balance out that particular hormone. Pretty cool, right?
Get on a sleep schedule. Not getting a consistent amount (preferably 6-8 hours) of rest can definitelythrow your hormones off, including your progesterone levels. That’s a big part of the reason why I once wrote “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Check it out when you get a chance.
4. Oxytocin
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Oxytocin has the reputation for being called the “love hormone.” That’s because it’s a hormone (and neuropeptide, which is a protein-like molecule) that “activates” during physical activities like kissing, cuddling, andsex.
And what are some telling signs that you are low on this particular hormone?You may feel a bit depressed;you may feel more anxious; you may notice that you don’t want to communicate and/or be affectionate with others; you may have less of an interest in sex, and/or it may be harder for you to orgasm.
Are there also things that you can do to increase your oxytocin levels on your own? Yep.
Get into some music. If you’re not in the mood for sex but you want to be, treat yourself to a long shower — and then sing in it. Believe it or not, some studies say thatsinging for 30 minutes can increase your oxytocin because it helps you to feel connected and relaxed (so can listening to music).
Hug someone. There is data all over the place that says that oxytocin is stimulated through the power of touch. That’s a part of the reason why it’s known as the “cuddle hormone.” So, just like you can get an oxytocin boost by kissing or cuddling with your partner, hugging a friend can also take your oxytocin levels up a few notches as well.
Get a massage. Sooo…when’s the last time you got a massage (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? Take this as a sign that today would be a great day to book an appointment. As far as your oxytocin levels go, it’s another way that touch can come into effect while reducing stress and inflammation. And don’t get me started on where your oxytocin levels will go if your partner starts rubbing on some of your pressure points. Feel me?
Spend quality time with your bae. Speaking of partners, there are studies that also say that oxytocin levels are high when new relationships start. A part of the reason why is that there is so much intentional quality time that’s being spent, which is also good for your oxytocin levels. So, if it’s been a minute since the two of you have been on a date, plan one. Check out “10 Cheap Date Ideas For Couples On A Budget,” “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language,” “10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)” and “Dinner & A Movie Is So…“Meh.” Here Are Some Creative Takes On V-Day Dates.” for some inspiration.
Have sex. As far as physical intimacy goes, it doesn’t get any closer than sex — and here’s the thing: the more orgasms you have, the more oxytocin your body is able to produce. So, if you want more oxytocin and you’re not having (more) sex (and orgasms), that’s actually working against you… especially as far as this particular hormone goes.
5. Dopamine
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Dopamine is a hormone and a neurotransmitter that plays a role in sexual desire and pleasure.For men, it can help them to achieve and maintain an erection;for women, it can help them to orgasm (more easily).
Some indications that you may need more dopamine in your system are if you find yourself lacking drive and motivation, you struggle with concentrating, you’re moody, sleep is a struggle for you, and/or you don’t find things that you used to enjoy being very fun (including sex).
Luckily, there are things that you can even do to level out your dopamine:
Consume more protein. There is an amino acid called tyrosine that helps your body to process dopamine. That’s why it’s a good idea to make sure that protein is a part of your diet. Although you can get it from meat, there are other foods that are packed with protein as well. “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” has a few ideas for you to consider.
Eat less saturated fat. Speaking of your diet, it’s also wise to eat less saturated fat. That’s because there are studies that say that too much of that kind of fat in your system can mess with how your brain processes dopamine. For the record, saturated fats include dairy, fried foods, and coconut oil.
Maintain a healthy gut. It has been stated that more than 50 percent of the dopamine that’s in your body is synthesized in your gut. This means that you need to be hypervigilant in making sure that your gut remains as healthy as possible. Check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” for tips on how to do just that.
Take a probiotic. Speaking of maintaining a healthy gut, it’s going to be so much easier for you to do it if you take a probiotic. Plus, probiotics are known for producing the kind of “good bacteria” that makes it easy for your gut to release dopamine.
Try some oregano oil. A supplement that is full of antioxidants and may possibly boost dopamine in your body is oregano oil. Since it also helps to keep your gut healthy — hey, why not give it a shot?
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As you can see, there are so many factors that go into having a happy, healthy, and fulfilling sex life. Now that you know more about what to do for your sex-related hormones, hopefully, you can get more of what you’re looking for in your sexual experiences.
Amen? I’m saying, sis.
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