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How Meditation Led Shelah Marie To Finding A Greater Love
The relationship we have and nurture with self lays the foundation for how we relate to and connect with others in our lives. Assessing the issues that discourage self-love from prospering are key in order to repair and reignite the freedom that comes when we finally believe the words "you are enough." I chatted with self-love advocate and lifestyle entrepreneur Shelah Marie – who you may remember from when her 2017 photo of doing yoga with boyfriend, rapper Ace Hood, went viral. Shelah's mission is to create a movement of total self-love and liberation for women of color through her platform Curvy, Curly, Conscious – a place where "self-help" meets "real talk" through virtual and offline events and retreats.
Shelah opens up about her healing journey and gives tips for others repairing one of most important relationships a woman will ever have: The one she has with herself.
To fully understand how self-love evolves over time, we must start at the beginning – childhood. "I grew up as the only person of color growing in my home..the only Black person in my neighborhood. I was the only one with hair like mine, skin like mine. I couldn't figure out why I was different. My [immediate] family wasn't open to talking about it."
"Because I had fundamentally saw the world through race at a young age...what I saw was a big deal. Everyone didn't look the same and it mattered. I learned to deconstruct the performance of race around me...I was aware of people's emotions and saw things that people weren't saying. I always wanted to create something that I never saw."
Acting, the performance of characters, and storytelling became a passion of Shelah's. Her 2010 move to New York City to enroll in a Master's program at the prestigious Tisch School of the Arts would be the domino that set off a chain of important events in her life. "My experience in New York changed who I was. I learned a lot about other cultures, languages, and how to appreciate the small things. I couldn't afford TV or cable or a car. I didn't have disposable income. I learned to exist on very little. I put everything into my craft."
A Journey Into Self-Love & Self-Healing
Photo Credit: Latoya Osborne
Courtesy of Shelah Marie
From juggling multiple jobs to dealing with seeing her friends "making it", Shelah became severely depressed and her anxiety peaked. "I was always surrounded by people, but I was always alone in my mind. My self-esteem was so low and I started to attract people that reflected that. I attracted men that were treating me in an unhealthy way. One relationship got extremely abusive."
An argument turned into Shelah's then-partner telling her, in front of her roommates, "Yeah, bitch. You're a bitch and I hope I'm the first person to ever call you that, bitch."
Enough was enough.
"I saw myself as a child and I realized the only other person to call me a bitch in front of people was my mom. This is where my spiritual journey kicked up a notch. I told myself that I get it. Whatever pain and hurt that is within me that feels the need to manifest this man to reflect my beliefs at me this strongly...this will never happen again. I will never be at this place again. Whatever I have to do to heal it, I will do. From then on, I put myself through Shelah's school of self."
Shelah recognized that in order to reach her potential, she would have to learn to navigate past the toxicity in her life. Over the next few years, self-healing became her priority. Four important things led the way for Shelah's transformation: Talk therapy, working with a healer, reading, and meditation. This work allowed Shelah to confront the trauma that was hiding in her subconscious. She was committed to equipping herself with the information so she could start to understand what she had been through in life.
Meditation was especially helpful as it allowed her to "get friendly" with herself. "I realized I was an adult and didn't know myself and have never sat with myself. I'd used men, career, work to distract me."
The reality of sitting in and embracing pain is something that many women of color often accept as a part of life, Shelah believes. "'I'ma talk to Jesus. I'ma go to church. I'm going to pray about it...get a new outfit, you'll be fine.' This is what we tell each other. It doesn't work. Black women are comfortable with sharing their pain just from a place of 'This is just how it is.' When I used to listen to a lot of Gospel, I would become addicted to how much pain I would feel. Sometimes we can get addicted to that space of talking about the pain, living in the pain, and being in the pain. That space is part of the process but I'm more interested in moving beyond that."
Photo Credit: Latoya Osborne
Courtesy of Shelah Marie
"Whatever pain and hurt that is within me that feels the need to manifest this man to reflect my beliefs at me this strongly...this will never happen again. I will never be at this place again. Whatever I have to do to heal it, I will do."
How Meditation & Self-Healing Led Her To True Love
Shelah's call for Black women? Listen to yourself. Honor your pain. Allow yourself to heal. Allow yourself to be connected and feel supported from within.
If you're starting out on the journey, Shelah recommends finding a therapist that caters to your needs, listening to guided meditations like The Meditation Mixtape by Shelah Marie, and filling yourself with knowledge. The books that aided her include A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping, and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
If she really wanted to focus on healing, Shelah knew that she'd have to be radical in how she invested in her learning and the expectations she set for those she surrounded herself with. "My healing was my job, and it still is. Everyone in my [tribe] knows this. Anyone I can keep around...if they are not actively healing, they will be phased out of [my life.]"
Shelah's healing journey allowed her to embrace the unknown when it unexpectedly appeared. She was new to loving herself and having standards in a relationship, when she met her now-husband Ace Hood, a few years ago in New York City. Upon first meeting him after an invite to a New York club during All-Star Weekend, Shelah knew there was something special.
"He was in the back. There were all these women and celebrities around him. [Ace] saw me and parted the divider and went, 'Shelah, hi! I love your videos on Instagram and you're so funny.' He had this big smile and his eyes lit up. I said to myself, 'I'm fucked. If I'm not supposed to go for it, I'm going for it. I don't care what happens.'"
As with any relationship, it didn't come without challenges – especially in the beginning. Though Ace was attracted to her personality and who she was – the two had to learn to coexist and understand their two very different worlds.
"I struggled for a while trying to fit a circle in a square peg and tried to make myself into what I thought a rapper's girlfriend should be. That didn't last long. [I had to understand that] this is who I am. I'm Shelah. This is me."
Though people had questions about how their relationship would work, Shelah emphasized the notion that you can redefine yourself and humans are layered individuals. When Ace became interested in learning more about the benefits of yoga, the two decided to go on a journey together. She saw something in Ace and knew that they could help each other become the best versions of themselves.
Even if you're not in a relationship and find yourself longing for companionship from a partner, Shelah reminds us not to wallow in self-pity. "When I was in NY [before meeting Ace], I was single and depressed. I had to be proactive about the feelings I wanted [and] I'd fuse that into my meditations. Do not leave it in the hands of someone else to provide you with what you need. Date yourself. Do nice things. Look good for yourself! Sometimes I'd get sad [or jealous], but I'd remind myself, 'Man, I feel so supported. I feel so loved.'"
Photo Credit: Latoya Osborne
Courtesy of Shelah Marie
"I had to be proactive about the feelings I wanted [and] I'd fuse that into my meditations. Do not leave it in the hands of someone else to provide you with what you need."
A Call To Black Women & Their Healing
Helping other women of color heal has been the core of Shelah's personal mission and her recent entrepreneurial pursuits as well. She mentions, "As that little Shelah [experienced], I wanted to create something that I never saw. With Curvy, Curly, Conscious, I was responding to what was being given to me. My Instagram started to grow. I did an event, it was a success. Four-city tour, success. Black women believed in me. I needed to keep giving them more. I wanted to produce high-quality, high-level beautiful experiences for Black women to heal and commune with each other because I believe we deserve it. Black women deserve beauty. It reaffirms our humanity."
However, Shelah again found herself having to confront deep fears and insecurities that would have stunted her ability to deliver on her promise.
"The biggest challenges as an entrepreneur have been overcoming all of my individual fears. You know how much courage it takes to take people's hard-earned money in advance for something? You have to deliver. I wasn't a business person. My background was in acting. I had to invite people in [such as bookkeepers to help me.] I had to [overcome] my own fears about not being good enough and not knowing enough."
For others looking to build a brand in the self-help space, Shelah notes that investigating your personal strength is a must.
"What skills do you have that everyone goes, 'How do you do that?' A lot of people try to copy and emulate. The reason my account grew was because my strong suit is sharing my story and talking. You don't have to have a big following to have a big business. Find your zone of genius and follow that. Just because social media is poppin, doesn't mean everyone has to have a page that's popping. Follow what you're good at."
When remembering where this journey all started, Shelah had some words she'd tell her younger self, the little girl struggling to figure out her story. "You're doing great. You're doing really well. It's fine."
For those of us also navigating the fluid waters of nurturing self-love, Shelah says, "We live in a society that is extremely driven. There's a little window into everyone else's life now. There's Instagram and Facebook. Sometimes it looks like everyone is moving at 100mph and you're just moving slow. Don't watch what everyone else is doing. You are doing fine, too."
Our self-love journeys are not monolithic, but one thing is true for us all: Growth is possible.
For more of Shelah, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Latoya Osborne
Originally published on February 13, 2019
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Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
I’m telling you, as someone who has been writing on sex for well over two decades at this point, so long as you’re interested in the topic, you will always — and I do mean ALWAYS — learn something new. Take multiple orgasms, for example. Did you know that there is a difference betweenmultiples and stacked ones? While multiple orgasms are about experiencing more than one climax within a short period of time, a stacked orgasm is like well, it’s a lot like edging. The reason why I say that is because stacked orgasms focus on getting someone to the brink of an orgasm, then pausing so that when they return to that same place of stimulation, their orgasms will be just that much more pleasurable.
Anyway, although it’s pretty true that whenever the topic of multiple orgasms comes up, it usually centers around women, the reality is that men are able to have them as well. Without much effort?Reportedly, less than 10 percent of guys in their 20s and less than seven percent of them over 30 can. For the record, what qualifies are guys who can naturally orgasm 2-4 times within an under two-minute timeframe. Yes, the percentile is low; that’s the bad news.
The good news is there are some hacks that can help those who don’t fall into the “automatically blessed in this way” category to become multi-orgasmic too. I’ve done some research and found five things that your man can do prior to sex to make having more than one orgasm easier for him along with five things that you can do during sex that can really take achieving the goal to another level.
Let’s dig in.
1. What He Should Do: Up His Testosterone
A main hormone contributor to orgasms is testosterone. So, it makes all the sense in the world that in order for a man to experience more of them, his testosterone levels would need to be at a peak level.Some natural ways to encourage your man to get his levels to where they need to be is to remind him to exercise at least three times a week, to get some time in the sun (and/or take a vitamin D supplement), to consume alcohol in moderation, to keep his stress levels to a minimum and to avoid taking in too many phytoestrogens (which is plant-based estrogen);some of those foods would include soy, dairy, sunflower seeds, grapes, collard greens (I know, right?) and beer.
2. What He Should Do: Do Some Kegels
Whenever the topic of Kegels comes up, it’s also usually in the context of women strengthening their pelvic floor in order to prevent/improve incontinence and make sex more pleasurable. However, did you know that men can benefit from a form of this type of exercise too? When men learn how toidentify and then strengthen their own pelvic floor muscles, it can give their genital region a lot more self-control.As a direct result, it can reduce symptoms related to erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation and it can potentially intensify their orgasms as well.
One way that a man can do a simple Kegel is by starting and stopping his urine streaming whenever he’s using the bathroom. Some other forms of male Kegel exercises can be foundhere andhere.
3. What He Should Do: Learn About Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
The “real ones” can rap damn near every lyric of Salt-N-Pepa’s “Whatta Man” (featuring En Vogue) from back in the day. In it, there are a couple of lines that say, “He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night.” I mean, while that’s cool ‘n all (I guess — LOL), if you want a multi-orgasmic man, he’s gonna need to be able to accomplish more than that, chile.
And since once a man ejaculates, that’s where the refractory period (which is basically the period of time between when someone orgasms and is sexually responsive enough to be able to orgasm again), in order for a guy to be able to have several orgasms at one time more easily, NOT EJACULATING should be the goal.
This is where non-ejaculatory orgasms come in.
They are all about a man learning how to enjoy the sensation of an orgasm without ejaculating in the process. Your partner can learn more about how to achieve those by reading Men’s Health’s article here.
4. What He Should Do: Master Belly Breathing
You’d be hard-pressed to read an article on how to have powerful or multiple orgasms without improving one’s breathing techniques not coming up in it. That’s because deep breathing helps to relax the body — and the more relaxed a person is, the easier it is for them to climax. That said, a great breathing technique for men is called belly breathing (ordiaphragmatic breathing); it’s all about getting on your back, putting one hand on the upper part of your chest while the other rests right below your rib cage.
As you take air in through your nose, focus on it coming from your lower belly area. If you do this, while the hand that is on your chest remains in the same spot, the one on your stomach should rise. As you exhale, tighten your abdominal muscles and then repeat. If you and your partner implement this as a form of foreplay prior to sex andyou use your hands to caress his chest as he focuses on his belly and breathing, it can be a gentle form of edging that can make achieving multiple orgasms for him easier once you start to engage in actual intercourse.
5. What He Should Do: Get More Rest
When you get a chance, check out the article that I penned for the platform a few years back entitled, “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” For now, I’ll just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that will make it challenging for him to have one orgasm, let alone several in a row. Two reasons whysleep deprivation is so problematic is because it can throw off hormones, increase stress, and heighten a man’s chances of experiencing erectile dysfunction. So, if your partner isn’t getting between 6-8 hours of rest on a pretty consistent basis, that is something else that can make having a multiple orgasm hella challenging.
Now let’s get into some things that you can do to help him in this area of sexual pleasure and satisfaction…
Getty Images
What You Should Do: Massage His Scrotum
The reason why it’s so painful for a man to be hit “in the balls” (which means in his scrotum which is where his testicles are) is because that is a place that houses many nerve endings which makes it a highly sensitive place. Sexually,that’s a good thing because not only is it a powerful erogenous zone, but it can also boost a man’s chances of ejaculating. When it comes to multiple orgasms, you can gently knead them like dough while you’re giving him oral sex (because who said that multiple orgasms only had to come via intercourse?)
Or say that you’re in the missionary position; right as he’s about to ejaculate (ask him if he’s someone who doesn’t “announce it" in some way on his own), gently tug on his scrotum or roll his testicles in the palm of one of your hands as if it were a pair of dice. Between the sensation of already climaxing coupled with the feeling of his scrotum being erotically touched can be enough for him to have more than one orgasm — whether he was prepared to have one or not!
What You Should Do: Stimulate His Nipples
I actually once read that somewhere around 50 percent of men consider their nipples to be a bona fide erogenous zone. From what I’ve researched, a part of the reason is that the brain lights up whenever nipples are stimulated in a similar way that our genitalia is.
And so, by engaging in nipple play with your partner — lightly stroking his nipples, licking them, kissing them, etc.— not only does it help to intensify his orgasms, but it can also (potentially) shorten his refractory period which makes it easier for him to climax back-to-back.
What You Should Do: Get into Some Sensory Deprivation
If you’ve never heard ofsensory deprivation before, in the context ofsexual activity, it’s when you’re intentional about pulling one of the senses — sight, touch, smell, taste, hearing — out of the sexual experience in order to increase the other four. For example, if you put a blindfold on your partner, if he can’t see what you’re doing, that increases his stimuli in other areas which can make it easier for him to climax and have more than one orgasm at a time. Something else that’s cool about sensory deprivation is it encourages people to focus more on anticipation than overthinking which is always highly beneficial in the sexual pleasure department.
What You Should Do: Talk Dirty to Him
Dirty talking has all sorts of benefits. It appeals to the sense of hearing. It can let you and your partner both know what you want and need more of in a very sensual and seductive way. It can also help to distract your partner as you try to relax him for things like aprostate massage. Listen,it’s been said, for quite some time now, that a man’s G-spot is found in and around his prostate which includes the area in between his scrotum and his anus along with an inch or two within his anus opening.
And so, if you’re telling him how much he turns you on while you’ve got a lubed-up finger wandering around there, there’s no tellinghow many orgasms you’ll be able to give him — ones that he probably isn’t anywhere close to being prepared for. Straight up.
What You Should Do: Embrace His Penis. Fully.
The more you embrace his penis, the more relaxed he’ll feel around you. So, try giving him an impromptu tantric lingam massage. Stroke his shaft with some coconut oil while going down on him. Have some ice in your mouth during oral sex. With the thumb and forefinger of each hand, gently stroke his penis in an up-and-down motion. Use a little peppermint oil mixed with a carrier oil like sweet almond or grapeseed to massage his shaft and scrotum as the menthol from the peppermint provides a tingling sensation.
Bottom line, take in everything about his penis and enjoy yourself while doing so. Chances are, the more creative you get, the more you’ll both discover stimulation points that he never even knew that he had — and when new territory is discovered, that means new peaks of sexual pleasure can be reached too!
Have fun, chile. BOTH OF YOU.
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