Have you ever wondered where the true origins of holidays come from? I do, so I tend to research 'em. For instance, St. Patrick's Day? Long story short, he was a non-Irish slave who fled Ireland as a teen and then came back to teach Christianity to Irish people. And St. Valentine's Day? Legend has it that he was a man who was martyred for marrying Christian couples at a time when the emperor preferred men go to war than have a family. Pretty fascinating, right? Now watch how I'm about to tie all of this together.
Me? I'm a huge fan of marriage. That's why, whenever I hear someone say that Valentine's Day is a joke, I'm kind of like, "If there is any holiday that deserves some love from married folks, it should be Valentine's Day", just from the origin of it alone.
At the same time, I get that it's a holiday that can stress couples out because while the wife is wondering if her husband will observe it right (and by that, she usually means thoughtfully and romantically), the husband is wondering if his wife will do anything for him at all (it's not just a day for women; it's a day for couples).
If you happen to fall into this category or, your real issue this year is your money is tight, I've got a few ways that you and yours can celebrate the holiday without causing any financial drama on the back end. As a bonus, these are the kinds of ideas that two can truly play. That way, your husband can enjoy the day rather than simply grinning and bearing it.
10 Cheap Date Ideas For Couples On A Budget
1.Have an Indoor Picnic
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I'm not sure why the idea of putting a blanket on the ground and eating food on top of it is so romantic to so many of us, but I'll co-sign on the fact that it is. If you're an outdoorsy kind of person, I fully support having some soup, grilled cheese, and hot cocoa with your sweetheart at a park somewhere for lunch. But most of us ain't gettin' down like that in the dead of winter, so the alternative is an indoor picnic.
To pull this off, it's more about the ambiance than the food. First, make an indoor tent (Pinterest has all sorts of cool ideas; so does YouTube). Then put on some 90s R&B (you can never go wrong with that), light some scented soy candles (jasmine, vanilla, and cinnamon are all aphrodisiacs), and have some food delivered. It's simple. It's sweet. And it's totally stress-less. Just like how Valentine's Day should be.
2.Reenact Your First Date
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OK, this suggestion right here only works if your first date together was a good one. So if it was, taking a stroll down memory lane is a great way to bring some of the butterflies back.
Thanks to Amazon, YouTube, Hulu, Netflix, and On Demand, you can find just about any movie on the planet. Or, if your first date was at a restaurant or coffee shop, if you call ahead, many managers will be more than happy to reserve the same table that you had or come up with something special for you and yours to dine on in order to commemorate where your first date has brought the two of you.
3.Eat Out on the Low
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Speaking of eating out, if there is a restaurant that you adore but the prices on the menu are a little steep, see if they have a happy hour. 8 times out of 10, if you go during that time, you can get discounts on a lot of their items.
Some other tips for saving money on dining are to sign up for e-clubs, follow your favorite eateries online (restaurants are known for posting specials on IG and Twitter), and purchase discounted gift cards. It's not uncommon for restaurants to also offer an extra $10-25 cash reward if you purchase a gift card from them at a certain price.
4.Deliver Something Sweet (or Cool) to Each Other’s Jobs
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I try and tell husbands as much as possible that they can earn some major points if they deliver some roses to their wife (on a day other than their birthday or anniversary) every once in a while. The same thought applies to Valentine's Day — for both men and women.
As far as what you can have delivered, the ideas are endless! A favorite bottle of wine. A favorite dessert. Chocolate-covered strawberries. A subscription service for lingerie (trust me, your husband will like getting this sent to him just as much as you would appreciate receiving it). Or, if you know your man would appreciate something that's more on the light-and-fun side, how about a classic Nintendo system or tickets to an upcoming concert or game? Include a note about how much you love them too.
Being able to show your romantic side off to their co-workers will totally make their day.
5.Cash Some “Sex Checks”
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A couple of days ago, I read an article on sex coupons. When I went to Amazon to check them out, I saw something that I found to be even cuter — sex checks. Each packet includes 30 IOUs and 30 UOMEs.
If you add to these a bottle of DIY massage oil (all you need to do is mix some lavender oil with some sweet almond oil and heat it up), some edible body paint (you can buy some here or get a recipe to make your own here) and a couple of glasses of a love potion cocktail, you should be in for a really adventurous night. (Remember not to write a check you can't cash!)
6.Cook Each Other’s Favorite Meals Together
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Did you know that a lot of reputable therapists believe that a key to a couple's longevity is to cook together? It's a great way to spend quality time with one another and learn new things. There are also studies to support that cooking with your spouse reduces stress and can even lead to more and better sex as well.
Use this Valentine's Day as an opportunity to cook something neither of you has ever had before (first times for things are always sexy) or cook each other's favorite dishes. Who knows? The home-cooked dinner on the table could lead to some— eh hem — mighty fine dessert on the kitchen floor afterwards.
7.Buy Some “Breakaway” Lingerie
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If you're a lingerie connoisseur, you already know that one nice piece of a lil' sumthin' sumthin' can easily run you over 75 bucks. But if you're on a budget and you want to get something new for your man to look at for the sake of Valentine's Day, there are all kinds of places where you can buy, what I call "breakaway lingerie". Literally, something that breaks away from the routine.
Arie is dope because it's got casual sleepwear, plus it features models that aren't photoshopped. Lane Bryant is cool because it's got something for the super curvy ladies (Ashley Stewart and Hips and Curves does too). If you love you some lace, LACELAB on Etsy has definitely got your back. If BDSM with a touch of romance is more your speed, Blossom Body features a nice collection. Or, if a sheer teddy is exactly what you have in mind, hit up Missguided. You'll be able to find one there.
8.Stay at a Vacation House or Airbnb
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If you don't want to travel out of town but you want to get out of the house, and the thought of a hotel causes you to yawn with boredom, how about a vacation house or Airbnb? You'll end up with a lot more space and, oftentimes, the costs are much cheaper too.
To be fair, out of all of the things I've suggested, this one probably falls more in the "under $100-150" range. But I still listed it because I saw some vacation home rentals in my own city for $30-50. (Home to Go is a good starting point.)
9.Make a 12-Month Date Calendar
One year, a friend of mine's husband did something on her birthday that earned him all kinds of ooos and ahhs. He bought a calendar and then strategically planned out dates for the entire year. I mean, dates that he literally thought out, twice a month, until her following birthday.
What I adore about this idea is it's a reminder that proactiveness is not only underrated but super sexy too. And you know what? Since there are studies to support that monthly dates are one of the keys to keeping a marriage together, it's a great way to show that quality time with your partner is a top priority — no matter what.
10.Update Your Wedding Vows and Frame Them
It doesn't matter if a couple comes to me for a tune-up (we get our oil changed every 3,000 miles, so why shouldn't spouses check in with a counselor a couple of times a year?) or they are on their last leg, something that I suggest is that they write down 10-15 things that they love about their spouse and then put it up someplace where they can see it daily.
Along these same lines, it's probably a good idea to frame your wedding vows somewhere around the house too, just as a reminder that your husband is not your boyfriend and your wife is not your girlfriend. Your commitment is a lot more serious (and legal) than that.
Then, maybe alongside your original vows, post some upgraded ones too. You know, the things that you want to promise now that you know more about what marriage is really all about. Think about it — what does "for better or for worse" really mean now that you've been through some things?
Both of you updating your vows can bring some humor to your Valentine's Day; it can also be a reminder of just how far you've come and just how "in this" the two of you really are.
Out of all of the things I've shared, this one is probably the most inexpensive and invaluable.
Happy Valentine's Day, married folks!
Featured image by Getty Images.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Since we all spend roughly one-third of our lives sleeping, and a good portion of that is while we are in a dream state, let’s take a moment to explore some fascinating (and proven) facts about the topic of dreaming.
It just might cause you to think more (or differently) about how you rest and when you rest — so that the quality of your dreams can become better than ever.
1. Men and Women Dream Pretty Differently
GiphyA quote that I like and use often is, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (Larry Dixon) And yes, men and women are created differently in order to balance one another — and I will forever die on that hill. Which is why it doesn’t surprise me in the least that, even when it comes to dreaming, males and females are not exactly the same.
Although research does indicate that dreaming, in part, is about how we process memories while we sleep regardless of our gender, men’s dreams tend to be more about action while women’s dreams are more about conversation. Not only that but women’s dreams are typically longer; men dream about other men more than women do (interesting), and women dream more from their own perspective while men daydream more with the topic usually being about sex.
2. Lucid Dreaming Is a Method to “Control” Your Dreams
GiphyIf it feels like you are aware of the fact that you are dreaming as you are doing so, pardon the pun, but it’s not all in your head. What this is called is lucid dreaming and, the fascinating thing about it is, to a certain extent, you can actually control these types of dreams whenever you have them. If the mere thought of this fascinates you and you want to try and “rig up” some of your dreams (LOL) — some sleep experts say that doing things like keeping a dream diary and a sleep schedule can help to make this happen. Anyway, you can read more about lucid dreaming here.
3. Dreams Typically Have a Short Shelf Life
GiphyAlthough it’s been reported that people tend to spend somewhere around two hours of their night dreaming, the thing to keep in mind is most individuals have multiple dreams during that period of time — and for this reason, oftentimes dreams last for no longer than 5-10 minutes tops (although some have the ability to last considerably longer. You can read more about that here and here).
4. Dreams Happen When You Are in REM Sleep (You’re “Paralyzed” Then Too)
GiphyWhen it comes to sleeping, it actually happens in four different stages. While you can read more about those here, as far as your dream state is concerned, most of that tends to happen during your rapid eye movement cycle which is better known as REM. It is when you are in your final stage of sleep which is why your dreams typically are the most intense during that time.
Know what else is wild about dreaming during REM? Although you don’t realize it, your body is actually paralyzed. And although, initially, that might sound low-key terrifying, it’s actually a blessing in disguise because your brain is telling your muscles to stop working (temporarily) and that is what ultimately keeps you from acting out whatever you are dreaming about. The more you know.
5. Certain Sex Dreams Have NOTHING to Do with Sex At All
GiphySex-themed dreams are very normal and quite common. Thing is, although the dreams may be about sex, oftentimes what they are interpreting is something entirely different. For instance, a BDSM dream is oftentimes about having a controlling parent, while a sex dream that involves a lot of dirty talk could represent someone who wants to free themselves from how others perceive them, and recurring sex dreams about your ex typically means that there are some unresolved issues that you may have with them.
Oh, and while we’re on this topic, dreams about cheating usually means that you are feeling some sort of jealousy in your relationship while sex with a boss usually means that you want to move up in your job or be appreciated more often — not that you want them in a sensual type of way.
6. You Can’t Read or Tell Time in Your Dreams
GiphyHere’s something that you’ve probably never thought about before — when you think back on the dreams that you can remember (more on that in a bit), how many of them do you recall reading or even telling time in? If you said “a few,” science would probably give you the side-eye because, according to their research, reading (and telling time) is virtually impossible to do whenever you are in your dream state.
The reason why is because, while you are dreaming, the logical and intellectual part of your brain pretty much shuts down. If that bothers you, the easiest way to try to read (or tell time) would be to train your mind to do some of the lucid dreaming that we already talked about.
7. Your Recurring Dreams Typically Mean You Need to Address Something
GiphyOut of all of the things that I’ve mentioned about dreams, this is probably the most obvious revelation — if you are having a recurring dream, it tends to mean that either you have some unresolved issues in your life or there is a need that needs to be met that hasn’t been yet. While doing a bit of research on this one specifically, I thought it was interesting that many mental health experts say that some of the most common recurring dreams involve flying, falling, encountering a dead individual, your teeth falling out or being nude.
And what are some ways to “end” recurring dreams? See a therapist. State what your needs actually are (to the person who is not meeting them). Lower your stress levels. Get more consistent rest. Speak with your doctor about altering your medications (if you happen to be on some). To that last point, a not-so-fun fact: melatonin usage is sometimes attached to nightmares. Goodness.
8. Foods You Consume Can Influence Your Dream State
GiphyThere are several reasons why you shouldn’t eat immediately before turning in at night; one reason is because it has the ability to mess with your body’s natural circadian rhythm which is your system’s 24-hour clock. This is relevant when it comes to sleep because your circadian rhythm helps to control things like your sleeping pattern.
Another thing to take note of is to not only push the plate back 2-3 hours before going to bed but to watch what you do choose to consume as well. That’s because, believe it or not, certain foods do have an impact on your dream life. Like did you know that dairy can cause digestive issues that can lead to microaggressions that can give you very strange dreams?
Or were you aware that sugary foods can trigger your nervous system and make your dreams more vivid and intense? Interestingly enough, dairy, sweets and also spicy foods can also increase your chances of having a nightmare. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, chile.
9. Is It True That Some People Don’t Dream at All?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but when I was growing up, I used to hear that if you don’t dream, you’re crazy. The actual fact is that, although most people absolutely do dream, the reason why they don’t remember them (or they dream less than other people) is because they don’t fall into REM sleep as much or often as they should.
And what are some of the main reasons for why this would happen? Sleep disorders, depression and medications that treat anxiety are all things that top the list. So, if not dreaming is something that bothers you, speak with your doctor and consider seeing a sleep specialist. An underlying issue could be the cause.
10. Not Only Scary Movies Lead to Nightmares
GiphyWhile reading a Harvard-based article entitled, “Nightmares and the Brain,” I thought it was interesting that it separated nightmares from night terrors (nightmares can be remembered; night terrors cannot although people do wake up screaming or frightened), that night terrors mostly happen to children and “Night terrors are not technically dreams but are instead sudden fearful reactions that occur during transitions from one sleep phase to another.”
Okay, but clearly people have actual nightmares (1 in 20 people say that they do at least once a week); however, guess what the source of a lot of them are? While sometimes it’s a horror film, oftentimes it’s stress, anxiety or simply sleep deprivation. Honestly, I might have a nightmare a couple of times a year, tops (and I remember my dreams on a daily basis). So, if that’s a sign that I’m managing stress well — happy to hear it!
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Welp, there you have it: 10 facts about dreams. Now that you know them, does it make you want to approach sleeping — and dreaming — in a different way? If so, hop in the comments and tell us why. Because, clearly, dreaming is more than just a notion. Amazing.
Sweet dreams to all, y’all.
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