I don’t know if it’s an unpopular opinion or not but, it seems to me that the people who make the biggest deal about Valentine’s Day are typically the individuals who aren’t married. And although folks who are single, dating, or even engaged definitely deserve love just as much as husbands and wives do, I do think that the ones who signed up to love someone, flaws ‘n all, until death parts them should be the ones who celebrate V-Day most. After all, since the day is all about love and nothing teaches folks about love quite like marriage does — some intentionality in the holiday’s direction absolutely needs to transpire for married people especially.
That said, I get that sometimes the process of staying in a healthy relationship makes it challenging to prepare for special occasions like the one that is just a few days away. That’s why I decided to help all spouses out by providing 15 ideas that can help you and your partner to have one of the most romantic Valentine’s Days that the two of you have had in a really long time (if ever)…because, again, if anyone deserves it…y’all do.
1. Take the Day Off
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Did you know that close to 50 percent of people reportedly don’t use up all of their PTO? Umm, you earned it, so what’s the problem? Honestly, out of all of the ideas that I’m about to share today, I think one of the best things that you could do as a couple is take Valentine’s Day off. Sleep in. Eat breakfast in bed (after having it delivered). Have sex. Nap. Have sex again. Nap some more. Just enjoy the idea of doing absolutely nothing while the rest of the world is hustling and bustling around. Doesn’t just the mere thought of that make you feel all warm ‘n fuzzy inside?
2. Download Some Apps
These days, there really is an app for pretty much everything — including encouraging romance and intimacy between couples. For instance, there’s the Gottman Card Decks app that gives relationship and date idea advice. There’s the Love Nudge app that breaks down the five languages and how you personally relate to them by percentage.
Also, there’s the iPassion app that makes it easier for you and your spouse to share some of your deepest sexual needs and desires. Just putting these apps out here if you and your man are constantly on your devices. Might as well put some of that smartphone time towards investing in your relationship…right?
3. Have a Winter Picnic
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Two weeks ago in Nashville, the high was the teens for damn near a week straight after about 6” fell. Now it’s in the 60s. My point? While there is absolutely no tellin’ what Valentine’s Day is going to be like where any of us live, as far as the weather goes, a winter picnic can still be sweet and a lot of fun. Dress warm. Serve foods like soup, hot cocoa, and s’mores, and cuddle as much as possible the entire time. Even if you only have 30 minutes on your lunch break, it can be just what you need to build up anticipation for seeing each other after you both get off of work.
4. Create a “Dream Date Series” Vision Board
A few years ago, I wrote the article, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’” for the platform because I personally think that one of the best ways to keep spark, spontaneity, and sexiness in a marriage is to come up with things that you and your partner have never done (together) before. And so, while dinner and a movie are pretty much the signature kind of date out in these streets, this year, pour a glass of wine for each of you, snack on some chocolate-covered strawberries, and come up with two dream dates that you both can do each month.
Make sure the ideas are fresh, creative, and something that both of you can get excited about. If you need a bit of inspiration, “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language” and “10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)” may be able to help you out.
5. Pitch an Indoor Tent
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A few years back, I penned, “Here's How To Create The Perfect Romantic Indoor Picnic” for the platform. It was because, hands down, one of my favorite romantic date ideas is doing just that: having an indoor picnic. I don’t know what it is about stringing some lights, pitching a tent, throwing some pillows on the floor, and enjoying a meal with that special someone that I find to be so sweet and sensual — but I do. Anyway, just putting the idea out there if you’ve never considered doing this before. It’s pretty easy to put together, and I don’t see how in the world you would end up regretting giving it a shot.
6. Cook Together. Naked.
The reason why I once wrote the article, “Here’s How To Make Cooking A Meal Together Sexy (When You Hate To Cook)” is mostly due to what’s in the parenthesis of the title. Even though cooking with your partner is not only healthier, it’s also a great way to spend quality time, reduce stress, and learn new things together (and sometimes about each other), I get that some people would rather rake the yard in 30-degree weather than get in the kitchen. However, nobody said that you had to make a five-course meal.
Besides, if the two of you have on nothing but some aprons, you might be able to find some super creative ways to pass the time while you’re waiting for a homemade sauce to simmer or your homemade dessert to finish baking. Not to mention the fact that having sex in atypical locations can help to make the experience that much more…erotic.
7. Come Up with Your Own Signature Cocktail
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Something that I enjoy about wedding receptions is when a newly married couple offers up 1-2 signature cocktails that consist of some of their favorite ingredients; then they create a super cute name for it by melding or name blending. What’s wild, though, is I rarely (if ever) hear about couples doing this outside of their nuptials. This Valentine’s Day, why not be a trendsetter by creating a signature drink with your own bae? If you really like this idea yet, you need some help in how to execute this tip properly, The Bar is a site that features an article that can walk you through the process. You can check it out here.
8. Recreate Your First Date
There is a married couple who’ve been together for quite some time now that I’ve been working with for a little over six months. One of the main issues that the wife had was that her husband wasn't romantic enough. One of the issues he had was she was too critical. As we’ve been working on these things separately, she has been feeling more loved, and he has been feeling more relaxed (funny how that works, chile). As a direct result, during the holidays, he recreated their first date and then presented her with an upgrade of her engagement ring. Well done, sir.
Anyway, one of the things that science says nostalgia is able to do is bring two people closer together by reigniting pleasant memories. So, if your first date was one of your best experiences with your husband, why not recreate it? On the other hand, if it left much to be desired, “rewrite history” by using Valentine’s Day for a first date do-over. It’ll be a brilliant move either way.
9. Relive Your Wedding Night
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Every time I read that less than 40 percent of couples actually have sex on their wedding night, I get irritated. Why? There are a few reasons. The main one is because I know that consummate means “to complete” and so, it’s not your wedding vows that complete the process of a man and a woman becoming husband and wife; the act of intercourse does (which is why people can annul their marriage if consummation didn’t transpire). And so, yes, sex needs to be prioritized, even if the hanging off of the chandelier part ends up happening later on during the honeymoon.
That said, if you happen to be one of the couples who fell into the “more than 60 percent” category as far as consummating your marriage goes, use this Valentine’s Day to relive your wedding night in a way that makes you feel better about how things went down (or rather didn’t go down). On the flip side, if your wedding night was one for the record books, take a walk down memory lane this year because the thing that I just said about nostalgia a second ago? Yeah, it applies to sex, too.
10. Play the Newlywed Game Together
If you want to give Valentine’s Day a shout-out, yet you’d prefer to go the more chill-and-casual route, how about a board game? The Newlywed Game (here) is a fun idea because you can ask each other some of the questions to see how well you know each other at this stage in your relationship. On the other hand, if you’re like me and you prefer to support Black-owned companies as much as possible, there is a game that is literally called Black Love (here) that serves the same purpose — only it’s designed for “us” specifically. Dig that! Then you can order a heart-shaped pizza, sit back, then learn and laugh for hours.
11. Talk About the Moment You Knew They Were “The One”
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I’ve talked about negativity biases before (check out “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself” and “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”). The basic concept of it is, that research has proven that our brains tend to lean towards negativity more than positivity; that we have to be hella intentional about seeing “the glass half full” so to speak. That said, I have worked with couples long enough to say, loudly and with my chest poked all the way out, that a huge cause of divorce is people forget (or is it ignore?) that negativity bias can apply to how folks interact with their spouse, too.
One way to remove some of that toxicity from your own relationship is to look your partner in the eyes and tell them about the moment that you knew, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that they were the one for you because no matter what the state of your relationship is in right now (check out “This Will Get You Through The 'Ho-Hum Seasons' In Your Relationship” and “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”), the reality is that you chose your partner and then made super sacred promises to them.
This means that there are at least a few things that you adore that got you to that point — and they probably need to hear you verbally express them just as much as you probably need to hear yourself say them too.
12. Have a Private Vow Renewal
Formal wedding vow renewals are uber romantic, no doubt about that. When it comes to this particular suggestion, though, no one is saying that you have to go all out. I’m simply recommending that the two of you get dressed up super cute, dig up your wedding vows, and then say them to one another while standing in your living room. You can even take things up a notch by adding some extra things that life together has caused you to want to vow in real time.
It can be something serious, something silly, or something that you secretly know that your man has been hoping and praying that you would “get” about him. Vows are a beautiful thing. And it can be very romantic to revisit them on Valentine’s Day.
13. You Plan a Day Date. He Plans a Night Date.
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If there’s one thing that I hear, both from single men and married men alike, is the reason why they honestly are more than fine with taking a pass on Valentine’s Day altogether is a day that’s supposed to be about celebrating love rarely seems to prioritize the male demographic. Hey, I totally get it. That’s why, one of the things that I oftentimes recommend to couples is that they don’t just settle for one date on that day — and that not only one person should plan how the day goes down either.
For instance, how about you plan a lunch date this year that focuses on things that your husband likes and have him plan a dinner date that does the same thing for you? That way, both individuals can get in on the romance and reciprocity that should come along with Valentine’s Day.
14. Do a “Do Over” Experience
I’m always going to be Team Forgiveness. That said, something else that working with couples has revealed to me is the fact that sometimes people have a hard time letting things go because there is regret (which means remorse and remorse is a good thing) attached, and they don’t know how to move past the embarrassment, guilt or pain surrounding it. You know, whenever someone asks me how they can “make things right” towards someone they have hurt or disappointed, I recommend that they 1) ask them how they can do just that and 2) make an effort to make amends (check out “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made”).
Keeping all of this in mind, if it’s hard to come up with something sweet and lighthearted to do this Valentine’s Day because some regret with your own husband is looming over your head, you can start the healing process and actually make V-Day a great day for him, by making amends. Start by discussing how to “do something over” by trying to correct the situation. While it might not be the most common type of Valentine’s Day approach, it could end up being super effective and beneficial for February 14 and beyond.
15. Go Dark
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Although I can’t recall off the top of my head where I saw it, I once read that the reason why a lot of us like candlelight so much is because it makes us feel warm and safe. As far as romance goes, I think it also makes just about anyone look glowing and radiant, which is always a plus. So, as I close this out, why not shoot your man a text that the two of you should pretend that your electricity went out when you both get home by going with candlelight lighting only for the evening?
Scented ones like vanilla, rose, jasmine, sandalwood, cinnamon, pumpkin, and ylang-ylang are all considered to be aphrodisiacs, and I can’t possibly imagine how having dinner by candlelight, dancing by candlelight, bathing together by candlelight, toasting each other by candlelight — going a few rounds by candlelight wouldn’t be the perfect end to a beautifully romantic and thoughtful Valentine’s Day. Here’s to a very happy and memorable Valentine’s Day, married folks!
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023