

Here's How To Eat Out As A Vegan
There are some people in my life who struggle with committing to the vegan lifestyle. It's not so much because they hated giving up meat; it's more about the fact that they found veganism to be a little bland and inconvenient. A great example they would give me is the thought of eating out became so frustrating that, more times than not, they'd just stay at home.
If you're someone who is nodding your head in agreement, then this article is personally dedicated to you. Choose to see it like a cheat sheet for vegans who want to dine out. My hope is that it will provide you with enough tips that will motivate you to check out some new places, make specific requests and embrace the fact that, just because you don't eat meat, that doesn't mean that you still can't have a ball while eating out.
If You’re a New Vegan, Know What You Shouldn’t Be Eating
I'd venture to say that one of the best things about becoming a vegan is, since you're probably more sensitive about your diet, you're more comfortable cooking at home; that way, you can know exactly what is—and what isn't—going into your meals. But if you've recently decided to give veganism a shot, you like going out to eat but you're nervous about what to order, let's start with the things that are a no-no. Meat (including anything seafood-related) is a given, but remember that vegans avoid all animal products, including dairy. This means no milk, butter, cream or cheese. This also means no eggs. Or gelatin (it comes from collagen that is produced by animals) or even bee products; this means no honey.
What's up with the whole bee thing? Well, passionate vegans feel that to consume anything that bees make is a form of exploitation because bees actually make honey for themselves, not us. Yeah, that might sound a little over the top, but don't shoot the messenger. If you want to read more about this, check out this article, this article and this article.
Then Focus on What You Can Eat
I know, right? That sure is a lot of stuff that you have to overlook on a restaurant menu.
The silver lining is, think about all of the other things that are left—fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, seeds, mushrooms, pulses (like chickpeas and lentils), herbs, spices, oils, vinegars, condiments and plants (like seaweed).
If you really let this list sink in, that still leaves literally hundreds of possibilities.
Check Out a Restaurant’s Online Menu
I don't know about you, but nothing irks me more than making plans to meet a friend at a restaurant, hopping online to Google the eatery's website and either it doesn't have one or their site is down. First impressions are important so, more times than not, that will automatically make me want to take a pass. An online menu is not only good marketing for the restaurant and convenient for their customers, it can take a lot of guesswork out for vegetarians and vegans. These days, many restaurant owners are well aware that their business can't truly thrive without some great vegetarian and vegan options. So, definitely look online before heading out to see if the restaurant you're considering has dishes that you're actually interested in.
Or, Feel Free to Call Ahead
Unfortunately, a lot of us update our personal websites more often than businesses update theirs. That's why, if you can't seem to find what you are looking for on a particular restaurant's site, you should call ahead. Another benefit that comes with taking this extra step is you can ask if there are any new or specialty vegan items that might not currently be on the menu, along with if the chefs are willing to customize certain dishes. That way, you can know exactly what you are getting yourself into before you arrive.
Consider More Ethnic Cuisine
A lot of Americans continue to be big time meat consumers; that's a part of the reason why so many restaurants have a ton of meat options but oftentimes limited vegan and vegetarian ones. That's the bad news. The good news is many Indian, Mexican, Thai and West African (which is a big 2020 food trend) restaurants have some really delicious dishes that contain absolutely no meat. When you think about it, that can be another benefit of going vegan—you can try different foods from other cultures. Why not give it a shot?
Confirm That Non-Meat Meals Are Prepared Separately
With articles floating around in cyberspace like "Plant-based 'meat' isn't always vegan or even vegetarian, and that's a common misconception that needs to be clarified", don't you feel the least bit self-conscious or uncomfortable about asking your server if the vegan meals are prepared on a different grill or in different pans than meat-based dishes are. You'd be amazed how many aren't (especially in fast food restaurants) and a lot of places aren't going to volunteer that information. If they say "no" or "I don't know", ask to speak with a manager. Remember, you're not at your grandma's house for Sunday dinner. You are paying for your meal. You should get what you want, just how you want it.
Request That Dairy Be Substituted
A lot of sauces have some form of dairy in them whether it's milk, cream or even yogurt. If you do see a dish that you want, you like the sauce, but you don't want any dairy to be in it, ask for a substitution. Perhaps a milk substitute like hemp, oat or almond milk. When it comes to cheese, see if they've got any cashew cheese (a wonderful Brie substitute), hemp seed crumble cheese (a great Parmesan substitute) or Daiya cheese (which is a good mozzarella substitute). As far as the actual cooking goes, an oil or mashed avocados can replace butter.
As far as desserts are concerned, there are all kinds of dairy-free ice cream brands now. Or you can order a sorbet. If you want something with whipped cream on top, whipped coconut milk can scratch that itch. If something has condensed milk in it, see if the chef has any maple syrup; a blend of it and coconut milk is an awesome substitute. (This dairy point is another good reason to call ahead.)
Ask to Speak with the Manager (They Can Handle It)
If, for some reason, your server wants to give you a hard time about your requests or you've got a recommendation that you think will make it easier on other vegan eaters, please don't hesitate to ask for the manager. They are there to handle things that servers may not be able to. Also remember, if they are not able to suit your needs, go by my customer service motto—every manager has a manager.
Oh, and if the service does prove to be outstanding, make a point to tell the manager and to post an online review. This can make it so much easier for other potential customers who are looking to have a delicious vegan-friendly dining experience.
Try Something New
If y'all ever make your way to Nashville, if there's one thing we don't lack, it's places to eat. Although I've been living here since I was about four, I must admit that it wasn't until last year that I set out to try as many new restaurants as possible. Boy, am I glad that I did! It's expanded my palate and altered my perspective a bit on the place where I live. If you're new to veganism and all you do is go to the places where you once had your favorite ribs, steak or hamburger, you could easily get frustrated by the limited options that are at your disposal. But if you decide to try some new spots, you could end up being very pleasantly surprised. Start your cuisine quest by checking out articles like "50 Best Vegan-Friendly Restaurants In The USA", "The Best Vegan (and Vegan-friendly) Restaurants in All 50 States" and "Veg Out: 20 Top Vegan Restaurants from Coast to Coast" to see if your city made the lists. Then go to your favorite search engine and put "best vegan restaurants" along with your city and state in the field to narrow down your search.
Treat Yourself
Just because you're vegan, that doesn't mean you can't turn up a little bit. If you want to have a cocktail with your meal, do so. If you're hesitant because you'd prefer for even your alcohol to be vegan, Barnivore is a website that offers a pretty comprehensive list of beers, wines, and liquors that are exactly that.
Being vegan doesn't have to be synonymous with boring. It also doesn't have to keep you in your own kitchen all of the time. With a little research and interaction with the restaurant staff, you can have a wonderful dining experience. You might even teach them a thing or two too. Enjoy!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
You Need To Visit These Black-Owned Vegan Restaurants In Your City
Meet The SHEeo: Chef Adyre Mason Of The Veggie - A Vegan Comfort Food Delivery Service
How This Shamelessly Slutty Vegan Started A Culinary Revolution
How I Transitioned My Meat-Loving Family to a Plant-Based Vegan Lifestyle
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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Janelle Monáe's Reveals The Real Reason Why She Stopped Wearing Her Signature Tuxedos
Singer and actress Janelle Monáe exemplifies how change can be a powerful catalyst for growth and transformation.
Monáe, who rose to fame in 2010 following the release of her debut album, The ArchAndroid, captivated fans' hearts with her powerful vocals, catchy tunes, and style. Around that time period, when various female artists were known to wear provocative ensembles on stage, the "Tightrope" songstress set herself apart by wearing her signature black and white suits and continued to do so for almost a decade.
In the later years of her career, after the release of her studio albums The Electric Lady in 2013 and 2018's Dirty Computer, many began to notice the shift in Monáe's artistry and fashion, which some widely praised.
Although the now 37-year-old rarely addressed the reason behind the transformation over the years, that would all change when Monáe sat down with radio personality Angie Martinez on her IRL podcast earlier this month.
During the interview, Monáe --who was promoting her latest album, "The Age of Pleasure"-- opened up about her mental health struggles, how she would cope, and why she chose to live in freedom.
Janelle On Why She Stopped Wearing Her Signature Suits All the Time
Janelle Monáe
Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images
In the May discussion, the "I Like That" vocalist revealed she suffers from anxiety, which she claimed would occur around "winter to spring."
Monáe added that when she has her bouts with anxiety, she tends to turn to food as a coping mechanism. Further in the interview, the "Lipstick Lover" singer disclosed that her emotional eating habits caused a weight fluctuation and that she could no longer fit into the suits she once wore earlier in her career.
Monáe explained that even though she tried to diet and exercise to return to her smaller figure, she ultimately stopped and made peace with herself with the help of therapy because she acknowledged that she isn't the same person she was nearly a decade ago and shouldn't try to be even if it was a highly "celebrated" version.
"I'm petite, but it can get thick... When I couldn't fit them suits anymore, and I was like, 'Oh my God, what is going on?' I would be dieting, running, or exercising, trying to fit into [it]. I'm just like, 'No. No, we're here. This is where we are.' We [are] not about to be utilizing life trying to be an old version of ourselves. No matter how celebrated that version of me was. I'm here. I'm here," she said.
Janelle On Freedom
As the topic shifted to freedom and what that meant to Monáe, the "Primetime" vocalist shared that in this new era of her life, she enjoys it because she can boldly express herself however she wants and honor who she is as a person right now.
Monáe also revealed that she had found ways to become a better artist and the best version of herself because of her freedom.
"What is the new version of freedom? What does that feel like? That's usually when I feel the most free is when artistically, I can honor exactly who I am right now," she stated. "I feel most free as a human when I can honor exactly who I am right now."
Monáe's fourth studio album, The Age of Pleasure, is set to be released on June 9.
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