As Told To: 'I Spent $10K On A Dating Coach & Now I’m Married To The Love Of My Life'

Still, even knowing it was right to let him go, walking away felt like mourning a death. I dated casually after that: flings and situationships here and there. But they took more than they gave. I was left depleted more than fulfilled, so I made a conscious decision to stop dating altogether.

Around the same time, my mother was diagnosed with a brain injury that left her unable to form short-term memories. My sister and I became her caregivers along with my dad. But just as I got her stabilized, my father was diagnosed with blood cancer. At one point, he was bedridden.

So no, I wasn’t thinking about love. I was thinking about survival.

For two years, I didn’t give out my number. Didn’t go on a single date. I was tired, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But not just from dating. From everything.

Those two years weren’t about fear, they were about focus. I was caregiving, grieving, and building a startup from the ground up. I had nothing left to give romantically. So when my birthday came around in September 2023, I knew I needed stillness to replenish what I had lost.

I went to Joshua Tree alone, I booked a tiny home in the middle of the desert, and I told myself: “I’m going to be still.” For five days, I read, prayed, fasted, and listened to jazz and classical music. No distractions.

On the drive back to LAX, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I couldn’t unsee it: I had invested in every other area of my life, except my love life. I realized then that my love life deserved a strategy, too.

So, I did what I always do when I want to grow in an area: I found someone wiser. I found an expert who could guide me in the form of a dating coach, and I hired him. Because love is too sacred to leave to chance. And I was finally ready to build it on purpose.

To some, hiring a dating coach might’ve looked like desperation. But desperation doesn’t look like pausing for two years, it looks like settling for crumbs and calling it a meal. You’ll mistake attention for affection, and chaos for chemistry. Desperation doesn’t discern. It just consumes.

That wasn’t me. Not only was I not desperate, but I was a little too comfortable being single.

I didn’t invest $10K+ in a dating coach because I was desperate. I invested because I was done repeating old patterns. Strategy is getting honest about your desire and then building a pathway toward it with clarity, with guidance, and with God.

I had invested in every other area of my life, my business, my health, and my growth. Why would my love life be the one place I left to chance?

So no, I wasn’t desperate. I was ready. Ready to stop guessing. Ready to stop wasting time. Ready to become the kind of woman who could receive the kind of love I prayed for.

But before I could become her, I had to face the parts of me still holding on to old beliefs.

When I walked away from that relationship and got into therapy, everything shifted. My therapist helped me unpack my wounds, my conditioning, and the patterns I couldn’t see on my own. And when the fog cleared, I was 100% sure: God had given me this desire. And I was not going to let doubt, distraction, or misalignment steal it from me.

This wasn’t just about having a plan, it was about being in divine alignment.

Between 2023 and now, I’ve invested close to $12,000 in coaching. I joined Anwar White’s Get Your Guy program in October 2023. The program was $7,500 over six months—that’s $1,250 a month, less than some people spend on luxury items they’ll outgrow. And for me? It made perfect sense.

After starting the program, I met my now-husband that December. We became official in spring 2024, and he proposed in January 2025.

But the real shift wasn’t him. It was me. I no longer chased anything—not men, not clients, not friendships. I stopped striving and started trusting. I started existing, and I let what was aligned come to me.

And when he came, he came steady. Consistent. Intentional. Reliable. Joyful. He was deeply committed to my happiness before anything else. He doesn’t move unless it’s with care for my heart.

With him, there is no performance. No eggshells. No pressure. Just alignment.

We walk together, in purpose. I now have a partner who is in service to me, not in competition with me. A partner who lightens my load. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He helps me think. Helps me build. Helps me breathe. He makes my life easier, and that is something I had never experienced before.

I still reinvest in my love life by continuing to work with Anwar. His programs have taken me from dating, to courting, to exclusivity, to engaged, and now to being married. Because each of those phases required a new version of me. Because I had never been here before.

Through Anwar’s program, I was gifted the most pivotal mindset shift of them all:

That love doesn’t have to feel like a struggle. And that’s my new standard.

One of the most powerful things Anwar said to me was, “You can’t do the wrong thing to the right guy.” And that truth set me free.

Before working with him, I thought love had to be proved. Performed. Earned. I thought I had to be perfect. Healed. Small enough to fit into someone else’s version of love. But that was never true.

There are men who are devoted to creating ease in your life. Men who see your softness as strength and your boundaries as beauty.

My now-husband, Ty, is one of them. He is steady. He is consistent. And no matter how much I struggled, no matter how I tried to self-sabotage, he stayed anchored in one mission: to bring ease, to bring peace, to bring safety.

So the shift? I stopped performing. I started discerning. I raised my standards. I stopped doubting. And I let myself be held.

Yeah, the biggest shift was realizing I am worthy of love that doesn’t come with chaos. Love that’s safe. Love that’s solid. Love that’s soft.

That’s what happens when you stop settling and start showing up with faith, clarity, and strategy. That’s what happens when you become the CEO of your love life.

Being the CEO of my love life meant I stopped outsourcing it to luck, fate, or vibes. I no longer left it up to chance or timing, or wishful thinking. Just like I build businesses with vision, strategy, and intentional partnerships, I built a love life that reflects those same values.

A good CEO doesn’t try to do it all alone. A good CEO casts vision, brings the right experts to the table, delegates with wisdom, and trusts the process. That’s exactly how I approached love. I partnered with God. I partnered with mentors. I aligned my actions with my desires. That’s not control, that’s stewardship. And that’s what changed everything.

I knew sharing my journey online was going to stir something up. And it did. Some people were inspired. Some were uncomfortable. But their discomfort wasn’t about me. It was about what my story confronted in them: scarcity, shame, old beliefs about what’s “worth it” and what’s not.

And I’m okay with that. I’m not here to be liked. I’m here to be aligned. That’s my assignment.

To the woman who’s feeling discouraged, let me say this: Time is a tool, don’t let it become your tormentor. You are not late. You are not behind. You are not disqualified. Your desire for love is not shameful, it’s sacred.

Don’t let what society says, what the media projects, or what a non-believer has spoken over you define what’s possible. The only thing that’s true is what God has said. And God has said, “All things are possible to him that believes.”

If you’re feeling stuck, let that be your invitation to do something different. You don’t have to do this alone. Ask for help. Get support. Find a coach, a mentor, a couple you admire—not the shiny ones on social media, but the ones who’ve walked through fire and still chose each other.

Date with intention. Choose love on purpose. Marriage is a gift from God, and it is never too late to receive it. There is strength in being seen, supported, and walking in purpose together.

And for my Black women especially, softness is your superpower. Discernment is your birthright. You are the prize and the picker. Dating with intention isn’t about being aggressive, it’s about being aligned.

We are not desperate. We are divine. Even in your healing, even in your becoming, know this: you can never do the wrong thing to the right guy.

And the right guy? He’ll meet you right there: in your wholeness, and in your work-in-progress.

To keep up with Shirley Vernae Williams and her journey as a storyteller, producer, and love life CEO, follow her on Instagram @shirleyvernae and learn more about her work at williebstudios.com.