I’ve always liked the quote “The realest people don’t have a lot of friends.” It’s Tupac Shakur who said it, so maybe it resonates with me so well, in part, because we both are Geminis. Or, maybe it’s because, after living a few decades, now more than ever, I couldn’t agree with him more.
Yeah, it really is interesting that, as children (and teenagers — more on that in a moment), we’re basically programmed to be as likable as possible — oftentimes at the expense of being as genuine as we should be. Hmph. That’s pretty damn unfortunate because, if someone liking you means more to you than you being your authentic self, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s going to come at the cost of not liking your own self very much; if not immediately, eventually.
Indeed, the Danish philosopher and theologian Søren Kierkegaard once put it this way: “The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” And you know what, y’all? He’s right.
And so, after listening to this message from Free, excuse the pun but let’s all get free. If you happen to be someone who struggles with wanting everyone to like you and/or you’re an individual who worries about not being everyone’s cup of tea, I wrote this with you in mind.
As someone who has had the world want me to care about likeability more than I ever really have, I’ve got some tips on what can keep you from wanting to be liked by others at the expense of truly loving (and fully knowing) yourself.
Dorothy, You Ain’t in High School Anymore
GiphyEver since I hopped off of Facebook, hell, well past 15 years ago at this point, I can’t really tell you that I have any regrets (I’m still on the fence about creating an account to promote my latest book; we’ll see). Although I don’t think that social media is the devil (exactly), I’ve gotta say that almost every time I tip-toe out onto a platform to see what’s going on, after about 30 minutes or so, I find myself saying the exact same thing: “It’s like the world is one big high school” — and no, that isn’t a compliment.
I don’t know about y’all, but back when I was in high school and even college, it seemed that being popular (which typically meant being well-liked, en masse) was about as important, if not more so, than getting good grades…and to this day, I’m not exactly sure why. I mean, think back now to the people who are in your life. How many of them stuck around from your adolescent and young adult years? Then ponder the folks who actually were “all the rage” back when you were in school. What are they actually doing now? Who really “has it going on” to the extent that you admire them for it — or hell, even really care? Lawd, and don’t even get me started on the fact that one of my favorite Message Version Scriptures in the Bible actually isn’t a fan of popularity at all:
“There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.” (Luke 6:26 — Message)
I think there are three main reasons why Scripture “yawns” at popularity. From a strictly spiritual standpoint, it’s very clear that the world doesn’t like a lot of the standards that the Bible upholds (“If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you.” — John 15:18 — NKJV). Another reason is that we were each made to be individuals (“He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.” — Psalm 33:15 — NKJV), and individuals, by definition, are supposed to be distinctive. What I mean by that is, if you’re out here trying to be a carbon copy of someone else, what are you doing here? Duplication contradicts individualism.
And finally, one of the main things that our culture is caught up on and caught up in is flattery, which is basically the signature language of popularity. Yeah, the Bible pretty much loathes that: “He who speaks flattery to his friends, even the eyes of his children will fail.” (Job 17:5 — NKJV) Why? Because it’s not the same thing as affirming someone. Nah, flattery tends to come with strings that are a lot like a spider web. In other words, people who flatter you tend to have an agenda or stratagem…and that ain’t good.
So, with all of this being said, one of the first things that can truly free you from caring about if everyone likes you is realizing that high school was years ago and popularity should never come at the expense of truth.
Yeah, cue Eric Benét's “True to Myself” throwback song right here while telling yourself, daily, that if you have to stop being truthful and truth-filled, just so that you can be “regarded with favor, approval, or affection by people in general” or even “adapted to the ordinary intelligence or taste” or “suited to the means of ordinary people; not expensive” (all of which are definitions of popularity), please tell me why that’s even close to being worth it…how, at the end of the day (or this life), it’s not one big colossal (self) lie.
Let’s keep building on this.
Some People Just Want You to Mesh with Their Ego
GiphyWhen it comes to people liking you, did you know that one definition of like is “to bear resemblance”? In other words, what makes a lot of folks like someone else is how much they have in common with them — how similar that person is to themselves. And while that isn’t all bad, if we’re gonna go deeper than the surface, how can some ego not be a part of that? I like you because you remind me of myself. Chile.
Yeah, when it comes to this point right here, it’s important to think about what you resemble in someone — is it good or bad? Because, as Denzel Washington was once quoted as saying, “Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” And I’m here to tell you that this will preach a billion different sermons because it goes along very well with another favorite (unknown) quote of mine: “We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with our own.”
Y’all, we are watching, right now and in living color, what can happen to someone who is wealthy and popular whose ego isn’t in check, and who has a lot of demons. That combination? What’s good about it? If that individual had ended up genuinely liking you a lot, could that not be a potential red flag? Could it warrant asking yourself, “Why would we have anything in common enough to actually become friends?”
There are some people who initially wanted to be all “buddy buddy” with me, and then, once I displayed signs that I wasn’t going to think or act like them and/or that I couldn’t be manipulated, suddenly, “Yeah, I don’t like Shellie.” Good because who knows what you not liking me was actually sparing me from in the long run. Plus, you just said that I don’t “mirror you” — and there are certain things about some people that I would never — ever — want to.
If You’re Not a Part of Their Path, Y’all May Not “Click.” Cool.
GiphyI have never been a fan of someone who tries to be my friend. Although that might sound weird at first, just hear me out for a sec. What I mean by that is, that things that evolve naturally are always better than things that are forced. Sometimes, though, someone will cross my path and here they come with the flattery, and it already makes me uncomfortable. If you can’t let time and experience do their thing, if you’re trying to “make” something happen…what are you really up to?
Because honestly, if we are meant to be, in some significant way, the opportunity will present itself without the need for either one of us to pressure or chase the other. In other words, if you’re a part of my path, a way will be made without you having to overexert (or insert) yourself.
Hmph. This takes me back to someone who used to go above and beyond for us to be friends back in the day. Although she was very smart and witty, something about her always seemed “off.” For one thing, her ego was totally out of control. For another, she sucked at personal accountability — either you agreed with her, or you deemed yourself her enemy (whether that was the actual truth or not)…and that eventually made dealing with her pretty damn exhausting. Fast forward to now and I totally get why we weren’t meant to be true friends.
Although we’re both in the media space, our purpose, platform, and paths couldn’t be more different…and honestly, I saw signs of that back in the day when she would oppose so many of my perspectives as if everything that she said was the gospel and everything I said couldn’t be more off-base.
Y’all, you can spare yourself a lot of unnecessary drama if you accept that sometimes you don’t “gel” with people, and it’s not because anyone is right or wrong — it’s more like your paths simply don’t complement one another; there is no real purpose in you the two of you being mental or emotionally close because it won’t benefit either one of you to do so.
This doesn’t mean that you need to hate each other (or throw hate in each other’s direction). It just means that you are kind of in each other’s way of doing the work that you were, as individuals, called to do because your callings are just that different. If you get this one right here, you’ll be amazed at how little time you’ll wonder about you and certain folks. I’ll bet my next paycheck on it.
Genuine Folks Don’t Vibe with Just Any or Everybody
GiphyI’ve worked, consistently so, in some form of media for almost 25 years now, and if there’s one thing that I’ve heard about myself, pretty much the entire time, is “Shellie is the same way everywhere she goes.” In other words, I don’t switch up based on where I am or who I’m around. Earning that reputation is why I sometimes tell people that I tend to be a lot like beer because beer can be polarizing in the sense that very few people are neutral on it: either they love it or they can’t stand it.
And, as “beer,” I’m fine either way. LOL. It’s what comes with being your authentic self and not trying to do what is necessary to “fit in” with others.
Listen, ask anyone who has also been told something similar about themselves and I can almost assure you that they are an acquired taste. That’s because, when you are just…you and you don’t care about doing what tickles the fancy of others or what will earn you their applause “just because” — that “bucks the system” of our culture so much that oftentimes folks don’t know what to do about it…or you. And so, their natural inclination is to try and gaslight you into thinking that you are problematic when really…you’re just genuine — not fake, free from pretense, original. REAL.
And what are some traits of a genuine individual?
- You’re not trying to get people to like you (it’s not a life mission of yours).
- You do your own thing.
- You can take what you dish out (this reveals a lot of fake folks right here).
- You don’t say one thing and then do something else (that’s called a hypocrite).
- You don’t “switch up” based on who’s around you.
- You are very comfortable with yourself (whether others are or aren’t).
- YOU. ARE. CONSISTENT.
Now think about our society — does it encourage people to move like this or does it want everyone to care more about following the crowd and/or to do whatever it takes for the masses to find them fabulous? Yeah, on that, I’ll pass…pretty much always have. #Elmoshrug
Now to be fair, genuine folks do have to keep things in balance because it’s one thing to not care what everyone thinks (good) as opposed to what no one at all does (not so good). Yeah, even (and in some ways, especially) genuine folks need some accountability in their life so that, while doing their own thing, they aren’t being insensitive or dismissive; I’ll be the first to say that.
However, make no mistakes about it: genuine folks, don’t tend to vibe with just anyone, and they/we are more than okay with that — and for some reason, that tends to make a lot of folks…I’ll go with the word “uncomfortable.”
Let all of the genuine folks (with a good sense of self) collectively say, “Oh well.”
Care About Respect and Peace WAY MORE than Being Liked
GiphyHumans can be fickle. And honestly, if you get nothing else out of this, I hope that will be your greatest takeaway. And nothing amplifies this more in my life right now than watching my 13-year-old goddaughter try to navigate through friendships. One day, this person is her bestie. By the following week, it’s someone else who is her BFF. A part of the reason is because of what we already discussed about us wanting mirror reflections of ourselves. Another reason is that what is required to be seen as likable and popular can honestly change on a dime.
Still, another reason (and it really is its own article) is being liked, when it’s not coming from a mature place and perspective, typically doesn’t leave much room for growth and evolution.
Another definition of "like"? It’s “of the same form, appearance, kind, character, amount, etc.” and when you’re someone who, as my mother says about myself, “am violent about growth and peace,” that can cause you to change, sometimes drastically so, and a lot of people may not like that you choose to move in this fashion. It messes with their own plans for you and their life.
That’s why I am a much bigger fan of being respectedthan liked. Although a lot of folks think that respect only means being admired, respect can also simply mean that you, holistically, are valued in the sense that people will value your perspective even if they don’t agree, will value your boundaries even if they don’t understand and will value your time enough not to waste it — and no, you don’t have to be friends or even “like” each other for that to happen.
Like is personal. Respect is heeding the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you — and yes, I care more about the latter than the former. And when two people can settle on mutual respect, there is also mutual peace as a direct result.
____
So yeah, is it nice to be liked? Sure. Is it necessary? Not for everyone to like you, no. Just make sure that YOU LIKE YOU, and the ones who can “like you with a purpose” will reveal themselves.
Everyone else? Let them like what and who they like. You will be just fine regardless — and then some. Promise you that.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
You Like Having Sex With Him. Your Vagina Doesn't. What Should You Do?
I already know. Some of y’all read the title of this and was like, “How does that even make sense?” Oh, believe you me, there can be someone who you are definitely attracted to, who you connect with on a billion levels, where the sexual chemistry is totally off the charts — and yet, when it comes to intercourse, your vagina is on some "Do we really have to?"
It can be for a few different reasons. His penis size might take some adjusting to. His sperm/semen may throw your pH balance off. You might end up with a yeast infection or UTI (urinary tract infection) on a semi-consistent basis. Uh-huh, now do you see how you can enjoy coitus and still experience — let’s call them “technical difficulties” as far as your vagina goes at the same time?
If this has been your plight and you’ve been scouring the internet in order to get some much-needed (literal) relief, here are 12 things that may be able to get you, your partner, and your vagina on the same page, as far as experiencing consistently pleasurable copulation is concerned.
1. Bring in Some Lubrication
GiphyLet’s begin with something that can kill two birds with one stone — umm, so to speak. Whether your issue is that your man’s size is a lot to handle or either the friction of the sex or the inability to get as wet as you would like is resulting in you ending up with a UTI, invest in some lubrication. The wetter you are, the better sex will feel, and the less irritated your vagina will be.
The real hack is to get the kind that is as close to the pH level of your vagina (which should be somewhere around 4.5) as possible. Word on the street is that silicone-based ones can help you out in this department. By the way, saliva can also throw your pH balance off, which is why some people use things like dental damns. Just something to keep in mind as far as oral activity goes.
2. Use Condoms
GiphyIf it’s been a minute since you’ve had sex (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”) or you’re about to change (or add) sex partners, there are many reasons why you should use a condom — one of them being that bacteria or sperm/semen definitely has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH level off as well which can lead to a yeast infection.
Not to mention the fact that men can get yeast infections and sometimes they are asymptomatic. This means that if you don’t want to be passing one of those bad boys back and forth to each other, a rubber can serve as a barrier for that.
3. Consume More Probiotics. Eat Less Sugar.
GiphySpeaking of bacteria, another thing that you can do to decrease the chances of bad bacteria overtaking the good kind that’s in your va-jay-jay, be intentional about taking a probiotic and consuming foods that are filled with probiotics. Also, try to eat less sugar. Probiotic-enriched foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, fish sauce, and fermented veggies will give you more good bacteria. The reason why sugar is an enemy of your vagina is because that is what feeds bad bacteria and yeast.
4. Have Your Partner Give You a Perineal Massage (with a Twist)
GiphyAs a doula, I know quite a bit about perineal massages. Basically, it’s all about having your partner put some oil or lubricant on one or two of their fingers before using them to gently massage your perineum (the skin that is in between your vaginal opening and your anus) in order to decrease your chances of tearing while giving birth. Well, if you want to prepare yourself for sex after going without for a long period of time or before engaging with a larger partner, this type of massage could help you out, too.
The reason why I didn’t just call this good old-fashioned fingering is because if a part of what you want to partake in is anal sex, it can be wise to not just stretch your vagina but that piece of skin as well. Just make sure that if you plan on using a condom, you go with a water or silicone-based lubricant only. Oils will dissolve the potency of latex.
5. Invest in a Vaginal Dilator
GiphyI’m actually kind of surprised that vaginal dilators don’t come up more in sex-related articles. If you’ve never heard of them before, they are tube-like devices that are made out of plastic or medical-grade silicone that can help to stretch out your vagina, make it more flexible, and reduce discomfort during intercourse (especially if yours is related to having some sort of issues with your pelvic floor).
In fact, if you’re in the latter stages of perimenopause or you’re post-menopausal and sex has not been as pleasurable for you because of symptoms that are directly associated with that, a vaginal dilator might be able to offer up some relief.
For the record, you can typically purchase them at local drugstores (and online); however, you might want to run this decision by your doctor first, just so they can discuss any potential challenges/issues that you should know about (since they have your medical history).
6. Take Some Ibuprofen Before Sex
GiphyThis tip right here is a bit of a double-edged sword because whiletaking an over-the-counter pain reliever like ibuprofen an hour or so before having sex can help to reduce pain and inflammation to your vagina (if that has been an issue in the past),some studies say that men who take these same meds can potentially increase their chances of experiencing some level of erectile dysfunction.
That said, since the article today is focusing on our body parts, yes, this is somewhat of an effective hack, especially if you also soak in a warm bath prior to getting some.
7. Urinate Right After Sex
GiphyIf you’ve always wondered if you really should make it a point and practice to pee after having sex, the short answer is yes. Although nothing is going to blow up if you don’t, the reason why it’s a good idea is it can help to flush bacteria out of your urethra which can, in turn, lower your chances of experiencing a UTI.
8. Extend the Foreplay
GiphyI don’t think one woman on this planet is shocked thatmost ladies would prefer more foreplay before sex. As far as how long that should be, some studies state thatsomewhere around 20 minutes is good. That said, all of us are different, and, keeping in line with being wetter making sex better theme, if you need more time with “the appetizer” before the “main course” —tell your partner that. When it comes to less friction, more comfort, and ultimately more satisfying sex, longer foreplay might just be all that you need.
9. Stay on Top
GiphyYou probably already know this; still, I’m adding it in for safe measure. If you want to be able to better control the speed, motion, and depth of your partner when it comes to intercourse, opt for being on top. It will feel more comfortable to you, and I don’t know any man who doesn’t like to get a full view of what his partner has to offer when she’s on top of him. It’s a win for everyone involved.
10. Sign Up for Some Pelvic Floor Therapy
GiphyIf no matter what you do, you seem to experience some level of discomfort during sex, you might want to look into getting some pelvic floor therapy. It is a literal form of physical therapy that can help to strengthen the muscles in your pelvic region. If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can search for pelvic floor therapists who are in your area here.
11. Have Some Diflucan on Tap (Just in Case)
GiphyAlthough a lot of these tips are all about taking preventative measures, what should you do if you already have a yeast infection that’s tied to sex (and you know that for sure)? If you don’t want to go through the (sometimes) drama of scheduling a doctor’s appointment, there are sites now that will prescribe antifungal meds like Diflucan online.
Wisp is one that I definitely know does, along with medication for bacterial vaginosis (BV), UTIs, and genital herpes, too. Just fill out a form, and a doctor will follow up online. If they feel that you are a good candidate, they will send a prescription to a pharmacy in your area (of your choosing), and you can go pick up and pay there — sometimes all within the same day.
12. Get Tested for a Potential Sperm/Semen Allergy
GiphyAlthough actually being allergic to sperm/semen is not hella common (reportedly around 40,000 women in this country are), it is a real thing. So, if after having unprotected sex, you experience incessant burning and/or itching, hives, lip and/or tongue swelling, nausea, or diarrhea, it’s important that you see your physician. Although this kind of allergy is not particularly “dangerous,” it can be super uncomfortable.
Plus, it can make it harder for you to conceive a child (if that is something that you and your partner are trying to do). As far as treatment goes, to a certain extent, it varies. However, a prescription-strength antihistamine may be what your healthcare provider recommends for you.
____
Gee, I certainly hope that these tips help. Because while having sex with someone who you dig is wonderful, it is so much better when your vagina “gets along” with him too. Feel me? Exactly.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Rachel Frank/Getty Images