Why Jada Pinkett Smith Isn't Worried About Being Liked
Let's not front, being like to a certain extent feels awesome. I know for me, another artist who is sensitive about her shit, it feels amazing to receive praise and reassurance. As a daughter, it feels amazing to be put on a pedestal for being supportive and agreeable. As a lover, it feels amazing to know I bring someone else a sense of comfort and pleasure. However, living solely for those highs left me emotionally bankrupt, unable to recognize myself when I looked in the mirror, and with a creative block. I know I'm not alone, and that fear of not being liked builds up to the point where people are afraid to reveal their true thoughts and feelings.
Sadly, for women, this is a crippling mindset that has been spoonfed to us for ages. The desire to be liked is suffocating because, what exactly will happen if someone doesn't like you?
Actress, mother, wife and host Jada Pinkett Smith seems to believe self-love happens when we let go of our desire to be liked. Achieving your highest potential happens. Being your most authentic self happens. Jada explained during a recent episode of Red Table Talk:
"I never worry about being liked because it's a trick bag...that is the space of manipulation. If you need somebody to like you it'll be too difficult for someone to act from an authentic place...But here's the deal, most people have a difficult time liking themselves."
"It's almost like begging someone to see your true image through a cracked lens. It's not going to happen."
Sis is giving us a life-earned piece of game for free-99 here. The late great Maya Angelou already warned us about being careful when a naked person offers you a shirt, but that's a hard concept to grasp because, again, approval feels so good. Damn near validating. When you are freezing, that shirt looks tailor-made to fit your body! So there comes a time when we must sit down and ask ourselves whose approval matters the most? Mine, or someone outside of myself?
Is it worth doing something that makes another person happy, yet makes me miserable? Do I really want to be burned out from setting myself on fire to keep other people warm?
Another woman daring to not give a damn about being liked is Myleik Teele, mother, host, and creator of the beloved CurlBox. The entrepreneur did the work to find out that the answer to those questions and what she learned was a resounding, "Hell to the no!" She shared in a passionate IG live discussion:
"I have finally learned how to deal with the anxiety that comes along with you when you make the choice that's best for you...I can say something to you and then I know you are going to be upset about it, and me not feeling the need to defend myself or react around that...me just sitting there not in like a strange way but just like I acknowledge your anger. I understand that you're upset. You know? And that's it!"
Don't be fooled, coming to this realization and point of action takes some serious work from people who are able to look at you without a distorted view and give you the tools you need to learn to trust yourself. For Myleik, that person was her long-time therapist:
"For 2021, I'm really looking forward to gaining some momentum in my comfort of just being straight up and dropping this desire to be liked. And it's kind of a complex thing to say because you know year after year I sit in therapy and she's like, 'It's because you want people to like you," and it's like, 'I don't care if they don't like me!' That's how I feel genuinely! But there will be certain behaviors that were not congruent with what I'm saying."
Practice makes perfect. If you are confused about where to start, here are some very useful words to start with:
Sis..I can keep you here all day but just make sure you prioritize being true to yourself above all else. Do it for the love, not for the likes.
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Featured image via Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
'Bel-Air' Actress Jazlyn Martin On Her Ongoing Identity Crisis And Its Influence On Her Creative Journey
Jazlyn Martin is a triple-threat performer known most for her role as Jackie on Peacock’sBel-Air. Her character’s fiery personality and questionable decisions have led to a few shocking moments in the series and quite a bit of convo on social media.
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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The changing seasons can sometimes affect your mood and/ or your sleep. While it's normal, it can throw your body off and make you groggy and irritable. And no one wants to deal with that. Well, the experts at HAYPP have researched some popular sleep hacks, so you don't have to.
TikTok has become a go-to source for learning tips and tricks for just about anything, and they have numerous videos on different sleep hacks that people swear by. HAYPP rounded up the best sleep hacks found on TikTok that may actually work.
Keep reading below.
Acupressure
@oldtown_acupuncturist Sleep better tonight with acupressure #acupressure #acupuncturist #insomnia How to sleep better with acupressure point
This is also known as the peaceful sleep acupuncture point, aka Anmian, and can be found one cm right behind the middle of your ears. While this hack has been around for ages, Dr. Eileen brought it back to the forefront on TikTok. To try this technique, lie on your back and, for about a minute, apply gentle pressure behind both ears with your thumb.
While you may be familiar with acupuncture as sticking needles into your body, it actually helps to remove blockages that cause imbalances so energy can flow. Acupressure works the same way. In fact, a study of 25 patients with sleep disorders were treated with acupressure, and 60% experienced better sleep within the first 10 days.
Tart Cherry Juice
@naraazizasmith who has tried this?? #fypシ #sleepygirlmocktail #drink #marriage #mocktails
There's a reason tart cherry juice, with the help of magnesium and prebiotic soda, went viral. This concoction became known as the sleepy girl mocktail and has amassed 28.2 million views on TikTok. Tart cherry juice contains tryptophan, which increases the production of melatonin. It has also been linked to reducing stress levels, weight loss, and hydration.
Cricket Feet
@funwithangedhd #adhdawarenessmonth #adhd #cricketing #fidgettofocus #stimming I've cricketed my feet for as long as I can remember, and multiple family members have done this, too. just thought it was a #Bonebrake thing! 🤣 #adhdgenetics
Cricketing, aka cricket feet, is another powerful sleep hack that everyone is talking about on TikTok. The trend, which was made popular by the content creator @notyouraveragethrpst, involves rubbing your feet together to soothe yourself to sleep. Because our feet also have pressure points, applying gentle pressure, like rubbing behind your ears, can lead to better sleep as it reduces the stress hormone.
Cognitive Shuffling
@thesleep_md Have you tried cognitive shuffling? If you have racing thoughts that keep you at night, then you should! This is a cognitive technique that works in a couple of ways The 1st is that it distracts your brain from racing thoughts But the 2nd and most interesting is that the random nature of the activity actually puts you in a dream like state that makes it easier to transition into sleep In order to do this, you start by thinking of a random word like "Bedtime" And you start visualizing random images to go along with each letter in the word For example for the letter "B" you might think of a broom, or a box or a book You continue vizualizing images for each letter until you run out of ideas, then move on to the next letter You continue doing so until you eventually fall asleep Which for many, happens within the first 10 to 15 minutes Share with a friend who needs to try this! #sleepspecialist #sleepstruggles #bettersleep #sleepbetter #sleeptips #fallasleepfast
Cognitive shuffling is a hack that claims to have you asleep in five minutes or less. This technique involves listing random things in your mind until you fall asleep, which may be good for overthinkers who have a hard time shutting off their brain.
Drunken Monkeys
@usamedical I know I look like a drunken monkey 🙈 #sleeptips #sleepbetter #howtosleepbetter #sleep #sleephack
Usamedical originally shared the drunken monkey hack, and it has since been viewed on TikTok 955.5k times. The drunken monkey requires that you move your weight from side to side on your hips, rolling your shoulders back and flapping your arms about (like a monkey who’s had one too many).
It's recommended that you do this technique one minute before bed to increase blood flow, which in turn allows you to relax.
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