Texting Is Not Courting: 5 Reasons Why Courtship Needs A Rebirth
If I were to poll a group of single women and ask, “When was the last time you went on a date," I'd be willing to bet that more than half of the ladies questioned would respond, “I can't even remember the last time I went on a date."
Some would even respond, “Date? What's that?"
Unfortunately, that seems to be the reality for so many single women nowadays. Months (years for some) have gone by leaving women to only imagine what it would be like to go on a real datebecause the idea of meeting a guy who understands or believes in courtship almost seems non-existent.
Gone are the days when men would call up a pretty lady, ask her out, take her on a date, open the doors for her, pay for the date and continue putting his best foot forward in an attempt to win her over. In this day and time, it's not unreasonable to think that some men have never heard of the term “courtship" or have a totally different interpretation of it when it comes to dating. Consequently, there are single women who, for the life of them, can't even remember the last time they went on a real date.
They're left to imagine what it would feel like to go on a real date in hopes that someone would ask them out.
Of course we can't discuss this topic without acknowledging that some ladies have in fact made it easier for men, but harder for other women, in that we don't always require as much effort from them when it comes to dating and/or “the chase." Some of us have allowed them to do the bare minimum, so when the next woman requires more within reason, it makes her appear as if she's asking for too much.
You know it's time for a reminder when you see and hear about women who have to initiate everything and ask a man for his phone number, or she has to ask if she can buy him a drink or take him out on a date. That being said, I'd like to challenge the men to really understand a few things as it relates to courting and why it needs a rebirth.
"Courting" isn't just an old school term.
Although the methods were slightly different than today (e.g., hand-written love letters vs. calling vs. texting, etc.), the values and emotional affect still remain the same. Courting may have been coined as an “old-school" term, referring to a man who is proactively pursuing a woman, but it's more than that. Ultimately, it's about getting to know a person and realizing that it could ultimately lead to a more meaningful relationship; it's also the romance of it all.
It's the butterflies in her stomach when a guy first calls to ask her out on a date. It's the excitement of picking out the right outfit for the first date. It's the flowers and candies she receives when he greets her. It's the chivalry she experiences when she's with him that makes her feel appreciated for the woman that she is, and also reminds her of what it feels like to date a real man. It's the fascination of the “chase" and the reality that she's being pursued and not the opposite way around. It's literally the spark that lights and keeps the fire burning between two individuals who are attracted to each other. Courting is like investing in a home; you may have to invest a bit more upfront in order to get and keep something that will last and eventually yield innumerable and priceless benefits.
Texting is not courting.
Contrary to popular belief, texting is not and should not be the single indicator for the status or magnitude of the relationship, nor does it count as real courting. Sometimes, you have to get back to the basics. A text message on Facebook is not a replacement for picking up the phone and calling to ask her out. A poke on Facebook or a “like" on Instagram isn't a clear sign of flirting or the most effective way to show her you're interested. Flower and candy emojis aren't replacements for real-life flowers and candy. Watching a movie at your place shouldn't be a substitute for going to the movie theater, a concert, or a play.
Try to change it up and do something different. Here's a thought, instead of sending a text all of the time, why not give her a hand-written note every now and then? Instead of always going to a restaurant, take her on a picnic in the park or on a boat ride near the city. Nowadays, you can even take her to a couple's painting class.
Whatever you do, do something at the very least.
Yes, it's 2018 and we have a lot of cool new technology and gadgets, but that doesn't mean it should completely take the place of certain traditions or habits.
Real men aren't afraid to court or commit.
Some men make excuses and say that courting is lame, shows signs of weakness, or makes it seem like the man is “sprung," but I beg to differ. Real men are unafraid and uninhibited when it comes to pursuing a woman they're truly interested in beyond just the sex and physical attraction. Call it old school or outdated, but real men understand what it takes to get and keep a good woman whether single, dating, or even married. They are confident enough to show a woman how much they're interested and how cool and trendy they can be, while at the same time exhibiting some of the traditional behaviors and values of courting.
Let's be honest. There are some men who would rather lie, play games and mix and mingle with different types of women for the rest of their lives. Then, there are those who would rather date on a more serious level in hopes of finding that special someone. Either way, courting isn't a game and it shouldn't be used as a devious plan or trick just to get a woman in the bed; rather, it's when a man realizes that he's met, or is looking to meet, someone they consider special and worthy of their time, money and/or resources. Hence, for some, it requires a certain level of maturity and certain type of man to do it right.
Some men will even say it's a waste of time because women nowadays don't really want it. “They don't want the 'good guy,'" but that's not true and that's just an excuse. I know way too many women who would say the opposite.
If you avoid wasting your time doing the right thing with the wrong woman, then you won't feel like it's a waste of time.
Besides, don't you want to stand apart from other men and not be known as “that guy" because you act just like everybody else?
Courting requires effort and initiative.
Men have to be resourceful and creative when it comes to pleasing that special lady even if that means enlisting the help of a female family member or friend to help give you ideas. Sometimes it's as simple as searching through Google to find ideas. Women love to see men take the initiative and come up with things to do. We love to hear a man say, “I'll be by to pick you up at 8 pm sharp. Be ready." That makes a woman want to get dressed up and look as cute as she can be! While some women actually enjoy doing things for their men and surprising them as well, they also appreciate when the man takes the initiative to pick up the phone to call instead of the woman having to do everything that has traditionally been the guy's responsibility.
Furthermore, women loveto see a man putting in effort. She wants to feel like the man is really interested and really trying to win her over whether he's calling consistently, courting on a regular basis, doing his best to be a good man, and even making time to see and spend time with her. I remember when my husband and I were dating long distance, he made an effort to come and see me every month and sometimes twice a month. Effort goes a long way in a relationship and at the end of the day, that's what it's really all about --putting in effort on both sides.
Anything worth having is worth fighting and working for – including a good woman.
It's time to revive the spirit of courtship! It's time to “man up" and get rid of the excuses. Why? Simply put, because women deserve it. There are way too many beautiful, sophisticated women with wonderful personalities who deserve to know what it feels like to be “wined and dined" and to go on a real date. I don't care if you're young or seasoned, courting never gets old because it's made to last a lifetime.
Originally published by Shonda White on White Noyze
Featured image by Getty Images
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- What Is Considered A Real Date? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 7 Differences Between Marriage & Dating - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 5 Texting-While-Dating Rules to Simplify Your Love Life | HuffPost ›
- The Dos and Don'ts of Texting Someone You Want to Date ›
- The Rules Of Texting (Explained By Guys) | Thought Catalog ›
- Why Texting and Dating Make Women Anxious | HuffPost ›
- Texting And Dating Etiquette: Are You Keeping Him Interested Or ... ›
- To Text or Not to Text: A Dating Conundrum - The New York Times ›
- Are Texting and Dating a Recipe for Relationship Disaster ... ›
- What is the difference between dating and courting? ›
- Dating Vs. Courtship: Which Is Right For You? - Believe ›
- These 5 Courtship Rules Will Change The Way You Date Forever ... ›
- What's the difference between dating and courtship? - Chastity ›
- The Difference Between Courtship & Dating | Dating Tips ›
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED