A couple of years ago, while in a session with a married couple, the husband was sharing that he wished that his wife was more comfortable with having sex during daytime hours. When I asked her to break down her hesitation, she said, “It’s weird. When it’s dark, he can get me to do just about anything, but in the light, I’m just not that confident.” When I inquired if she meant when it came to her body, she said, “No, it’s more like my vagina. Beyond washing it and getting pap smears, I don’t really know what’s going on down there. I’m a bit self-conscious.”
Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say something along those lines. It’s like, aside from peeing, periods, and intercourse, too many of us don’t give our vaginas very much thought at all — and that’s not good.
The solution? It’s in the title of this article. For years now, my motto has been to treat my vagina like a plant and watch how it flourishes. If that kinda-sorta makes sense to you in theory, yet you’d like me to break it all down just a bit more — sure. I’d be more than happy to, sis.
Most of us learned in, what, elementary school that over 60 percent of our body is made up of water. And even though I am well aware of this fact, I will be the first to say that water (drinking it, that is) is not my favorite thing on the planet. I always describe it as “wet air” — just boring ass fluid.
Yet, isn’t it interesting that, just like plants need water in order for seeds to germinate and leaves to stay alive, our vaginas need water to 1) create natural lubrication so that sex is more comfortable; 2) to help to flush toxins out of it, and 3) to keep cervical mucus in great condition so that it’s easier to conceive a child.
And just how much water does “she” need in order to keep all of this going strong? Although most of us grew up hearing eight glasses a day, many studies are now saying that somewhere between 4-6 will get the job done. And what if you’re like me and you’re not a fan of H2O? Barely flavored sparkling water (like Bubly or Waterloo) with some fresh lemon or lime juice or even one-third of juice mixed in can make consuming agua so much easier to do. Your vagina will thank you. The rest of your body will too.
A big mistake that a lot of novice plant owners make is assuming that, so long as they water their plants and put them in a window to get some sun, it's all good. Nope. There are certain nutrients that plants need as well, so if you've got one and it seems to be struggling a bit, you might want to give it some nitrogen (to create chlorophyll), some magnesium (it helps with the whole photosynthesis process) and some potassium (to keep any plant-related diseases at bay). As far as your vagina goes, it needs to "eat well," too. To see a list of things that you should consume, check out "The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving."
As far as the ones that you should be avoiding, "Here's What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Eat LESS Of" has you covered. For now, I'll just say that berries are your vagina's friend because the acid in them will help to keep infections like urinary tract infections (UTIs) from becoming an issue; plus, they are great at decreasing your chances of experiencing a yeast infection as well.
One day, I really need to pen something for the platform about how it's important to do pruning in one's life on a consistent basis in order to flourish. For now, when it comes to the tree, shrub, flower, and plant world, pruning is all about getting rid of diseased and damaged foliage that hinders greenery from thriving.
When it comes to your vagina, I'm actually thinking about pubic hair on this one. Even though pubic hair has trends, and there are still women who continue to go without any at all, it really does need to go and stay on record that hair down there serves a purpose. It helps to reduce friction from your clothes while working out and during sex. It can help to protect you from STDs and other infections (to a certain extent; still use condoms, tho). It can also amplify pheromones which can make for a really good time as far as sexual activity goes.
So, where does the pruning come in? Well, even if you're someone who likes to go the full-on bush route, still make sure to give your pubic hair a trim from time to time. Any hair that has some length on it needs to have errand hairs and split ends (yep, pubic hair can get those, too) removed. Also, look (and/or feel) around for ingrown hairs that need to be tweezed out (they can be the worst!). I can't leave this point without saying that pruning can also make oral sex for/with your partner much more pleasant. Hey, don't take my word for it. Ask them.
Talk to It
If you're someone who thinks that people who talk to their plants are crazy, you might want to do more Googling. There is something known as "sound science," and it actually backs up that when plants have someone verbally engaging them, it can help them to grow faster. In fact, the ranges of tone in a woman's voice increases their chances even more than a man's voice does.
Am I about to roll up in here and say that you should talk to your va-jay-jay too? You already know. I mean, at least feel good about talking about it (you know, to your partner, your physician, and even your friends based on the issue and context). If that's something that you've never really considered doing before, check out an article I wrote a while back entitled "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey."
Doing things like looking at your vagina, speaking your thoughts out loud, and journaling some things as well can boost your self-confidence about that part of your body. It can also help to release some mental and emotional walls that you may have built up that you didn't even consider…because you never thought to interact with your vagina on that type of level before.
Give It Some Vitamin D
Plants need sunlight. The main reason is that there is a process that plants go through known as photosynthesis in which, thanks to the help of the sun, it is able to make its own food. Listen, unless you’re cool with being naked outdoors, there’s a pretty good chance that your vagina won’t be taking in many natural sun rays. That doesn’t mean that it can’t benefit from something that the sun offers, though — Vitamin D.
When it comes to your vaginal health specifically, Vitamin D is awesome because it helps to prevent vaginal dryness. Plus, it can make going through menopause a lot easier. Foods that are high in this particular nutrient include salmon, tuna, fortified orange juice, egg yolks, mushrooms, dairy, and dark leafy greens. By the way, you can also take it in supplement form.
Give It Some Space Too
I’ve got a little love sister who has a ton of plants inside her tiny apartment. Some are growing by leaps and bounds, while others are limp and looking like they are basically on their last leg. I’ve been trying to tell her that overcrowding does them no good, but you know — some folks choose to learn the hard way.
And yes, vaginas also need some space. I could go real deep and talk about how seasons of abstinence ain’t neva hurt nobody; however, what I’m really talking about here is sleeping naked. When we’re wearing clothes all day long, it’s a good idea to give your vagina a break at night because, since it’s already moist and warm down there and because that is a breeding ground for bad bacteria in your vagina to grow, it needs air in order to “dry out” a bit and to also regulate its own temperature.
Since sleeping naked can also improve your quality of sleep, reduce stress levels and even lower your risk for diabetes — how can it not be a win, all the way around, to roll around in your birthday suit tonight (hell, every night)?
Properly Maintenance It
Other things that plants need include good air circulation, to be put into the right kind of soil and to be in the proper temperature (for house plants, somewhere between 65-75 degrees) — bottom line, what they also need is routine maintenance.
Vaginas are no different. If you want yours to remain healthy, it’s important that you:
- Not douche (that throws its pH off)
- Avoid products that contain heavy perfumes (those can irritate it)
- Wash your bedding on a weekly basis (lots of dead skin cells are in sheets)
- Change your razors if you shave down below (every 5-7 shaves is ideal)
- Wear cotton panties more than ones made with synthetic fibers or thongs (again, the space thing) and get new drawers every 6-12 months
- Try to urinate after sex (to flush out bacteria)
- See your gynecologist on an annual basis (even if you don’t need a pap)
- Wash your sex toys after every use (and avoid ones made out of the chemicals listed here)
- Use condoms if you’re not in an exclusive long-term relationship
- Use all-natural lubrication (or make your own)
FULLY ACCEPT IT
Did you know that, reportedly, there are almost 400,000 different species of plants in the world? This speaks to a wide variety of uniqueness and distinction. Well, there are billions of humans, and although vaginas all basically work the same way, each one has its own “signature” that makes them especially special too.
So, no matter what your vagina — more specifically here, your vulva, which is the outer part of your vagina — may look like, just like a plant accepts itself and flourishes, commit to following its example. It’s rare, it’s a sacred space, and it’s yours…and that’s enough to make it completely and totally bomb. Amen? Exactly.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?Giphy
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?Giphy
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an OrgasmGiphy
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for YouGiphy
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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Featured image by Giphy