If you’re someone who has trouble sleeping, let me ask you something real quick: do you have a nighttime ritual that you follow on a consistent basis? If you don’t, you should definitely consider getting one because there are plenty of sleep experts who vouch for the fact that doing things like setting a standard bedtime, disconnecting from electronics, taking a warm bath, doing some meditation, and reading before turning in can make all of the difference in the world when it comes to improving your quality of rest.
And while you’re out here being all proactive about sleeping well, why not show your vagina some love by implementing a nighttime routine for “her” too? When you’re tired after a long day, it might seem trivial on the surface; however, after reading this, I’m pretty confident that I can convince you to take giving your vagina some end-of-the-day TLC super seriously.
1. Give Your Vagina a Massage
A yoni massage might be what your vagina secretly craves.
Getty Images
Reading an article on a yoga website is what inspired me to make this point. Although it should go without saying that there is a myriad of benefits that come with getting a professional massage (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”), have you ever thought about why it’s a good idea to give yourself a self-massage on a weekly basis too? Not only is it a cheap and easy way to de-stress your mind, body, and spirit, but it also can help to detoxify your system and rejuvenate yourself.
Your vagina is no exception here. By rubbing your pubic mound, vulva, and the outer rim of your vagina, that can help to bring relief to minor discomfort, increase blood flow to that area of your body and help to boost your sexual self-confidence.
For the record, although masturbation and even vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”) can be seen as forms of vaginal massaging, to learn more about how to give yourself the type of vaginal massage that is basically designed to bring you nothing more than rest and relaxation, check out “A Yoni Massage Might Be Your Tantric Ticket To Sexual Healing;” there are some techniques in there that I’m pretty sure will make you want to follow through with this tip, just as often as possible.
2. Invest in a Humidifier-Diffuser and Put a Calming Essential Oil in It
Keeping your stress levels low benefits you and your vagina in the long run.
Getty Images
One of the best investments that I’ve personally ever made is buying a humidifier that doubles up as a diffuser. Humidifiers are bomb when it comes to keeping moisture in the air, reducing snoring, keeping allergens at bay, and so much more (check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”). Diffusers are cool because they can help to put essential oils into the air. Well, as far as your vagina goes, it needs moisture, and it can also have moments when it needs to chill out a bit (check out “Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?”).
Putting calming scents like lavender, clary sage, chamomile, orange, rose, bergamot, or frankincense into it will significantly increase your chances of sleeping (more) soundly — and that will only benefit you, your vagina, and every other part of your body in the long run.
3. Take a Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc Supplement
Supplements that keep the vagina healthy? Yes, please.
Getty Images
Something that my mother used to give me was a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement. Listen, if you’re looking for a natural way to bring your nervous system down a few notches, I can speak from very up close and personal experience that this will get the job done!
As far as your va-jay-jay goes, magnesium lowers oxidative stress and makes PMS (and menopause) more tolerable; calcium (especially if it’s combined with vitamin D) can reduce vaginal dryness, and zinc is not only a solid libido booster, it can also help to keep your vaginal tissues nice and healthy.
Personally, I prefer to take vitamins at night because, if there is any minor discomfort while digesting them, I sleep right through it. Plus, if you want to be calmer as you sleep, a nerve relaxant makes all the sense in the world, especially if/when it’s all-natural.
4. Drink Some Kefir
Maintaining your vagina's pH balance can be as easy as drinking more kefir.
Getty Images
Lawd, when it comes to vaginal care, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned that you damn near have to become your own chemist about, it’s maintaining your vagina’s pH balance (check out “Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced”). One way to do that is to take a probiotic; that’s because it keeps the bad bacteria that is (probably) inside of your vagina from overtaking the good bacteria. Plus, there’s plenty of science to support that probiotic intake helps improve sleep quality as well.
That said, if taking supplements aren’t really your thing, a nice workaround is drinking some kefir. Kefir is basically fermented milk (think drinkable yogurt that’s on steroids as far as probiotic content goes). If that sounds nasty, I’ve been drinking Lifeway’s brand for a few years now. It comes in different flavors and tastes pretty damn good. Now, if you hate yogurt…umm, a supplement it is, I guess. *Elmo shrug*
5. Rinse Your Vulva with Some Water
Whatever your personal wash routine, a little rinse never hurt nobody.
Getty Images
Some health experts say that water is all you need to cleanse your vagina. Others say that you should just make sure that you use all-natural ingredients (check out “Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes”). A cleanser that I am a huge fan of is Boric Fresh PH Balancing Daily Feminine Wash with Boric Acid, Tea Tree Oil, Coconut Oil & Essential Oil. It is so soothing and non-irritating.
Anyway, whatever your personal wash routine is, do make sure that you at least rinse your vulva before turning in. With any luck, you’re about to get 6-8 hours of rest and so, the less bacteria you’ve got lurking around your skin’s folds, the better.
6. If You’re Shaving, Follow It Up with Some Witch Hazel
Prefer to shave? Get yourself a bottle of witch hazel.
Getty Images
If nighttime is when you do your vaginal upkeep, get yourself a bottle of witch hazel. It soothes skin. In a broader sense, it helps to speed up the healing of breakouts. It helps to treat psoriasis and eczema. It brings relief to a sore throat. It’s a strong astringent that contains anti-inflammatory properties. And because of that, it’s also a solid treatment when it comes to soothing skin after shaving and also helping to prevent ingrown hairs. It’s one of the best all-natural, inexpensive remedies for your skin from head to toe, no question.
7. Soothe Your Labia with Some Coconut Oil
Your vulva loves some coconut oil.
Getty Images
I won’t lie — coconut oil and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship. Although, when it comes to natural hair care, I know that some women adore it, it tends to leave my hair dry (although it is a nice soother for my scalp whenever it’s irritated). And even though others like to “seal their skin” with it when they finish bathing, I personally prefer plum oil (check out “Plum Oil Is The Oil You Should Ease Into The Fall Season With”).
Oh, but if there is one time when I will TOTALLY sing its praises, it’s when it comes to applying coconut oil to my inner and outer labia. The saturated fats keep those areas naturally lubricated, the lauric acid that it contains helps to naturally heal yeast infections (and even a couple of STDs), and it’s also full of antioxidants and has antimicrobial and antifungal properties too.
So, get in those nooks and crannies with some of it; your vulva will totally love you for it if you do.
8. Soften Your Pubic Hair with Some Fur Oil
Prevent ingrown hairs and nurture your pubic hair with this oil.
Getty Images
I’ve gotta admit that ever since I’ve become more intentional about literally nurturing my pubic hair, it has gotten so much softer to the touch. If pampering your own is something that you’d like to get more into, you honestly cannot go wrong with Fur Oil. It contains a blend of different lightweight oils that will moisturize your hair, help prevent ingrown ones, and leave that part of your body feeling smooth as silk. Is it cheap? Nope. Is it worth it? Absolutely, especially since a little bit tends to go a very long way. You can learn more about and cop some of it here.
9. Sip on Some Honeybush Tea
Drinking honeybush tea can do wonder for your body.
Getty Images
Now ain’t THIS a trip? As I was doing a bit of prepping for this article, even though tea is totally my thing (check out “8 Teas That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health”), I’ve gotta admit that my “something new” for the day is the fact that there is a tea out here called honeybush — and boy, if that ain’t a new word that I’m going to use to define vaginas, moving forward, boy! Anyway, honeybush is an herbal-infused tea that hails from South Africa (this just keeps getting better and better!).
Some of its health benefits include it being loaded with antioxidants (which can help to keep vaginal infections from becoming an issue), it boosts immunity, it helps to bring relief to menopausal symptoms, and it also can keep your skin — on every part of your body — nice and healthy. So, if drinking tea at bedtime is totally your thing as well, pick up some honeybush the next time you’re at a local health food store.
10. Wear Nothing Down Below
There are gonna be times when your vagina needs a break from wearing panties.
Getty Images
Even when you’ve got on the right kind of panties (check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers”), there are gonna be times when your vagina is gonna need a break. Between being cooped up in fabric all day long and the moisture and bacteria that can get trapped in panties after hours of wear, going without drawers can be quite beneficial. That said, even if you’re not someone who would even consider going without underwear during the daytime hours (check out “10 Women Told Me Why They Stopped Wearing Panties (And They Don't Regret It)”), at least try your hand and going to sleep without any panties on. There’s simply too much evidence out here to support that it can help to keep vaginal infections at bay; plus, sleeping naked is a great de-stressor as well.
11. Tell “Her” Something That You’re Grateful to Her For
When was the last time you gave gratitude to your vagina?
Getty Images
Question: when’s the last time you told your vagina that you were grateful to her? No matter how crazy that might sound, if you really stop to ponder what life would be like without her (hell, just on the sex tip alone!), she definitely deserves a high five (umm, so to speak). And since there are proven health benefits of expressing gratitude, in general (including the fact that it relieves anxiety, decreases stress levels, and improves one’s quality of sleep), before turning in, at night, audibly tell your vagina one thing that you love her for. Something tells me that making that a nightly practice could probably end up helping you out in the sexual self-confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) department, too.
12. Listen to Some Natural Sounds As You Fall Asleep
Nature sounds can do more than just increase your quality of rest.
Getty Images
Although getting some z-z-z’s has never really been a problem for me, I will say that since I’ve been intentional about going to sleep with some rain sounds in the background, my quality of rest has increased in a major way. I’m pretty sure that it’s not by happenstance either because I once read a study that said listening to relaxing music for 45 minutes before turning in can affect your brain in a similar way that a sleeping medication would (the more you know). Know what else will do this? Sounds of rain, thunder, or nature.
YouTube is chock full of videos that will give you all kinds of nature sounds for hours on end for free (just go to the site and put the kind of sleep sound that you want into the search field). And since the less stressed you are, the more you decrease your chances of having a vaginal infection — anything that you can do to rest better would be a wise move, wouldn’t you say?
BONUS: Follow a Vaginal Pre-Sex Routine Too
Your vagina will appreciate the extra effort of prep before sex.
Getty Images
If you’ve ever wondered when the best day of the month is to have sex, reportedly, it’s the day before your period; your hormones are in a state where you’ll have the most intense orgasms then. The best time of year? Right now — fall and winter. Rain makes us hornier. Testosterone levels rise. Being indoors more makes it easier to make sex plans. And although science actually says that around 7:30 a.m. (I’m not sure which time zone…LOL) is the best time for sex, we all know that nighttime is when things tend to be more convenient.
So, as I close this out, if your vagina is gonna be getting some serious action tonight, put a pin in this article, save it for tomorrow and check out “Here's How To 'Pregame' Your Vagina For Sex.” She’ll appreciate your extra effort, and ultimately…so will you. Sweet sex…sweet dreams or…BOTH. #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Westendon61/Getty Images
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
