Every September, fashion lovers from all over the world descend on New York City to take in all the fashions from the runways to the streets. The city is transformed into a fashion mecca, with shows, parties, and events taking place all over town. Fashionistas can see the latest trends from top designers, and street-style photographers capture the best looks from the city's most stylish residents and transplants. It's a week of non-stop fashion, and it's a must-see for any fashion lover.
This fashion week definitely hit different for me. It felt heavier and not as fun as it used to be. One day, once I’ve processed everything with my therapist, I’ll be able to talk about the psychological Olympics that overwhelm me, from what to wear to not being accepted by certain groups — it’s just so much. And we don’t talk about what it does to your mental. I’m definitely living in the BOTH/AND space — it felt grueling, and I felt blessed. So let’s run back my week so you can see what it’s like to be a fashion writer during New York Fashion Week.
Day 1
Harlem Fashion Row celebrated its 16th year by hosting the Style Awards at the Apollo Theater. Kelly Rowland, Wayman and Micah, Gabriela Karefa-Johnson, Stella Jean, Johnny Nunez, and A$AP Rocky were among the honorees. Megan Renee, Nicole Benefiled Portfolio, and A. Potts showed off some head-turning designs. The show concluded with a tribute to hip-hop by Doug E. Fresh.
Fit Check — I opted for an all-black look comprised of a bralette, voluminous tulle skirt, combat boots, and bedazzled NY fitted cap. I wanted to give rose in Harlem.
Day 2
When I received the Hanifa presentation invitation, my life was made. For me, Hanifa has always been a showstopper with its inclusive designs and larger-than-life collections. Not to mention, the designer, Anifa, is proof of what resilience looks like. From being the first designer to put on a virtual fashion show during the pandemic to creating another collection after just giving birth. The event brought out some of our favorite fashion girlies like Serayah, Maiya the Don, and Aaliyah Jay. The playlist was lit, the drinks were hitting, and the looks were looking.
Photo courtesy of Joce Blake
Fit Check: Since I love a Hanifa piece, I just had to remix one of my favorite skirts of all time. I coupled a daring knitted top with a Hanifa maxi skirt and accessorized with a matching knit bag. To stay comfy, I kicked back in orange Nike Dunks.
Day 3
On the third day, I pulled up to the Miss Circle NYFW Kickoff Party. Miss Circle CEO Isabel Deng expressed her excitement about hosting the event again to kick off New York Fashion Week in a press release. She said that Miss Circle is deeply intertwined with the New York fashion scene because their flagship store is located in the heart of Soho. She added that the evening is their way of celebrating this New York moment with their devoted fans and the local community. And while this isn’t a Black-owned brand, the melanin was all over. Riley Burruss, Ciara Miller, Sofi The Oddity, and Tarah Lynn were just some of the fashion lovers who arrived in style.
Photo courtesy of Joce Blake
Fit Check: I donned a black and gold top complete with sequin and fringe that perfectly paired with my golden bottoms from Char Workroom. It was really the golden cowboy boots that sealed the deal.
Day 4
Day 4 was a doozy. First up, I stopped by the Cinq à Sept presentation set against New York’s stunning skyline. The Cinq à Sept Spring 2024 Collection is inspired by Old Hollywood glamour and the Côte d’Azur. It is sophisticated, romantic, and celebratory. The collection embodies a sense of slowing down and new beginnings.
After that, I went to Kate Spade at The Standard High Line, where the colors and patterns were on full display. I was in heaven, surrounded by polka dots and sequins. The presentation was filled with vibrant and eye-catching clothing and accessories. I could have spent hours browsing the clothes, but I eventually had to tear myself away and head to the Raise Fashion Collective at The Standard Hotel.
Specifically, I wanted to support one of my favorite brands, CISE, because “Protect Black Women” is forever the motto. One of the advantages of attending fashion showcases is that I have the opportunity to see new brands like Concept 26, a jewelry collection created by Shari Smith; she birthed it to accompany women's life journeys and enhance their confidence. Or Vontélle Eyewear, founded by Tracy Green & Nancey Harris, to meet the demand for vibrant color and patterns and better fitting eyewear. It’s all about fit, fashion, and functionality.
Up next, the Kensington Grey Brunch filled me up as Black creators took over Neuhouse to talk all things fashion and creation. Their annual NYFW event was a conversation with American Fashion Designer Dapper Dan, Ami Colé Founder and CEO Diarrha N'Diaye-Mbaye, Topicals Founder and CEO Olamide Olowe, Jeneé Naylor, Kia Marie, Karen Blanchard, and Kensington Grey Founder and CEO Shannae Ingleton Smith. The event was held to discuss the intersection of fashion, entrepreneurship, and brand strategy.
(L-R) Olamide Olowe, Diarrha Ndiaye and Jenee Naylor
Photo courtesy of Kensington Grey
The panelists discussed their experiences as Black entrepreneurs in the fashion industry and how they are using their platforms to promote diversity and inclusion. They also spoke about the importance of using fashion as a tool for social change.
It’s not NYFW if I don’t hit up the Essence Fashion House. This year’s theme: WHERE BLACK CREATIVITY REDEFINES FASHION. This event celebrated Black culture and fashion, providing tools for Black-owned brands and creatives to thrive. Attendees gathered to learn, be celebrated, and be inspired.
The lineup included:
- Hip Hop, “Haute” Sh*t, & Heritage: The Best of Bed Fellows
- Navigating Mental Health And Wellness Behind The Scenes In Fashion
- What is Sustainability in Black Fashion
- African Fashion and Garments
- Are Black People Buying Black Luxury
- SOKO MRKT, a retail pop-up of emerging & established Black designers
Fit Check: This look was sponsored by my mama. *cues On My Mama* My mom thrifted an amazing black and white polka dot shacket that I decided to pair with wide-leg camo pants that I stole from her closet. I accessorized with an edgy basketball purse.
Day 5
At this point, I wasn’t sure what day it was, but my first stop was the Flying Solo show featuring Denver-based designer HAUS. This Black-owned and queer-led design house creates urban contemporary, gender-affirming, and inclusive clothing with an emphasis on sustainability. HAUS designs are primarily intended to fit gender non-conforming people, and they offer both standard and customizable options to fit everyone. By using vegan and recycled materials in a small-batch production process, HAUS is able to achieve its mission of creating garments that truly include all bodies, all people, all the time.
Then, it was on to Son Jung Wan, one of my favorite designers. The "Harmony" collection was inspired by the beauty of natural movements and personifies humanity in its most artistic form. The collection features powerful silhouettes with delicate gentleness, created with ruffles, light silk, organza, chiffon, and mesh.
The last stop was alice + olivia by Stacey Bendet, where the weather gods thought a torrential rain shower was appropriate. The brand's Spring 2024 Collection was inspired by Capote’s Swans and high-society of the 1960s, presenting a fresh take on the historic era.
(L-R) Adee Erhabor, Courtney Simpson, a guest, Joce Blake, and Ashley Weddington
Photo courtesy of Joce Blake
Fit Check: Since corsets and cargos are in, I went for an ethereal yet edgy vibe in a vibrant blue corset with metallic cargo pants. I was feeling gaudy, so I layered up some diamond necklaces to coordinate with the diamonds in my top and the shine of my pants.
Day 6
Only two things mattered on Day 6 - the Sergio Hudson Show & Afterparty. Even before Sergio graced the cover of Essence with THEE Keke Palmer, I was a fan. The way he designs for the magic that is the Black women keeps me in awe. And I’m not the only one because he brought the girls out from La La Anthony to Marsai Martin to Nene Leakes to Angela Rye to Yvonne Orji to Kimora Lee Simmons. The runway was awash with feminine pieces that skillfully blended classic staples with risqué pieces. The models wore everything from delicate silk blouses to daring leather pants, and the overall effect was both elegant and edgy. The collection was a clear statement from the designer that femininity is not one-dimensional and that it can be expressed in many different ways.
Photo courtesy of Joce Blake
Fit Check: I had to save my multicolored structured jacket for this day. I wanted to be like Kanye West the entire night — DO YOU SEE THIS COAT!? Underneath, I wore an ombre dress and finished the look with orange heels and a Coach Tabby.
Day 7
Each season, the Global Fashion Collective brings fashion designers from all over the world to present their latest collections. This event is a celebration of the power of creativity and the beauty of diversity, as it features everything from avant-garde designs to classic fashion staples. I’m always blown away by the emerging designers’ stylish iterations.
I concluded the night with the fabulous creations by Sammy B Designs. Ever since Samantha Black burst onto the scene years ago, she has been one to watch, and Beyoncé agrees. This season, she elevated her ready-to-wear clothing line, which is feminine with an eclectic edge, with sequins, mesh, vibrant colors, logomania, cutouts, and puffed fabric, ranging from joggers to coordinated sets to dresses. After she slayed the runway, then we partied all night with some fire tunes and groovy drinks from Appleton Estate.
(L-R) Ashley Weddington, Joce Blake, and Courtney Simpson
Photo courtesy of Joce Blake
Fit Check: I can’t lie — this look was not planned, but when my girls said they were going with all-denim looks, then I knew I needed to come through. I rocked my denim jacket from the Daquane Cherry and Steve Madden collection because it was giving Basquiat art on the back. On the bottom, I wore flared denim jeans and brought the look to completion with an urban take on the cowboy hat. Altogether, we were giving Destiny’s Children.
Day 8
I had to take a break on Tuesday to get my life together. By Wednesday morning, I was jumping back in with Indonesia Now as my first show. Indonesian fashion designers Ivan Gunawan, Merdi Sihombing, Ayumi, IKAT Indonesia by Didiet Maulana, Ghea Panggabean, Amero X Livette, and Suedeson by Kimberly Tandra X MANDY'S' all showcased their Spring/Summer 2024 collections. The collections were inspired by a variety of sources, including the golden age of the Majapahit empire, traditional Batak patterns, street style, the diversity of Indonesia's traditional clothing silhouettes, the strength of Sumbanese women and weavers, the Borobudur temple, geometric abstract triangle motifs, and Indonesian women with different styles and dreams.
I stopped by the Black in Fashion Council showroom to indulge in more emerging designers. Fumi the Label brought the colorful knots we need all year round. KHOI introduced a new jewelry collection full of intention. Tejahn Burnett presented the footwear selection of our dreams. I was really impressed with all of the designers, and I can't wait to see what they come up with next.
The Black in Fashion Council is an organization that supports and promotes Black designers in the fashion industry. The showroom is a great place to see the latest designs from Black designers and to learn more about their work. I highly recommend checking it out if you're interested in fashion or supporting Black businesses.
WhenSmokeClears brought the New York City flavor we all love and adore. It was the way every model rocked Timberlands. The collection is undoubtedly an extension of the brand's previous collections, which create community like never before. My favorite moment: the most beautiful pregnant woman stole the show in a denim cape dress with coordinating denim pants.
Photo courtesy of Joce Blake
Fit Check: The last day’s fit was giving blushing bride as I adorned an all-pink look complete with pink cargo pants, a pink frilly, floral top, and a pink veil outlined with roses that fell to the floor. To add more pink, I carried my favorite pink paisley Brandon Blackwood bag.
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Feature image courtesy of Joce Blake
RELATED
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
We Are/Getty ImagesMay 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTaurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAllow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
If, despite what the dictionary says, you don't believe that "to worry" is an ultimate form of self-torment, check out some points from WebMD's "How Worrying Affects the Body" article. Worrying has a way of affecting your appetite, your sleep patterns, your moods, and your relationships. Some physical results of worrying include headaches, nausea, muscle tension, the inability to concentrate, and bouts of anxiety. In a nutshell, worrying can make you feel like crap, stress out the people around you, and ultimately paralyze you with doubt, fear, and angst.
And here's the thing—once you're done worrying, not only is the thing that you're worrying about still lingering around, but your worrying has probably made it that much worse. Basically, worrying does what the late newspaper columnist Emma Bombeck once said—"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere."
Another thing that I've concluded about worry is a lot of people who do it are in denial about something else that it reveals, that they are a control freak. Think about it. When it comes to most of the things that we worry about, aren't they usually connected to things that we want to control, but are totally out of our hands?
Y'all, the more that I unpack this worry thing, the more I know that if there's one habit that all of us must rid ourselves of, it's worry. And chile, there's no time like the present to do just that!
Stop Creating So Many Hypothetical Storylines
I always think it's funny that, when topics like "drama queen" come up, automatically some folks get triggered. It really shouldn't bother any of us to hear the rundown of what a drama queen is (or does) unless it's a bit of a "hit dog will holler" kind of thing. Even then, if you see yourself as being one, there's no time like the present to make a change—if you want to, that is.
Anyway, although the typical definitions of a drama queen include things like mood swings, constant complaining, throwing temper tantrums, being a constant attention-seeker, and always stirring up trouble, I personally think that a totally underrated sign is someone who is always making mountains out of molehills. You know the kind—their man calls to say, "We need to talk" and, before he can call back, they've already decided that not only has he cheated, but he probably has a baby on the other side of town. Or, there's an impromptu staff meeting at work, and they walk into it in tears because they can already imagine themselves living in a cardboard box.
Your day-to-day life already comes with enough plots, twists, and characters. Significantly reduce your chances of becoming a worry wart by refusing to feed off of hypothetical storylines that your imagination is trying to freak you out with.
Do the Best That You Can. Consistently So.
Something that is mad freeing is knowing that, at the end of the day, you did the absolute best that you could. Not in some categories of your life—every single one of them. I can personally attest to this because, when I know that I've let the ball drop on something, it is a whole lot easier to get nervous, anxious, or worried than if I did all that I could. An example of this is a time when my rent got lost in the mail.
My landlord was telling me that if it wasn't found, I'd have to pay it again. Whatever. I had proof of payment. It was gonna be what it was gonna be. But back in the day, when I was an impulse shopper and writing checks all over the place, sometimes rent time would roll around and I'd be freaking out because I didn't know if I truly had enough in my account or not.
See the difference? When you know that you've done what is within your control, what else can you really do? It's when you have to face that you've been back-steppin' that worry is able to creep in. The good thing about this particular point is that it's a reminder that a lot of what we worry about ceases to be an issue if we simply operate in excellence and leave the rest to the Universe to figure out. (The check showed up, by the way. In case you were wondering.)
Avoid the Need to Get a Dozen Different Opinions
This is a gem of a point because, if you're someone who has wired yourself to have to speak with a billion people before making a decision, not only does that mean you don't trust yourself as much as you should, but it also explains why you may be prone to worrying a lot more than what is needed. Case in point. I recently found out that one of my main writing gigs was dissolving its company. When I shared this news with someone, they began to panic, seemingly on my behalf. "What are you going to do about your bills?", "Do you think it's time to get a full-time job?", "How can you handle this type of uncertainty?" Goodness, girl. I was actually doing just fine before I brought you into the mix. Lord.
When you're going through a challenge or trial, it's natural and, to a certain degree, even wise, to get another person's insight. Just make sure that you source out the kind of individual who will bring the kind of perspective that will make matters better, not worse; someone who will help to make things clearer, not more confusing. Oh, and try and keep the number of individuals that you consult with down to a minimum.
The more voices you hear, the harder it will be to listen to your own. And, the easier it will be to find more stuff to worry about—thanks (but no thanks) to all of the "extra" that they will bring into your psyche.
Stay Away from Negative Energy and People
On this site, we tend to talk about toxicity quite a bit—toxic family, toxic friends, toxic significant others…you name it. Well, a surefire sign that someone is a toxic individual is if they are negative most of the time. Negative people are the ones who always think that things are too good to be true.
Not only that but they blow small things totally out of proportion; they dwell on the bad circumstances in life; they thrive off of gossip; they tend to be self-deprecating; fear is always consuming them; they are stagnant because they rarely take risks; their moods are always leaning on the side of pessimism; they don't know how to forgive themselves or other people; they are chronic complainers; they dwell on the past—geeze. I could go on and on, but I don't want you to let the negative energy of even exploring all of this bring you down.
The interesting thing about worry, as it directly relates to negative people, is that negativity is what fuels them. And, fascinatingly enough, a lot of negative folks remain on the "glass half empty" side of life because negativity makes them, well, lazy. They would rather just assume that nothing is going to go right than worry about it or try and make things better.
This means that negative people will not only feed seeds of worry and doubt, but if you stick around them long enough, you can transition from worrying to not caring about what once concerned you at all. And rarely is apathy ever beneficial or good. There is scientific evidence to support that negativity is not only really bad for your health, it's mad contagious too. If you want to quit worrying so much, but you're always around negative energy and people, yeah, good luck with that.
It's pretty much like trying to avoid the flu when you share a bed with someone who's got it. It's not impossible but at the same time, it's pretty probable that you'll come down with it. Eventually.
Think of the Worst Case Scenario. Then Let It Go.
No matter what you're going through in life, there is always going to be a worst-case scenario. But, as they say, 85 percent of what we worry about actually never happens. Still, I think a part of the reason why worrying wears a lot of us out is because we're expending so much time, effort, and energy trying to talk ourselves out of the worst-case scenario rather than considering and then letting it go. A good example of this that comes to mind is when I was a little girl, I actually missed a flight that ended up going down. As a child, I never gave it much thought. Oh, but as an adult, I have. I travel, but flying isn't my absolute favorite thing in the world to do. It's because I know that I could've crashed on one.
One time, while on the way to Alaska, one of the little planes that I was on felt like a piece of paper in a tornado. I hated every moment of it. But the man next to me looked at me and said, "If it's your time, it's your time. What can you do about it now? Calm down." Ever since then, I've applied that way of thinking to just about every issue that tempts me to worry. I think about the worst thing that could happen, I make peace with it, and then I let the thought go.
It might seem weird, but once I'm in the head space of "Whatever it is, I can face it because God's got me," there is a sense of calm and tranquility that makes me almost fearless. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it.
Take Things One Day At a Time
Remember how I said earlier that most worriers have issues with control? I meant it. Think about the last thing you worried about. Did it have something to do with what was going on in the now or something that could possibly happen tomorrow, next week, or even six months later? There is a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34—NKJV) No matter what your personal spiritual beliefs may be, you've gotta admit that this is a real pearl of wisdom in these words.
One problem with worry is that it causes you to take the focus off of what is right in front of you. Instead, you tend to put your energy and emotions into something that may or may not happen in the future. As a result, it robs you of time and the ability to handle what's before you with excellence. Matthew 6:34 is right. Tomorrow will be here soon enough, and you can best believe that it will come with its own set of concerns. But since tomorrow isn't promised, why not concentrate on what you can be sure of? Right here and right now.
Quit Overwhelming Yourself
There's someone I know who's always telling multiple people all of their business. Then, once their business gets out, they're all stressed out because they don't know who leaked it. SMDH. This is what feeling overwhelmed can be like—you feel somewhat burned out, if not completely overcome, all because you've taken on so many things that you don't really know how to trace your own steps so that you can complete everything. And when you've got tons that need to be done, of course, it's going to cause you to worry.
I know a lot of us ladies think that we're the masters of multitasking, but there is plenty of research that proves otherwise. While we might do "okay" with trying to do five things at once, we'd be much better off doing one thing at a time. It will keep our stress levels down, so that we can concentrate on doing each task with excellence. And, as a wonderful bonus, we can learn the art of saying "no" more often.
Doing one thing at a time is just one more way to stop worrying as much as you probably do.
RELAX
No one is able to relax when they are worried all of the time. How do I know this to be true? Because some antonyms for worry include calm, trust, sureness, confidence, reassurance, contentment, and joy. In this world, we all are going to experience highs and lows. That's a part of life. But as the late Rep. Elijah Cummings once said that he always asked his children, it's important that when "the lows" come that we ask, not why is this happening to us, but why is it happening for us?
By taking on the second approach to our circumstances, we can settle our spirits down more. Then, by doing something along the lines of meditation, yoga, prayer, sleeping, or even just chilling out on the couch and watching something that will get our minds off of what's trying to stress us out, we'll be better equipped to take it on.
Worry hates it when we're relaxed because it knows that it can't really get to us whenever we do. Bottom line—do what you can, release the rest. In a nutshell, that's the key to training yourself to stop worrying so freakin' much.
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Originally published on November 9, 2019