Meet Tomi and Asmeret, two extraordinary women who have set out on a mission to celebrate and uplift Black beauty in all its vastness and diversity. Tomi has had a successful career in the fashion, beauty, and tech industries, currently leading inclusive technology communications at Pinterest. On the other hand, Asmeret boasts an extensive background in luxury fashion production and is now a passionate social activist, fighting food injustice through the One Love Community Fridge.
Their paths crossed through Asmeret's husband, the remarkable Stanley Lumax, who played a role in connecting these like-minded souls. They soon discovered their shared passion for their culture and a desire to build a strong community that pays it forward for future generations.
The duo's journey began with the creation of The Black Beauty Club in 2020, with a primary goal of bridging the resourcing gap for Black beauty founders. The digital conversations they initiated quickly revealed an appetite for discussions rooted in culture, as beauty and wellness rituals are deeply embedded in the heritage of Black people.
For Black women, this space holds significant importance as it embraces the essence of community, a vital aspect of their shared rituals. The Black Beauty Club allows them to learn from each other and experience the vastness of their beauty and culture. Moreover, it lays the foundation for future generations, instilling a sense of self-love that empowers them to navigate life's challenges.
Photo Courtesy of The Black Beauty Club
Defining beauty within the context of Black people proves complex due to the incredible diversity across cultures. However, Tomi and Asmeret recognize beauty as a powerful cultural experience for the Black community, with nuances that are deeply enriching.
The topics discussed within The Black Beauty Club reflect a commitment to creating positive and uplifting conversations. By exploring themes such as the perception of Black queer masc/femme men as beauty consumers and the cultural impact of African beauty products with ingredients from across the diaspora, they shed light on often overlooked aspects of Black beauty.
Photo Courtesy of The Black Beauty Club
The focus on solution-oriented discussions is essential for addressing beauty's deep-rooted challenges, considering the lens society places on beauty that can be anti-feminist and anti-Black, and brown people. Tomi and Asmeret aim to provide a safe space that navigates these experiences with empathy and positivity, even in the face of difficulty.
To support Black women in the beauty space and embrace their beauty, championing one another is vital. They stress the importance of recognizing that Black women are not monolithic entities but diverse individuals with unique stories and experiences.
Photo Courtesy of The Black Beauty Club
For Black women seeking affirmation, Tomi and Asmeret draw inspiration from Toni Morrison's words: "You are your best thing." These empowering words remind Black women of their inherent beauty, strength, and resilience.
As The Black Beauty Club continues to thrive, Tomi and Asmeret envision a future where conversations about beauty remain solution-oriented, fostering unity, acceptance, and celebration of the expansive and ever-evolving essence of Black beauty. Their dedication to uplifting Black beauty culture leaves an indelible mark, empowering the next generation to embrace their heritage and flourish with confidence.
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Feature image courtesy of The Black Beauty Club
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THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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