

New York Fashion Week is like no other fashion event in the world. The semi-inaugural event that takes place in February and September sets the stage for a myriad of fashion trends you are sure to see everywhere come fall and spring, as the February collections show off F/W fashion and the September collections highlight S/S fashion.
This season, we are excited to see some of the 110 confirmed designers, including a few of our favorite Black designers like returning brands LaQuan Smith, Sergio Hudson, Theophilio, Victor Glemaud, and newcomers like Tia Adeola. Not to mention, the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) and Vogue Fashion Fund finalists are Fe Noel and No Sesso, two fashion brands led by Black women.
While it’s a well-known event that has been taking place since 1943, it exudes a mysterious ambiance. Questions like, “How do I get into the shows?” and “Do I have to pay to attend fashion week?” take over the minds of those who love fashion but don’t quite understand the perplexing game of NYFW. Thanks to a number of style influencers, we have been able to get a sneak peek of what it means to attend fashion week through their riveting content.
That’s why we tapped a few of our favorite fashion girlies to spill the tea on how they get ready for NYFW, a common misconception about the shows, and what advice they have for folks that want to learn more about the process. Ahead, find some fashion week gems from some fashion week pros.
Host/Beauty & Fashion Expert
Courtesy of Blake Newby
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"Five years."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"I love that I get to see so many people who I wouldn't normally see. In some ways, it really feels like an industry family reunion."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"Boy, how long do you have? Well, as a huge beauty girl, it's a must that my glam is in place — that means hair is done, facials are had, nails are done, and of course, the fashions. So I go about many avenues to get my outfits together. That includes fashion pulls from designers, running around the city doing buys, and ordering from online.
"The thing about NYFW is you can change three to four times in a day, so you have to be prepared. In addition, I also ensure that my schedule is as organized as possible — there's so much going on and often overlapping, so pre-planning your days is an absolute must."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"That there is any ounce of leisure. Fashion week is nonstop and can certainly be exhausting. While it's such a great time, make no mistake, it's a job."
Her advice for fashion lovers who want to join in on the fun:
"Look into open-to-the-public brand activations happening! There are actually so many. Additionally, it's such a fantastic opportunity to get some great content. Visit some of the areas where shows are happening, and there are always great street-style photographers looking to capture great outfits."
Founder/CEO
Courtesy of Ah-Niyah Gold
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"Eight years."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"Fashion week always feels like a creative reunion. I love seeing my friends who travel in for the shows."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
" Working in PR, I'm required to begin planning for fashion week months out with clients, especially if we are doing a runway show. It requires intense prep and strategy sessions with the teams to get things in place. It's always a beat-the-clock for me."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"That it's just fun. While I do enjoy myself when time allows, it's an extremely intense period."
Her advice for fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"Fashion week is a lot more inclusive than it has been. Designers are even hitting the streets of the city to do public shows which is always fun."
Style Expert & Founder of HighLowLuxxe
Courtesy of Jenee Naylor
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"I’ve been attending NYFW for a couple of years at this point; however, the experience still feels new every time! This will be my fifth NYFW, and it’s always an exciting, inspiring, and event-filled experience."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"There are so many reasons why I absolutely love fashion month in general! As someone who considers themselves an expert, I really appreciate the opportunity to celebrate the creativity and art form of fashion itself. The entire experience is full of personal expression and is the best opportunity to learn about new designers and upcoming trends. In my opinion, NYFW is the most exciting US-based fashion week and features some of my favorite designers."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"When it comes to preparing and curating my wardrobe for fashion month, I usually create a mood board to help pinpoint the looks, theme, and overall aesthetic for each city. Then I’ll really take my time finding specific pieces and unique items until I have entire looks put together. It's really important to try on your outfits beforehand and get an indication of how it feels on your body and to imagine how the outfit may look photographed. Oftentimes I’ll take a mirror pic of me in the outfit to have a quick reference in helping plan my outfits and itinerary."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"I think a big misconception about attending fashion week is that you need to have an action-packed, 100% confirmed itinerary to show up. Although there should be intentionality in attending fashion week and thoughtfulness in terms of the financial commitment, it's such a wonderful thing to experience. I’d definitely recommend that fashion enthusiasts and creators attend even if there’s uncertainty around whether you’ll get into certain shows or go to the hottest events. Just being in the mix offers so much inspiration and opportunity to network and grow."
Her advice for fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"For those looking to attend fashion week, it’s really important to understand your 'why.' What is it that you’re looking to gain from the experience? Do you want to network; is it a goal to attend certain fashion shows; are you aiming to get your picture taken by a particular outlet? Attending fashion week can be a costly investment, so having concrete goals is really important. Check out my Fashion Month Recap Newsletter from last October, where I talk about my top 3 tips for attending fashion month."
Content Creator & Writer
Courtesy of Simi
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"This will be my second full year!"
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"Seeing all the beautiful fashion!"
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"It starts off with really hydrating and relaxing skincare and body care. I get my nails done. I get waxed, the whole nine. Then I organize my outfits either via show or per day and REST a lot the weeks prior!"
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"That the purpose is to be seen. It's not. It's to take in the art of the designers and connect with like-minded people. If you're not intending to drool over exquisite looks and sing your praises to some of your idols, it's not really worth it!"
Her advice for fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"Come! And let the city take you. Dress your best, in a way that is uniquely and totally you. You never know who you might bump into! Don't feel pressured by others' expectations. Have FUN! Be you. Let your style speak for you. And always, always, always, be kind to those around you!”
Blogger/Content Creator & Founder of A Styled Mind
Courtesy of Ashley Weddington
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"Since 2016."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
" Reconnecting with other creators I only get to see during this time of year."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"As far as styling goes, I usually scroll through my IG and see what pieces were some of my standout favorites and that I wouldn't mind recreating a look around. From there I'll review my fashion wishlists and see if there are any pieces I have yet to purchase that would be fitting for the occasion. After I place my orders, I create a list in my Notes of full outfits, including accessories and shoes, to make sure I have everything I need. And sometimes, even with all of that 'preparation,' I'll still pull last-minute outfits together during the week in the midst of the chaos.
"Regarding shows/events, I've been going for so many years that I have a basic email template that I use to send to all of the brands whose presentations I'm interested in attending for that season. Once the official schedule drops (3-4 weeks prior), I'll go through and send out all of my emails which usually end up being anywhere from 30-40. From there, I'll follow up one more time the week before if I still have not received a response and create a final schedule in my notes of all of the events I've been confirmed for broken out by day and time."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"It's all fun and no work. As glamorous as it looks, it is extremely tiring and there is an immense pressure to attend every show/event, capture content, and post in the moment... all while remembering to eat."
Her advice to give fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"Networking is key, so be sure to work on building authentic relationships with PR agencies and always follow up with any brand contacts you've worked with in the past or would love to partner with in the future! Don't feel pressured to buy an entire new wardrobe for every season or feel pressured to keep up with every single trend. Wear what makes you feel the most confident and is authentic to you!”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Ashley Weddington
- 5 Looks Cardi B Shut Down Paris Fashion Week In ›
- 5 Times Lori Harvey Shut Down 2022 NYFW ›
- Issa Wrap! NYFW Has Ended & Here's Who Stole All Of Our Edges ›
- Inside Style Writer Joce Blake's New York Fashion Week Diary ›
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy