As soon as the ball dropped at midnight, my Twitter timeline was filled with "THIS IS MY YEAR" declarations. And could I blame them? A new year always signifies a fresh start and an exciting revamp of our biggest ambitions and goals. But if you're anything like me, it can be hard to stick to the things we set out to accomplish after the clock strikes 12.
OK, let me be real. I hardly ever complete the long list of big dreams I imagine up.
I hate to admit it, but I'm the queen of abandoning those resolutions after declaring them to the world in January. New gym membership? Stopped going. Starting that business idea? Got distracted. Every time I vowed to make a huge life change, I often self-sabotaged. If everyone would be honest, we would agree that New Year goals can put on a lot of unnecessary pressure. It's stressful and so overwhelming. This year, I knew that I wanted things to be different. I wanted to see results, and push past the things that had been holding me back for the longest.
This is the year to stop dabbling in and out of consistency and finally lay a foundation for your success in the new decade. I believe that the more we work on becoming the women we dream to be through our small, everyday actions, the closer our goals and dreams will appear.
You can write goals down all day, but if you don't follow through with actions then they will always just be dreams. If you struggle to commit to yourself, maybe this is also the year for you to trade a lengthy notebook of goals for a practical vision of who you want to become.
If you are ready to level up your mindset in the new decade, here are seven simple changes to help you truly dominate your decade and transform your life:
Choose A Word For The Year
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Through life's ups and downs, it can be very easy to be distracted or discouraged from going after your dreams and leveling up. I decided that in order to keep me excited about what the new year would bring, I would choose one word that would declare how I envisioned it to unfold.
In order for this to truly work, you must get still and ask yourself what word do you want to guide how you envision this year? Reflecting on your past struggles or looking for a common theme between your new goals will help guide this. Personally, I usually pair my word with a Bible verse, song, or inspirational quote that I can post around to keep me motivated. This helps me stay grounded when I start to get distracted. Words of the year help us to speak life into who we want to become.
Face Your Fears
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A huge reason that many of us feel stuck is solely out of fear. For some, it could be fear of the unknown; for others, it could be the fear of success and losing people we love. Regardless, fear holds a lot of people back from going all in on their yearly goals.
If this is something you struggle with, try doing actionable activities that can help you work that fear muscle. For example, many people try skydiving to push past the thought of fear. For others, it could be giving a speech, taking a dance class, or even going on a date. But by doing an actionable activity that helps you to push past fear, it will help you to keep moving through your goals when you get overwhelmed, distracted, or afraid to keep going.
Honor Your Personal Space
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We've all been there, staring at piles of clothes that hold bad college memories, books that we are going to get to "someday", papers from the last decade, or old comforter sets that are cheap and worn. Our home space should be one of the most relaxing places we have in our lives but oftentimes it creates the opposite emotions. In fact, studies have revealed that when women specifically stay in a messy space, stress hormones increase, and they often feel unsettled.
The truth is, it is hard for us to get comfortable with our inner selves when our outside world is upside down with stuff or we come home to rooms that don't inspire us. We fall into mundane tasks that leave us complacent and distracted but not fulfilled. Quarterly, try decluttering your closet, looking to YouTube for design makeover ideas, or even light a candle to shift the mood.
Commit To Being In The Moment
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I began therapy last year and one thing that I learned is that I am obsessed with predictability. I will step out and try most things if I know that I will succeed at them. This mentality has created a pattern of fear-based decisions, which often leads to quitting a goal or not trying it at all. This year, I decided to challenge myself to go with the flow, only focusing on the tasks of the day.
Although extremely difficult, when you decide to live in the moment, it forces you to be present and trust that each step you take will reveal your next. Living more in the moment will allow you to connect deeper with others, enjoy experiences more intensely, keep you grateful, and invite more special moments into your life.
Revamp Your Appearance And Style
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It is hard to show up as your best self when you don't feel like your best self. Regularly, we only reserve getting dolled up for special occasions or when we know we will be seen. I realized that if I wanted to live my best and attract success into my life, I must show up as the woman that I one day want to be. Challenge yourself to put more effort into taking care of yourself and how you present yourself to others.
I've done this personally, by creating a Pinterest board with all my celeb fashion inspirations. This could also be through finding a tailor to fit your clothing, adding bolder colors into your wardrobe, scanning a thrift store for cute finds, or even trying a new hairstyle. When you show up confident like a boss, people will have no choice but to be attracted to your energy. But make sure you are also working on the inner confidence too.
Quiet The Noise With A Solocation
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Instead of listing out a bunch of popular goals that you've seen on Instagram, make it your mission to take a relaxing solocation. Solo trips are amazing to recharge and get still to listen to what your soul truly wants to say. It is often in those moments that I get a creative idea or revelation about something I have been struggling with that I didn't see before. With a crazy world of constant scrolling through social media, our lives are filled with noise that is competing for our attention. This can distract us of what we truly want to go after.
Recently, I took a quick solocation to the mountains using Getaway House, which are tiny cabins in the woods. It was totally out of my comfort zone, but I was brought to tears by all the things my soul spoke to me in the stillness of the night. Whether across the country or a simple hotel room in your own city, take some time to truly listen to who you want to become in 2020 and beyond.
Seek A Therapist
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Although therapy has become more normalized in our community, there are still so many women of color that believe something must be extremely wrong to drive them to counseling. Having a therapist has not only allowed me to go deeper in my mental blocks but has provided me with practical steps to get past the things that stop me from moving forward.
When finding a therapist, I really wanted to make sure they were female, black and Christian. Helpful sites like Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls helped me to narrow down my options and choose a therapist that I love. Outside counsel is amazing for helping you decide what to focus on and deal with to move forward.
In the end, a new year and a new decade is what you make it. A goal is simply a wish without the decision to see it through. Whether you choose a goal from this list or find some amazing ones of your own, decide to commit to growing deeper, loving yourself harder, and pushing yourself further past your biggest roadblocks. It's time to dominate your decade.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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And what that could mean is there is something going on physically instead of mentally or emotionally. For example, it could be an indication that one or more of your sex hormones are a bit “off” and you need to get them back where they need to be.
That’s the purpose and goal of today’s offering. We’re going to explore how five hormones in your system play a direct role in you having a satisfying sex life, then we’re going to touch on some signs that yours may be low and what you can do about them, at home (although if these don’t work, please see your doctor), if that is indeed the case.
Ready to physically feel like having (more) sex? Awesome.
1. Estrogen
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Although estrogen is found in both men and women, there is a lot more of it in women. And since drops in estrogen can lead to things like a lower sex drive as well as experiencing challenges when it comes to having orgasms, it’s important to do as much as you can to keep your estrogen levels where they need to be at all times.
So, what aresome key indications that your estrogen levels are low? If you have super dry skin; your vagina is dry; you’re storing up more belly fat; your periods are irregular; you’re tired a lot; your sleep patterns are erratic, and/or your libido is low.
And what can you do to get your estrogen levels back on track?
Eat foods that are considered to be phytoestrogens. Phytoestrogens are considered to be plant-based sources of estrogen that could help to get your levels up. Those foods include flaxseeds, peaches, berries, sesame seeds, and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, and collards).
Take Vitamin B-Complex. The reason why it’s important to have vitamin B consistently in your system is because it plays a significant role in how your body creates estrogen. So, if you’re not currently taking a B-complex vitamin, this is as good of a time as any.
Look into Black Cohosh. If you’re someone who likes to take supplements, do some research on black cohosh. It has a pretty good reputation when it comes to elevating estrogen levels.
Drink some black tea. Are you a tea lover? If so, it can’t hurt to sip on some black tea. Although research is still ongoing, there are findings that state that some of the properties in black tea will help to elevate estrogen levels.
Live in moderation. Now this might be your “something new” for the day. Were you aware of the fact that estrogen levels actually increase in body fat? In fact,being underweightis what can decrease your estrogen. While we’re here, exercising too much can jack up your estrogen levels as well. Moral to the story with this one: stay at a healthy weight and don’t overdo it on the workout tip. When it comes to keeping your estrogen levels where they need to be, balance is key.
2. Testosterone
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Testosterone is a hormone that stimulates sexual desire in both menand women, although there is significantly more of it in men.The reason why women need it in their system is not only does it increase their libido, but it also helps to give them energy, to stay in a good mood, and it can also help to make conceiving easier.
How can you know that your testosterone levels could use a boost? If you have an irregular cycle, you’re having trouble conceiving a child; you’re low on energy; your hair is thinning; you’re losing muscle tone; you have trouble sleeping, and/or you have no real interest in sex.
If you happen to notice any of these signs, what can you do to get your testosterone levels up?
Exercise. One way to increase your testosterone levels is to exercise; however, as a woman, the key is to do things like resistance training and High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). Both of those have the reputation for raising testosterone levels; in women, especially.
Consume more zinc. Although it’s been said for years that zinc deficiencies are directly tied to erectile dysfunction in men, there are also studies that say that many women who are postmenopausal are also low in zinc. In both cases, zinc is needed because it helps to keep hormones in balance. So, if you sense that you may be low in testosterone, perhaps take a zinc supplement or eat foods that are high in zinc, like beef, lamb, pumpkin seeds, whole grains, and eggs.
Drink less alcohol. Even though alcohol can make you feel horny for a moment, the reality is if you drink too much of it, it can actually cause your testosterone levels to tank. Bottom line with this one, pace yourself with your cocktails — especially if you already know that your testosterone levels aren’t where they should be.
Go outside. Did you know that there is a correlation between vitamin D deficiencies and pregnancy issues like preeclampsia and a baby’s low birth weight? There are also studies that indicate that when a woman is receiving a daily dose of vitamin D, her testosterone levels tend to remain strong. That said, one way to get vitamin D into your system is to take a supplement or to eat foods that are rich in them. Another is to consume foods that contain vitamin D, like salmon, tuna, and mushrooms. Still another is to spend more time outside. Definitely one of the best ways to get some “D” into you is to be in the presence of the sun. In fact, as an extra bonus, the ultraviolet radiation that comes from the sun can boost the libido of both men and women. The more you know.
Watch your stress. Two things that aren’t the best of friends are testosterone and cortisol (the hormone that creates your natural stress response). This is so much the case that when your cortisol levels are high, that can hinder your system from producing all of the testosterone that it needs. So, you know what that means, right? CHILL. OUT.
3. Progesterone
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Progesterone is what helps to keep your libido regulated. Since it also plays a pivotal role in a woman’s menstrual cycle and how her hormones respond throughout the month, women who are in the latter stages of perimenopause or who are postmenopausal should also keep their progesterone levels up in order to maintain a consistent sex life.
Signs that you need more progesterone? Trouble sleeping. Irregular cycles. Bloating. Erratic moods. Headaches.
Things that can help bring some relief to these issues?
Meditate. From what I’veread and (briefly) researched, cortisol has the ability to block your progesterone receptors, which means that it can decrease them if you are too stressed out. And that is why one way that you can boost your progesterone levels is to meditate.Since meditation can reduce anxiety, lower stress, and help you to sleep better, I’m sure you get how it can work to get your progesterone levels where they need to be.
Take Vitamin C. If you are low in vitamin C, it could impact your progesterone levels in a negative way. That’s becausevitamin C is a nutrient that actually stimulates the production of progesterone. So, if you want to get more of it into your system, take a vitamin C supplement, drink some orange juice, and/or eatvitamin C-enriched foods like cantaloupe, parsley, strawberries, papaya, and chili peppers.
Implement chasteberry tea. An herbal tea that I personally think every woman should have in her possession ischasteberry tea. Not only does it do things like reduce inflammation, bring relief to PMS symptoms, and help to improve infertility, it also helps to balance out your hormones and, yes, increase progesterone levels.
Hang out with friends. When it comes to raising progesterone levels, something that I found to be fascinating is that there are studies that say that when women hang out with each other, that can give their progesterone levels a boost. The methodology is that it reduces stress and anxiety and makes people feel more comfortable, to the point where it helps to balance out that particular hormone. Pretty cool, right?
Get on a sleep schedule. Not getting a consistent amount (preferably 6-8 hours) of rest can definitelythrow your hormones off, including your progesterone levels. That’s a big part of the reason why I once wrote “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Check it out when you get a chance.
4. Oxytocin
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Oxytocin has the reputation for being called the “love hormone.” That’s because it’s a hormone (and neuropeptide, which is a protein-like molecule) that “activates” during physical activities like kissing, cuddling, andsex.
And what are some telling signs that you are low on this particular hormone?You may feel a bit depressed;you may feel more anxious; you may notice that you don’t want to communicate and/or be affectionate with others; you may have less of an interest in sex, and/or it may be harder for you to orgasm.
Are there also things that you can do to increase your oxytocin levels on your own? Yep.
Get into some music. If you’re not in the mood for sex but you want to be, treat yourself to a long shower — and then sing in it. Believe it or not, some studies say thatsinging for 30 minutes can increase your oxytocin because it helps you to feel connected and relaxed (so can listening to music).
Hug someone. There is data all over the place that says that oxytocin is stimulated through the power of touch. That’s a part of the reason why it’s known as the “cuddle hormone.” So, just like you can get an oxytocin boost by kissing or cuddling with your partner, hugging a friend can also take your oxytocin levels up a few notches as well.
Get a massage. Sooo…when’s the last time you got a massage (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? Take this as a sign that today would be a great day to book an appointment. As far as your oxytocin levels go, it’s another way that touch can come into effect while reducing stress and inflammation. And don’t get me started on where your oxytocin levels will go if your partner starts rubbing on some of your pressure points. Feel me?
Spend quality time with your bae. Speaking of partners, there are studies that also say that oxytocin levels are high when new relationships start. A part of the reason why is that there is so much intentional quality time that’s being spent, which is also good for your oxytocin levels. So, if it’s been a minute since the two of you have been on a date, plan one. Check out “10 Cheap Date Ideas For Couples On A Budget,” “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language,” “10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)” and “Dinner & A Movie Is So…“Meh.” Here Are Some Creative Takes On V-Day Dates.” for some inspiration.
Have sex. As far as physical intimacy goes, it doesn’t get any closer than sex — and here’s the thing: the more orgasms you have, the more oxytocin your body is able to produce. So, if you want more oxytocin and you’re not having (more) sex (and orgasms), that’s actually working against you… especially as far as this particular hormone goes.
5. Dopamine
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Dopamine is a hormone and a neurotransmitter that plays a role in sexual desire and pleasure.For men, it can help them to achieve and maintain an erection;for women, it can help them to orgasm (more easily).
Some indications that you may need more dopamine in your system are if you find yourself lacking drive and motivation, you struggle with concentrating, you’re moody, sleep is a struggle for you, and/or you don’t find things that you used to enjoy being very fun (including sex).
Luckily, there are things that you can even do to level out your dopamine:
Consume more protein. There is an amino acid called tyrosine that helps your body to process dopamine. That’s why it’s a good idea to make sure that protein is a part of your diet. Although you can get it from meat, there are other foods that are packed with protein as well. “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” has a few ideas for you to consider.
Eat less saturated fat. Speaking of your diet, it’s also wise to eat less saturated fat. That’s because there are studies that say that too much of that kind of fat in your system can mess with how your brain processes dopamine. For the record, saturated fats include dairy, fried foods, and coconut oil.
Maintain a healthy gut. It has been stated that more than 50 percent of the dopamine that’s in your body is synthesized in your gut. This means that you need to be hypervigilant in making sure that your gut remains as healthy as possible. Check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” for tips on how to do just that.
Take a probiotic. Speaking of maintaining a healthy gut, it’s going to be so much easier for you to do it if you take a probiotic. Plus, probiotics are known for producing the kind of “good bacteria” that makes it easy for your gut to release dopamine.
Try some oregano oil. A supplement that is full of antioxidants and may possibly boost dopamine in your body is oregano oil. Since it also helps to keep your gut healthy — hey, why not give it a shot?
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As you can see, there are so many factors that go into having a happy, healthy, and fulfilling sex life. Now that you know more about what to do for your sex-related hormones, hopefully, you can get more of what you’re looking for in your sexual experiences.
Amen? I’m saying, sis.
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