Although a lot of these types of articles tend to creep around a week before the turn of a new year, I've always been the type of person who found resolutions to be a bit strange. It's not that I'm not an advocate for goal-setting and, to a large extent, even risk-taking—but who said that you had to wait until January 1? More than that, what makes so many people think that there is something supernatural that happens at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day? Making the decision to change your life, right here and right now, is just as powerful, significant and life-altering as waiting until next year. More so in fact, because, by moving now, you're choosing not to make excuses or procrastinate.
And girl, why would you want to with stats floating around claiming things like only eight percent of people ever achieve their goals or 98 percent of individuals leave this earth without ever fulfilling their dreams? Geeze. Talk about a seriously gut-wrenching wake-up call, right? The good news is, whether or not you become a part of these statistics, that is totally up to you. If you truly desire to make your dreams a reality, there is no time like the present—and by that, I mean right at this very moment—to stop talking about what you want and actually start putting the steps in place to make your goals, dreams and desires happen. You ready?
1. Go on a “Negativity Fast”
OK. Before doing anything else, make sure that you put yourself on a negativity fast. Yeah, I know this isn't typically the kind of thing that you see whenever you read articles on this topic; however, because negative energy can lead to things like emotional instability, constant complaining, being super self-critical, having a fear of networking or all sorts of health issues—between your unhappy co-workers, what you see on the news, all of the constant drama on social media and whoever's in your life that's negative, you need to make sure that you are approaching the sacredness of your dreams from a loving, whole and positive space. You also need to make sure that you're not looking at them with a jaded perspective.
So yes, before doing anything else, whether it's for a weekend, a week or a solid 30 days, take some time out to detox from all things negative. If that means not eating with your co-workers, so be it. If it requires a social media fast, do it. If you need to temporarily get ghost on a friend or family member, don't hesitate. You need some time to get quiet and unlearn some of the negative habits that may have been taking a hold of you, perhaps without you even realizing it.
I promise you, once you take a break from what's draining you in this area, you will feel totally recharged and ready to take on the other steps that I'm about to share.
2. Know What Your Dream Is
Not too long ago, I was having a "random" (although I personally believe there is no such thing) conversation with two attractive young men. We were all in a mall and we'd never met before. But the natural journalist in me tends to ask a lot of questions so, before long, we all were sitting in the food court, chopping it up. As these early-twenty-something fellas were talking about some of their ridiculous patterns, I said to one of them, "You know you're doing all of this because you are bored with your life, right? You need to put that energy into your purpose." He replied with something that I think causes a lot of us to have unhealthy life habits. "I don't even know what my purpose is. That is a part of the problem." He's right. That is a part of the problem. And you know what? A lot of other people are walking around here miserable because, while they know that there is more to life than what they are currently doing, they are irritated and restless because they're not able to articulate what their dreams actually are. So, they do dumb ish to fill up time and mind space.
Saying "I just want to be happy" isn't good enough. Who doesn't? In order to achieve what you truly want, you really need to be more specific. Whatever it is that you desire to do or accomplish, write it down. Not just on a paper towel or the notepad on your smartphone either. Honor your dreams enough to purchase a journal that is totally devoted to them. The more you respect them, the more they will respect you. Remember, thoughts are seeds and, as a writer by the name of Eric Micha'el Leventhal once said, "Thoughts don't become things; thoughts ARE things."
Oh, and when it comes to initially jotting the dreams down, try and be as concise as possible. I know from personal experience that, the less words you use, the clearer you'll be about what you want and how to go about achieving it.
3. Get Your Personal Life in Order
I'm a quotes girl. Unapologetically so. Recently, while checking out The Roommates Podcast, I must admit that a quote that was shared, right out the gate, was so "BAM!" to me that I didn't even finish listening to the episode yet. What the brotha said was, "You've got to be the CEO of your life before you can ever be the CEO of a company." I mean and I'm sayin'. Have you ever had a hard time getting a good night's rest because your bedroom is a mess? Or found it impossible to save money because you keep staying in debt thanks (but no thanks) to that credit card of yours?
It's going to be very difficult to make your dreams a reality if you've got a lot of personal upheaval going on. Now, I'm not saying that you should start on your dreams until everything is perfect (that will probably never happen). But what I am saying is if you need a clean house in order to think straight, clean it. If you're in a counterproductive relationship, even if you don't have the courage to end it (yet), at least take a break from it. You're probably going to need some coins in order to get some of what you're trying to do off of the ground, so the new shoes or that girls' trip is going to have to wait. Dreams like order. The more you have, the easier it will be to embrace yours.
4. Start to Visualize Your Dreams
If you're a TED Talk kind of person, make the time to watch fitness CEO Ashanti Johnson's message entitled "The Power Of Visualization". In her 15-minute presentation, she talks about how, back in 2009, during a recession, the word "fitness" kept coming to her mind. So much in fact that she quit her job in the pursuit of starting her own fitness company with nothing but $400. I'll let you watch the video so that you can see how it all played out for her (spoil alert—quite well). But the bottom line is visualization is so important. It's about more than just writing things down; it's about being able to bring full mental images of your dreams to your mind, whenever you need to.
Some people visualize with vision boards. Some use create boxes. Others literally daydream (which has scientific benefits, by the way). Whatever route you decide to take, just make sure that you set aside some time, on a consistent basis, to visualize what you desire. The more you can bring it to your remembrance, the realer it will become to you.
5. Protect Your “Dream Pregnancy”
I'm a doula. So, I speak in pregnancy analogies and metaphors quite a bit. Whenever someone tells me that they have a dream, goal or idea, a piece of advice that I oftentimes give them is, "Make sure to 'protect your pregnancy'. Telling the wrong people will have you out here aborting or miscarrying your 'creative baby'."
Think about it. It's not uncommon for a woman to not announce that she is pregnant until she is well into her second trimester. Even then, while the general public may have overall knowledge of what's going on, only the few that she trusts know the day-to-day details. And with good reason. The last things that she needs are pressure, stress and a ton of unsolicited opinions and advice.
Same goes for the dreams that you are carrying. When I was in doula training, I took some Hypnobabies classes. Something we learned about is called "the bubble of peace". Basically, it's learning the art of how to tune out the noise around you so that you and your baby can remain peace-filled. Pregnancies, of any kind, are precious and fragile. There's no need to be out here announcing everything or taking in all of the stuff people have to say. It is perfectly fine to be silent until "the baby" arrives; to only let a few into what is going on in the developmental stages. This brings me to my next point.
6. Get a “Dream Midwife” and a “Dream Doula”
If you are pregnant with dreams, you need someone to support you in your pregnancy and someone to help you birth them. Basically, you need a strong support person (doula) and a mentor (midwife). Both of these individuals need to be respectful of your dreams, totally envy-free, committed to assisting you along the way and prepared for good and bad days that come while your dreams are growing and while you are sometimes uncomfortable during the process. They also need to be kind, patient and able to discern when you need advice and when you just need a listening ear.
Some people are afraid to go through the process of conquering their dreams because they feel like no one truly believes in them and what they are trying to accomplish. Or, the people who claimed to be there in the beginning, they end up falling off. But when you've got a true dream midwife and dream doula by your side, it always makes the "birthing process" so much easier. They can offer insight, tips and comfort that you need to get you through all that comes with carrying your dreams and manifesting them.
7. Invest in Your Dreams on a Daily Basis
It's kind of unfortunate that a lot of people only think of investing as it directly relates to finances. If you ever check out the definitions of the word, you'll see that it is far more multifaceted than that. One definition of invest is "to use (money), as in accumulating something", but two others are "to use, give, or devote (time, talent, etc.), as for a purpose or to achieve something" and "to furnish with power, authority, rank, etc." You know what this means, right? If you've been telling yourself that the reason why you're not able to make your dreams come true is because you don't enough money, that's more of an excuse than anything else. There are other ways to invest. Networking is investing. Research is investing. "Baby steps" are investing. Making sacrifices are investing. Turning off your notifications and television so that you can put new ideas together are investing.
Although some days will require bigger investments than others, when it comes to making your dreams a reality, it is absolutely critical that you do some sort of investing on a daily basis; that you put power into your talents and time so that you are able to push your dreams along further today than they were yesterday.
8. But Make Sure to Take a Day Off Too
Earlier this year, I wrote an article entitled "How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'". Pretty much, it was a shout out to all of the people who are out here in their purpose, making things happen, but still have moments when they are worn all the way out. As for me, I've been a traditional Sabbath observer all of my life. This means that Friday sunset thru Saturday sunset is my non-negotiable time to go totally off of the grid. I'm telling you, to have a full 24-hour timeframe to do nothing but rest is one of life's greatest gifts.
You're not doing your mind, your health or your dreams a lick of good if you are constantly burning candles at both ends because all you do is "go, go, go" all of the time. While you're out here making things happen, make sure that you put chilling out one day a week on your list too. You won't do your goals and desires any true or lasting good if all you're doing is running on fumes seven days a week.
9. Do Your Best. All of the Time.
Wanna know another reason why some people's dreams never come true? It's because they half-ass their way through the process. Their business plan is sloppy. The story pitch is full of typos. Their demo sounds like they recorded it in a tunnel. Their website layout is dated. They make appointments and then break them or schedule auditions and show up late for them. No one who is already out here living their dreams owes you their time, connects or resources. Not only that, but why should someone else help you with your dreams if you don't esteem them enough by presenting them properly—and consistently?
I can't tell you how many times I've done something and, in my mind I'm like, "I already know that I'm going above and beyond; that all of this 'extra' isn't even necessary", only to get an opportunity or promotion out of the blue. When you give your best, you're giving your highest quality and what truly stands out. If you do that constantly, the right people will take notice. Maybe not immediately but eventually. Right when you need them to the most.
10. Be LOVINGLY Patient with Your Dreams (with Yourself Too)
If I've said it once, I've said it a billion times before. Whenever I go to a wedding and the bride and groom are all googly-eyed as they say, "Love is patient and I'll be patient with you", I'm usually thinking, "I bet they have no clue what they are saying." To be patient isn't just to wait. It is also "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like". Love does this. Love does this. Not only does it "do" this; true love is this.
Committed relationships aren't the only things that require patience. Dreams need patience. You need patience. While you're out here in the process of making your dreams a reality, know that what's worth having truly is worth fighting for and the more you're able to master patience, the more you'll be able to endure until you reach your goals.
My last bit of advice? Don't just like your dreams. Choose to be all the way in love with them. It will make being patient a whole lot easier to do. It will make celebrating them once they manifest so much richer for you too.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Books To Read When Discovering Your Purpose
The Most Common Mistakes That Keep Us From Reaching Business Goals
Exit Strategy: 5 Steps To Quit Your Job The Right Way
Ciara Spoke The Life Of Her Dreams Into Existence At The Age Of 17
Feature image by Shutterstock
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023