If there’s one thing that I find at least one good reason to be audibly thankful for, pretty much on a daily basis, it’s my male friends. There are a billion-and-one reasons why yet, as it pertains to this particular article, it’s the cavalier nonchalance that was sprinkled with some effortless confidence that came directly from one of them.
Context: As I was catching up with my friend and they were asking me what I male-related topics I had covered as of late, I told him that folks keep asking me about the whole “6-6-6 man” thing (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”). I audibly laughed when he said, “I’ve got all three but barely on that big d-ck s-it. I’ve never had a problem with that, so I don’t get what the big deal is.” Like I said, my friends are bomb…and sometimes they tell me more than I want to know but it all balances itself out in the end. LOL.
Anyway, for those of you who may be like, “Yeah, it’s easy for him to think that. Women fake all of the time.” Indeed some do; also, some men fake as well (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”). At the same time, it’s not just guys who don’t feel the need to be “packin’” in order to satisfy their partner(s). And that’s why I enlisted the voices of 12 women who not only share in his sentiment, they are ready, willing, and able to explain some solid reasons why.
*Middle names have been used for most; the married women created a name to…you know, keep the peace in case some nosy folks try to figure out their actual identity*
GiphyKora. 34. Married for 10 Years.
“For years, I thought that a big d-ck was a sexual requirement. That’s until I got with my husband. Don’t get me wrong — he’s not small. I always required monstrosities and he’s just not that. We need to get over always following what we hear other people say because there’s no science to back up that a huge penis ramming us automatically means the sex is good. I have had more orgasms with an about-seven-inches man than all of the nine-plus in my world. I wish I had let the myth go a lot sooner.”
Shellie here: Another wife I know feels this way. Check out “BDE: Please Let The "It Needs To Be Huge" Myth Go” when you get a chance.
Lesley. 28. Engaged for 10 Months.
“I’ve got nosy people in my world, so just in case someone figures out it's me, I won’t get into exact sizes here. I’ll just say that a smaller man makes it easier to get into all kinds of sex positions that larger men cannot. It’s also been my experience that smaller men can find my spot faster and because they’re not irritating my cervix, we can go longer which means more orgasms. Some of y’all are missing out by thinking that a big man is where it’s at.”
GiphyNava. 44. Single.
“A big d-ck has never been my thing. I tried out a few in college and after having a few UTIs from all that damn thrusting while not really cumming, I was good on that. Smaller men feel more comfortable to me. I also think that they work a bit harder to please because they don’t have that ‘I have a big d-ck, what else do you need?!’ mindset that other men have.”
Angel. 47. Married for 22 Years.
“I didn’t have a lot of sex partners before I got married. Two men, who were larger than normal, they assumed that I should think that they were great in bed because of their penis — nothing else. They were bad at foreplay. Their rhythm was off. They barely had any stamina…one of them barely lasted for more than six or seven minutes, every single time. ‘Big’ doesn’t guarantee anything. You better look for good.”
GiphyLaura. 28. Single.
“I recently binge-watched Sex & the City for the first time with my godmother. Any of you who watched it, do you remember when Samantha was talking about how giving head is like a literal job? I don’t feel that way with smaller penises but I definitely do with larger ones. It’s not that I don’t like doing it, but I definitely have to gas myself up a bit, especially when it’s the first time with someone — and who wants to be out here gagging and stretching out the side of their mouths, if that can be avoided? I do my best work with the smaller ones. One of those, please.”
Rashida. 31. In a Serious Relationship for One Year.
“Wanna get your cowgirl game right? Get a smaller penis. To tell you the truth, if you want to master any sex position, a smaller penis is gonna make that happen for you. I also think that men with smaller penises have more humility when it comes to sex. I don’t mean that in a bad way — I mean that guys with big ones think that’s all they need to have and that’s just not true. I'm a card-carrying member of the ‘Love Some Small D-cks Club’ and my sex life has only gotten better because of it!”
GiphyTaya. 31. Married for Four Years.
“Wait — what’s small? Like 6”? I’m not gonna do that, but I can be happy with something close to seven. Super large or really small is never gonna do it for me, but that’s just me. As far as smaller men, I will say that if you’ve got a pillow under your back, you’d be surprised [at] the spots they can reach that big men can’t. For that, I’ll give them a round of applause.”
Paris. 22. Single.
“My first had a huge penis. All I remember is pain. My second had a much smaller penis. I had my first orgasm with him. I haven’t had many partners since those two but I’m already sold on smaller penises. I actually prefer them. I think you can see why.”
GiphyChloie. 30. In a Serious Relationship for Three Years.
“Two types of penises that I’m down for every time are uncircumcised and small ones. Uncircumcised feel better in my mouth and seem to make me cum faster. Smaller ones, you can do more with. I never got all of the hype around big penises. All they gave me was soreness most of the time.”
Shellie here: She’s right about the circumcision-to-orgasm connection. Various studies and reports reveal that it’s easier for women to climax with an uncircumcised penis; in part, due to the foreskin rubbing against the nerve endings in their vagina.
Helynn. 34. Engaged for Six Months.
“I think there are pros and cons to both sizes. Big guys ‘fill you up’ and smaller ones make sex more… ‘fluid’ is the word that comes to mind. Like it can be awkward changing positions and getting comfortable with a bigger man. I can ‘go with the flow’ with smaller ones…and that’s great for the flow. It’s also easier to go the second and the third rounds when penises are smaller. With large ones, sometimes I need to take a break, whether I came or not — simply because my vagina was tender.”
GiphyNaalah. 25. Single.
“A good six inches is all I need or want. I’ve always felt that way. Back in college, some of my [sorority] sisters told me that I was missing out, so I gave [a big penis] a shot. Y’all can keep that. I don’t want to have a learning curve on size, just to say that I’ve been with big men. The smaller ones have suited me just fine. I’ll stick with what I know.”
Qyndalynn. 50. Married for 32 Years.
“Big. Small. Medium. You better find you a man who cares more about your pleasure than how he compares to a measuring tape. The big men in my past were good but they also seemed to think that they already knew it which caused me to feel sort of…disconnected from them. Smaller men were more passionate and almost eager — like they had something to prove in a way and honey, that suited me just fine. As far as who I’m with now? He’s not an ‘8’ and it doesn’t matter. He pleases me consistently and I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Nothing bigger will ever move me from the one I’ve got. Now mind ya business!”
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Here are 12 women who can personally attest to the fact that size shouldn’t ever be the main focus of what makes for good sex or a great lover. If you want a “big man,” let it be because the sex is good with him not because that’s what you automatically assume a satisfying sexual experience should consist of. Otherwise, you could be missing out — missing out on the greater things that sometimes come in smaller packages.
Don’t believe me? Read this one more time, sis.
Just for safe…umm, measure. #wink
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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