

7 Questions You Should Definitely Ask Yourself At The End Of Each Week
Sunday to Sunday. That is how I process a seven-day week. And if there's one thing that I'm a huge fan of, it's taking out a little time (whether it's on a Friday because that's the end of the work week or a Sunday) to process what the last week has been like. It's reflective, sure. Yet as I get older, the real benefit that I see in it is it helps me to be more accountable to how I use my time. Time that is valuable. Time that I can't get back. Time that serves a purpose. Yes y'all, time always serves a purpose.
If we're blessed, a Friday and Sunday are always steadily approaching. As you prepare for the ones that are right in front of you, I've got seven questions that can help you to come to the conclusion if the past week has indeed been time well spent (and valued).
1. Did I Hit All of My Goals?
If you struggle with feeling motivated or you're constantly asking yourself why you are bored all of the time, let me ask you this — do you set weekly short-term goals? There are tons of reasons why it's a really important thing to do. Goals provide direction. Goals help to keep you focused. Goals are good for cultivating self-confidence and boosting your self-esteem. Goals keep you from being stagnant (check out "6 Questions To Ask Yourself To See If You're Stagnant (Or Not)"). Goals are what manifest progress.
While it is a good idea to have both short- and long-term goals, when it comes to processing how a seven-day cycle went, focus most on the short-term ones that you set, then be honest with yourself about whether you reached them or not. Oh, and to keep yourself from getting too overwhelmed, try and only have 1-3 per day. For instance, your goals could be to clean out your closet, get your quarterly taxes together (freelancers know all about that) and to catch-up with one of your long-distance girlfriends on the phone. Honestly, knocking all of this out could take a couple of days on their own, so you don't want to write down so many things that your list becomes unrealistic or overwhelms you. You just need enough to where, once Friday or Sunday rolls around, you can literally pat yourself on the back because you've got evidence that you set goals and then met them.
2. Should I Have Set Better Boundaries?
Speaking of feeling overwhelmed, it's important to keep in mind that if you're feeling that way, it's a pretty solid sign that you have poor boundaries somewhere — even if it's with yourself. Remember that a boundary is nothing more than a limit and since a definition of overwhelmed is "loaded, filled, or addressed with an excessive amount of anything", being in this kind of headspace means that something's gotta give.
Maybe you need to tell people "no" more often (check out "The Art Of Saying 'No' To Things You Don't Want To Do"). Maybe you need to put yourself on a sleep schedule so that you can get more rest. Maybe it's time to leave work at 5 instead of at 8 (can I get an "amen"?). Maybe you need to turn the notifications off of your phone. Maybe you need to stop letting your mom and/or friends and/or church members pressure you into doing things that you really don't want (or need) to do. Maybe you need to stop coddling your kids or internalizing resentment towards your husband because you feel like you are doing most of the work in the home. Maybe you need to pamper yourself more which requires pushing some other things to the side.
Listen, the possibilities here are endless. I'm just saying that boundaries are beneficial and every week that comes to a close, it's wise to (re)evaluate if you set some and then honored them — or if you didn't have many at all. Sometimes it can be difficult to set limits. Just remember that it's hard to flourish as much as you should without some being set in place.
3. What Did I Learn?
Back when I used to choose to remain in toxic "friendships" with people (because remaining in toxicity is a choice; self-accountability will teach you that), something that helped to break me free from it was asking myself if I was becoming a better person as a result of having certain individuals in my life. Because here's the thing about this particular point — while healthy and toxic folks can both teach you things, the huge difference is when something or one is good for you, you will constantly evolve while dealing with unhealthy stuff is basically like Chinese water torture in the sense that the same realization will be knocking you in the head until you finally get it. It's kind of like going to school, learning a lot of different things and graduating vs. being in the same school, still not progressing in one particular class and remaining in the same grade for years on end.
There's a Chinese proverb that simply says, "Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think." If you've gone seven days and you can't think of at least three new things that life has taught you, be more proactive about being around people, places, things and ideas that can change the narrative. Learning is a part of growth and growth is what evolves you into becoming a better person.
4. How Did I Improve?
Some people need to leave their job — quick, fast and in a hurry. They know it too. The main reason why is because the work environment that they are currently in isn't doing much to improve them. The same goes for some people and their dating dynamic. And then there are those with poor lifestyle habits. Although Rome wasn't built in a day, we all need to strive to make daily improvements so that, by the end of each week, we can recognize some noticeable developments.
And just what are some indications that you are indeed improving in your life? You're becoming better at holding yourself accountable. You are clearer about what you want as much as what you don't want. You strive to break bad habits by replacing them with better ones. You value your time more. You don't put pride before progress. You look for things that will bring peace and balance to your world. You can tell that you are healing in various areas where you were once super-sensitive or unforgiving.
A good example of this point is, a few weeks ago, someone who used to hurt me, relentlessly so, tried a stunt that caused me to literally laugh in response. At first, I was like, "Why did the universe cause me to witness this at all?" and then I realized, "How would I know that I was 'good' without it transpiring?" That was a sign of clear improvement. That said, one of my favorite definitions of improve is "to bring into a more desirable or excellent condition". By the time the end of the week rolls around, make sure that you can clearly articulate something about you and/or your world that is more desirable and excellent than it was, just a week ago. It can give you a boost of inner strength that you probably didn't know that you needed.
5. Am I Getting Closer to My Long-Term Plans?
Wanna go overseas within the next six months? Wanna start a business? Wanna have kids in the next couple of years? Wanna buy a house or a car? Wanna move to another state? Wanna lose 50 pounds? Wanna get another degree? Wanna learn another language? Wanna save $5,000? Wanna get into a healthy and committed relationship? Cool. Next question — what did you do this week to get closer to your long-term plans? Because it's always important to remember that long-term goals aren't reached without taking small consistent steps.
This is why I think it's essential to write down clear long-term plans and then devote some time, each week, towards making them manifest. I promise you that if you do this on a consistent basis, you'll look up and, this time last year, your life will look really different. All because you did something intentional about your plans on a weekly basis.
6. What Did I Do (or Am Going to Do) to Reward Myself?
A place that I've been parked at, for a minute now, is how important it is to focus on what makes me healthy instead of making happy so much of a priority in my life. Let me tell it, happiness has become a god to some people to the point where they don't honor commitments, they make poor decisions and they become totally self-consumed, all in the name of "doing what makes me happy". Meanwhile, maturity teaches us that sometimes, in order to do what's healthiest, most beneficial, the best overall, we're not going to be happy all of the time. And that's OK. Better than that even.
That's where this question comes in. Say that you hate your job yet you don't want to settle at the next one, so you're putting a one-year plan together to get outta there. Or maybe you're ready to get into better shape, you loathe working out, but you've put yourself on a six-month plan. Maybe you're just getting over a break-up and it's a fight to not call that joker — I mean, guy — on an hourly basis. Quitting immediately. Avoiding the gym and sitting on your couch with a pint of Blue Bell ice cream. Hitting him up for some crazy ex sex — all of these things may bring forth some immediate gratification. Still, none of it is a wise move in the long run.
This is where rewarding yourself comes in. I actually like the definition of reward a lot because it means "something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit, hardship, etc." A reward is something that is earned for some sort of effort that you put in somewhere. And I'm pretty sure that there is some sort of service, merit or hardship that you endured within a seven-day, period. For that, make sure you reward yourself, without reservation or apology. You deserve it, sis. All of us do.
7. How Am I Gonna Rest This Weekend?
I've shared before (check out "What To Do When You Don't Know How To Chill Out") that I was raised to be a Sabbath observer (Friday sunset thru Saturday sunset). Although I'm no longer affiliated with the Christian denomination that taught me that, I still rest on the Sabbath to this day and I will do it until I take my last breath. There is something really dope about getting off of the grid for 24 hours without reservation or apology. And because I do it as a spiritual practice (Exodus 20:8-11), it restores me in ways that nothing else really can.
A part of being productive is doing things. Another part is knowing how to rest because when you stop working; when you veg out and watch a movie; when you unplug from technology; when you decide to sleep in; when you choose not to answer for phone for a while; when you read a book; when you lie on your couch and look up at the ceiling while listening to a favorite playlist; when you meditate; when you sit in the tub for an hour — when you do anything that cultivates peace, ease, calm, leisure and downtime, you refuel your body to do what needs to be done…later.
Some of y'all work so much that you've gotta plan to rest — and you know it. By ending your week with this final question, it reminds you that rest is not a privilege; it needs to be a top priority. Every week. Just like everything else. So, please make sure that you do. The "answer" to how to do the next week well is attached directly to it.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
- Why Fall Is The Perfect Time To Prep For The New Year - xoNecole ... ›
- Celebrate Self-Reflection: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself On Your ... ›
- 4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Give Up On Your Business ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
_____
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy