Although I’m personally not a holiday kind of gal, because I am all for people getting the most out of their sexual experiences, I do look forward to special occasions when I can pen pieces like this. Why? While so many people are stressing themselves completely out as they plan to celebrate the Christmas season, I like to recommend ways that they can incorporate this time of year with an activity that can bring their anxiety levels down and truly bring some peace and goodwill — to their own man.
That said, it really is crazy to take in that Christmas is just a few days away. However, while you’re out here hustlin’ and bustlin’ to get your last-minute items together, here are 15 things that you can do to make the nights leading into Christmas and, possibly the night of, one that will even give Black Santa a run for his money.
1. Text Him Your Sex Wish List
Getty Images
Sometimes, wives will ask me for a subtle way to convey to their husbands that sex has fallen into a bit of a rut without bruising their ego (wise call). This time of the year is a perfect opportunity to get certain, umm, requests in because, since this is the season of giving, you can share some (new) desires that you have without it coming off like you’re complaining. So, why not put together your own sex wish list and share it with him? You can do it by sexting. After all, there are reports that say that sexting has the ability to boost your partner’s self-esteem and build trust with them as well. How can all of that not work in your favor this Christmas — and beyond?
2. Get Some Velvet Handcuffs
While some of y’all may have thought that bondage is no more than a fetish or kink, there are actually some proven benefits to participating on some level in this type of sexual activity. One in particular that I once read is it can cause “sensory deprivation,” and while, on the onset, that might seem like a bad thing, what that actually can do is cause your anticipation levels to spike, which can intensify your sexual experience overall.
And so, since velvet is winter’s “signature fabric,” why not cop (pun not intended) some velvet handcuffs while you’re doing your holiday shopping?
3. Invest in a Portable Fireplace and Faux Fur Rug
Getty Images
Listen, Brian McKnight gets all sorts of side-eye from me these days (if ya know, ya know), yet we’d all be in some serious denial if, when the topic of top Christmas songs (especially in the Black community) comes up, “Let It Snow” (Boyz II Men featuring Brian McKnight) doesn’t almost immediately come to mind. In the visual, we get what I oftentimes think of when I reflect on the quintessential Christmas scene: a log cabin, a fireplace, and I’m pretty sure there’s a fur rug on the floor somewhere up in there. It’s romantic. It’s cozy. And it’s hella sensual.
And guess what? Even if you don’t have a fireplace, there are portable ones that you can purchase. There are compact ones (like this one here) or electric stoves that look like fireplaces (like this one here) that you can buy, or there are even little tabletop fire pits (like this one here) that are pretty adorable. As far as the rugs go, these days, they’ve got some faux fur ones that feel amazing and won’t break your budget. My suggestion would be to go to Amazon and put “faux fur rugs” in the search field; especially if you want to try and get one by Christmas.
4. Send Your Man a “Naughty” Christmas Card
You would think that with as attached to our phones that we are these days and with the rising costs of stamps (don’t get me to cussin’), the greeting card industry would be struggling. Nope. I actually recently read that a whopping one billion cards go out in this country alone on an annual basis. So, in order to help get your partner even more in the mood, why not send him a naughty rather than nice Christmas card? Etsy is my jam, and I recently saw a card on the site that had two ginger people on it with the message “taste my cookie” on it (you can cop it here). Or you can get damn near filthy and make one from scratch.
5. Light Some Clove-Scented Candles
Getty Images
When it comes to scents that are associated with Christmas, cloves are definitely one of them. And guess what? They are also considered to be an aphrodisiac. Both the scent and consumption of them help to reduce stress, and, when you cook with them, they can help you to feel all warm ‘n fuzzy down below. And since candlelight not only creates a sensual atmosphere, it can also be ideal if you’re into wax play (you can read more about that here)…why not get some soy (they burn longer and cleaner) clove-scented candles? These alone will help to get you and your partner instantly in the mood.
6. Fill a Garter Stocking with Some Sexy Surprises
Hanging stockings from a fireplace or mantel is pretty common during Christmas. Well, since this is about sex-themed Christmas ideas, why not fill a sexy garter with little sexy surprises? Maybe some Santa Condom Pops. Some tiny truth-or-dare cards. A cock ring. Some sex position cards. A handwritten love/sex letter. A hotel room reservation for Christmas or New Year’s. Some sex dice. A nipple and clitoris chain (that you both can enjoy). A couple of sex tokens. A sexy scent.
The possibilities are truly endless.
7. Bake Some (Sex Position) Ginger Christmas Cookies
Getty Images
It’s pretty common to see a gingerbread house, some ginger snaps, or some other ginger-based dessert during the holidays. Okay, but did you know that ginger is actually considered to be another solid aphrodisiac? I’m dead serious. Science says that it “triggers” a sexual stimuli in both men and women in a way that intensifies sexual arousal. Not only that, but it can increase blood flow to your genitalia as well as increase fertility (whew, chile!). And now that you see some bona fide reasons to make some ginger cookies, why not send a few hints by having your ginger cookie people participate in a few sex positions? Etsy has several merchants who sell Kama Sutra cookie cutters. A few of them can be found here, here and here.
8. Create Some “Naughty or Nice” Coupons
Has your man been naughty or nice this year? With any luck, he’s actually been a bit of both. If you want to reward him for balancing things so well, make him some naughty or nice coupons. The naughty ones can feature sexual things that he can “redeem” from you throughout the upcoming year, while the nice ones can feature things like taking him out to his favorite spot or cooking him his favorite meal on a random weeknight. If you need some help as far as how to literally design the coupons, The Dating Divas published an article entitled, “24 DIY Love Coupons for Him” that can point you in the right direction.
9. Hang Some Christmas-Themed LED Lights
Getty Images
One of the best things about Christmas is driving around at night and looking at all of the pretty lights. Some that I saw online, that I found to be pretty stunning, were LED lights that were designed to mimic meteor showers (you can see and buy them here). And that gave me even more sexy Christmas inspiration. Whether you string some lights from your bed, you bring a mini Christmas tree into your bedroom, or you’ve got a tree out back that you can hang some lights from to look at during afterplay, hang some lights somewhere. They can be very sensual — plus, can it really feel like Christmas without ‘em?
10. Use Some Hot Chocolate Lubricant
nfortunately, a lot of the time, whenever the topic of lubrication comes up, people think that it’s only for women who may have trouble getting wet (or wetter) — and that couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s actually why I once wrote, “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant,” because there are all kinds of ways to incorporate it into your sexual plans. Not only does more lube create less friction (which means that you can go longer…both of you), the sensation of wetness is pretty damn erotic too.
And since I’d be floored if you went an entire holiday season without at least one cup of hot chocolate, in the spirit of how delicious hot chocolate is, why not invest in some hot chocolate-flavored lube? One place that I found some is located here.
11. How About Some Cannabis Chocolate Caramel Candy?
Getty Images
What’s Christmas without candy, and what’s sex without weed? Okay, I know that might’ve been a bit of a wild segue, yet you really can combine Christmas, candy, and cannabis if you truly want to. For instance, there are sweet treats like Sensi Chew Amoré Chocolate Caramel Aphrodisiac that can help to get you and your partner totally right as far as getting (and staying) in the mood is concerned. And why would you even want to give this a shot? Because if anything can help to make you more uninhibited, it’s weed. If you don’t believe me, check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better” and “Why Cannabis Lube Is The Best Thing To Get Yourself For V-Day” at your leisure.
12. Explore with Some Peppermint Frosting
A couple of years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”. One of the things that got a shout-out was frosting. It’s super sweet. It’s easier to clean up than, say, syrup or honey. And since you’ll probably have some frosting lying around anyway, why not bring some into your bedroom? And while we’re on the topic, why not, in the spirit of Christmas, have it be peppermint-flavored? While there are some mixed reviews on the consumption of mint being able to lower a man’s testosterone levels, adding a few drops of peppermint oil to some frosting isn’t going to cause any harm. If anything, the menthol sensation will make for him receiving fellatio a truly mind-blowing experience — umm, so I’ve heard. #wink
13. “Deck Your Halls” with Some Edible Glitter
Getty Images
Glitter is something we see a lot around this time of year. With that being said, it’s almost impossible to imagine what life was like before YouTube. Lawd. And won’t it help you in a pinch when you want to learn something real quick? For instance, I was recently looking for how to make edible glitter (I forgot) and stumbled upon a channel called My Lockdown Rasoi. It featured a way to make edible glitter with just two ingredients (you can watch it here). If I’ve gotta explain this tip…I don’t know what to tell you, sis.
14. Swap Out Your Safe Word with a Jingle Bell
So, what if some of the things on that wish list of yours have you a little nervous when it comes time to actually execute them? I hear you. To keep along with the whole Christmas theme, instead of using a safe word over the next couple of weeks, why not get yourself a jingle bell instead?
It’s a festive way to slow things down and pretty easy to find at a local arts and crafts store during this time of the year.
15. Wear Some Mistletoe Around Your Waist
Getty Images
Anyone who knows me knows that I am big on discovering the origin stories of things (which is why engagement ring pressure irks me to no end; you can read about it here). So, since mistletoe comes up, A LOT, during Christmastime, I definitely looked it up to see what all of the hype was about. Well, aside from the fact that it is actually a parasitic plant that provides nourishment to birds, butterflies, and various mammals, the reason why we hold the tradition of kissing underneath them is because, way back in the day, to Celtic Druids, they were a symbol of fertility while to Norse mythology, they were a symbol of peace and love. Also, apparently, a goddess by the name of Figg lost her son to an arrow that was made out of mistletoe, and so she declared that anyone who walked underneath mistletoe should kiss instead of using it as a weapon.
And since kissing is definitely what still holds true as far as mistletoe goes today, why stop at the mouth? Wear some mistletoe anywhere on your body where you want to be deeply kissed. Around this time of year, you should be able to find some at your local nursery or online at sites like Amazon. If you pin a piece of it to some sexy red lingerie or on your garter belt, how could your partner not get the hint? Talk about “and to all a good night”, chile. Enjoy, sis! ENJOY.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image Lorado/Getty Images
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
Unsplash
Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
Unsplash
Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
Unsplash
Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
Unsplash
Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
Unsplash
Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
___
Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock