Although I’m personally not a holiday kind of gal, because I am all for people getting the most out of their sexual experiences, I do look forward to special occasions when I can pen pieces like this. Why? While so many people are stressing themselves completely out as they plan to celebrate the Christmas season, I like to recommend ways that they can incorporate this time of year with an activity that can bring their anxiety levels down and truly bring some peace and goodwill — to their own man.
That said, it really is crazy to take in that Christmas is just a few days away. However, while you’re out here hustlin’ and bustlin’ to get your last-minute items together, here are 15 things that you can do to make the nights leading into Christmas and, possibly the night of, one that will even give Black Santa a run for his money.
1. Text Him Your Sex Wish List
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Sometimes, wives will ask me for a subtle way to convey to their husbands that sex has fallen into a bit of a rut without bruising their ego (wise call). This time of the year is a perfect opportunity to get certain, umm, requests in because, since this is the season of giving, you can share some (new) desires that you have without it coming off like you’re complaining. So, why not put together your own sex wish list and share it with him? You can do it by sexting. After all, there are reports that say that sexting has the ability to boost your partner’s self-esteem and build trust with them as well. How can all of that not work in your favor this Christmas — and beyond?
2. Get Some Velvet Handcuffs
While some of y’all may have thought that bondage is no more than a fetish or kink, there are actually some proven benefits to participating on some level in this type of sexual activity. One in particular that I once read is it can cause “sensory deprivation,” and while, on the onset, that might seem like a bad thing, what that actually can do is cause your anticipation levels to spike, which can intensify your sexual experience overall.
And so, since velvet is winter’s “signature fabric,” why not cop (pun not intended) some velvet handcuffs while you’re doing your holiday shopping?
3. Invest in a Portable Fireplace and Faux Fur Rug
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Listen, Brian McKnight gets all sorts of side-eye from me these days (if ya know, ya know), yet we’d all be in some serious denial if, when the topic of top Christmas songs (especially in the Black community) comes up, “Let It Snow” (Boyz II Men featuring Brian McKnight) doesn’t almost immediately come to mind. In the visual, we get what I oftentimes think of when I reflect on the quintessential Christmas scene: a log cabin, a fireplace, and I’m pretty sure there’s a fur rug on the floor somewhere up in there. It’s romantic. It’s cozy. And it’s hella sensual.
And guess what? Even if you don’t have a fireplace, there are portable ones that you can purchase. There are compact ones (like this one here) or electric stoves that look like fireplaces (like this one here) that you can buy, or there are even little tabletop fire pits (like this one here) that are pretty adorable. As far as the rugs go, these days, they’ve got some faux fur ones that feel amazing and won’t break your budget. My suggestion would be to go to Amazon and put “faux fur rugs” in the search field; especially if you want to try and get one by Christmas.
4. Send Your Man a “Naughty” Christmas Card
You would think that with as attached to our phones that we are these days and with the rising costs of stamps (don’t get me to cussin’), the greeting card industry would be struggling. Nope. I actually recently read that a whopping one billion cards go out in this country alone on an annual basis. So, in order to help get your partner even more in the mood, why not send him a naughty rather than nice Christmas card? Etsy is my jam, and I recently saw a card on the site that had two ginger people on it with the message “taste my cookie” on it (you can cop it here). Or you can get damn near filthy and make one from scratch.
5. Light Some Clove-Scented Candles
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When it comes to scents that are associated with Christmas, cloves are definitely one of them. And guess what? They are also considered to be an aphrodisiac. Both the scent and consumption of them help to reduce stress, and, when you cook with them, they can help you to feel all warm ‘n fuzzy down below. And since candlelight not only creates a sensual atmosphere, it can also be ideal if you’re into wax play (you can read more about that here)…why not get some soy (they burn longer and cleaner) clove-scented candles? These alone will help to get you and your partner instantly in the mood.
6. Fill a Garter Stocking with Some Sexy Surprises
Hanging stockings from a fireplace or mantel is pretty common during Christmas. Well, since this is about sex-themed Christmas ideas, why not fill a sexy garter with little sexy surprises? Maybe some Santa Condom Pops. Some tiny truth-or-dare cards. A cock ring. Some sex position cards. A handwritten love/sex letter. A hotel room reservation for Christmas or New Year’s. Some sex dice. A nipple and clitoris chain (that you both can enjoy). A couple of sex tokens. A sexy scent.
The possibilities are truly endless.
7. Bake Some (Sex Position) Ginger Christmas Cookies
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It’s pretty common to see a gingerbread house, some ginger snaps, or some other ginger-based dessert during the holidays. Okay, but did you know that ginger is actually considered to be another solid aphrodisiac? I’m dead serious. Science says that it “triggers” a sexual stimuli in both men and women in a way that intensifies sexual arousal. Not only that, but it can increase blood flow to your genitalia as well as increase fertility (whew, chile!). And now that you see some bona fide reasons to make some ginger cookies, why not send a few hints by having your ginger cookie people participate in a few sex positions? Etsy has several merchants who sell Kama Sutra cookie cutters. A few of them can be found here, here and here.
8. Create Some “Naughty or Nice” Coupons
Has your man been naughty or nice this year? With any luck, he’s actually been a bit of both. If you want to reward him for balancing things so well, make him some naughty or nice coupons. The naughty ones can feature sexual things that he can “redeem” from you throughout the upcoming year, while the nice ones can feature things like taking him out to his favorite spot or cooking him his favorite meal on a random weeknight. If you need some help as far as how to literally design the coupons, The Dating Divas published an article entitled, “24 DIY Love Coupons for Him” that can point you in the right direction.
9. Hang Some Christmas-Themed LED Lights
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One of the best things about Christmas is driving around at night and looking at all of the pretty lights. Some that I saw online, that I found to be pretty stunning, were LED lights that were designed to mimic meteor showers (you can see and buy them here). And that gave me even more sexy Christmas inspiration. Whether you string some lights from your bed, you bring a mini Christmas tree into your bedroom, or you’ve got a tree out back that you can hang some lights from to look at during afterplay, hang some lights somewhere. They can be very sensual — plus, can it really feel like Christmas without ‘em?
10. Use Some Hot Chocolate Lubricant
nfortunately, a lot of the time, whenever the topic of lubrication comes up, people think that it’s only for women who may have trouble getting wet (or wetter) — and that couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s actually why I once wrote, “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant,” because there are all kinds of ways to incorporate it into your sexual plans. Not only does more lube create less friction (which means that you can go longer…both of you), the sensation of wetness is pretty damn erotic too.
And since I’d be floored if you went an entire holiday season without at least one cup of hot chocolate, in the spirit of how delicious hot chocolate is, why not invest in some hot chocolate-flavored lube? One place that I found some is located here.
11. How About Some Cannabis Chocolate Caramel Candy?
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What’s Christmas without candy, and what’s sex without weed? Okay, I know that might’ve been a bit of a wild segue, yet you really can combine Christmas, candy, and cannabis if you truly want to. For instance, there are sweet treats like Sensi Chew Amoré Chocolate Caramel Aphrodisiac that can help to get you and your partner totally right as far as getting (and staying) in the mood is concerned. And why would you even want to give this a shot? Because if anything can help to make you more uninhibited, it’s weed. If you don’t believe me, check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better” and “Why Cannabis Lube Is The Best Thing To Get Yourself For V-Day” at your leisure.
12. Explore with Some Peppermint Frosting
A couple of years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”. One of the things that got a shout-out was frosting. It’s super sweet. It’s easier to clean up than, say, syrup or honey. And since you’ll probably have some frosting lying around anyway, why not bring some into your bedroom? And while we’re on the topic, why not, in the spirit of Christmas, have it be peppermint-flavored? While there are some mixed reviews on the consumption of mint being able to lower a man’s testosterone levels, adding a few drops of peppermint oil to some frosting isn’t going to cause any harm. If anything, the menthol sensation will make for him receiving fellatio a truly mind-blowing experience — umm, so I’ve heard. #wink
13. “Deck Your Halls” with Some Edible Glitter
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Glitter is something we see a lot around this time of year. With that being said, it’s almost impossible to imagine what life was like before YouTube. Lawd. And won’t it help you in a pinch when you want to learn something real quick? For instance, I was recently looking for how to make edible glitter (I forgot) and stumbled upon a channel called My Lockdown Rasoi. It featured a way to make edible glitter with just two ingredients (you can watch it here). If I’ve gotta explain this tip…I don’t know what to tell you, sis.
14. Swap Out Your Safe Word with a Jingle Bell
So, what if some of the things on that wish list of yours have you a little nervous when it comes time to actually execute them? I hear you. To keep along with the whole Christmas theme, instead of using a safe word over the next couple of weeks, why not get yourself a jingle bell instead?
It’s a festive way to slow things down and pretty easy to find at a local arts and crafts store during this time of the year.
15. Wear Some Mistletoe Around Your Waist
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Anyone who knows me knows that I am big on discovering the origin stories of things (which is why engagement ring pressure irks me to no end; you can read about it here). So, since mistletoe comes up, A LOT, during Christmastime, I definitely looked it up to see what all of the hype was about. Well, aside from the fact that it is actually a parasitic plant that provides nourishment to birds, butterflies, and various mammals, the reason why we hold the tradition of kissing underneath them is because, way back in the day, to Celtic Druids, they were a symbol of fertility while to Norse mythology, they were a symbol of peace and love. Also, apparently, a goddess by the name of Figg lost her son to an arrow that was made out of mistletoe, and so she declared that anyone who walked underneath mistletoe should kiss instead of using it as a weapon.
And since kissing is definitely what still holds true as far as mistletoe goes today, why stop at the mouth? Wear some mistletoe anywhere on your body where you want to be deeply kissed. Around this time of year, you should be able to find some at your local nursery or online at sites like Amazon. If you pin a piece of it to some sexy red lingerie or on your garter belt, how could your partner not get the hint? Talk about “and to all a good night”, chile. Enjoy, sis! ENJOY.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
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‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
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