How To Take Things Slow With A Guy In Dating
You met a guy. You like him. He appears to like you too. You guys are casually dating and it's a vibe. You've been down this road and it hasn't worked out in the past but this time feels different. He seems different. You're ready to throw caution to the wind and fast track this whole situation. Be honest with yourself though, has attempting to fast track the relationship worked in your favor in the past? If not, it may be time to try a different approach and take things slow with the guy you're dating.
There are multiple benefits to taking things at a slower pace in the beginning of a relationship. For starters, it allows you to see if you genuinely like this person or if it's just exciting because it's new. It also allows you to see beneath the surface and see who you're really dating and what their true motives are. Most importantly, it gives you time to catch all of the red flags and also allows time to build a genuine friendship. So, how do you take things slow when dating someone you like? Let's get into it.
How To Take Things Slow With A Guy
1.Date Other People
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I know you really like him but listen, until you and that man choose to be exclusive, you are a free agent sis! A lot of the time pacing in the beginning of a relationship can be compromised because you put all of your energy into acting like a girlfriend before the commitment, which is counterproductive if you ask me. Dating other people will not only force you to take things slowly, but it will also help you discover what (and who) you really like while you date.
2.Space It Out
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I know you want to see him every single day but if you want to keep things at a nice slow pace, resist the urge and space out the time you spend together. Besides, you won't have time anyway because you're going to be dating other people, remember? Even if you decide not to go the date other people route, you can use the time spent apart to pour into your life, your friends, and your passions. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and it also allows you to become a fuller, more vibrant you when you do see each other.
3.Do Different Things
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To avoid falling into a comfortable and familiar routine in the beginning stages of dating, avoid doing the same things. Yes, I know you like that Mexican restaurant he took you to on your first date but getting into a routine screams coupledom, and well before the commitment, sis. Go to different places and try different activities. It will help you get to know each other better but at a slow and steady pace.
4.No Sex
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Well, at least not in the beginning. Having sex too soon is the ultimate way to move way too fast. It can also be the ultimate way to put a stop to things as well. When we have sex, the body releases hormones that makes you feel bonded to the person you're sleeping with. Even if they aren't good for you, you can end up intertwined just because good sex has you looking at the relationship through a filter instead of in a real way. If your goal is to move slowly and really get to know the guy, avoid sleeping with him until you know what you want or don't want from him. And never use sex as a bargaining chip. No, just no.
5.No “We” Talk
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In the beginning, it's important to not talk about the future as it pertains to you two. That doesn't mean that you can't ask questions to gauge what he is looking for or about where he sees himself in the future but don't start planning a life with him. Let me give you an example. Years ago, I met this guy. We went on one date and the next week he invited me to go on a cruise with him and his family. The cruise was in six months. Spoiler alert, I excused myself from that situation expeditiously. "We" talk can be dreamy, and it's easy to put the cart before the horse when you're excited about the prospect of new love, but use the future talk as sparingly as possible until you decide where you are going in the future and if it includes one another.
6.Live Your Life
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Remember that thing you had before you met him? Yes, your life. Go and do that. Before you met this great guy you had friends, a job, and interests. That means no moving plans around with girlfriends to accommodate the last-minute opening for him or waiting by your phone in hopes that he'll have plans for you on a Friday night. You are the prize sis, live your life like one. The right guy won't feel intimidated by your busy-ness, instead he'll rise to the challenge of getting to know you. The absolute best way to take things slow with a guy is to simply live your life and let him get in where he fits in.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The Champion's Path: How Cari Champion Is Redefining Roles For Black Women In Media
Cari Champion has had many dream jobs. All of them have helped inform what she does and does not want for herself moving forward. “I get more and more curious. My dreams evolve. My desires change,” she said. “And I feel sorry for people who can’t experience that because it’s a beautiful feeling, it’s a beautiful challenge, and it makes you everything that you are.”
When we speak in late April, the journalist and media personality is preparing for a visit to Atlanta for The Black Effect Podcast Festival. The trip would allow her to spend time in a city that she said taught her a lot about herself and working in the media industry.
Champion was still early in her career when she worked for Atlanta’s CBS affiliate news station, where she was fired, reinstated, and subsequently quit after being accused of accidentally cursing on air in 2008. (“I didn’t. They knew I didn’t. I said ‘mothersucka,’” she said of the hot mic incident.) Still, the Los Angeles native insists she only has the fondest memories of her time in the southern city.
“I grew up in West LA, then moved to Pasadena, and those kinds of familial, tight-knit Black groups just didn’t exist. LA is spread out in a lot of ways,” she said. “To me, Atlanta ultimately built this woman that I am today and [is] why I speak so comfortably for us and for Black people. I had to have that entire experience.”
"To me, Atlanta ultimately built this woman that I am today and [is] why I speak so comfortably for us and for Black people."
It’s been 16 years since Champion moved from Atlanta and her career, as well as her desire to center Black voices in her work, has soared. After working as an anchor and court-side reporter for The Tennis Channel, she spent nearly a decade working as a host and anchor on ESPN for shows such as First Take and SportsCenter.
By the time she began hosting Cari & Jemele: Stick to Sports, on Vice TV with Jemele Hill in 2020, Champion had increasingly become determined to shun the notion that only sports reporters and athletes could credibly discuss sports. The Vice show featured guests such as LeBron James and Magic Johnson, but also Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Nikole Hannah-Jones and Sen. Cory Booker.
At a time when America was reckoning with its racial history, Champion solidified herself as a trailblazer for Black women in sports media, as well as a crucial voice for cultural commentary. Today, she regularly appears on CNN discussing sports, culture, and politics.
Champion is now hosting the fourth season of the podcast Naked with Cari Champion on The Black Effect Podcast Festival, which is a partnership between iHeartMedia and Charlamagne Tha God, a media personality and a friend. “We kind of grew up together in this game. And when we first started figuring out or getting attention on a different type of level than we were used to, we learned a lot together,” she said of Charlamagne. “He put this network together for people who are beginning [and] people who are old-heads in the business. He wanted to make sure that all of us had a voice.”
It’s been an adjustment for a traditional TV reporter to transition into podcasting, but Champion said she’s found the medium to be a “much more freeing world.” When she’s speaking to guests such as talk show host Tamron Hall, singer Muni Long, or retired athlete Sanya Richards-Ross, she can “get lost in a conversation” and embrace a more casual environment than the structure of a cable TV show would allow.
Behind the scenes, Champion’s still doing her part to make sure there continues to be a pipeline of Black and brown women in journalism and beyond, too.
In 2018, she launched the nonprofit Brown Girls Dream and enlisted her celebrity friends to help mentor young women in a way that she felt she was never able to receive in the early years of her own career. “When I was at ESPN, I used to get all these emails from different Black and brown girls in the business. They wanted to talk to me about how they could [have the opportunity to] do the same thing [as me],” Champion said. “It fills my heart to see somebody actually get an opportunity to talk to somebody who can guide them through their career.”
Current Brown Girls Dream mentors include journalists Jemele Hill and Nichelle Turner, marketing executive Bozoma Saint John, and more. “These women are just the dopest ever and they take time out to give back to brown girls,” Champion said. “It’s special.”
When she reflects on representation in sports media roles, the Naked host said she’s inspired by the women of color she sees on television today. “I think women of color are doing great. It’s become more and more common to be on air and be Black girl magic,” she said.
“I think that the next level for us, in terms of Black and brown women in this business succeeding, is having true power over what our words are and what the content is,” she added. “Because, when push comes to shove and we want to really tell a story, we sometimes have to acquiesce, and we can't tell the story the way we want to. The next level is that we actually do have editorial control.”
"I think that the next level for us, in terms of Black and brown women in this business succeeding, is having true power over what our words are and what the content is."
Ultimately, Champion is still dreaming and looking to make an impact. She said she wants to eventually launch her own Black news network. “I would love to have a huge platform that focused on the stories that I think Black and brown women care about,” Champion said. “There are so many stories that are being missed.”
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Featured image Emma McIntyre / Staff/Getty Images