

Here's something that you might not have put a ton of thought into before—what are the signs that your breasts are healthy? While most of us know that giving ourselves self-breast exams (in order to check for any abnormal lumps) is important, what should we be factoring in beyond that?
Well, according to many health experts, our breasts are in good shape if 1) the skin that covers our breasts is, for the most part, even-toned and the same texture; 2) they are warm in temperature (not hot but warm); 3) there is no discharge that's coming from our nipples (unless we're pregnant); 4) outside of pregnancy and PMS, they aren't tender; 5) the lymph nodes under our armpits aren't swollen and 6) if our breasts do have natural lumps in them (which is fairly common), they haven't changed in size.
In a nutshell, if your breasts are indicating something different from any of this, it's important to make an appointment with your physician as soon as possible. Aside from the fact that we, as Black women, have the highest mortality rate when it comes to breast cancer, our breasts are simply something that we shouldn't take for granted. They require tender loving care, just like any other part of our body does.
Foods To Eat For Healthy Breasts
One way to nurture both of your "girls" is to eat the kinds of foods that are proven to aid in keeping them toned and breast cancer-free. If you're interested in being proactive about the health and well-being of your breasts, here are 10 foods that you should consume on a regular basis.
10 Foods To Support Breast Health
1. Allium Veggies
If you've got no clue what allium vegetables are, I'll break it down real quick. Allium is the Latin word for "garlic" and allium veggies consist of foods that have a strong amount of sulfur in them that are used for regular consumption as well as medicinal purposes. Some foods that fall into this category include garlic (of course), chives, leeks, scallions, shallots, and onions.
Allium veggies are good for your overall health and well-being because the sulfur that's in them can do everything to lower your blood pressure and cholesterol levels and protect your heart to reduce bodily inflammation (thanks to the quercetin that's in them) and control your blood sugar levels. Since sulfur also contains powerful cancer-fighting properties, that's the main reason why allium veggies top the list of foods that can help protect your breasts.
2. Turmeric
Turmeric is a spice that's really popular in traditional Indian dishes. But whether or not you like Indian cuisine, this is something that you should have in your spice collection. Turmeric is a member of the ginger family and contains a fair amount of manganese, vitamin C, potassium, and iron. It's even got some fiber and protein in it too. As far as its health benefits go, turmeric can help to reduce depression-related symptoms, decrease symptoms that are connected to rheumatoid arthritis, fight obesity, and relieve pain, it's an awesome detoxifier.
Two other benefits of turmeric include the fact that it can help to keep your skin youthful and glowing and, it can even help to keep you from getting type 2 diabetes. All of this is because of the chemical compound curcumin that's in turmeric. It's curcumin also has anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer properties that make it great for keeping your breasts healthy. And since turmeric is wonderful for your skin, it's a spice that can keep your breasts in great shape, from the inside out.
3. Celery
Celery is made up of 95 percent water. So, if you're looking for a food that can help you out if you happen to be dehydrated (and you want to do something other than just drink water), celery can definitely help you out. Plus, it's loaded with health benefits as well. Believe it or not, even though it's got all of that water in it, celery is still packed with nutrients like vitamins B6, C, and K, along with folate, potassium, antioxidants, electrolytes, enzymes, and antimicrobial and antibacterial properties.
All of these work together to reduce your cholesterol and blood pressure levels; inhibit the growth of bacteria that could ultimately lead to infections; get rid of bloating; lower your chances of experiencing a urinary tract infection (UTI) and fight bodily inflammation.
On the breast health tip, celery has high levels of the compound polyacetylenes in it. These work to stop cancer cells from even forming. And, since vitamin C increases the production of collagen in your body, celery can help to keep the cancer cells away while making sure your breasts are supple and toned too. Pretty cool, huh?
4. Beans
If you've ever wondered what the healthiest beans are, the list includes chickpeas, lentils, peas, kidney beans, black beans, pinto beans, navy beans, and peanuts (yep, peanuts happen to fall into the beans and nuts categories). Beans are high in fiber, protein, iron, copper, folate, and manganese.
Beans also contain antioxidants to keep free radicals at bay, "good bacteria" (especially if they're black beans) to keep your gut in good condition, and ingredients that can keep you from getting a fatty liver (you can read more about that here). Also, thanks to the antioxidants and anti-inflammatory agents that beans have, they are just one more food that can keep cancer from creeping into your system.
5. Plums
If you ever wondered when plums are in season, it's usually between the months of May and October. And while I'm sure you probably already know this, just for the record, the dried-out version of plums are prunes. Plums have about one gram of fiber in them, along with 10 percent of the vitamin C and five percent of the vitamin A that your system needs on a daily basis per serving.
If you make eating them a consistent thing, plums can fill you up with antioxidants, lower your blood sugar levels, improve your bone health, lower your blood pressure, and reduce your anxiety levels (which are typically higher when the antioxidants in your body are lower than they should be), and they are also great for your breasts.
There are impressive studies that the properties in plums (and peaches) have the ability to not only kill already present cancer cells, but they can do that without damaging any of the healthy cells that might be around them too.
6. Olive Oil
The health benefits of olive oil are vast. Not only is it the kind of oil that is loaded with oleic acid (which is a healthy fat), it's also an oil that is packed with vitamins E and K, antioxidants, and anti-inflammatory properties. The combination of all of this can help to lower your blood pressure and even reduce your risk of having a stroke or a heart attack.
Some other awesome things about olive oil are it's one oil that actually doesn't cause you to gain weight when you consume it, it is able to reduce symptoms that are related to rheumatoid arthritis, it can lower your type 2 diabetes risk and olive oil contains antibacterial properties that are able to fight the type of bacteria that can lead to stomach ulcers and stomach cancer.
The vitamin E and antioxidants can keep your breasts looking young. And there are studies to reflect that extra virgin olive oil can reduce your risk of getting breast cancer.
7. Flaxseeds
Flaxseeds are the kind of seeds that are great for you from head to toe (have you ever made your own flaxseed gel for your hair? If not, check out this tutorial video here). Health-wise, flaxseeds are a good source of protein and fiber and, they've got a ton of omega-3 fatty acids in them (along with a small trace of other nutrients like vitamin B1, magnesium, phosphorus, and others). The dietary fiber in flaxseeds can help to keep you regular.
Plus, flaxseeds are able to help lower your cholesterol levels, and control your blood sugar and, if you're looking for something that can assist with weight loss, flaxseeds can do that too. Aside from flaxseeds also containing lignans and antioxidants to keep the skin on your breasts nice and smooth, lignans can help to decrease your chances of being diagnosed with breast cancer as well.
8. Fish
If you're an avid fish lover, good for you, sis. Fish is an awesome source of omega-3 fatty acids, protein, vitamins B2 and D, calcium, iron, zinc, phosphorus, magnesium and potassium. Every time you consume fish, you're playing a part in reducing your risk of heart disease and Alzheimer's disease. You're also lowering your risk of depression; improving your eye health; decreasing your risk of heart failure; decreasing your risk of being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease; speeding you your metabolism; alleviating your PMS symptoms (due to the fatty acids) and, rejuvenating your body after a workout (thanks to the combo of the vitamin D and fatty acids).
As far as what the healthiest fish are, salmon, mackerel, tuna, halibut, mahi-mahi, herring, and freshwater whiting top the list. As far as why fish are good for your breast health, it's a lean form of protein; the leaner the meat is, the less of a chance you'll have of being diagnosed with breast cancer.
9. Walnuts
When was the last time you cracked open a few walnuts? They've got more antioxidants in them than any other nut. Not only that but walnuts are also a wonderful source of omega-3 fatty acids; they promote a healthy gut; they can help to manage type 2 diabetes; they contain polyunsaturated fat, polyphenols, and vitamin E that work together to keep your brain in great shape; they can keep your man's sperm in peak condition and, walnuts are another food that fights inflammation.
And is it good for your girls? Well, there are studies that reveal that walnuts have been able to reduce the size of breast cancer tumors in mice. The way I see it, this means that these are the kind of nuts that can only help, not hurt.
10. Berries
I don't care if you like acai berries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, or even grapes (yes, grapes are berries too)—all of them are a delicious way to care for your overall health and well-being. Matter of fact, when it comes to the list of superfoods that are in the world, berries are on it. That's because they are loaded with the kind of antioxidants that will help to reduce any oxidative stress that you may have in your body. Berries are also high in fiber, vitamins C and K and manganese. The ellagic acid in them can increase the collagen in your system so that your skin stays youthful looking. Berries also have properties in them that can keep your arteries nice and clear.
Finally, berries are the type of fruit that reduces inflammation while containing the antioxidants anthocyanins and resveratrol that work together to significantly decrease your cancer risk, long-term. So, do all of you, including your breasts, a favor and have a bowl of fresh berries this week. It's a delicious way to keep your girls tight—well, toned—and right. Literally.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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