Since I talk/write about sex a lot, it’s only fitting that I would talk/write about the vagina quite a bit as well. And since today, the theme is all about foods that are in season during autumn, and foods that are really good for vaginal health, before I get into it, I want to share a bit of the method to my madness.
Aside from the fact that your diet plays a highly significant role in your vagina’s pH levels, how much good bacteria remains in it, how to keep candida under control, and even how much natural lubrication occurs, some foods are also aphrodisiacs — including ones that are in abundance during this time of the year (check out “10 In-Season Fall Foods That Are Incredible Aphrodisiacs”).
Now watch this: Since the fall and winter seasons are actually the best time of year to get up under a cable knit blanket and some flannel (or silk; silk can keep you warm too) sheets with your man and do more than just cuddle (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”), I thought I would provide you with a 10-point grocery list of fall-themed foods (and recipes) that are delicious, great for your vaginal health and might inspire you to want to “give thanks” with your bae thang — long before Thanksgiving even arrives.
The 10 Best Fall Foods For Vaginal Health
1. Bell Peppers
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Since this is the time of year when colds, the flu, and also COVID (yep, it’s back upticking; be careful out here) like to make their presence especially known, it always works in your favor to consume foods that are high in vitamin C and antioxidants; that way, you can proactively help to keep your immune system nice and strong. Bell peppers are a food that covers this particular base. Plus, they contain vitamins A and E, potassium, and folate. As far as additional benefits go, if you’re looking for a low-calorie food that will maintain your eye health or even keep your anemia in check, bell peppers can handle both of these things as well.
And why are they great for your vagina? Something else in bell peppers is carotenoids; they are a type of antioxidant that’s been proven to help your health when it comes to fighting off free radicals, softening wrinkles, lowering the risk of breast, ovarian, and vaginal cancer, and even lowering the risk of dementia. Carotenoids also help to keep yeast in check, so if you have a fungus sensitivity (like I do), that’s one more reason to pick up some bell peppers soon.
Recipe: Stuffed Pepper Soup
2. Collards
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Something that brings me a lot of joy is a big bowl of vegan collards with some homemade cornbread in it. CHILE. Every time that I make some, I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it either since collards are a dark, leafy green vegetable, and those are on the superfood list. Shoot, with good reason, too, since collard greens are packed with vitamins A and C, iron, magnesium, and calcium, which all work together to strengthen your bones, lower your blood pressure, and keep your liver in good condition. Collards also have fiber that can keep you regular. Plus, if your hair is on the drier side, the properties of collard greens can increase sebum production on your scalp, which can add more moisture to your locks — from root to tip.
Since collards are full of vitamin C, when you eat them, you are helping your vaginal health when it comes to maintaining its pH levels, providing an environment for more good bacteria to grow, and helping to heal bacterial vaginosis from the inside out.
Recipe: Southern Collard Greens 101
3. Sweet Potatoes
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If there is a fall-themed debate that will probably never go away, it’s the argument over whether sweet potato pie or pumpkin pie tastes better. Although I personally like both, I must admit that, overall, I prefer sweet potatoes. Chile, I will throw one in the oven and add some butter, honey, and a dash of salt to it in a heartbeat! I won’t think twice either because it’s a veggie that has fiber, a ton of vitamin C, some vitamin A, copper, manganese, and different forms of vitamin B, too. All of this helps to keep your gut in great shape, boost your brain function, and keep your immunity going strong. Something else that’s cool about the properties of sweet potatoes is that if you battle with some form of systematic inflammation, they can help to treat that, too.
As far as your vagina goes, if you’re someone who has a sweet tooth and you’re also prone to having yeast infections (yeast feeds off of sweets, by the way), sweet potatoes can curb your appetite for sugar in a healthy way while also removing toxins in your system, thanks to the fiber that’s in them. Also, the anthocyanins (which give veggies their natural color) in sweet potatoes help to keep oxidative stress at bay. This is good to know since that type of stress can throw off your vagina’s pH balance and even increase the amount of discharge that you have.
Recipe: Sweet Potato Chili Casserole
4. Key Limes
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If you’re wondering what’s the difference between a regular lime and a key lime one, apparently, key limes are smaller, tend to have a yellower hue, and they have a tartier taste than “standard limes.” On the health benefit tip, key limes contain a lot of vitamin C, antioxidants, fiber, and anti-inflammatory properties.
All of this can help your vagina because vaginitis is literally defined as being “inflammation of the vagina.” This means that the more you eat foods that help to keep this from happening, the better off your vagina will ultimately be.
(For the record, limes, in general, can help to prevent kidney stone formation while reducing heart disease and helping to keep your skin healthy and youthful-looking as well.)
Recipe: Key Lime Pie Cupcakes
5. Grapes
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Even though it’s pretty common for people to snack on grapes during the summertime, they’re actually a fruit that is at their best during the fall season. Grapes are low-calorie fruits that are full of water (well over 90 percent), fiber, protein, vitamins C and K, and even copper. Copper is good for you because it can help with bone density (especially in post-menopausal women), it can help to fight off cancer, and can even slow down the signs of premature graying. Some other perks include the fact that grapes can help to keep your cholesterol levels balanced, fight against heart disease and diabetes, and, thanks to the melatonin that’s in them, they can improve your quality of sleep, too.
Something that many don’t know is vitamin K and human papillomavirus (HPV) don’t get along very well. In fact, some studies reveal that a consistent dietary intake of vitamin K can reduce one’s risk of being diagnosed with HPV by well over 40 percent. So, if you like to snack on grapes, now you’ve got even more of a reason to continue to enjoy doing so.
6. Celery
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Celery isn’t the most fun or flavor-fill food on the planet; still, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a solid impact on your health. The antioxidants that are in this particular vegetable help to reduce bodily inflammation, reduce the chances of getting an ulcer, balance blood sugar levels, help to lower blood pressure levels and they can even help to prevent Alzheimer's disease.
If you want to boost your sexual desire levels, celery could also help out in that department. That’s because it has androsterones in it; they’re a component of testosterone, which could help to raise your libido and intensify your pheromones. Studies are still ongoing when it comes to all of this; however, since celery is good for you in other ways, too — hey, why not give it a shot?
(Also, if you enjoy celery seeds, there are also studies that connect those to a boost in a woman’s libido and lubrication as well.)
Recipe: Sautéed Celery
7. Mushrooms
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Personally, I’m not a vegan or a vegetarian. But when I’m in the mood to take a break from meat, I always find the texture of mushrooms (especially portabella ones) to be a top-tier substitute. If you feel the same, this is another fall-season food that will do your body quite a bit of good. Mushrooms are a good source of B vitamins, copper, potassium, antioxidants, and vitamin D. Mushrooms also help to lower cholesterol levels and boost brain health and, they contain an amino acid that helps to prevent cellular damage (which can lower your cancer risk).
Since various studies reveal that different forms of vitamin B can help with ovarian health, that’s why mushrooms were able to make it on this great-for-your-vagina food list.
Recipe: Easy Mushroom Tacos
8. Guava
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Iron. Vitamin A. Calcium. Potassium. Vitamin C. Fiber. These are just some of the nutrients that your body will receive the next time you decide to have a piece of guava fruit. It’s the kind of food that lowers blood sugar levels, strengthens your heart, gives your immune system some extra “oomph” and it helps to keep fine lines and wrinkles from setting into your skin. Guava also has flavonoids and tannins in them; flavonoids contain anticancer, antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and antiviral properties; tannins have antimicrobial and antiviral properties, which make eating things like guava and drinking herbal teas ideal during this time of the year (if you’re trying to avoid catching a cold or the flu).
The reason why guava is good for your vagina is because the nutrients in it are super beneficial if you’re looking for a fruit that can make menstrual cramps less uncomfortable. Apparently, the properties in guava leaf extract target the source of period pain and lessen it. The more you know.
Recipe: Guava BBQ Sauce From Scratch
9. Turnips
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Turnips are interesting because, although the vegetable has a good amount of protein, fiber, and vitamin C in it, it’s actually the leaves of the turnips (what we know as turnip greens) that have even more nutrients in them. Nevertheless, turnips have properties in them that fight cancer, protect against E. coli, support your liver, help to keep your weight under control, and reduce bodily inflammation.
Since turnips are technically considered to be a phytoestrogen kind of food (a food that has plant-based estrogen in it), if you’re going through menopause, it’s a healthy way to get more estrogen into your system.
10. Pomegranates
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The reason why this article features a pomegranate as the lead pic is that it’s a fruit that actually symbolizes the vagina — more specifically, the cells inside of your ovaries. Since I’m a Rosh Hashanah observer (the Jewish New Year), I’m a fan of the fruit because, in Jewish culture, they represent things like fertility, love, and righteousness. Health-wise, pomegranates are an amazing source of protein and fiber, as well as a solid source of vitamin C and folate. They’re also rich in antioxidants, anti-cancer and antimicrobial properties. If you’re looking to keep your urinary tract in great condition, eat a pomegranate. Want to build up your endurance while you exercise (or have sex)? Eat a pomegranate. Wanna keep your kidneys healthy, get more potassium into your system, or consume a healthy carb? Eat a freakin’ pomegranate!
Since pomegranates are also considered to be an aphrodisiac, of course, they had to round out this fall season food list. They’ve got some data to back ‘em up because pomegranates contain properties that help to lower cortisol (stress) levels so that climaxing is easier, and it can add a bit of testosterone to your system, which can make your libido stronger.
So, whether you choose to cut open a pomegranate and enjoy it raw, treat yourself to some sort of pomegranate salad, or turn up with an alcoholic beverage (like the recipe below), don’t let fall pass you by without indulging in this fruit. As you can see, there are too many reasons for you — and your vagina — to do so. Happy Fall, y’all!
Recipe: Pomegranate Margarita
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Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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