While it's important that we're always proactive about taking care of our immune system, if there is any time of year when we tend to think about it more than usual, it's right when the fall season arrives. Cold weather has something to do with it. Cold and flu cases spiking have something to do with it. Wanting to make sure that we stay well enough so that we can enjoy some holiday time off probably plays a role in it too. And while things like rest, exercise and not smoking all help to keep our immune system healthy and strong, it's important to know how much diet plays a part in all of this too.
So, in the spirit of making sure that you keep as much bacteria and fungi and as many parasites and viruses from invading your system in the upcoming months, here are 10 eating habits that could play a role in actually weakening your immune system, if you're not careful.
1. Sugar
Wanna hear something crazy? Although men are only supposed to consume somewhere around nine teaspoons of sugar each day and we are to eat no more than about six, the average person takes in a whopping 22 teaspoons which is roughly 350 more calories more than we need. Yes, it's a given that too much sugar can cause you to gain weight and potentially trigger diabetes; however, a lot of sugar in your system can also lead to heart disease; high blood pressure and cholesterol; liver disease; cavities; poor sleeping patterns; low energy levels; mood swings and bodily inflammation. And while inflammation is actually your immune system's way of responding to infections or injury, I'm pretty sure you can see how your body being in a constant state of inflammation can actually weaken your immunity over time (check out "Ever Wonder If You've Got A Low-Key Sugar Addiction?"). That's why it's important to avoid the kind of things that could cause this to happen — sugar is one of them.
A Hack for Eating Less Sugar: Eat more "healthy fat" foods like avocados, nuts, salmon, eggs and olive oil. They will help to replace excess sugar in your body. They can also keep you feeling full longer so that you can avoid random sugar cravings more easily.
2. Salt
It probably comes at little surprise to you that another thing that we tend to overdo is our sodium intake. While reportedly we're only supposed to take in somewhere around less than 2,300 mg of it each day (which is roughly just a teaspoon of salt), most of us are sitting at around 3,400 mg, if not more. Although sodium is a nutrient that helps our nerves and muscles to function properly as it also aids in balancing the fluids in our system, too much of it can result in frequent headaches; constant urination; high blood pressure; stomach ulcers; bloating; constipation and inflammation. Not only that but some health experts believe that a lot of sodium can also slow down how your immune system responds to issues within your gut; since 80 percent of your immune system is housed there (check out "80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This."), well, that can't possibly be good.
A Hack for Eating Less Sodium: Flavor more of your homemade meals with citrus fruits and fresh herbs. The fruits will offer a sweet-n-sour tang that will make the desire for salt less necessary. Herbs typically make dishes taste "richer" so that extra sodium is not required.
3. Fried Foods
I've been living in the South for most of my life, so fried foods are like the unofficial state flower here or something. Still, it's something that has to be consumed with complete moderation because fried chicken, fried fish, French fries — anything that was prepared by frying it in oil — has a way of clogging arteries, packing on pounds and even causing cancer.
As far as your immunity goes, fried foods are loaded with molecules that are known as advanced glycation end products (AGEs). When these get too high, they can trigger inflammation and damage your body's cells as well. Not only that but a lot of fried foods have an additive in them called tert-butylhydroquinone (tBHQ). If you've got a flu and you're trying to fight it, this additive can actually weaken your immunity; that makes getting over this kind of virus so much harder to do.
A Hack for Eating Less Fried Foods: This one may be obvious but the healthy alternative to frying your foods is to bake them. Or shoot, even using an air fryer. There's less trans fat (something that is hard for your body to break down and can lead to health-related issues such as heart disease and diabetes) that will go into your system, plus you'll be taking in less oil by going these routes too.
4. Emulsifiers
OK. So, what the heck are emulsifiers? Probably the easiest way to describe them (at least as far as food is concerned) is they're chemical additives that make it possible for one kind of liquid to suspend itself in another. Examples of this would be foods like ice cream, margarine, salad dressing, shortening and even processed almond milk. The reason why these can pose a potential threat to your immune system is they have the ability to damage your intestinal barrier which can lead to inflammation and even cause a chronic disease diagnosis over time. Emulsifiers can also reduce the amount of "good bacteria" that's in your gut; when that happens, it's easier to experience an upset stomach, sleep issues, bloating, a yeast infection, low energy and other health-related concerns.
A Hack for Eating Less Emulsifiers: The way to eat less additives is to consume more fresh foods. Homemade smoothies instead of ice cream; butter instead of margarine; olive oil and herbs instead of salad dressing; coconut oil instead of shortening and oat milk instead of almond milk (because some of the best brands of oat milk are only made up of oats and water). By the way, when it comes to milk and milk alternatives, one of the best ways to avoid emulsifiers altogether is to look for "carrageenan" on the label. If that is mentioned, pass on it. That's a clear sign that there are some emulsifiers in the product.
5. High-Refined Carbs
Stuff that is generally categorized as being "white foods"? Yeah, your immune system doesn't need a lot of those. White bread, white rice, white pasta, pastries and a lot of pizza dough are examples of foods that have been processed to the point where very little nutrients are in them. As a result, those carbs can quickly turn to sugar in your system which results in a spiked blood sugar level, potential inflammation and more free radicals floating around. This ultimately leads to oxidative stress which can result in heart disease and even various forms of cancer, not to mention the many things that sugar can do which we've already explored.
A Hack for Eating Less Refined Carbs: In short, when it comes to the white stuff, a good alternative are foods that are made with whole grains like whole grain flour, bread and brown rice. They've got all parts of the grain seed in them — endosperm, germ, and bran — which makes eating whole grains so much healthier for you.
6. Not Enough Vitamin D
Did you know that 42 percent of the population is considered to be Vitamin D deficient? That sucks because Vitamin D is the nutrient that boosts weight loss; reduces depression-related symptoms; strengthens bones and muscles; treats hypertension; helps to prevent type 2 diabetes; fights heart disease and the flu and also helps to fight viral infections such as the flu and even coronavirus while keeping inflammation down.
So, if you're not spending at least 30 minutes outdoors on the daily (you know, so that you can get some Vitamin D from the sun) or taking a supplement with Vitamin D in it, make sure that you're intentional about eating more foods that are filled with it.
A Hack for Getting More Vitamin D into Your System: If you're concerned about whether or not you're getting enough Vitamin D into your body, next time that you go grocery shopping, be sure to get some mushrooms, eggs, orange juice, rice or coconut milk, fortified yogurt, salmon and tuna. All are high in this particular nutrient.
7. Not Enough Omega-3
OK, so here are some pretty clear signs that you don't have enough omega-3 in your system — your skin hair and nails are dry and brittle; you have trouble getting or staying asleep; you experience joint pain or leg cramps; you've got a lot of earwax; your allergy-related symptoms are flaring up; you're having a lot bleeding and/or blood clotting during your period or your immune system is basically shot to hell. Yep, another thing that can weaken your immunity is not eating more omega-3s (fatty acids that are considered to be "good fats") because they actually have anti-inflammatory properties in them that are able to strengthen your immune cells. So definitely be intentional about eating foods that contain lots of those (or that you take an omega-3 supplement) more often.
A Hack for Getting More Omega-3 into Your System: Foods that have a lot of omega-3 in them include basically any kind of fish or seafood, chia seeds, walnuts, seaweed, kidney beans, avocados and Brussels sprouts.
8. Not Enough Fresh Foods and Veggies
If you're someone who leans towards buying a lot of canned fruits and vegetables, make sure that they are packed in their own juices instead of syrup or brine. And even when they are "in their own stuff", still purchase them sparingly (if you can) because canned foods can sometimes have a bacteria known as Clostridium botulinum which can cause botulism which is a very serious type of illness. Besides, when it comes to fruits and vegetables, fresh really is always best. That's the best way to get the most nutrients, fiber and even water from those kinds of foods. Plus, since fruits and veggies are loaded with antioxidants and those are the compounds that help to strengthen your immune system, fight off free radicals and aid in suppressing bacteria, viruses and inflammation, definitely an apple (and some spinach) a day can help to keep the doctor away (by the way, if you want to store up on produce yet you don't know how to increase its shelf life, check out "12 Ways To Make Produce Last Longer").
A Hack for Getting More Fruits and Veggies into Your System: The main point to keep in mind here is that it's best to purchase fresh fruits and vegetables when they are in season because that's when you can get the most vitamins and minerals out of them. Some guides that will help to point you into the right direction are located here, here and here.
9. Not Enough Water
When you get a chance, check out "10 Overlooked Signs That You're Dehydrated". Since your body is made up of over 60 percent water, of course, you need to consume a consistent amount of it in order for your body to function, just as it should. As it directly relates to your immune system, not getting enough water can prevent toxins from flushing out of your body. Plus, water helps to bring oxygen to all of your cells which ultimately supports and strengthens your organs. It really is one of the simplest and most profound ways to benefit your immunity, long-term.
A Hack for Getting More Water into Your System: If water is so not your thing, I get it. Try making some of your own infused water (Taste of Home has several recipes that you can try here) or drinking some sparkling water with a few drops of lemon, lime or your favorite fruit juice in it. Both options can make water less boring which makes it so much easier to consume.
10. Fast Food
I don't know if anything expresses the reason why "haste makes waste" is so true more than fast food does. In fact, it's so unhealthy that I wrote an entire piece on why a couple of years ago entitled, "Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone". Since the piece breaks down several reasons why fast food works against rather than for your immune system, for now I'll just say that a huge problem with it is it's got so much of what this article says is not good for you in it. So, while sitting in a drive-thru might initially seem convenient and maybe even delicious, if you're trying to boost your immunity, the "less is more" approach really is the right one to take.
A Hack for Eating Less Fast Food: A lot of you are probably going to roll your eyes yet that doesn't make what I'm about to say any less true. If you want to eat less fast food, cook more often. It's healthier, it's cheaper (in the long run) and it's definitely a great and truly effective way to show your immune system some love. I'll even help you out with a few cooking tips. Check out "10 Hacks That Can Make Cooking Easier (If You Hate To Cook)", "15 Ways To 'Prep & Eat' Foods Differently Than You Currently Do" and "Who Knew? 15 Foods You've Been Eating (Or Preparing) The 'Wrong' Way." Enjoy!
For more wellness, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
‘Found’ Star Shanola Hampton Spent $532 On Her Wedding. 6 Reasons Why That’s Beyond Bomb.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend asked me to name a female celebrity who I personally found to be physically beautiful. Although it took me a second to run through my mental Rolodex, two people who came to my mind were actorsJavicia Leslie (who I first “stumbled upon” via the series Chef Julian) and Shanola Hampton.
As far as Shanola goes, I was first introduced to her via the independent film Things Never Said(which also starred Omari Hardwick). Anyway, it’s always so cool to watch people evolve in their respective fields and Shanola has definitely become a household name thanks to the role that she currently plays inthe NBC seriesFound.
And y’all, my fondness for her certainly went up a few notches after I peeped a few things that she recently shared ina PEOPLE interview. In 2025, she will have been married to her beloved for 25 years (salute!). As she was talking about their wedding day, she shared that they eloped in Las Vegas, that it only cost them $532, that she wore a thrift store dress and “Erykah Badu headwrap” and that she only has one regret.
Because they were “too broke” at the time to afford a full elopement package, they didn’t get a videotape of her nuptials (they do have pics, though). She also said that a big part of the reason for the regret is because she adored her husband, Daren’s vows: “Gosh, if we could only have seen what it was going to be...” INDEED.
As a marriage life coach, something else that I appreciated about the article is when she said, “Yes, you learn and grow and evolve. But you don't change each other by marrying each other." Lawd, if more people really got that, less folks would end up in divorce court (check out “The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You”).
However, the main reason why I’m using Shanola’s words of wisdom as the intro for this piece is because I know far too many couples who either keep putting off wedding plans to save thousands of dollars for a ceremony or they are far too stressed out because they think a big wedding is something that absolutely must be done.
Well, between what you just read and what you’re about to read, here’s hoping that you’ll realize (and accept) that there are all kinds of benefits that come from taking the “less is more” approach — yes, even when it comes to wedding days.
First, the Difference Between a Micro-Wedding and Eloping
GiphyI promise you that I don’t get why so many folks damn near hyperventilate whenever they hear “small wedding” (or micro-wedding which is apparently the popular term right through here). It’s like they are automatically wired to think that means making some wack concessions or that they automatically have to elope. Well, before getting into some actual facts that come from taking the minimalist approach to one’s nuptials, let me just say that just because you don’t end up having 500 people on your wedding guest list or three choices of cuisine at your reception, that doesn’t mean that you have to end up at the courthouse in a pair of sweats.
For one thing, treat yourself to TikTok and put “Black elopements” in the search field. Yes, even if you do elope, you can still dress to the nines (or 12s because you don’t have to spend as much money as you would on a wedding), it can be at another location (like a beach or even a church) and then you have the rest of the day to do whatever you want: post up in a swanky hotel, fly some place that requires a passport stamp for your honeymoon — whatever. And, since you’re eloping, you and your bae can be totally off the grid the entire time.
However, a micro-wedding is a bit different. Basically, it’s what happens when you do pretty much everything that you wanted to do for your wedding only, it’s with a guest list of 50 people or less. And I’m pretty sure you can see the immediate benefit that comes with taking that approach: you’re able to save money — and y’all, since reportedly a whopping 56 percent of couples went into debt just from their wedding alone and financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce, well, yeah, don’t diss a micro-wedding. It definitely has its perks.
Okay, but there are other researched and fact-based reasons why it can be a wise move to go smaller as far as weddings are concerned. Here are just six of ‘em.
1. Expensive Rings (Oftentimes) Predict Shorter Marriages
GiphySome of y’all may remember the student last year who went viral on TikTok and then became a news story thanks to his under-twenty-bucks device that let teachers at his school know if their engagement/wedding ring was the real deal or not (chile). Hmph, all it did was remind me of the De Beers origin story of engagement rings and how I will continue to share it until each and every cow comes home. Basically, the company was going broke, it came up with the slogan “a diamond is forever” and folks have been drinking the Kool-Aid ever since. SMDH. And what’s really wild is while people actually think that saving up three months of a salary is a sign of one’s everlasting love, there are articles out in cyberspace with titles like “Why an Expensive Ring May Predict a Short Marriage.”
In this one, it features a study that said the people who spend somewhere between $2,000-$,4,000 have a higher chance of divorcing. The reason? Eh, I’d venture to say that it’s probably not so much about the ring itself but the motive behind why someone wants a really expensive one, how realistic their expectations are about marriage and their financial future, and if they want to be a wife or just a bride — and yes, there is a really big difference, chile (check out “Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?”). Not to mention the stress that the groom-to-be may have experienced to make the sacrifice (especially if it was above his means). Either way, take note.
2. Smaller Weddings Can Be Exquisitely Intimate
GiphyI have a little love sister who has been engaged for over three years now. Y’all, it can’t be said enough that the purpose of being engaged is to plan your wedding — literally that is what the time is for. Know what else needs to be reiterated? The fact that some studies say that the longer you’re engaged, the more likely you are to divorce. One study gets even more specific than that. It says that if you’ve been engaged for more than 27 months, the intimacy between you and your partner will suffer during its newlywed years and yes, it could lead to a serious breakdown in the relationship.
That’s why I’ve been telling her that instead of her and her fiancé damn near killing themselves to pay for an over-the-top wedding, they can have a smaller one — one that is more intimate and can be just as beautiful. If you don’t believe me, check out Brides' “40 Small Wedding Ideas for an Intimate Affair” piece. Personally, I’ve always liked the idea of renting out a really nice vacation house and having loved ones all stay together while getting married at the same location.
Sometimes big weddings are so big that a lot of the “closeness” is lost and certain moments are a complete blur. With a smaller wedding, the chances of these things transpiring end up dropping…significantly so.
3. The Planning Process Is Far Less Stressful
GiphyI’m telling you, when it comes to this topic, the facts just keep on coming. Boy, there is nothing like working withan engaged couple while they are planning their wedding — if that doesn’t reveal some things about what their relationship is actually made of, nothing will. Hey, but you don’t have to take my word for it.
A few years back, Business Insider published an article entitled, “Wedding planners reveal the 10 biggest red flags that a couple won't make it.” One of the things that it said was, “From unrealistic budgets to family conflicts, there are multiple problems that can arise during the wedding-planning process that can create rifts in a marriage or even lead to divorce.”
Yeah, they ain’t neva lied because if you don’t know how to keep your emotions in check, how to negotiate, how to set boundaries with family members and friends (bookmark that one), and how to compartmentalize your wedding with the rest of your relationship — you shouldn’t ignore that; it’s actually showing you something about your dynamic that you should address prior to jumping any broom.
Anyway, the main moral to the story when it comes to this one is if your wedding is small(er), there is less to plan…and if there is less stress, then your relationship won’t end up having to endure so much pressure. #justsaying
4. Less Folks? Less People to Please.
GiphyAh yes, the bookmark. Listen, if you are a bona fide people-pleaser (check out “How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser & Start Doing You”), the wedding planning process is going to test you in ways that you’ve never been tested before! This will especially be the case if you have some pretty poor boundaries with your loved ones (and/or perhaps his) to begin with. It’s another message for another time that you really need to involve people in the planning process who know that it’s you and your fiancé’s day (NOT JUST YOURS), that they should just be supportive and encouraging (not demanding and entitled) and it only needs to consist of who will make it be about your needs over their wishes.
For now, I’ll just say that when your wedding and guest list are smaller, there are far less people to, well, please. And again, if you are a people-pleaser (or a people-pleaser in recovery) that can really take a load off.
5. Cheaper Weddings Lead to Happier Marriages. Science Says So.
GiphySo, about a decade ago, CNN published the article, “Want a happy marriage? Have a big, cheap wedding.” The gist of it simply stated that “a new study found that couples who spend less on their wedding tend to have longer-lasting marriages than those who splurge.” The first thing that comes to my mind on this one is simply, that some people marry people and others “marry” weddings. Now does this mean that every couple who has an opulent wedding day is shallow and superficial or that they are getting married for the wrong reasons? Of course not. For one thing, some folks can afford to have an expensive wedding (meaning, it won’t put them into debt to have one).
Plus, having extravagant taste doesn’t mean that someone’s love isn’t real. AT THE SAME TIME, THOUGH, having a big wedding thinking that it proves something? It really proves nothing as far as the foundation of a healthy marriage is concerned. Yeah, my biggest takeaway from this point is when you just want to start the “becoming one” process with the man who you love, the price tag really doesn’t matter. They way it should be.
6. Finances Can Go Elsewhere
GiphyLast year, CNBC published the article, “Gen Z, millennial couples say it’s too expensive to get married in this economy.” Boy, and if this doesn’t prove the ultimate point that I’ve been trying to make this entire time, nothing will. Y’all, when you really want to be with your “one”, who cares about how beaded a dress is, how expensive a venue should be or how tall a cake looks — and so, why should you wait damn near forever until you can pay for all of those things? A party is nothing compared to a lifetime partner. That said, STAY FOCUSED.
Besides, all of those thousands that you saved by not having a big wedding can go to things like a downpayment on a house, a really long international honeymoon, a new car, a savings account for your future children, a retirement account — the possibilities really are endless and all of them can help your marriage to have a more solid footing.
____
So, if you initially read the title of this and low-key got cynical, maybe now you get just how “onto something” Shanola and her husband — again of almost 25 years — actually were. Smaller, less expensive weddings can be absolutely priceless. For all sorts of reasons. As you just read.
Again, salute to them and, if you are (currently) engaged, wise wedding planning wishes to you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images