

While it's important that we're always proactive about taking care of our immune system, if there is any time of year when we tend to think about it more than usual, it's right when the fall season arrives. Cold weather has something to do with it. Cold and flu cases spiking have something to do with it. Wanting to make sure that we stay well enough so that we can enjoy some holiday time off probably plays a role in it too. And while things like rest, exercise and not smoking all help to keep our immune system healthy and strong, it's important to know how much diet plays a part in all of this too.
So, in the spirit of making sure that you keep as much bacteria and fungi and as many parasites and viruses from invading your system in the upcoming months, here are 10 eating habits that could play a role in actually weakening your immune system, if you're not careful.
1. Sugar
Wanna hear something crazy? Although men are only supposed to consume somewhere around nine teaspoons of sugar each day and we are to eat no more than about six, the average person takes in a whopping 22 teaspoons which is roughly 350 more calories more than we need. Yes, it's a given that too much sugar can cause you to gain weight and potentially trigger diabetes; however, a lot of sugar in your system can also lead to heart disease; high blood pressure and cholesterol; liver disease; cavities; poor sleeping patterns; low energy levels; mood swings and bodily inflammation. And while inflammation is actually your immune system's way of responding to infections or injury, I'm pretty sure you can see how your body being in a constant state of inflammation can actually weaken your immunity over time (check out "Ever Wonder If You've Got A Low-Key Sugar Addiction?"). That's why it's important to avoid the kind of things that could cause this to happen — sugar is one of them.
A Hack for Eating Less Sugar: Eat more "healthy fat" foods like avocados, nuts, salmon, eggs and olive oil. They will help to replace excess sugar in your body. They can also keep you feeling full longer so that you can avoid random sugar cravings more easily.
2. Salt
It probably comes at little surprise to you that another thing that we tend to overdo is our sodium intake. While reportedly we're only supposed to take in somewhere around less than 2,300 mg of it each day (which is roughly just a teaspoon of salt), most of us are sitting at around 3,400 mg, if not more. Although sodium is a nutrient that helps our nerves and muscles to function properly as it also aids in balancing the fluids in our system, too much of it can result in frequent headaches; constant urination; high blood pressure; stomach ulcers; bloating; constipation and inflammation. Not only that but some health experts believe that a lot of sodium can also slow down how your immune system responds to issues within your gut; since 80 percent of your immune system is housed there (check out "80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This."), well, that can't possibly be good.
A Hack for Eating Less Sodium: Flavor more of your homemade meals with citrus fruits and fresh herbs. The fruits will offer a sweet-n-sour tang that will make the desire for salt less necessary. Herbs typically make dishes taste "richer" so that extra sodium is not required.
3. Fried Foods
I've been living in the South for most of my life, so fried foods are like the unofficial state flower here or something. Still, it's something that has to be consumed with complete moderation because fried chicken, fried fish, French fries — anything that was prepared by frying it in oil — has a way of clogging arteries, packing on pounds and even causing cancer.
As far as your immunity goes, fried foods are loaded with molecules that are known as advanced glycation end products (AGEs). When these get too high, they can trigger inflammation and damage your body's cells as well. Not only that but a lot of fried foods have an additive in them called tert-butylhydroquinone (tBHQ). If you've got a flu and you're trying to fight it, this additive can actually weaken your immunity; that makes getting over this kind of virus so much harder to do.
A Hack for Eating Less Fried Foods: This one may be obvious but the healthy alternative to frying your foods is to bake them. Or shoot, even using an air fryer. There's less trans fat (something that is hard for your body to break down and can lead to health-related issues such as heart disease and diabetes) that will go into your system, plus you'll be taking in less oil by going these routes too.
4. Emulsifiers
OK. So, what the heck are emulsifiers? Probably the easiest way to describe them (at least as far as food is concerned) is they're chemical additives that make it possible for one kind of liquid to suspend itself in another. Examples of this would be foods like ice cream, margarine, salad dressing, shortening and even processed almond milk. The reason why these can pose a potential threat to your immune system is they have the ability to damage your intestinal barrier which can lead to inflammation and even cause a chronic disease diagnosis over time. Emulsifiers can also reduce the amount of "good bacteria" that's in your gut; when that happens, it's easier to experience an upset stomach, sleep issues, bloating, a yeast infection, low energy and other health-related concerns.
A Hack for Eating Less Emulsifiers: The way to eat less additives is to consume more fresh foods. Homemade smoothies instead of ice cream; butter instead of margarine; olive oil and herbs instead of salad dressing; coconut oil instead of shortening and oat milk instead of almond milk (because some of the best brands of oat milk are only made up of oats and water). By the way, when it comes to milk and milk alternatives, one of the best ways to avoid emulsifiers altogether is to look for "carrageenan" on the label. If that is mentioned, pass on it. That's a clear sign that there are some emulsifiers in the product.
5. High-Refined Carbs
Stuff that is generally categorized as being "white foods"? Yeah, your immune system doesn't need a lot of those. White bread, white rice, white pasta, pastries and a lot of pizza dough are examples of foods that have been processed to the point where very little nutrients are in them. As a result, those carbs can quickly turn to sugar in your system which results in a spiked blood sugar level, potential inflammation and more free radicals floating around. This ultimately leads to oxidative stress which can result in heart disease and even various forms of cancer, not to mention the many things that sugar can do which we've already explored.
A Hack for Eating Less Refined Carbs: In short, when it comes to the white stuff, a good alternative are foods that are made with whole grains like whole grain flour, bread and brown rice. They've got all parts of the grain seed in them — endosperm, germ, and bran — which makes eating whole grains so much healthier for you.
6. Not Enough Vitamin D
Did you know that 42 percent of the population is considered to be Vitamin D deficient? That sucks because Vitamin D is the nutrient that boosts weight loss; reduces depression-related symptoms; strengthens bones and muscles; treats hypertension; helps to prevent type 2 diabetes; fights heart disease and the flu and also helps to fight viral infections such as the flu and even coronavirus while keeping inflammation down.
So, if you're not spending at least 30 minutes outdoors on the daily (you know, so that you can get some Vitamin D from the sun) or taking a supplement with Vitamin D in it, make sure that you're intentional about eating more foods that are filled with it.
A Hack for Getting More Vitamin D into Your System: If you're concerned about whether or not you're getting enough Vitamin D into your body, next time that you go grocery shopping, be sure to get some mushrooms, eggs, orange juice, rice or coconut milk, fortified yogurt, salmon and tuna. All are high in this particular nutrient.
7. Not Enough Omega-3
OK, so here are some pretty clear signs that you don't have enough omega-3 in your system — your skin hair and nails are dry and brittle; you have trouble getting or staying asleep; you experience joint pain or leg cramps; you've got a lot of earwax; your allergy-related symptoms are flaring up; you're having a lot bleeding and/or blood clotting during your period or your immune system is basically shot to hell. Yep, another thing that can weaken your immunity is not eating more omega-3s (fatty acids that are considered to be "good fats") because they actually have anti-inflammatory properties in them that are able to strengthen your immune cells. So definitely be intentional about eating foods that contain lots of those (or that you take an omega-3 supplement) more often.
A Hack for Getting More Omega-3 into Your System: Foods that have a lot of omega-3 in them include basically any kind of fish or seafood, chia seeds, walnuts, seaweed, kidney beans, avocados and Brussels sprouts.
8. Not Enough Fresh Foods and Veggies
If you're someone who leans towards buying a lot of canned fruits and vegetables, make sure that they are packed in their own juices instead of syrup or brine. And even when they are "in their own stuff", still purchase them sparingly (if you can) because canned foods can sometimes have a bacteria known as Clostridium botulinum which can cause botulism which is a very serious type of illness. Besides, when it comes to fruits and vegetables, fresh really is always best. That's the best way to get the most nutrients, fiber and even water from those kinds of foods. Plus, since fruits and veggies are loaded with antioxidants and those are the compounds that help to strengthen your immune system, fight off free radicals and aid in suppressing bacteria, viruses and inflammation, definitely an apple (and some spinach) a day can help to keep the doctor away (by the way, if you want to store up on produce yet you don't know how to increase its shelf life, check out "12 Ways To Make Produce Last Longer").
A Hack for Getting More Fruits and Veggies into Your System: The main point to keep in mind here is that it's best to purchase fresh fruits and vegetables when they are in season because that's when you can get the most vitamins and minerals out of them. Some guides that will help to point you into the right direction are located here, here and here.
9. Not Enough Water
When you get a chance, check out "10 Overlooked Signs That You're Dehydrated". Since your body is made up of over 60 percent water, of course, you need to consume a consistent amount of it in order for your body to function, just as it should. As it directly relates to your immune system, not getting enough water can prevent toxins from flushing out of your body. Plus, water helps to bring oxygen to all of your cells which ultimately supports and strengthens your organs. It really is one of the simplest and most profound ways to benefit your immunity, long-term.
A Hack for Getting More Water into Your System: If water is so not your thing, I get it. Try making some of your own infused water (Taste of Home has several recipes that you can try here) or drinking some sparkling water with a few drops of lemon, lime or your favorite fruit juice in it. Both options can make water less boring which makes it so much easier to consume.
10. Fast Food
I don't know if anything expresses the reason why "haste makes waste" is so true more than fast food does. In fact, it's so unhealthy that I wrote an entire piece on why a couple of years ago entitled, "Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone". Since the piece breaks down several reasons why fast food works against rather than for your immune system, for now I'll just say that a huge problem with it is it's got so much of what this article says is not good for you in it. So, while sitting in a drive-thru might initially seem convenient and maybe even delicious, if you're trying to boost your immunity, the "less is more" approach really is the right one to take.
A Hack for Eating Less Fast Food: A lot of you are probably going to roll your eyes yet that doesn't make what I'm about to say any less true. If you want to eat less fast food, cook more often. It's healthier, it's cheaper (in the long run) and it's definitely a great and truly effective way to show your immune system some love. I'll even help you out with a few cooking tips. Check out "10 Hacks That Can Make Cooking Easier (If You Hate To Cook)", "15 Ways To 'Prep & Eat' Foods Differently Than You Currently Do" and "Who Knew? 15 Foods You've Been Eating (Or Preparing) The 'Wrong' Way." Enjoy!
For more wellness, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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