While it’s become popular to ask the question, "Why do people like Beyoncé’s music?" I’ve always wondered why some people don’t. With a catalog nearly 30 years deep, a distinctive voice so exquisitely mastered that it is as fluid as it is dextrous, a master of mystique and musical reinvention, countless awards for her craft, and the uncanny ability to surprise and awe, the reason behind her longevity in her decades-spanning career should be obvious.
When I think about Beyoncé and her music, there’s no question that she is the reigning Queen of Pop (if you disagree, argue wit yo mama). However, for me, and other Beyoncé fans alike, the love for the icon’s music goes far beyond that title, the accolades, and the global reach it brings. It’s the passion, the relentless drive that undercuts her strive to push past previous iterations of herself as an artist, her dedication to curating classic bodies of work that rival meme-able earworms on today’s music charts, and the “That Girl” energy she can’t help but emit in everything she touches.
I don’t care what anyone says, there is an innate confidence that washes over you the instant you play a Beyoncé song.
Whether you’re channeling your female rage ("Don't Hurt Yourself"), celebrating the unapologetic love of your Blackness ("BLACK PARADE"), kissing the scars from a cruel world that sought to turn you cold ("MY POWER"), twerking just because ("ENERGY"), making love to the person in your world who makes you see stars ("Rocket"), conveying the love you have as a mother to your daughter ("PROTECTOR"), learning to forgive who you once were in the face of love ("Resentment"), or you just want to feel yourself ("Diva") - Beyoncé has quite literally has a song to bless your eardrums and your spirit with.
No matter the track, you feel her and whatever the vocalist is trying to convey. Full stop. Even if her sonic explorations into the forays of country, Afrobeats, disco, house, trap, pop, and R&B still have you puzzled about why girls love Beyoncé, put some respect on her name today and every day.
In honor of Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter’s 43rd lap around the sun, some members of the xoNecole team take a beat to show love to a woman whose love for music has touched something within us all.
An introduction to Bey:
"I was in my early teens when I knew I loved Destiny's Child, but my favorites back then were LeToya (Luckett) and Kelly (Rowland). I could relate to their unique style and sassiness the most at that age. (I had the Kelly haircut back then and rocked it to my prom). After Beyoncé went solo in 2003, it wasn't until the Dangerously in Love album that I'd truly fall in love with her voice and artistry. I had the CD and played it until it would skip due to the scratches from it being on repeat too much.
"The cover reminded me of one of my favorite icons, Diana Ross, and when it debuted, that was a time of heartbreak for me. I really needed songs like 'Me, Myself and I,' 'Gift From Virgo,' and 'Signs' (with one of my all-time faves, Missy Elliott). The harmonies, the riffs, and the videos were everything. It's still my favorite album of hers to date."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"For me, Beyoncé's musical journey represents an empowered one of progression and self-actualization. I've been around since the days of Girls Tyme, so I saw her go from kiddie on the come-up, to playing the background with that big voice as part of Destiny's Child, to the powerhouse actress, entrepreneur, culture-shifter, mom, and global iconic brand she is today. She has really unapologetically grown into her womanhood and unique God-given purpose---both via the music and in the bits of her personal life she shares---right in front of us.
"She seems to be savvy in owning her narrative and not letting anybody tell her who she is, even as a multimillion-dollar brand with a lot at stake. That's revolutionary. I like that she uses her celebrity to do good---though it can get a bit contentious and dangerous due to the machine that is the superfan element among her fan base. Overall, for me, she represents what can be manifested through resilient hard work, full expression and development of self, strategy, and Black excellence."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "Drunk in Love"
"Drunk In Love," from Beyoncé:
"In mid-December 2013, Beyoncé surprised everyone with a striking and provocative social media marketing campaign for the album. The campaign was ahead of its time and has become a 'norm' nowadays, but she and her team were pioneers, of sorts. My 'drunk in love' early-January birthday weekend the following year included a beach, a few casinos, and more than a few wild public 'surfboard' nights with my guy at the time, a Brooklyn dude who I still chuckle about whenever I hear the song today.
"The DJs were still playing it on repeat around that time, and the song would shut the clubs down, especially if you'd had one too many glasses of Nuvo (remember that pink sparkling liqueur?! Ha!), D'usse, Dom, or that Hpnotiq-Henny combo. There are probably many saucy-sex babies conceived off of this song."
2. "BREAK MY SOUL"
"Break My Soul" from Renaissance:
"I adore that this powerfully liberating song features Big Freedia and a bounce culture I've loved for years. I also love the empowering lyrics, especially in these post-pandemic days where it just seems like everyone is stressed out, embracing doom mentalities, and forgetting that life is indeed a privilege and we should be empowered by that God-given privilege to take charge of our own joy, build our own tables, and go for our dreams in a way that is radically courageous and hopeful.
"She sings, 'I'm looking for motivation, and I'm on that new vibration. I'm building my own foundation,' while Big Freedia repeats 'Release ya anger, release ya mind... release ya love, forget the rest.'"
3. "Me, Myself and I"
"Me, Myself and I" from Dangerously in Love:
"I'd always lean on this song in hard times, especially when I felt very alone. I'd replace the word 'I' with 'God' and it really got me through some dark times in my life. The simple but self-affirming lyrics and her bold voice on this track make it an all-time winner for me that's timeless."
THE Beyoncé that changed everything:
"B'Day, her second solo album, is a soundtrack of life-changing memories for me. It was released the summer of 2006, and at that time, I'd just officially moved to New York full-time to advance my career after working at a small New York Times Co. publication in the South. I'd moved to New York with only my car and clothes and didn't really have a confirmed job at the time. A former friend's mom let me sleep on a blow-up bed in a tiny guest room that she was using for storage at the time, and by God's grace and the recommendations of a mentor, I actually landed a job at The New York Times shortly after.
"I started making a nice amount of money after that and would blow it on bottle service, parking tickets, and clothes! Ha! It was an exciting time both for New York entertainment and media culture, and for my personal life as a 20-something living and working there. That whole album features songs associated with my first New York City job, spending many of my after-work hours at rooftop parties, industry events, on dates in bars and over-indulging in VIP sections at Meatpacking District clubs, my first big-girl post-college situationships, my relocations all over New York (from the Bronx to Harlem, and finally to Brooklyn), and the new groups of friends I made that were a mix of born-and-raised New Yorkers and transplants."
What Beyoncé's journey has taught her:
"I think that Beyoncé's journey just inspires me to keep taking every day, one by one, to thrive in my lane, to unapologetically hold dear things private, and to mature more into fulfilling God's purpose for my adult life. I think her journey---the bit that she has shown us publicly--is simply empowerment in using whatever talent you have to fulfill the ultimate parameters of purpose in whatever multifaceted ways you can. Live life with boldness and purpose."
Chantal Gainous
Client Services & Campaign Manager, xoNecole
An introduction to Bey:
"I was definitely there from the start. Destiny's Child's 'Survivor' running on MTV/VH1 every morning before school was definitely a huge moment for me. It was 6 a.m. and I was trying to nail down those moves! She was 'that girl' then and she's still 'that girl' now."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"It's a direct result of hard work. Every body of work she has gifted us with is laced with inspiration and motivation. Whenever I'm trying to hype myself up - I think of what Beyoncé album could get me there."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "Smash Into You"
"Smash Into You" from I Am... Sasha Fierce:
"We still don't give I Am... Sasha Fierce enough credit!"
2. "Upgrade U"
"Upgrade U" from B'Day:
"A classic!"
3. "ALIEN SUPERSTAR"
"ALIEN SUPERSTAR" from Renaissance:
"THE ONLY ONE!"
"It would have to be Beyoncé self-titled [Beyoncé]. I always find myself going back to that album - it motivated me to get work done, it's helped pick me off the floor when I'm in a puddle of tears, I sing it with my girlfriends - there's a song for every moment of life on that album."
What Beyoncé's journey has taught her:
"Never think there isn't a new part of yourself you can't explore."
London Whitson
Contributing Editor, xoNecole
Her introduction to Bey:
"I was first introduced to Beyoncé when she was in Destiny's Child. My first memory of her was through their song 'No, No, No Pt. 2,' which I would listen to all the time."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"Beyoncé is such a powerful figure in music and also as a woman. She is a great representation of everything we can be: powerful, sexy, beautiful, smart, creative, and more."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "Drunk in Love"
"Drunk in Love," from Beyoncé:
"'Drunk in Love' is such a fun, sexy song and arguably one of her best songs."
2. "I Care"
"I Care," from 4:
"'I Care,' especially the Homecoming: The Live version is such a beautiful and emotional song that always gives me all the feels."
3. "Dangerously in Love 2"
"Dangerously in Love 2" from Dangerously in Love:
"'Dangerously in Love 2'" is a Beyoncé classic, so I had to include it."
THE Beyoncé album that changed everything:
"I will have to say B'Day was the album that did it for me. I've always felt like that era was quintessential Beyoncé, and it was the soundtrack to my 10th grade."
What Beyonce's journey has taught her:
"A lesson I've learned from Beyoncé is that we are unstoppable, limitless, and can create all that we can imagine."
An introduction to Bey:
"Definitely Destiny's Child. From the vocals to her center position to the signature blonde hair, I was just entranced with her from minute one. The first album I ever heard by them was The Writing's on the Wall and I was a fan from that point on. As kids in summer camp, my friends and I even did a performance where we created choreography for 'Say My Name.' I was Kelly (Rowland). I think I was 10 or 11. I have been a self-proclaimed Beyoncé enthusiast ever since."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"Oh, wow. The layers. I can tap into my most powerful self whenever I listen to Beyonce. Her music has been transformative for me in many ways. I have been able to literally grow with her over the years and it has been beautiful to see her growth as an artist. I've seen her become more sure of herself, her become more herself with each album, and I feel that in her music and what she chooses to say in her projects. Her music acts as an anthem for me and the multifaceted woman I want to be, but also the fullness of who I want to be.
"She transports me into different emotions, and when I am not feeling like myself, I turn something of hers on and am instantly reminded of this personal power that is always accessible to me at my fingertips. I can be so many things. I can do so many things. Her music reminds me of the magic of living and loving loudly for its highs and its lows. Different albums of hers have acted as soundtracks of different seasons of my life."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "FIND YOUR WAY BACK"
"FIND YOUR WAY BACK" from The Lion King: The Gift:
"Y'all, if there is one Beyoncé song that has seen its fair share of replay, it's 'FIND YOUR WAY BACK.' The message that resounds for me is that you are never lost, even when you think you are, you are finding your way, and because you're finding your way, you are where you're supposed to be. I know it's about Simba and The Lion King, and more specifically Black Is King, but how could that message not find me?
"Whenever I am in a state of overwhelm or uncertainty, or having a bad day and I feel like, 'Where do I begin?' Turning on this song, swaying my hips, and singing this song like a mantra feels like I'm grounded again. It puts me back into my body, and back into a state of knowing that I'll always find my way."
2. "Love Drought"
"Love Drought" from LEMONADE:
"Those first few seconds get me every single time. It's such a dreamy and airy listen. Honestly, the song as a whole reminds me of how delicate of a thing vulnerability is but also how powerful. To me, the song is about a relationship on the rocks and she is trying to bend without breaking while her lover does the same. She pleads for them to help her end the 'love drought' so that their love can heal.
"'All the loving I've been giving goes unnoticed, it's just floating in the air,' the lyrics are so beautiful in their simplicity but are somehow able to capture so much. Her vocal choices in the song makes them hit that much more. This song is one of my all-time favorites by her."
3. "FLAMENCO"
"FLAMENCO" from COWBOY CARTER:
"The harmonies! From the very start, the harmonies that start the song off pull you in. I loved a lot about COWBOY CARTER but by the time I got to this track, it was just something special about how haunting it sounds. I had to stop whatever I was doing to allow myself to fully take it in. I am not sure of its meaning, but I think it is a song about the sometimes heavy yet always ephemeral nature of life. This lyric 'I hope that God knows that I'm in need of help right now' feels like a call to that fact.
"And when she goes off at the end with her runs? The melody, the lyricism, I was blown away and continue to be whenever I hear it. At one minute, 40 seconds, it feels criminally short, but I also think that's what's really sweet about this listen."
THE Beyoncé album that changed everything:
"4. As far as I'm concerned, 4 is one of Beyoncé's most slept-on albums to date, but that's okay because I love it. I think this album shifted how I felt about her as an artist. Even though I loved her singles as a solo artist for years predating 4, I never revisited them to listen from beginning to end like I did with this one. I know we had 'Love On Top' and 'Countdown,' but there are truly so many gems like 'I Care,' 'I Miss You' and one of my all-time Beyoncé favorites, 'End of Time.'
"It grew my appreciation for her as an album artist. I love that she had a certain vision for an R&B album and she stuck to it. I feel like I've seen her dedication to crafting bodies of work as a throughline in much of her later work but 4 was that introduction for me. Also, if you haven't seen her perform this while pregnant with baby Blue at her Live at Roseland: Elements of 4 concert, you haven't lived."
What Beyoncé's journey has taught her:
"Don't let other people's comfort level dictate the life you see for yourself. If you can see it, you can be it. Sometimes even if you can't see it, you can be it. Dare to take up space as a Black woman and as a creative. Dare to be more yourself."
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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