“I’m an artist, and I’m sensitive about my shit!” Erykah Badu said on stage during her “Unfollow Me” tour before performing a song she said she’s been working on.
The song, which sounded like a freestyle, touched on Erykah’s thoughts and feelings on different topics relating to her, including her personal life. As she sings about having kids with three different men, in the same sultry tone, she lets it be known that she’s tired of being asked about it in interviews.
But that’s what we love about the legendary neo-soul artist. Her realness, unconventional style, soulful voice, and humor. I attended the “Unfollow Me” tour stop in Atlanta and was quickly transported back to the ‘90s but with an afro-futuristic flair. Before Erykah took the stage, she was preceded by Tobe Nwigwe and Yasin Bey (Mos Def), who each performed their own sets.
But when the “Tyrone” songstress graced the stage, a shift happened in the room. In true Erykah Badu fashion, the Grammy award-winning icon wore her signature heightened boulder hat, near-floor length braids, and knitted thigh-high boots that moved when she walked.
Her arrival could be described as an alien landing on Earth. Lights flashed as she descended on the stage with slow movements as if she was examining the world around her. The sound of each footstep mimicked something of a robot as she walked across the stage.
Finally, it was time to perform. The Texas native immediately jumped into her bag of hits performing “On & On,” “Bag Lady,” “Next Lifetime,” “Love of My Life (An Ode to Hip Hop,)” and many more. While performing songs from the album that started it all, Baduizm, Erykah reflected on being pregnant with her first child, Seven, during that time and making the album for him and all the ‘90s babies. As a ‘90s baby, I especially connected to that moment because it made me realize that I grew up listening to her music, and I still go back and listen to that album.
Photo courtesy of Tony Krash
Toward the end of her show, she publicly declared her love for The Woman King actor John Boyega, and to everyone's surprise, he joined her on stage. The “Honey” singer was stunned and had to pause from singing the last song of the night, “Tyrone.” However, he joined in singing with her, and as he was walking off the stage, she sarcastically told him to wait for her on the bus and “make sure you roll one up for me.”
After the show, select people, including contest winners, media, and others, got the opportunity to attend a private fireside chat with Erykah. The mother of three was sitting down and was surrounded by her fans, and one by one, she was answering questions. It was a sweet moment as people asked her a variety of questions, from how to get started in the music industry to her career as a doula. The beloved artist answered each question thoughtfully, and it only further proved why she is adored.
Being a fan of Erykah since I was a little girl, I was excited to finally see her perform, and the fireside chat was the icing on the cake. Make sure to check out the “Unfollow Me” tour when it hits your city.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy of Tony Krash
RELATED
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images
