Is It Possible To Be Best Friends With An Ex? Erykah Badu Says 'Yes'
Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 (Andre Benjamin) are synonymous to many things: grade-A co-parents. [Ex] Lovers and friends.
They're each equally as precious and necessary to black culture as the other, with eventually back in the day, linking up and having one of the most famous love affairs in 90s Hip-Hop. And recently, their relationship was carefully described as so much more.
Because according to Badu, her and the Outkast rapper are best friends.
In a Rolling Stone interview with Summer Walker, Badu addressed the current state of their relationship:
"He just left Dallas, actually. He came down for my grandma's memorial. He's one of my best friends on the planet. I care for him so very much, about his livelihood, his art, his feelings. And I'm a super big fan of him. I'm assuming he's also a fan of my music. We're really close."
She went on to add that their relationship fits any dynamic or anything that life throws their way.
"We laugh all the time, talk about things. It's brother and sister, it's grandmother and grandson, it's father and daughter. It's so many different things depending on what the situation calls for."
All to which Summer Walker called "beautiful".
Since their initial relationship, Badu and Andre have had a son, Seven, 23, who is famously damn near identical to his dad. They've featured the other in their music, and publicly shouted each other (and their love) out on various platforms. From Andre infamously referencing their breakup in "Ms. Jackson", to Badu joining Outkast on stage and exclaiming, "That's my baby daddy!"
She even wished him a happy birthday on Instagram with the caption:
"Glad you were born, friend.
5/27/1200bc THIS IS SPARTA!!!! Lol HBD 3. ...❤️badu"
Badu continued on about their relationship:
"He's one of the most caring people that I know. [Our son] Seven adopted this same energy from him. They both have this look on their face as if they're saying, 'I hope it works for you.' No matter what it is. They're nonjudgmental people. We respect each other's art. We're snobs when it comes to art and literature, but I never hear him putting people down at all. He gives everything the benefit of the doubt and consideration. He wants it to work out for people."
Their rapport is unmatched and basically the co-parenting goals we all want in our lives, as Andre 3000 has expressed the same sentiments. He once told Vibe:
"Erykah and I are cool friends, man. We talk on the phone. She even asks my advice on relationships. She's like a cool sister more than anything. The first thing people would think about us is, 'Oh, they don't get along.' But there are always feelings when people grow apart. It's something you have to get through. But man, we are cool."
But Badu and Benjamin aren't the only ex-couple who are good friends, couples such as Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz are also part of the scarce group of celebrity exes who are good friends. The two famously share a daughter, Zoe Kravitz, and since their split up in 1993, they've manage to navigate a divorce and find their way to friendship.
Kravitz once told The Times:
"You go through a marriage with somebody, you break up and it's very difficult. But [Lisa and I] put the work in and we took the time so that we could become best friends again. Our families are blended."
Kravitz even shares matching rings with Bonet's current husband, actor Jason Momoa, who gifted them as a gesture of friendship.
We love to see it!
However we choose to maneuver through life, if kids are involved, may we all reach this level of maturity to successfully rebuild friendships with an ex-lover for the healthiness, and betterment, of our lives.
Could you be best friends with an ex?
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images