So, Who Wants To Have Some Really Good "Valentine's Day Sex"?

If there's any time of the year to have some absolute bomb sex, V-Day would be it.


I've had the honor and pleasure of being a regular feature writer for xoNecole for a little over a year now. And something that I've noticed—really without even planning it—is I've been really into penning sex-themed articles. Last fall, we explored how to have some great "fall sex". Christmas, we got into how to have some ho-ho-ho (c'mon, you know what I mean) sex. So, how in the world could Valentine's Day roll around and I not offer up some tips on how to have some cupid-themed coitus?

What got me even more excited to pen this is the fact that this year, Valentine's Day is on a Friday. This means that if you plan it out right, you've got the entire weekend to put these 15 tips into play. So, are you ready to make Valentine's Day the best day of the year when it comes to getting freaky-deaky? Read on, sis. Forward it to your man while you're at it.

1. “Edge” in the Morning Before Work


A poet by the name of Sylvia Townsend Warner once said, "Anticipation of pleasure is a pleasure itself." Yep. What she said. And when it comes to sex, one of the best ways to create the feeling of anticipation is edging. I'm assuming that a lot of y'all already know what that is, but just to be safe, edging is when you get you and your partner to the point of having an orgasm, but you don't allow yourself to completely climax. Why would someone "torture" themselves in that way? It's because the build-up only intensifies the orgasm once you actually do have it. So yeah, start off your Valentine's Day by at least getting a little foreplay in. Just make sure that neither of you "complete the act". It will drive you both crazy in the best kind of way. You'll be thinking about your partner all day long and since our brain is our biggest sex organ, edging really is one of the best kinds of sexual stimulation that there is.

2. Send Your Partner Something “Naughty” to Work

When's the last time you send your boo thang something at work? Since Valentine's Day is a day when bouquets and other cutesy stuff tends to be in abundance at the office, use this as a time to have a courier send your partner a very special well-wrapped package. It can be some lace panties, a hotel room key, a sex toy or some sensual massage oil. Anything that makes the message abundantly clear that today some ish is going down—just as soon as your partner walks through the door.

3. Have Their Favorite Meal Delivered to Their Job Too


If you and your partner were considering having a romantic dinner on Valentine's Day, while that's certainly a sweet gesture and all, it's not really the wisest thing if you want to have sex afterwards. Aside from the fact that it can definitely set you up for getting the "itis" and being too tired to have sex, heavy meals prevent us from feeling very sexy.

Plenty of nutritionists and dieticians recommend eating high-calorie breakfasts or lunches and following that up with a light dinner. So, if you want to treat your loved one to a nice V-Day meal, meet them for lunch or have their favorite mid-day meal delivered to their place of work. Eat something lighter later that evening (more on this in a moment).

4. Pick Up a “Sex Pillow” 

I was recently talking to a wife about how her husband is constantly trying to put her legs over his shoulders. For years, it wasn't her favorite position because, well, everybody ain't a gymnast, ya know? But once she invested into a sex pillow that supported her back while elevating her body, it became an instant go-to for her as well. Moral to the story, you'd be amazed what you can do if you've got a sex pillow of your own in tow. If you need a few referrals, Cosmo and Refinery 29 has a few recommendations.

5. Get Some Red (or Purple or Orange) Light Bulbs Too


A part of what makes sex great is the ambiance, right? If your man loves looking at you during sex (and a ton of men do) but you're a little on the self-conscious side, swap out the bulbs in your bedroom (or wherever it is that you plan on getting it in) to red, purple or orange ones. These are the hues that make a room feel warmer and make us feel sexier. This one tip alone can totally bring out another side of you. Trust me.

6. Order In 

Who wants to cook for hours and then stay up all night having sex? If you don't want to go out to eat because restaurants are going to be crowded but you don't really feel like cooking either, order something for dinner to be delivered to your house. On the heels of what I said earlier, just make sure that it's something light like salmon, sushi bowls, Indian dishes, veggie risotto, elaborate salads—something that is delicious and won't leave you starving but also something that won't make you want to immediately fall asleep afterwards either.

7. Put Together an “Emotional” Spotify Playlist


Something that I'm so glad is back is All Def Digital. Anyway, some of the team recently did a Great Taste episode entitled "Best Sex Position". Aside from it being pretty funny, I must say that I don't know what KevOnStage was talking about (at the 5:45 mark) when he said that he prefers sex without any music. What in the world? Although I do get how "the sound of belly smacks" (his words, not mine) can be erotic, going without a playlist sounds a little cray-cray if you ask me. Besides, there is plenty of evidence to support that music during sex triggers the production of the feel-good hormone dopamine.

My two cents would be to come up with a playlist that doesn't only consist of sex jams. Find ones that take you back to your first kiss, the first time you said, "I love you" and, if you're married, your wedding day. Most people will agree that sex that comes with an emotional connection as well as a physical desire is the best kind of sex that there is. Music is a fabulous way to "merge the two lanes" and make you feel that much closer to your partner.

8. Make a DIY Chocolate Strawberry Sugar Scrub

When we think about Valentine's Day, a signature thing that comes to mind is chocolate. It's a traditional gift. It tastes good. It's also an aphrodisiac. The reason why chocolate makes us horny is because it contains tryptophan and phenylethylamine; both of these things help to stimulate sexual arousal. If you want to feed each other chocolate candy, feel free. Or, if you'd like to take a more amatory approach, make a chocolate-covered sugar scrub. If bathing together is on the agenda, it's probably the most delicious way to exfoliate that I can think of. You can cop a fairly easy DIY recipe here.

9. Get Creative with Rose Petals 


Roses are nice. But who said that they always have to be used in the traditional—and predictable—kind of way? Take a bath with your man in some rosewater (you can DIY it by clicking here). Give each other a sensual massage with some rose essential oil. Sprinkle rose petals all over your bed. Or purchase something that straight up tickled me—a rose blunt wrap. Not only are roses super sweet, sentimental and romantic, but the scent of roses is considered to be an aphrodisiac too. A part of the reason why is because the smell of this particular flower has a way of calming down your nervous system while heightening your sensitivity to touch. All of these are good enough reasons to definitely make roses a part of your Valentine's Day sex night plan, whether they are your favorite flower or not.

10. Put Some Fantasies in a Jar—then Pull Two (or More) of ‘Em Out

I try and convey, as often as possible, that there are three jars that I think every couple should have in their possession—a date jar, a sex jar and a fantasy jar. Fantasy jars are important because they encourage you to tap into your imagination in order to get some of your sexual creative juices flowing. One way to learn more about each other's wilder sides is to get out a piece of paper, cut it into long pieces and have each of you write a fantasy on each one. Then put the pieces of paper in a jar, shake the jar around and pull two out. Whatever it says, agree to do (or at least consider doing). Chances are, both of you will discover a new "kink" that neither of you was aware of. Fantasies are always a surefire way to breathe new life into anyone's sex life.

11. Toast Each Other with Red Wine


Since this year, Valentine's Day falls on a Friday, you can actually turn it into a staycation sexcation if you want to. You know what else you can do? Toss a few extra drinks back. If you're planning to be home all weekend and you want to get drunkety drunk, why not? For the record, what I will say is if you want alcohol to actually enhance your sexual experience, it's best to go with red wine.

It is proven that the plant flavonol quercetin that's in it will not only increase testosterone levels in men, but it will increase blood flow to women's erogenous zones too.

Put a romantic spin on gettin' crunk by toasting your partner with words of affirmation and love. It's a great way to emotionally connect while getting horny at the same time. Just sayin'.

12. Replace the Grapefruit with a Chocolate-Glazed Donut

I read and research the topic of sex a lot, so I honestly can't tell you where I happened upon this, but it stayed in my head. What is "it"? Well, although many people didn't know about "the grapefruit" until the movie Girls Trip, those of us who are self-professed oral sex connoisseurs are fully aware that there is someone else to thank. The originator (at least to my knowledge)? Her name is Angel. You can watch her video here. It is totally NSFW, so make sure your earplugs are in or you watch it once you get home.

Anyway, I read somewhere that an, umm, different variation to this is to swap out the grapefruit for a chocolate-glazed donut. That's right. Actually slip the donut onto your partner's shaft and see how much chocolate you can get off of it without actually eating the donut itself. I'm thinking this is a great "win" for folks who hate how grapefruit tastes. Plus, since chocolate is an aphrodisiac, it can only make giving fellatio that much…well, sweeter.

13. Get Your “Vagitarian” to Do Some Light Blowing


A few months back, when I wrote about sexual deal-breakers, something that I should have mentioned was being with a man who is not a vagitarian. I'm pretty sure you can guess what that is, right? How anyone can be with someone who isn't down with cunnilingus—cough, cough, DJ Khaled—is beyond me, chile. But to each their own…I guess. Anyway, something that a couple of women say makes them want to climb the walls is when their man lightly blows on their clitoris right when they are about to cum. They say that it creates a tingling sensation that is bar none. Since that little organ houses 8,000 nerve endings, I can see why that lil' trick is a fan favorite. Try it and report back.

14. Try the Goodnight Kiss, Clapper and/or Pretzel Dip Sex Position

I think that special days are a great time to break out a new sex position. This Valentine's Day, how about the Goodnight Kiss, the Clapper or the Pretzel Dip? The Goodnight Kiss is basically just like it sounds, with a twist. Face one another, kiss passionately and then participate in mutual masturbation while you're kissing. From there, you can transition into the Clapper. Get on your knees and lean forward, making sure to stretch your arms past your head. Then have your partner come behind you with his arm holding him up and his legs outside of your hips as he penetrates you. From there, how about the Pretzel Dip? For this one, I can show you easier than I can tell you. Relatively speaking, of course (click here).

15. Sleep in and Have Some Morning Sex Too


Again, Valentine's Day is on a Friday this year so, where you got to go on Saturday? If you have kids, set up a sleepover at one of their friend's house and make plans to sleep in until at least noon. And by "sleep" what I mean is have lots and lots of morning sex. Is there anything better than sex, then sleep, only to wake up and have some more sex? Exactly. Happy Valentine's Day. Make it a really, really good one. Whew, chile.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

Make 2020 The Year To Achieve These Next Level #SexGoals

12 Absolutely Bomb Sex Techniques To Try Tonight

Could Your Home Decor Be Totally Wrecking Your Sex Life?

10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm

Feature image by Giphy

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

When Ngozi Opara Sea started Heatfree Hair almost a decade ago, curly and kinky extensions weren't the norm on the market as they seem to be today, especially if you wanted those textures in quality human hair. Beauty supply stores mainly sold synthetic curly hair, and there was a surge of renewal for women who were just beginning to embrace natural styles, taking to YouTube to experiment with new techniques and styles.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

No one is excited about paying taxes, but for the most part, they're unavoidable for the working woman. Yet, not everyone has to pay quarterly taxes. You may have to get acquainted with quarterly taxes depending on how you earn money and who signs your paychecks. Not only is it essential to know if you should pay quarterly tax payments, but you need to know what your tax liability is and the deadline to submit your taxes — unless you want the IRS visiting.

Keep reading... Show less

This article is in partnership with Staples.

As a Black woman slaying in business, you're more than likely focused on the bottom line: Serving your customers and making sure the bag doesn't stop coming in. Well, there's obviously more to running a business than just making boss moves, but as the CEO or founder, you might not have the time, energy, or resources to fill in the blanks.

Keep reading... Show less

In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.

It was a cold winter night in Chicago, more than a year ago. Your girl was scrolling through the fifty-eleven million options on Netflix to find something interesting to watch. I spotted this new show, The Circle, and have not looked away since. Produced by Studio Lambert and Motion Content Group, it premiered in January 2020 and has become my new favorite type of game show. Hosted by Michelle Buteau, The Circle is about contestants who are isolated in their own apartments and can only communicate with others via an online social media platform.

On season 2 of The Circle, the world fell in love with DeLeesa, the contestant who would eventually be crowned winner of the cash prize. She won the game by playing as a single dad named Trevor, who is actually her husband. As a true fan of the series, I figured it was only right to sit down with DeLeesa and Trevor to get the deets on how marriage has been for them IRL. So, let me take y'all back into time real quick, to the beginning of their love story.

It was 2007, and DeLeesa was starting her first day of school as a college freshman. She was getting adjusted to her new dorm and was introduced to her new resident assistant, *drum roll please* Trevor St. Agathe. They quickly became friends and Trevor helped DeLeesa find different activities around campus. After a year, they decided to take things to the next level.

Now, 14 years and two beautiful children later, the married couple have been focusing on doing whatever it takes to create the best life for their children. Since college, the power of commitment and open communication is what has kept DeLeesa and Trevor by each other's side.

One thing that we can all learn from The Circle and social media in general is that everything is not what it seems. When I connected with the couple, DeLeesa wanted to get the story straight about her and Trevor's love story. "I feel like people look at couples on social media and they think that things are perfect when that's not true. We went through stuff, too. We just figured out how to overcome it and move together as a unit."

In this installment of xoNecole's Our First Year, Deleesa and Trevor share how marriage is about work, navigating through the ups and downs, and prioritizing family. Here's their story:

How We Met

DeLeesa: I got to school early because I was starting [college] a semester late. I met him, we became friends, and I developed a little crush on him. One day, we were hanging out in his room and he just didn't want me to leave (laughs). So we were messing around for about a year. Exactly one year later, I told Trevor that I am not going to keep doing this unless he becomes my man. If he didn't make me his girl, then we were done. (Laughs)

Trevor: I tried to ride it out as long as I could (laughs). At the time, I was thinking, since I'm still in college, I shouldn't be tied down. But I knew that if I didn't make it official, she was going to leave. So, she was right, and we took it to the next level.

First Impressions

Trevor: I thought she was absolutely beautiful. She was pretty and the new girl on campus. So I knew she was going to get lots of attention. But I didn't want to be on that with her, so I continued to just be a stand-up guy. At first, it was the normal student-and-RA relationship. She would ask me what activities she could do on campus and I gave her a few suggestions. For a few days, we continued to hang out and I started to realize the chemistry we had between us.

DeLeesa: When I first met Trevor, I wasn't even thinking about going that [relationship] route with him. I was new to the school and I just wanted to be his friend. But because we shared bathrooms in the dorm, this man would just walk around in his towel sometimes. I couldn't help but notice him more after that. I just thought 'He is fine!' (Laughs) He was so nice and he never pressured me into anything, but, he knew what he was doing.

Favorite Things

DeLeesa: I love that he has unconditional love for me. I feel like that no matter what I do or no matter how mad he gets, he is still always going to be by my side for anything that I need. We have been together for a long time. Even though we had breaks in between, he has always been there for me.

Trevor: It's not just one thing for me, but I can sum it up: DeLeesa is everything that I wish I was. She is very much not afraid of what other people think and she is very determined to go after what she wants. She has that go-getter mentality and it is so attractive to me.

"DeLeesa is everything that I wish I was. She is very much not afraid of what other people think and she is very determined to go after what she wants. She has that go-getter mentality and it is so attractive to me."

Wedding Day

Trevor: On our wedding day, I was crying like a baby when I finally saw her. That is my fondest memory of that day: seeing my wife-to-be from a distance and instant water works. (Laughs)

DeLeesa: I really enjoyed our first dance. Our wedding was pretty big, and I planned the whole thing. I was very hands-on and it was hard for me to just have a moment and be present. But when we had our first dance, that was our time to just be with each other and not worry about anything else. It really hit me that we were married at that point.

The One

DeLeesa: Well, the thing with Trevor and I is that we broke up a lot. We reached nine years of being on and off. By that time, we said to each other that this would be the last time we were going to break up. We were going to try our best to do everything that we could to stay together. And if we didn't work out, we were going to go our separate ways. For me, I really wanted us to work because I did see him as my future husband and my children's father. So it was the conversation we had to not break up that was my "you are the one for me" moment.

Trevor: It was something that I always knew. Young Trevor would say, "If I had to get married, this is who I want to marry." When I knew it was time to take things more seriously with her, it was after we had that conversation. Another confirmation that DeLeesa was the one was when we had to move to Canada from New York. I thought to myself that this woman must really love me to pack up and move to another country for me. This woman trusts me so much and she is my forever.

"The thing with Trevor and I is that we broke up a lot. We reached 9 years of being on and off. By that time, we said to each other that this would be the last time we were going to break up. We were going to try our best to do everything that we could to stay together."

Biggest Fears

Trevor: The questions that popped into my head were, "Can I do it?"; "Can I be a good husband to her?"; or "Was I truly husband material?" You can't take a test for that or study to get those answers. You have to just do it, apply your morals and values, and do the best you can. What has helped me with this is continuing to reaffirm how we feel about one another—affirmations that let me know that she is happy and I am doing a good job. Marriage isn't that much different from what we have already been doing this entire time. We just wear rings.

DeLeesa: My biggest fear [is related to the fact that] I am a very independent person, [so] if I do not like something, I can be out, quick! So with me, I questioned if I could stay put and fight through the bad times within a marriage. I would question if it is worth sticking it out since this is a lifelong commitment. What has helped me get through that is reminding myself that I can still be independent within my own marriage. I can still do things on my own and still share my life with someone I really care about.

Early Challenges

DeLeesa: I feel like I have been really good at keeping my relationship with my friends balanced with my partnership with Trevor. So when we first got married, my personal challenge was me trying to juggle between being a good wife and still making time for my girls. I really didn't want to lose sight of who I was in the process of marriage.

Trevor: My work at the time forced me to travel a lot. So when you are in that honeymoon phase, it's important to have quality time together. It was hard with my job to enjoy life together as a married couple in the beginning. Yes, we have been together for a long time. But this was different. Not being around my wife as much as I wanted to was really hard for me and the both of us. Our communication started slacking and we definitely struggled during that time.

Love Lessons

Trevor: There's two lessons that I have. One lesson is that I am a husband first. I have spent a lot of time not being a husband so it can be easy for me or anyone to continue to behave that way. But my wife always has to come first, no matter what is going on in life. When you're married, you have to reinforce that. My second lesson that has helped in our marriage is making sure I do things in order to make her life easier. It can be the simplest thing, but for me, it is a huge priority.

DeLeesa: My biggest lesson is being able to learn from each other. For example, if he is doing simple things to make life easier for me, I am learning from him how to show up for him to make him happy. It can be easy to just receive everything he is putting forth, but it has to be give and take for us.

"I am a husband first. I have spent a lot of time not being a husband so it can be easy for me or anyone to continue to behave that way. But my wife always has to come first, no matter what is going on in life. When you're married, you have to reinforce that."

Common Goal

Trevor: To do everything in our power to ensure that our girls have the best possible life. Everything that we do at this point is for them. Before children, I may have moved slower working toward certain things, but there is definitely an added fire on how we approach things because of them.

DeLeesa: I agree. The number one goal is to be the best parents we can be. We want to set up generational wealth and we want them to be culturally aware. We want them to grow up and be proud of everything we have done for them.

Best Advice

DeLeesa: My advice would be don't go looking for advice, honestly. A lot of people are going to have an opinion about your life and sometimes that may not be the best for you. People can have different intentions and may give you the wrong advice. So I feel that if you need to vent, then yes, have someone to confide in. But don't take their word as facts. Try to figure out your marriage for yourself. Stick to your intuition and what you want to do, no matter if you are being judged for it.

Trevor: The things that matter are to be patient, listen close, choose to be happy, and love hard. I also think when people come to terms with the fact that marriage is work, then it is more possible for people. There are honestly more things to be happy about with the person that you marry. You have to keep all the things that you love about that person at the forefront to get you through. Once you do that, you will be fine.

Follow Deleesa and Trevor on Instagram @leesaunique and @trev_saint and their family page @itsthesaints.

Featured image via Instagram/Leesaunique

Since 2000, Black buying power has increased a whopping 114 percent. According to Business of Fashion, we brandish $1.3 trillion in annual spending power. It's also no secret that Black women move culture like no other, making us one of the largest assets to the U.S. economy. However, for some odd but obvious reason, society tends to question Black women when they level up and revel in luxury.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts