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Birth Control 101: Choosing The Best Contraceptive Method For You
I remember the day of my wedding…when I started feeling my contraception ring coming out of my vagina. I had only recently started using the ring even though I was more used to taking the pill. There I was in the bathroom stall with one of my bridesmaids, and she was literally helping to guide my ring back up into my vagina because I could feel it slipping out of me. Although quite embarrassing, let's just say that we're forever bonded by that experience. So, have you ever tried a new birth control method that wasn't the best for you but it seemed to work well for others?
During a recent interview with Board Certified Obstetrician & Gynecologist, Dr. Chimsom Oleka, she provided a list of all of the birth control methods currently available, which can potentially serve as a starting point for those of you who may be exploring new contraceptive methods.* As you continue reading, you'll notice that the list is organized based on what Dr. Oleka refers to as Short-acting (hormonal and non-hormonal), to Long-acting, to Barriers of Protection.
Before we dive into the list, let's first clarify specifically what birth control does. As. Dr. Oleka explained, for most methods, birth control releases certain hormones in your body which contributes to the ultimate end goal: block ovulation or keep an egg from being released, thicken the mucus in the cervix so that sperm can't pass through, and/or thin the lining of the uterus, which decreases chances of implantation. Each birth control method is designed to do each or all of these things, but depending on the method, they will either do them better, worse, or not at all.
Choosing The Best Birth Control Method For You
SHORT-ACTING BIRTH CONTROL METHODS
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Note: Throughout this section, you will notice references related to "continuous" or "extended" usage. As Dr. Oleka explained, many of us have a false idea of what the period is supposed to do. Contrary to popular belief in terms of what our menstrual cycle does and why it's "necessary" every month, ultimately its main purpose is for pregnancy. That's it.
As Dr. Oleka expertly pointed out, "It's the birth control's period, not your period. Your birth control will start stimulating the lining and doing all of the things that cause you to bleed." So, as long as you have a hormone that's assisting with protecting and keeping your uterus lining thin, and as long as you've consulted your physician beforehand, then you don't have to necessarily worry about shedding the lining every month (i.e. having a period).
Consider, for example, women who have bleeding disorders (i.e. their bodies bleed too much or won't stop bleeding), female athletes, as well as those who may suffer with things such as menstrual migraines…situations like these support the case for continuous or extended methods.
Method: Birth Control Pill (Hormonal - Estrogen and Progesterone)
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How It's Administered: Self-ingested orally, daily
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate (i.e., approximately 1 in 10 will get pregnant)
Description & Overview:
Birth control pills usually come in 28-day pill packs (four rows of seven pills) including a week of placebo, non-active pills. There are different variations as well, but it's critical that you take it every day at the same time.
The most commonly used pill has both estrogen and progesterone. With estrogen, it tends to help provide more stability of the lining. However, some people may not want estrogen or they may have an underlying medical issue that conflicts with the estrogen. There is a risk of blood clots, although fairly low, but the risk of this goes up when you're pregnant. With the pill, it helps regulate the bleeding, which in turn, helps make it predictable. It's known to have protective benefits such as helping to decrease risk of certain cancers and it can help reduce symptoms related to fibroids.
Also, you can use this method, as well as other methods, continuously or in an extended way so that you can delay or skip the bleeding (i.e. going on vacation). For example, if you wanted to try an extended use, then you could delay the withdrawal bleeding (period) for a set number of weeks or months by skipping the last row for let's say two months. Then, you would take the last row of inactive pills the third month, so that you would only bleed approximately every 10 weeks.
On the other hand, if you're someone who decides "I don't want to bleed at all," then you could skip the last row of inactive pills and move forward with starting the new pack each month. Keep in mind, if you don't bleed or you bleed too heavily already, there may be other medical issues going on, so as always, you'll want to consult your physician about this.
Side effects can vary, but some of the most common side effects include: nausea, breast tenderness, and initial irregular bleeding.
Method: Birth Control Pill (Hormonal - Progesterone Only)
How It's Administered: Self-ingested orally, daily
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate
Description & Overview:
This method basically works pretty much the same as the first pill mentioned above, but it doesn't include estrogen. It only includes progesterone.
Progesterone-only pills can be harder for some women to use because you have to be really consistent. If the daily pill ingestion time is missed by as little as three hours, then it loses its efficacy. Hence, it's critical that you take the pill every day at the same time.
With the progesterone-only pill, there's also a greater chance of irregular bleeding. Hence, this method is usually recommended by the physician if there are estrogen-related conflicting medical issues.
Method: Vaginal Ring (Hormonal – Estrogen and Progesterone)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Self-inserted through Vagina
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The vaginal ring is a soft, flexible ring approximately two inches wide and four centimeters thick that is self-inserted and removed in/out of the vagina. Some women will tie a string to the ring and there's also an applicator that can be used to assist with insertion and removal.
The vaginal ring stays in for three weeks and releases hormones every day. Once removed for seven days, it allows withdrawal bleeding (period) to occur. Then, a new ring is inserted every four weeks. This method can be used continuously if you bypass the seven days and move forward with inserting the new ring every three or four weeks, or in an extended way if you bypass the seven days every few months or so.
The ring has been known to cause breakthrough or irregular bleeding. Not to mention, there are times when the ring can slip out during sex, which of course can directly impact the efficacy.
Method: Progesterone-Only Shot (Hormonal - commonly referred to as “Depo”, short for Depo Medroxyprogesterone Acetate)
How It's Administered: Injected in arm by physician
Efficacy: 6% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The progesterone-only shot is usually injected every three months (or every 11 to 13 weeks). Although the failure rate is approximately 6%, that's also related to the fact that patients are late with getting their scheduled shot.
Depo is known to decrease bone mineral density (contributes to the risk of fractures) within the first two years, but you start to recover it within 30 months after you stop taking it.
Also, because the shot can linger in your system up to nine months after your last shot (not the efficacy), it has the propensity to delay the return to your normal fertility state.
Some of the most common side effects include weight gain with research showing that it can act as an appetite stimulant.
Method: The Patch (Hormonal – Estrogen and Progesterone)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Self-adhesive
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The patch is a small, square-shaped band-aid like adhesive or patch that can be applied to your upper arm, abdomen, or butt. You receive a new patch every three weeks and the fourth week is when you're patch free to allow for withdrawal bleeding.
This method is not recommended for extended or continuous cycles like with the pill and ring because it has higher levels of estrogen, which means increased risk for blood clots. Also, if you have sensitive skin or you're prone to breakouts and rashes, then you may want to avoid this method as well.
The patch can cause irregular or breakthrough bleeding or no bleeding at all depending on the individual. During the first few months of use, you may experience that as well as nausea, but it usually improves over time.
Method: Family Planning (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: N/A - Personal planning and scheduling
Efficacy: Up to 40% failure rate
Description & Overview:
There are a variety of options as it relates to family planning including: use of calendars, basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and more. There are a lot of useful tracking apps that can help with these methods as well.
Family planning can be taught and is a pretty well-accepted method. However, it can only be used if you have a regular cycle. Also, it has a very high failure rate because it requires extensive tracking and managing certain records such as time, ovulation, and temperature. So, you have to be extremely detailed-oriented, organized, and highly motivated to be successful with family planning. Otherwise, it can be extremely overwhelming for some people.
Due to the excessive planning and stringent scheduling, it can potentially decrease sexual spontaneity and/or convenience.
LONG-ACTING BIRTH CONTROL METHODS
Method: IUD (Hormonal - Progesterone Only)
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How It's Administered: Inserted vaginally by physician (through opening of cervix, into the uterus)
Efficacy: Less than 1% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The IUD has varying brands (Mirena has been around the longest), costs, and dosages. The IUD is a small, t-shaped plastic piece, approximately 3 cm in size, although the size can vary as well. In addition to women who have had children, the IUD can be used in teenagers as well as women who have not have had babies.
Remember, this is a longer-acting method, so this is ideal for someone who wants to hold off on having children for a longer period of time.
Some of the most common side effects include insertional discomfort (I'm a personal witness to this) and irregular bleeding although it tends to help those who suffer from painful periods and heavy flow. The longer you leave it in, the less likely you'll bleed.
Method: Copper IUD (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: Inserted vaginally by physician (through opening of cervix, into the uterus)
Efficacy: Less than 1% failure rate
Description & Overview:
Similar to the IUD previously mentioned, the copper IUD is a latex-free, t-shaped, plastic piece but it also includes areas of exposed copper. By releasing copper salts into your body, the copper tricks the uterus into thinking something foreign is inside, creating an appearance of a "chaotic" environment in your system, which ultimately blocks sperm and prevents reproduction. It can last for 10 years, but it has been known to be effective for up to 12 years.
The copper IUD is ideal for someone who doesn't want to deal with hormones, or someone who is certain they don't want children for a long time. There are instances where it can be used as emergency contraception but it won't work if something has already been implanted.
Because this method doesn't affect ovulation, this method is also ideal for women who want to continue bleeding or women within certain cultures where the idea of contraception isn't readily accepted. This can serve as contraception method without anyone else truly knowing that you're taking it because you will still have a period as normal.
The most common side effects usually include more painful cramping or heavier bleeding.
Method: Contraceptive Implant (Hormonal – Progesterone Only)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Implanted in arm by physician
Efficacy: Less than 1% failure rate (the most effective method)
Description & Overview:
The contraceptive implant is a flexible, plastic rod that's placed inside the upper arm. It's small and thick - approximately 4 cm long and 2 mm thick. It releases hormones daily, and lasts for three years, although recent data shows it may last longer than that. After three years, you get a new one if you choose to do so. Otherwise, you will return back to your baseline fertility.
Some of the most common side effects can include irregular bleeding, no bleeding (approximately 6%), or heavier bleeding. For those who experience irregular bleeding, there are ways to decrease it and make it more manageable. Also, there are rare occasions where, if placed improperly, it can shift or migrate.
BARRIERS OF PROTECTION** BIRTH CONTROL METHODS
The most common effects for any of the following methods can include vaginal discharge and irritation. After the use of these, the return to fertility is usually fairly quick.
As it relates to a lot of these barriers of protection, Dr. Oleka likes to think of it this way, "Condoms should be used more so for STD and HIV/AIDS protection, and less for pregnancy prevention." Nevertheless, they are still considered methods for both pregnancy and STD/HIV prevention.
Method: Male Condom (Non-hormonal)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Applied by male on his penis
Efficacy: 15% failure rate (research across the board states this although it seems quite questionable by both the expert and the writer)
When to Apply: Right before sex
Description & Overview:
Condoms are usually latex or you can opt for lambskin if you're allergic to latex. However, anything non-latex has been known to be less effective in preventing pregnancy as well as STDs. With condoms, common things like inconsistent use, slippage during sex, and the risk of it tearing are a few factors that can directly impact the overall efficacy.
Method: Female Condom (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: Self-inserted vaginally
Efficacy: 21% failure rate
When to Apply: Right before sex
Description & Overview:
Similar to the male condom, the female condom has a thick ring that's used for placement within the vagina along with the pouch that goes in when it's time to have sex. There's also a thin ring that goes outside of the vagina. With this method, proper placement is just as important because it helps prevent condom slippage during sex. Also, the male condom should not be used when the female condom is used because it can cause tearing.
Method: Diaphragm
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How It's Administered: Self-inserted vaginally
Efficacy: 16% failure rate
When to Apply: Up to six hours before sex.
Description & Overview:
The Diaphragm is reusable silicon disk that's self-inserted through the vagina. Similar to the cervical cap, it should be inserted up to six hours before you have sex and should remain in your vagina at least six hours after sex. A spermicide should also be used in conjunction with the diaphragm to help ensure efficacy. It's also possible for the diaphragm to become dislodged during sex.
Method: Cervical Cap (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: Self-inserted vaginally
Efficacy: 14 to 20% failure rate
When to Apply: Up to six hours before sex
Description & Overview:
The cervical cap is a reusable silicone rubber cup that sits on the cervix while you're having sex. Think of it as a "hat" that comes in different sizes and sits on your cervix. It's usually inserted into the vagina up to six hours prior to sex, it should remain in there for at least six hours after sex (and can remain there up to 48 hours). Of note, it only works if used with a spermicide. There's usually only one brand available in the United States.
One thing to consider is proper placement of the cap, and making sure you're comfortable with putting it in your vagina. Also, if you've already had a baby, then you'll have a higher risk of contraception failure.
Additionally, here are a few things Dr. Oleka suggests women should consider before choosing a contraceptive:
- What are your chances of getting pregnant with this method (efficacy)?
- What do you want your bleeding profile to look like (i.e. how often do you want your "withdrawal bleeding" or menstrual cycle to occur)? How will this affect my bleeding profile?
- What does your lifestyle look like (i.e. will it be difficult to remember to take the pill every day versus another option that may not require as much involvement)?
- What are your priorities? What does the timeline for trying, starting, or growing your family look like?
- How long do you want it to be in effect or control?
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As always, Dr. Oleka reminds everyone to be sure and consult your physician* when deciding on a method because hormones affect individuals differently. Not to mention, there's certain criteria and health/risk factors that doctors review and consider when determining contraception needs for their patients.
With most methods, efficacy is usually effective within a week or so, but to be safe, Dr. Oleka suggests giving the new contraception at least a month or two to allow enough time to confirm efficacy on your side and to see how well your body reacts to it.
*Before taking any medications, over-the-counter drugs, supplements or herbs, consult a physician for a thorough evaluation. xoNecole does not endorse any medications, vitamins or herbs. A qualified physician should make a decision based on each person's medical history and current prescriptions. The prescribing physician should be consulted concerning any questions that you have.
**Quick note about Plan B: Plan B is NOT a standard contraceptive like those mentioned above. Conversely, it is an emergency contraceptive, and should be used as soon as possible after sex (within 72 hours, up to 5 days). Dr. Oleka recommends that you already have some beforehand to prevent from panicking or having to run around to find in the middle of the night trying to find an open local pharmacy.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
Meagan Good On Her Spiritual Journey And How Her Faith Was Tested Following Divorce: 'I Was So Mad At DeVon'
Actress Meagan Good is opening up about her spiritual journey and how it helped her cope with her divorce from her ex-husband, DeVon Franklin.
The couple, who met on the set of Jumping the Broom, were married for nearly a decade before the producer and motivational speaker filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Good and Franklin’s divorce was finalized the following year.
Since parting ways, the pair have moved on. The Harlemstar is now in a relationship with actor Johnathan Majors, while Franklin sparked dating rumors earlier this year when he was spotted with a mystery woman.
During a recent appearance on the Club Shay Shay podcast, Good reflected on the transformative changes in her life over the past two years and shared the insights she’s gained following her split from Franklin.
Meagan On Her Spiritual Journey
In the interview, the 42-year-old actress spoke about her relationship with God and how, despite recent hardships, she still views her life's path as a beautiful journey.
“Mine has always been a journey. In these last two years has been especially a journey. But it’s been such an incredible journey,” she said. “The place that I’m in now where I just have freedom in God and just such a trust that God knows my heart. Knows who I am even better than I do, and so yes, it’s been a really beautiful journey.”
Meagan On How Her Spirituality Was Tested Following Her Breakup With DeVon
Further into the conversation, Good was asked if her faith was tested while dealing with her divorce from Franklin and the legal issues surrounding Majors, who was ultimately charged with assault and harassment after his split from ex-girlfriend Grace Jabbari.
The Divorce In The Black star admitted that although it was a trying period for Majors and herself, her faith never wavered.
“For sure. Not this past year. This past year, I’m like, Lord, I know you’re going to do what you do, and I trust you and making sure that I was there to give that to Jonathan that’s what I felt that I was there to do. My faith has never wavered in that instance,” she stated.
Regarding the end of her marriage, Good revealed that it upended her world, as she hadn't anticipated it, especially since she felt she had followed God's guidance.
“But going through the divorce, that shook me to my core. I was like, Lord you asked me to be celibate, I was. You told me to marry; I married that person,” she said. “I try to do everything to the best of my ability, and no, I didn’t do everything perfect but I don’t know that I could have done anything different if I am being honest. And so I was like, ‘Why is this happening?’”
The Shazam! Fury of the Gods star opened up about her greatest fears and how she had to soul-search and rediscover God's plan for her life after her divorce from Franklin. Following this journey, Good commended her ex-husband for living his truth despite the public scrutiny.
“My greatest fear was for my husband to leave me after 10 years of marriage the way that my dad and my mom separated. That’s exactly what happened. It was like, I don’t understand this,” she stated. “It was a lot of prayer, a lot of evaluation, a lot of learning about myself even. It was a lot of realizing the place that we were both in. It was a lot of rediscovering God and realizing that sometimes the way we see and understand things it’s not that it’s not true. It’s just you do come into different seasons.”
Good continued, “I had to accept that if this isn’t something I’ve chosen but it is something that God has allowed, then God has allowed it for a good reason. I think that we have both grown from it tremendously…At the time, I was so mad at DeVon, but now I think what he did was very brave. I think that it was a very scary thing to know that the church and all the people, everyone was going to be like this is not what a man of God or a woman of God does. Of course, a lot of people were like, Meagan must’ve done something, and I’m like, ‘what?’”
Meagan On Why She Doesn’t Regret Her Relationship With DeVon
Toward the end of the conversation, Good credited the former pair's growth and ability to maintain a friendship from the love they once shared.
“But I think that in order to grow to a place that we’ve grown I think we absolutely were supposed to be married for that amount of time. I think we got the best and the benefit out of it… He taught me a lot, and I taught him a lot. We took a lot and gave a lot. We’re still friends, and as he said, the love [has] transitioned into something else, but it’s still love,” she said.
The Think Like a Man star added that despite her divorce, she has no regrets, and this experience has taught her to live without fear.
“I don’t regret anything, and I’m super thankful for the time that we were married,” she stated. “I’m super thankful for what I learned, and I think that I love now in a different capacity. Because when your absolute worst fear happens now, there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.”
When asked if she felt like a failure as her marriage to Franklin dissolved, Good replied, "No." She explained that their "almost ten successful years of marriage" and the lessons they learned from each other contributed to their growth.
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Feature image by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for ESSENCE