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12 Things That Can Affect Your Fertility That You Might Not Know About
As a doula, a word that comes up sometimes is definitely “infertility.” If you’ve ever wondered how common it is,reportedly 1 in 5 women in this country (who are of reproductive age) will struggle with conceiving a child within a year of intentionally trying.
There are two things that you should immediately take away from this. One is that, if you’re trying to make a baby, you need to give yourself a year of having sex (2-3 times a week is good) before wondering if you or your partner has any type of fertility issues, and two, if it’s been more than 12 months, you should speak with your doctor as soon as possible to see if some underlying causes are standing in the way of you receiving a positive pregnancy test result.
While you’re trying, it’s also a good idea to take note of the fact that there are certain things that can literally stand in the way of having a smooth conception. Below, I’ve enclosed 12 — some things you may know, and some just might surprise you. Either way, the more you know about what to avoid when it comes to fertility, the easier it will be to get pregnant. Ready?
1. Gum Disease
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Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise you or not to know thata little over 47 percent of people have some form of gum disease.Left untreated, it can lead to autoimmune diseases, diabetes, hormonal imbalances, heart disease, and yes, infertility — in bothmen and women. When it comes to us, whileresearchers are still trying to get to the root of it all, what they do know is women with oral health issues tend totake longer to conceive than those who don’t.
Also,non-white women tend to be more vulnerable to gum disease than white women. Bottom line, if you’re trying to get pregnant, that’s even more of a reason to brush and floss regularly and to keep up with your annual dental appointments as well.
2. Fast Food
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Did you know that, reportedly,2 out of 3 people consume some sort of fast food on a weekly basis? Not only that, but 13 percent of folks eat some form of it on a daily basis (which is not good — check out “Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone”). On the infertility tip, fast food works against pregnancy because not only does it make it2-3 times harder for women to conceive,but the trans fat that’s in a lot of processed food messes with a man’s sperm mobility as sugary and processed foods canalter the environment of a woman’s womb in a negative way.
Does this mean that you can never have a French fry if you’re trying to make a baby? No. It just means that you need to cut way back and you should eat homemade meals that containfruits, veggies, and whole grains more.
3. Energy Drinks
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You can’t get pregnant without a male’s assistance (even if it’s just his sperm), so if you’re trying to get pregnant the old-fashioned way, please discourage your partner from consuming a lot ofenergy drinks. Although some studies reveal that they do very little to a woman’s reproductive system, they can reducethe chances of “easy” conception for men by as much as 54 percent. Theridiculously high levels of caffeine that are in energy drinks play a role in all of this. I’ll get more into caffeine later.
4. Artificial Lighting (at Night)
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Say that you’re someone who likes to sleep with some sort of light on in your room, you’ve got a neon light in your home office, or you can spend hours reading by a lamp with no problem. While in most instances, this is fine, if you’re trying to make a baby, lighten up on that some. As crazy as it might sound, artificial lighting has also been directly linked to fertility issues. Apparently, it can mess with your body’s internal clock and ultimately throw your hormonal balance off — and that can make it more difficult to conceive. Hell, I’m a doula, and the first time I heard that, it tripped me right on out.
5. The Quality of Your Cervical Mucus
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Long story short,cervical mucus is what your cervix produces. During various times of your menstrual cycle, it will change. However, when it comes time for you to ovulate, you will typically produce more of it, and it will be slippery and clear. This is a good thing because if you’re trying to conceive, that type of mucus will make it easier for sperm to move about in. Since an increase in estrogen helps to make your mucus ideal for pregnancy, this is just one of the many reasons why it’s a good idea to get your hormone levels checked if you’ve been trying to get pregnant for 6-8 months and you’ve yet to experience any success.
6. Breastfeeding
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If there are two fertility myths that really need to go away, stat, it’s that you can’t get pregnant while you’re on your period (you can if your menstrual cycle is unpredictable because that means your ovulation one is as well;it’s just not super common) and you can’t get pregnant while you’re breastfeeding. On the breastfeeding tip, whileduring the first six months of feeding a newborn, there is reportedly a 98 percent chance that conceiving another child won’t happen; after that, you could be in for quite a surprise. Bottom line here is, if you want to get pregnant back-to-back, breastfeeding can make it difficult, difficult yet not impossible. If, on the other hand, you want to wait a while…for the sake of your uterus’s health, 18 months between pregnancies are ideal.
7. Caffeine
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Everything in moderation, right? If you’ve ever heard that caffeine can impact infertility, the reality is thata couple of cups of coffee probably won’t. At the same time,the combination of stress and caffeine consumption can do a number on male infertility, and too much caffeine could potentially affectthe contractions of your fallopian tubes when it comes time for you to release your eggs. Again, coffee at the beginning of your day anddark chocolate (which also has some caffeine in it) can actually help with fertility — so while caffeine isn’t exactly the devil when it comes to getting pregnant, do make sure to not go overboard when it comes to consuming it.
8. Lubricant
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Lubricant can make for a really good time when it comes to sex (check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant”). If you’re trying to get pregnant, though, do your best to go without it. The reason why is because some of the ingredients that are in the popular types of lubricants actuallycan mess with sperm’s mobility. Know what else is wild? Saliva can too. So, what should you do? From what I’ve read and researched, a hydroxyethylcellulose-based can help you out. While we’re here, if you’re thinking of going with a carrier oil, grapeseed and avocado should be OK; do avoid sweet almond, though.Some studies have linked it to premature births (the more you know).
9. Unsafe Sex
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When it comes to this one right here, if you’re thinking, “Who uses birth control when they’re trying to get pregnant?” — that’s a fair question and not exactly where I am going with this. What I mean by “unsafe sex” is, it’s important that you and your partner get a full blood workup if the two of you are ready to have a baby; that’s because STIs/STDs can make getting pregnant difficult — if not impossible — too. In fact, two of the most common ones (chlamydia and gonorrhea) are the greatest culprits. And since there are20 million new cases of STIs/STDs annually — well, just something else to keep in mind if you want to get pregnant (or are having trouble trying to).
10. Fad Diets
Although you’ve probably heard thatbeing overweight can make it challenging to get pregnant (because it plays with your hormones),crash dieting so that you can get to an ideal weight isn’t the smartest move either. A big part of the reason is that when you’re underweight, that can alter how much estrogen your body produces, estrogen that is needed to help you to get pregnant in the first place. So, whether you’re trying to lose weight because you know that you need to or because you want to “drop in order to gain,” speak with your doctor about the wisest way to go about it. These fad diets out here could be working against not for you.
11. Not Enough Seafood
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If you’re all about seafood, that can seriously increase your chances of conception, especially if it’s fish. Yep, there are studies that reveal that eating seafood on a weekly basis can make you want to have more sex, can improve the quality of your partner’s sperm, and can make ovulating easier to do. One study even revealed that 92 percent of couples who had fish on a regular basis got pregnant within a year compared to only 79 percent of those who didn’t. Pretty wild, right?
12. Phthalates
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If, off the top of your head, you don’t know what phthalates are, they’re chemicals that are found in a lot of plastics, including (oftentimes) bottled water and even the wrappings that fast food comes in (SMDH). The reason why they aresuch a no-no when it comes to conceiving a child isthey can make it harder to get pregnant; plus, they can cause oxidative stress, inflammation, and even premature births, autism, and ADHD in your baby later down the pike.
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A baby is a blessing. What makes it even more divine is when conception is as seamless as possible. Well, you know what? If you take good care of your health and pay attention to what I just said, you are significantly upping your chances of that happening for you.
Here’s hoping that you do — and please, have tons of fun while you’re trying! #wink
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
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I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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