

As I embark on my journey of becoming a sex therapist, I learn more and more that without justice-justice there is no reproductive justice. We're fighting for them to take us serious at the doctor's in life or death matters, so how the f*ck do we get them to care enough to provide us with the proper information on contraception? The answer to this question is a lot more long-winded than we can get into right here and now, but what our sordid history with white supremacy at the intersection of medicine (especially in the reproductive realm) has taught us anything, it's simply this: be knowledgeable and aware of said history, then take that knowledge and demand what's best for your body and your choices.
My greatest recommendation is finding a doctor who looks like you if at all possible, but if that's not possible, here is the lowdown on one type of birth control that gynecologists and clinicians aren't talking about nearly enough and when they do, it seems to be disproportionately pushed on black and brown bodies in a way that can be "eerily" off putting — LARCs, or Long-Acting Reversible Contraception. I believe this is birth control info that everyone should have access to, so we're making it accessible!
This type of contraception lasts anywhere from three to twelve years, depending on which one you select and if you don't like it, it can be immediately removed pending a doctor's appointment. For those that are hormonal, the major implications of hormones will reverse almost immediately after removal in many cases. However, as always, it's worth mentioning that everyone's body is different and thus those results might be different.
LARCs fall under two categories: Intrauterine Device (two variations, one is nonhormonal) and the Implant.
No IOUs, Just an IUD
Seemingly, the most commonly known LARC is an IUD. The IUD is a 't'-shaped piece of plastic that is inserted into the uterus as the name might imply. So with the copper IUD, that little 't' comes wrapped up in copper while the other forms of an IUD are plastic with a synthetic variation of progestin known as levonorgestrel shooting out like a battleship in a game of Galaga. With the copper IUD, it also acts as an alternative to over-the-counter emergency contraception and is most effective than if taken within five days (the sooner, the better) for those who thought they had a pullout game or simply had the misfortune of having a shitty condom.
You might have heard about this from older generations of women who experienced the horrors of the Dal-kon Shield, where the string from the IUD was causing infection in many women and a doctor continued to push them despite knowing this. Other physicians were never informed, as a result, women were deemed infertile in some cases and dead in others. This was during the 70s when the IUD rose to popularity in the US (despite being on the market since the 50s), it has since been remodeled to avoid these complications. As of today however, there are very rarely complications with IUDs. In fact, for some it has become the BFF of birth control.
For women who have contraindications for hormonal contraception, there is a nonhormonal option within this category of LARCs. It's a copper IUD by the name of Paragard. Paragard boasts about being the only of its kind in that is 100 percent hormone-free. You're probably asking yourself, well how can this birth control method effectively prevent pregnancy if there are no hormones involved? To keep it simple, sperm doesn't like copper so when the two cross paths, sperm scurries back away from the vaginal canal.
The other forms of IUDs, non-copper or hormonal IUDs, release progestin in order to thicken the cervical mucus and block eggs from crossing the barrier.
Eggplanted or Implanted
Nexplanon (formerly known as Implanon), or the implant contraceptive, work the same as hormonal IUDs in that they rely on progestin to create a barrier of mucus to keep eggs from traveling through. They are another form of long-acting reversible contraceptives and are inserted between the biceps and triceps. It takes on a simple shape as a small, plastic rod about the length of your pinky finger and the width of a sliver or a "matchstick." Both methods are 99 percent effective with typical use, making them more effective than any other method of birth control on the market.
As an FYI: typical use is the use outside of labs that takes into account user errors such as forgetting appointments, pills, etc that would dilute the effectiveness of birth control.
Unfortunately, they have a similarly deceptive and disappointing history to the Dal-kon shield with one of the first models of the implant to be popularized — Norplant. But even worse, the government pushed incentive during the 90s for women on welfare to get the implant inserted as a modern answer to the eugenics movements. These terrifying histories have created mistrust in even the most well-meaning physicians and rightfully so.
One Size Fits All
There are still some doctors who don't feel comfortable inserting IUDs into women who have yet to have children, according to them it is more of an uncomfortable insertion when the cervix has never been dilated in a big way. Then there are doctors who simply don't feel comfortable and this may or may not have to do with their own feelings towards it, implicit bias, or a lack of knowledge on their part. The reality is that the IUDs are slightly different in size and none of them are big or small enough to truly make a difference in the discomfort that has notably been associated with womanhood. To that effect, there is actually little to no pain associated with insertion of either of these devices, however, there can be quite a bit of bruising after having it inserted.
Also, what I will disclaim is that in removing the implant it requires the doctor to make a small incision. In some cases, the implant may move over time and may require a little more pressure to find and remove. Nonetheless, this pain is not even pain but more like I described before — discomfort. If ever you are unable to feel the implant in your arm, it's important that you make an appointment with your doctor.
Show Me the Money
The short-term cost of LARCs are hands down more pricey than that of other upfront cost for your barrier methods and your oral methods. But when we look at the long-term cost that includes transportation, prescription cost, etc over a lifetime it is far more cost effective to get a LARC. Still, I'm aware of the barriers that may be in the way of getting these methods, especially with the Trump administration. It goes without saying you should check with your insurance (Medicaid included), companies first to see if they cover LARCs but if not, there are resources such as Planned Parenthood that offer income-based payment options.
This was hugely important for me as someone whose insurance was funded through a Catholic organization, and I've had my implant funded through PP twice now. Without aid or insurance, the cost of LARCs can be hundreds of dollars, specifically ranging from about $400 to nearly $1000 (or more). Bedsider makes it easy for those who may not have insurance to check out local clinics that might offer these methods at low to no cost.
Here at xoNecole, we are not physicians and by no means are we suggesting that you go forward with this method without speaking to your gynecologist, namely to ensure there are no contraindications that might put you at risk when using a LARC. What we are suggesting is that women stay armed with knowledge and potential options that may work for their bodies, especially if we see that our own physicians are not providing this info. But especially as birth control is not a one size fits all band aid that they try to make it out to be by pushing certain methods on certain groups in the way I've seen and heard of them doing with Depo-Provera.
If knowledge is power, then I can't imagine the weapon we might become if we continue to push for knowledge that affords us true reproductive justice, as it allows us to do what we feel is best for our bodies for us to move through life comfortably.
While reproductive advances may have been created to eliminate our existence and reduce our right to bodily autonomy, you being informed is an act of resistance and you deciding what works for your body—well, that's us taking control in ways they never imagined—regardless of what we choose.
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Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
My Complicated Relationship With Safe Sex
Why I Quit Birth Control And Never Looked Back
Who Said That?! The Biggest Myths About Birth Control Explored
The 411 On The Morning After Pill
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraceptive Methods | HHS.gov ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception | NEJM ›
- Understanding LARC | American Sexual Health Association ›
- Long-acting reversible contraception ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception (LARC) - Your Guide ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception Program - ACOG ›
- Long-acting reversible contraception - Wikipedia ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraceptives (LARCs) | Planned ... ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception: Implants and Intrauterine ... ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception | Planned Parenthood Mar ... ›
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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